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Archive for August, 2007

Football Friday

August 31st, 2007 at 1:02 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s that time of year. There’s a smell in the air. And it’s not just the usual smell of feet. It’s the smell of pigskin flying through the air, end-over-end and through the uprights. It’s the sound of necks breaking on gridirons from coast to coast. It’s the time of year for Senators to leave the glory holes of Summer behind and get back to Washington to rob us of more income and freedom.

It’s also that time of year when it gets cooler in the mornings and the wasps crawl around on the ground because it’s too cold to fly, which gives me the opportunity to stomp them to death without the possibility of being stung. I love that.

Anyway, back to football season. Vol fans everywhere are filled with the anticipation of yet another season under the guidance of the Great Pumpkin. Will we win the East this year? Will we finish 4th and lose to Vanderbilt again? Both of these are plausible. Will we be able to run the ball this year, or will we continue to suck at the line of scrimmage? Will Erik Ainge be hampered this Saturday by his broken finger?

One thing is certain, our front seven on defense will be solid, but the secondary is up for grabs. If our tailbacks can stay out of prison long enough, we may have a running game – but our receivers are a big question mark.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a good feeling about tomorrow’s nationally-televised battle with Cal. It will be close, but the Gay Bay Bears will squeak out a victory, 22-17. Take heart, though, Vol fans, I’m usually wrong about these things.

Elsewhere in the NCAA….

  • Ga Tech 22 Notre Dame 17I like the upset here. Notre Dame has lost too many players and little Jimmy “The Pickle” Klaussen is likely out for the season, so they’re starting over.
  • Georgia 31 Oklahoma State 20I’m picking UGA in this one because (1) they’re playing at home and (2) Cristi at work is wearing a tight-fitting Georgia shirt. That’s enough for me.
  • Florida State 2 Clemson 0Is everyone as sick as I am of the Bowdens? I wish all of those Bowden bastards would get out of coaching. They’ve done enough damage to the pristine image of College Football for one generation.

Last but not least, Ole Miss will knock off the Memphis State Tigers, 13 – 10. This game is always bizarre – and it’s shocking to me that Brent Schaeffer got knocked down the depth chart by a walk-on, but that’s how it goes when you don’t do your homework. The Rebels will win because every chick I’ve ever known that went to Ole Miss was hotter than hell and dumber than a stump. Evidence:



ESPN Gameday is broadcasting from Virginia Tech this morning, in yet another politically correct move meant to curry favor with the gun-grabber lobby. They could have gone to a location where there was an actual game, but better to keep the “tragedy” story going as long as possible.

DePalma Has an Important Message About War

August 31st, 2007 at 12:47 pm by Cranky

So important, in fact, that he’s telling it again.

“I got this idea of having the story told through the eyes of a soldier character who is documenting his unit’s life in Iraq on mini DV.”

De Palma told Sky News Online: “I feel like one of the characters in my film that goes along with the rape in spite of his moral objection to it.

I liked it better when it was called Casualties of War. Of course Michael J. Fox didn’t have the DV, so its nothing like a retreaded Vietnam tale.

Help me out here, the guy who did the critically acclaimed Body Double is actually able to say something profound? Sure he did Scarface and The Untouchables but I’m just so disappointed about this:

“It is un-American to criticise the government… Personally, I am not scared. I am the man they love to hate. I am sure they will say; ‘It’s another De Palma misogynist saga’.

The level of narcissism required to say that with a straight face…

Oliver Stone is on line one, he want’s his “Truth to Power” Mr. Microphone™ back.

UPDATE: A dose of reality for Brian DePalma. Please apply liberally to the frontal lobes.

UPDATE II: Nigel shows us exactly what a Mr. Microphone is. With friends like these…

The War on Christmas Peace Dividend

August 31st, 2007 at 8:03 am by Cranky

In the heated debate as to whether one should say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”, a bright ray of hope has pierced the dark clouds of war.

“Have a happy holiday” has replaced “happy July 4th”, “Happy Thankgiving” and most fortunately, “Happy Memorial Day” and “Happy Labor Day”.

Besides being the book-ends of the Summer vacation, who knows the difference? I would so much rather say to a co-worker or checkout clerk, “hey have a great holiday weekend” than “hey have a happy, crap Memorial?, um [muttering] Memorial beginning, Labor end, Memorial day! Wait, where you going?”

So enjoy the nice three day weekend. Remember those brave souls who fell in battle for the right to organize.

Breaking: Iraqi WMDs Found at UN Headquarters

August 30th, 2007 at 3:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Dangerous chemicals found at UN HQ in NYC.

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) – United Nations officials found vials of dangerous chemicals, which had been removed from Iraq a decade ago, in a U.N. building in New York, but U.N. officials said on Thursday there was no danger.

