Cranky’s Fireside Chat
June 26th, 2007 at 7:11 pm by CrankyGood evening, my dear fellow Americans.
I want to share with you something new, something exciting. It’s called the Six Year Party.
We have a vision and we know that it is yours as well. We are 535 citizens who are committed to restore representative government and tame the bureaucracy that has become a behemoth.
Give us six years at the helm of our Great Republic and we promise the following:
- We shall accept no money from any business or activist group. Only individual donors.
- We shall not bring money back to our home districts except that which has been clearly specified in a publicly accessibly spending bill.
- We shall do away with useless government programs.
- We shall do away with Peanut and excessive farm subsidies.
- Each elected official in our party will run for one and only one term.
- We shall not be personally involved in any real estate, arms procurement or other business transactions that would benefit any friends, family or associate.
- We will fund a real, tangible border fence.
- We will craft a real and healthy immigration policy that provides for inexpensive agricultural labor.
- We shall not craft any feel-good legislation that defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman.
- We shall not craft any social engineering legislation which federally recognizes a homosexual civil union as “marriage”.
- We shall defund any costly symbolic programs like the “War on Drugs”
Disclosure:
Because those deeply entrenched in the power structure will use any dirty trick to retain their positions, I offer you all the skeletons in my closet up front.
- I’ve said things on the Internet that, when taken out of context paint me as a racist, homophobe and possibly even a child-molesting murderer.
- For a time, I smoked and ate anything that would produce a buzz.
On the other hand, I have no ambitions beyond what I already have. A lovely 50 year-old home on an acre lot, two of the best children you’ll ever meet and a solid and mentally healthy wife who puts up with me.
Sure, I’d like a Harley, but that’s about it.
So, dear fellow Americans are there at least two like minded people in our 50 states who will stand with us and run for office? Would the rest of you vote for such a candidate?
June 26th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Ready, lets roll! YES YES YES
June 26th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
I’m for whatever Nancy’s for. I think she just got off on this post and that just made my month.
June 27th, 2007 at 12:02 am
Cranky,
Does this mean you are leaving the Prick party? Or are you renaming it?
June 27th, 2007 at 8:34 am
This is my solo venture. I tour with the Pricks but cannot expect my creative ramblings to be endorsed by the other Buffet Boyz.
June 27th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Yes.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
I’m in. I already have a campaign blog (currently satirical)which i’ve been monkeying with. Not ready for public consumption yet. Running in my district in CA will be tough, but it may stir up the current party dynamic(or stasis as it may be). I am a moron, so my election to office would be an improvement over the current crop of invertabrate sponges. Few if any skeletons- I’ve been a very good boy during the nearly 37 years on this planet.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Dick, you’re just the guy we’re looking for. Let us know when your site goes prime-time.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Will do. I will probaly need some help since I am a cheap bastard and an htmltard.
June 27th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Screw it. Here’s the link to the forthcoming campaign blog. Keep in mind it’s a satire right now (not a very good one btw). But it’s a start.
http://richjohnson08.wordpress.com/
I’ve had it blocked as private until I can decide what to do with it if anything. Consider it a very rough draft. More to come.
June 27th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Better you than me, Dick…
Of course it looks like Dick would make a great Prick if he decided to run as an IP…
June 27th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
In a previous blogging incarnation, I was a proud member of IP. Dead link from the blogroll has been removed. I have a bit of a habit of deleting blogs when I get bored with them. I, of course, will be happily angling for an IP endorsement if possible.
June 27th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Wow, you’re serious about this. I just checked out your website.
June 27th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Well, I wouldn’t say serious yet. I don’t know if I could pull it off. I have no deep pockets to finance a run, and no experience with a political campaign. I am not an activist, just a under the radar smart ass who is sick of our political class across the board.
It may be no more than a self-indulgent fantasy. I can atleast goof on the party hacks.
June 28th, 2007 at 2:09 am
I’ll run, although I’d like to remove the word “excessive” from the farm subsidies line. Basically, I’m going to vote “no” on everything unless it eliminates a program. My Constitutional guidance will be the first five words of the first amendment.
I’d also offer up my closet skeletons:
-I have drunk and will continue to drink copious amounts of this.
-I’ve porked a few fat chicks in my day. Currently into Asian chicks.
-I went to Amsterdam, and I went for exactly the reason you’re thinking I went.
-I enjoyed Hudson Hawk.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Your skeletons are better than mine.
I’m still basically all talk and no action but rolling over this idea helps make the current bs going on more tolerable.
June 28th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Here are my skeletons:
I was in 7th grade when I first got drunk. Then pretty much continuoisly until I turned 21. Then pretty much stopped.
Painted “Eat My Shorts” on the side of an old dredge stuck in the mud of Humboldt Bay visible from the freeway in 1989ish with a group of friends.
Really liked “Armeggedon”.
Couldn’t “close the deal” until I was 22. Then I married her. I guess that’s not really a skeleton. But we shacked up for a couple of years prior to getting hitched.
I hate dirty patchouli stinking hippies. Again, not really a skeleton.
Did my damndest to inhale once in college. Didn’t work for me.
That’s pretty much it. How lame is that?
June 28th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I hate dirty patchouli stinking hippies…
Hell Dick, that’s not a “skeleton”…that’s a platform!