White Trash Wednesday: Would You Bet Someone’s Life For A Beer?
May 8th, 2007 at 8:38 pm by SmantixI know, I know. It depends on the beer. And yes, I know it’s not Wednesday yet but let’s face it – this post has a shelf life of about 5 hours.
Convicted murderer, Philip Workman, is slated to hitch a ride in that big 18-wheeler in the sky at 1 am Wednesday morning for the death of a Memphis policeman while he was in the commission of robbing an area Wendy’s. Seriously. He was going to rob some place and chose a little, 8 year old ginger girl.
As a testament to Workman’s cruelty, I’ll quote from the link above:
On Tuesday, Workman received several visits from friends, family members and a spiritual advisor.
He has also requested, for his last meat, that a vegetarian pizza be delivered for to a homeless person.
A vegetarian pizza to a homeless person? What a sick bastard. Onions make the homeless gassy. He could have ordered two filet mignons, a bowl of lobster bisque, a twice baked potato and a chocolate milkshake delivered to a multi-racial, disabled foster kid, but no. Tell me he hasn’t been hanging out with death penalty opponents for over 25 years.
Presumably, that ghostly semi will be making a pit stop at the Limbo Gas’n'Go to let him see all of the cool trucker hats he will be allowed to try on but not to buy prior to being sodomized for gas money, dropkicked through the back window of the overnight cabin, getting a nasty skin rash as he bounces off the pavement once and landing, taint first, onto one of Satan’s warmer pitchforks.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think Workman killed the cop. He certainly facilitated the murder by his actions. Much in the same way that the Supreme Court is allowing police officers to facilitate needless loss of life with their new high speed chase ruling.
But I’ll be glad to say “I was wrong” if the big faker, Phriend to Phelons, Phil Bredesen is going to let a kind of, sort of innocent man die on his watch. He imposed a 90 day moratorium on executions on the flimsiest of grounds. He’s stood in the way of justice at every turn. It would be the mightiest display of balls this lowly blogger has seen since that old man on the third floor of the downtown Hilton exposed himself to all of Music City Brewfest last year.
Even I’m not cynical enough to believe that Bredesen would let Workman die to further a greater Anti-Death Penalty cause. But I do think that he would milk it for all that it’s worth and wait until the last minute to issue a stay. Feigning some fierce inner morality struggle on a ’300′-esque scale where the pussies win in the end.
So now we come to the gambling part….
I don’t think Bredesen’s got the balls to let Workman die.
So, who wants to bet on it? Will the state’s deathly bartender serve Workman a clinical Kamikaze or will Philly boy descend the ladder from the Keebler Elf Treehouse, where his diminutive frame lovingly pounds out chocolate chip cookies by the palate, and save him?
My bet is YES. Bredesen will intervene. If Workman is armed robbing the Wendy’s in hell tomorrow morning and you accept this offer – you will be the proud recipient of one free domestic pint redeemable this Sunday at the Broadway Brewhouse in Midtown.
Would a beer quench your irony? The feelings of victory that you won something but at the expense of a dead man. Or the karmic dread that my hard-earned, pro-death penalty ducats will hopefully grease your path to a sweet, merciful DUI.
If Workman is still breathing deeply from the eternally fecal stink of life in prison come tomorrow morning, then you owe me the beer. Simple, no?
Your unmitigated joy will be tempered by the knowledge that my cynicism can predict the future.
I will limit this contest to 7 participants as I try not to drink more than 7 pints at one sitting and Broadway Brewhouse does not place “to go” orders on booze. In the unlikely event of 7 takers and a Smantix win, I will accept remaining payment in the form of foodstuffs from the spicy Mojo kitchen.
Put your money where your mealy, murderer loving mouths are.
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This Little Light of Mine Update: What can I say except that everybody else must have thought Bredesen would have pinned his 4-leaf clover on Workman too. Otherwise, I would be out cash money and spending it on liberals to boot.
Sadly, no one took me up on my offer. Oh well. Tennessee has now officially executed three murderers in the last 47 years. Those three being Robert Glen Coe, Sedley Alley and now Philip Workman. Tell me, what do those three criminals have in common that is at odds with the majority of convicts on the state’s death row?