The FBI was called in to help remove the substances.

The material was phosgene, a chemical warfare agent, U.N. spokeswoman Marie Okabe told a news conference.

The inspections unit said in a statement that the chemicals had been found last Friday.

The Iraqi weapons inspectors came across the material as they were closing their offices, which are housed in a building near the U.N. headquarters in Manhattan, said Ewen Buchanan, a spokesman for the inspectors.

Unfortunately, the chemical vials were removed before anyone was seriously injured.

Apartheid Is Like…

August 30th, 2007 at 2:24 pm by Cranky

A List of Things Moronically Unlike Apartheid by the Crack Young Staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly

1) Apartheid is like Twinkies. Both have a white creamy filling.
2) Apartheid is like Journey’s power ballad “Faithfully.” They’re both bad.

If God Meant for Frogs to Fly

August 30th, 2007 at 11:34 am by Cranky

They’d all appear here.

(s/t Are We Lumberjacks)

The Stupidest Search Engine Ever

August 30th, 2007 at 10:27 am by Cranky

Another one for you techo-geeks.


Please note the search phrase. Very specific to what I’m looking for, no?

Now look at:

  • The number of results.
  • Which ones floated to the top. Theoretically this is what they call the “most relevant” matches.
  • The stunning array of languages avaiable for their software. Where is the filter by language? “Bite me, you little nativist,” comes the mocking reply.

Wonder if its powered by the cutting edge MSN search technology.

Vick Sentenced to Abu Ghraib

August 29th, 2007 at 9:45 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Methinks Leo only blogs every two years because those are the only times he’s allowed to sip from the moonshine jug.

Put This Woman Out of Our Misery

August 29th, 2007 at 3:34 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Piece of human debris tries to flush her baby down toilet in McDonald’s restroom.

A baby born in a toilet at a McDonald’s suffered no injuries from the water or the mother’s reported attempts to flush the toilet, police said Tuesday.

The premature baby, who was born at an estimated 32 weeks of gestation, was in stable condition at a hospital Tuesday. Kansas City police said they expected the infant to survive.

Police continued Tuesday to investigate the circumstances of his birth about 12:30 p.m. Monday inside the restaurant at 3741 Broadway. No charges had been filed Tuesday against the 20-year-old mother, a McDonald’s employee.

No charges have been filed – however, if this had been a baby pit bull, Americans everywhere would be up in arms and this piece of shit would be banned from the NFL.

While working in the drive-through area, the woman appeared to be in pain and said she needed to use the restroom. When she had not returned in 15 minutes, another employee checked on her and asked what was wrong.

“You don’t even want to know,” the woman reportedly responded from behind a closed stall door. Later, she said that she was bleeding and opened the bathroom stall door to show the co-worker.

A paramedic asked her to stand and saw a baby face down in the water under some toilet paper. The baby was not breathing and had no pulse.

The paramedics performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation. An employee standing outside the restroom soon heard the baby crying.

The baby’s mother reportedly told the ambulance crew that she did not know she was pregnant or had given birth. But police said they have information that the woman had told friends about the pregnancy, and a co-worker said many McDonald’s employees either suspected or knew it.

An ambulance took the baby and mother to separate hospitals. Police did not interview the mother Tuesday because she was sedated.

Unfortunately, they did not take the “mother” to a nearby swimming pool and hold her head under the water until the bubbles stopped. Which is a damn shame, because that would be the best thing for all involved.

An Open Letter To Larry Craig from Mark Foley

August 29th, 2007 at 1:18 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Dear Larry,

I’m a drunken, gay, molested American. Won’t you join me?


P.S. I know you’re not gay or molested, but we can work on those items together.

P.P.S. Really, this just gave me another excuse to use this graphic.





P.P.P.S. It’s called recycling. I thought you homos were big on recycling.

Americans Falling Short

August 29th, 2007 at 11:45 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

The U.S. is the most armed country on Earth with 90 guns per every 100 people.

GENEVA (Reuters) – The United States has 90 guns for every 100 citizens, making it the most heavily armed society in the world, a report released on Tuesday said.

U.S. citizens own 270 million of the world’s 875 million known firearms, according to the Small Arms Survey 2007 by the Geneva-based Graduate Institute of International Studies.

About 4.5 million of the 8 million new guns manufactured worldwide each year are purchased in the United States, it said.

“There is roughly one firearm for every seven people worldwide. Without the United States, though, this drops to about one firearm per 10 people,” it said.

By my math, we’re short about 10 firearms per every 100 people, so some of you pansies need to get cracking. We’ve already got one per household member in our house, so we’ve done our part.

The Defeatocrats Are Worried About Terror Attacks As Well, Just For Different Reasons

August 29th, 2007 at 8:46 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

via Ace

Bipartisan Legislation

August 29th, 2007 at 8:16 am by Cranky

All nanny-state issues aside, this is legislation we conservatives need to support. Let’s reach across the aisle and get this bill passed.

Strong language warning

A Class Warrior with No Class

August 29th, 2007 at 7:42 am by Cranky
“I think Americans are actually willing to sacrifice,” Edwards said Tuesday during a forum held by the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers. “One of the things they should be asked to do is drive more fuel efficient vehicles.”

Edwards was asked during his appearance how he explained the contradiction of asking Americans to sacrifice while he’s living in a 28,000-square-foot (2,600-square-meter) mansion.
He said he came from nothing, worked hard all his life, has always supported workers and fought big corporations as a lawyer.

“I have no apologies whatsoever for what I’ve done with my life,” he said to loud cheers. “My entire life has been about the same cause, which is making sure wherever you come from, whatever your family is, whatever the color of your skin, you get a real chance to do something great in this country.”

He wasn’t asked where he came from nor was he asked if he deserves it. He was asked if it is right to ask sacrifice when he apparently does not do so himself.

Interestingly, it’s not Edwards that is the problem. It it the “loud cheers”. I see on the leftish websites defenses of Gore and Edwards with, “well they are rich. It doesn’t make deny the truth of Global Warming, poverty, etc.”

These are the same folks who have been saying decade after decade that the gap between the rich and poor is growing, which by now should be large enough to fold the space-time continuum. They seem willing to injure the other 99% with anti-business rhetoric to spite the “richest 1%”.

And yet, their messiahs seem to get a pass. Remember that the next time you hear that TV Evangelists are huge hypocrites. They are. But enlightened, reality-based thinkers should hold their leaders to a higher standard.

Bush’s Illegal War – On Cops!

August 28th, 2007 at 7:53 am by Cranky

See the pattern emerging here?

  • A Rio Rancho police officer died Monday after crashing his motorcycle while riding in a motorcade as President Bush prepared to leave the city following a fundraiser for Sen. Pete Domenici.
  • A Honolulu police officer, Steve Favela, died when his motorcycle crashed while he was part of a presidential motorcade traveling across Hickam Air Force Base last November.
  • In February 2006, a Bernalillo police officer was injured when his motorcycle went down while he was helping escort Bush’s motorcade on Interstate 25.
  • Sgt. Jerry Nixon suffered a broken nose, cuts and bruises.

What could these officers know? Were they about to blow the cover off of Bush’s deep cutbacks on domestic services? Was their an oil pipeline running from Iraq through the Fraternal Order of Police and onto Israel?

We just won’t know. General Pace, please save us!

Gibberish, The Universal Language

August 27th, 2007 at 6:32 pm by Cranky

It does the heart good to see our servicemen having fun with the people we are led to believe despise them.

Maybe they’re making fun of a disfigured woman?

Castro: Dead or Alive?

August 27th, 2007 at 5:04 pm by Cranky

Getting confused every time rumors of Castro’s death hit the news wires? Me too.

Fortunately, Are We Lumberjacks provides a very useful guide to help you track the deathwatch.

I think he uses science ‘n’ stuff. It looks like some form of engineering widget.

Sunday Night Poll

August 27th, 2007 at 11:29 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Update: Of course, as Ginger did, feel free to submit your own petitions.

Who Says Britain Is Lost?

August 27th, 2007 at 11:27 am by Cranky

Not if this guy’s countrymen listen to what he has to say.

Hope he doesn’t get his throat slit by the BBC.

Pure brilliance. Found at Tim Blair.

BTW, he does tend to show a subtle anti-religious bias. No faiths are exempted.

Toad Blogging – Lazy August Sunday Edition

August 26th, 2007 at 4:45 pm by Cranky

My babies, the green frogs tend to be a lazy group of welfare recipients. While mowing the lawn today, I chased two turbo leopard frogs (sorry, no photo available) out of the long grass. To be fair, I believe the green frogs are nocturnal.

However, when I came across my Carbon Offset Victory™ pond, what should I find but no less than seven of these little bad boys.

They really do sit on the lily pads just like the cartoons.

For those following the saga of the garden itself, please note that I completely lost the battle of the jungle weeds. All the nice Hastas and Ferns are lost in the Lucifer Grass. Robbo has never had it so easy in his gardening travails.


Corruption and Coverup?

August 26th, 2007 at 1:42 pm by Cranky

This is just outrageous.

There were times, huddled on the floor in solitary confinement with that head-banging music blaring dawn to dusk and interrogators yelling the same questions over and over, that Vance began to wish he had just kept his mouth shut.