May 8th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
I am a Californian with no dog in this fight…but can we agree not to make this a forum on whether or not this cretin SHOULD take the needle? I think that Smantix is proposing a straight bet here…and with the demise of internet wagering, some of us could use the “action”.
Will you take “side action”, Smantix (since I will not be in Tennessee to neither collect nor pay off-and I don’t drink anyway)?
May 8th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Innocence or guilt has nothing to do with this post. The death penalty is only involved as it will be the deciding factor as to whether I am thirsty on Sunday.
If Workman dies, I say I was wrong and I buy the beer.
If Workman lives, then people have to buy me beer.
Just what kind of side action are you talking about, cowboy?
May 8th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
I say that by break of dawn, Workman will have twitched (or convulsed) his last…
I’ll put up some quality California avocados/quacamole and Carne Asada vs. whatever Tennessee cuisine you choose (bbq perhaps?)…to be paid at Prickfest should we ever pull that off.
Maybe we can go find the homeless person Workman’s pizza went to and give him the leftovers…
May 8th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
I love a good bet. I’d love a dead Workman too, but, come Miami sunrise, I don’t think Workman will be pushin’ up daisies. I’ll make good on the bet a Prickfest. You know I’m good for it.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
So am I on the hook for two side bets since Preston is on board with Smantix?
No problem there…I love the action, even if it is like one of those bets governors make during the Super Bowl.
Oh…one thing. I think we have a friend who will be 4 different kinds of pissed off when she finds out we are betting on this. But at least we aren’t making Def Leppard drummer jokes…
May 8th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
I think Donald Sensing beat us to it.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Well at least I won the side bets…
I’m thinking that 6MB readers simply have too much class and good taste to participate.
(insert punch line here)
May 9th, 2007 at 9:45 am
[...] it would happen, and his reasoning for why not was very interesting (WARNING – ADULT CONTENT) – full post here. In fact Smantix was so sure he was taking friendly bets on it last night. That is being mighty [...]
May 9th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
“I’m thinking that 6MB readers simply have too much class and good taste to participate”.
That’s right Billy, my sole purpose for commenting here is to class the joint up a bit:)
May 9th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
[...] Smantix: I don’t think Bredesen’s got the balls to let Workman die. [...]
May 9th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
You won Billy and I honor my bets.
As a Californian, you may not understand that the Philip Workman case was the sharpest, straightest arrow in the liberal’s anti-death penalty quiver.
The post-trial evidence exonerating him of firing the shot that killed the police officer was harder than anything presented in favor of any of the other convicts in death penalty posts I’ve made before.
An anti-death penalty Governor let Workman die for politics. I was too naive to believe he would do it but he did.
I’m not crying crocodile tears for Workman. He was a scumbag. But in comparison to some of the other scumbags we’ve covered, he didn’t rape any 5 year old girls before choking them to death or rape any women with sticks after stabbing them to death with a screwdriver.
But I’m the bad guy. Don’t ever forget that.
May 9th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Hey Smantix, actually I had been over at Sharon’s place and she has been all over it for a few weeks. So I know plenty about it.
And I actually agreed with her that Workman probably shouldn’t have been executed…based on the fact that he didn’t seem to have pulled the trigger and the law at the time did not qualify him for the death penalty even though he committed the crime that lead to the police officer’s death.
But I took the bet because you have portrayed your governor as a big weenie with no spine. And I just figgered with all you rednecks down there gittin’ all riled up and such, that he didn’t have the guts to actually MAKE A DECISION. I don’t count declining clemency to be actually making a decision…in this case I think it was avoiding one.
BTW, was a sorry liberal “vigil” for this guy. Way back when California used to use Capital Punishment (we ain’t offed a scumbag in so long now, I can’t remember), we’d get at LEAST 500 panty-wetting bleeding hearts per lynching…er…”state sponsored murder”.
And double or triple that if the dirtbag was a minority.
Oh hey…I’ll bet Jesse Jackson was there last night like he was for Tookie. Right?
May 9th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Well, he is a wiener. More like a vienna sausage.
I’m for the death penalty and I thought he was sure to jump in on this one.
I’m against Tenncare as much as Sharon is for it. But Bredesen, kicked a bunch of people off of Tenncare to win the election and then added them all back on when it was over. If shitmonkey had a picture in the dictionary, he would be feeding it his elfin plantain.