He had thought he was doing a good and noble thing when he started telling the FBI about the guns and the land mines and the rocket-launchers — all of them being sold for cash, no receipts necessary, he said. He told a federal agent the buyers were Iraqi insurgents, American soldiers, State Department workers, and Iraqi embassy and ministry employees.

Like Dan Collins says, “Assuming, for the present, that the stories in the article are true, heads must roll.”

I agree. Taken at face value, it creates an infuriating picture of corruption and a government that will destroy lives to maintain the status quo.

Of course, the article is written by an advocacy journalist with an axe to grind and some of the facts are in question. I recommend reading the comment thread and the many links for the context.

But we can be reasonable sure there is war profiteering going on. Although that in itself is unacceptable, the true outrage is how the whistleblowers are treated.

Why Socialized Medicine Is A Bad Idea

August 26th, 2007 at 11:00 am by Cranky

Really, all you need to know about how your government handles things is summed up right here.

And hence he found himself at the local DMV. It was, in essence, an aesthetic disaster: Heavily soiled carpet; heavily soiled customers; heavily soiled employees; &. If someone attempted to get a sense of the USA merely from a trip to this DMV, he would think that it was a Third-World country. Perhaps Fourth-World, if that’s possible.

Unsurprisingly, a humorously long line greeted new arrivals. At the end of this line sat a woman whose temperament seemed like a mix of the Marquis de Sade’s and Hitler’s. Whilst “Chip” came closer and closer to this wonderful specimen of humanity, he noticed that she took great delight in rejecting people’s requests.

Now think about these souls with no incentive for performing basic customer service or worse; charged with your well-being.

You think I’m kidding? Think about how disputes with Child Protective Services or Deadbeat Dad statutes go.

Dogma Implosion

August 25th, 2007 at 3:36 pm by Cranky

If you have an hour to waste, why not try enjoying this pure, delicious nutty treat known as Pandagon’s comment thread. It appears the little lady put out a book covering all the classic victim poses in feminism.

Oh and the good part? She put a gorilla on the cover.

Consider that for a minute. Now imagine what that sparked. Now check out what happens when the sheer weight of the collective victim-centric worldviews cause a new black hole to be formed.

OK, I can’t resist – here are some of my favorites:

Amanda, you of all people should know that liberals don’t just complain for the sake of complaining. We do not criticize bits and pieces of pop culture to get in our daily snark. We say what we say because we believe in it.

We all struggle against privilege everyday, be it the male privilege that we encounter or the white privilege that we struggle to push down within ourselves. We can’t expect to be taken seriously if we say one type of privilege is to be abhorred and another is no big deal.

rachel, the picture’s overriding characteristic is not “kitsch.” It is racism. If you want people to overlook the racism in favor of the kitsch, that is racist, as in, supportive of the hierarchy built on race. It trivializes the concerns of those who are not white in favor of attracting white people who are racist and/or sexist. Your priorities are not feminist, rachel, whether they make for good marketing practices or not.

Other bloggers pulling up lawn chairs and enjoying the carnage:

Tim Worstall
Dennis the Peasant

A Weasel By Any Other Name

August 25th, 2007 at 2:02 pm by Cranky

The Institute for Legal Reform has:

launched a new public awareness campaign highlighting the recent name change by Tennessee’s trial lawyer organization and the motives behind the coordinated effort now happening in at least 13 states. The Web site criticizes the Tennessee Trial Lawyers Association, which has voted to call itself the Tennessee Association for Justice, for trying to conceal its identity from the public by changing its name.

Why? Good question.

“Because decades of abusing the civil justice system has driven their popularity into the ground, they are resorting to the oldest PR trick in the book: when your brand is tarnished, change your name.”

I detect a certain hostility towards trial lawyers. I think the mission statement will clear that up:

The mission of the ILR is to make America’s legal system simpler, fairer, and faster for everyone. It seeks to promote civil justice reform through legislative, political, judicial, and educational activities at the national, state, and local levels.

What Liberals Hear

August 25th, 2007 at 1:18 pm by Cranky

Statement: “The Surge is bringing order to Iraq.”

They Hear: “With Troop Rise, Iraqi Detainees Soar in Number”

Statement: “We need to improve intelligence capabilities to meet the threat of terrorism.”

They Hear: “Our enemies in a time of war have a privacy right under the constitution.”

Statement: “The destruction of the World Trade Center was one of the greatest crimes in history.”

They Hear: “The health problems caused by cleaning up the destruction of the World Trade Center was one of the greatest crimes in history.”

Statement: “Several men of Middle Eastern appearance were seen acting suspiciously before and after boarding the flight.”

They Hear: Intolerance! Hatred! Homopho-oops! RAAAAAACISM!!!!

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