The End Is The Beginning
August 16th, 2007 at 7:33 am by SmantixWell kids, it’s been fun. On this very day two years ago, I got the following message:
I’m going to be heading to Memphis in a week & a half and wondered if you’d like to do some guest posting. I may or may not get to blog while down there – I probably will but not much. If you feel like it or are interested let me know and I’ll set you up with a login. I’ve never had a guest blogger before, so it will be a new thing for me, but given your skillz, I don’t think you’ll have a problem with it.
Ah, the old “I’ve never done this before so be gentle with me” line. Gets me every time it does.
And with that errant and drunken suggestion, I set out on a campaign to annoy and harass the living hell out of every blogger in this state who banned me from their websites and simultaneously pop Preston Taylor Holmes’ guest-blogging cherry. Unfurl ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner here.
Mind you, while this is my two year anniversary with Six Meat Buffet, it is my 12th year of using the Smantix pseudonym. 12 years. There comes a point where you wonder where the real you ends and the “fake internet you” begins. I say “a point where you wonder” because I don’t have that problem. The only thing I have ever done is try to strangle that interlocutor between my thoughts and a keyboard and let the chips fall.
Needless to say, that interlocutor has since been chopped into little pieces and now decides what the popsicles say to the Omaha Steaks in my basement deep freezer.
Annika you were like the girl next door who never came outside and wouldn’t let me see her naked.
Cranky’s been like a big brother to me. He got me my first Instalanche. Especially since he’s the one with Photoshop because I only have MS Paint. It was a pleasure to finally meet one of the first “famous” bloggers I ever started reading.
Preston, I just can’t thank you enough man. Although I probably could have used a better editor at times, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone be as encouraging or a better friend. Preston’s writing is what got me reading 6MB in the first place. A great writer and a great guy. To think he lived one mile down the street from me in Nashville for years and had to move to Knoxville before I met him. Tomorrow people can officially start liking you again. Except Vinnie.
All of the idea swapping, collaborative bull sessions were everything great blogging can be. I can’t imagine a same-sex marriage being any happier so I’ll continue to vote against that sort of thing.
Thanks to everybody who took the time to read and bitch and link and comment over these last two years. For all three people who liked what I did, you were an finite source of inspiration. For the other several hundred thousand that didn’t? I never liked you anyway.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Screw you, Smantix. Screw you.
August 16th, 2007 at 10:14 am
S, as I told you in meatspace, you will be sorely missed. You have a unique, biting way with words that is rare indeed.
I wish this were a stunt.
This week we’ve had Black Wednesday (Wuz, MVRWC) and now Black Thursday (Smantix). Me getting depressed.
August 16th, 2007 at 11:24 am
For all three people who liked what I did, you were an finite source of inspiration.
Uh…make that four. You forgot about me.
I’d go through the denial stage, except the blogging carnage in the past 24 hours has become all too real. Methinks Karl Rove has something to do with this…
Smantix, your writing is just too good to stay locked up. And you are just too big of a Prick to not have your voice heard. Go recharge your batteries…and then resurface somewhere please.
Maybe under a new pseudonym so Britney and the rest of the NiTwits won’t know who you are until they have been carpet bombed.
Take care, friend.
August 16th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Smantix, you racist cracker…I sho’ is glad you won’t be around during my 2008 Presidential run. Make sure you come on around for a little TLC, big boy…(use the back door)
August 16th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
What you joo-loving infidels don’t realize is that Mr. Smantix has traded in all his fatwas for a run at those 72 virgins we’ve been promising him…
Welcome to the jihad, brother…I have a goat ready for you when you get here…
August 16th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
What am I supposed to do with my thesaurus now?
August 16th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Here ya’ go Smantix, take one of my fat-twats as a lovely parting gift. Hell that’s more than the rest of these clowns will offer ya’…..
August 16th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Dammit! First it was Dave at Garfield Ridge, then the Wuzzadem’s, now Smanty-hose?! WTF!?! It was Holmes that turned me on to all those guys the past 3 years (and it was my favorite yenta, D-Schluss that turned me on to Holmes… Are we playing 6 Degrees of Sixmeat yet?!). I’m gonna cancel my internet subscription; this is bullshit!
August 16th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
You suck honey, you really do!
Does this mean you are actually going to *sigh* “spend quality time with the family”?
Oh Geezus!
You remember what that quality time was like, right? And why you got into blogging in the first place. Well, other than a severe lack in judgment on Preston’s part. It was because you needed to vent, and venting to me only stoked the fire because all I did was pile on.
Are we going back to… to… THAT?
Oh, God help me!
Preston! Cranky! Nigel! Michelle! Hell, Cynthia! DO SOMETHING!!!! My sanity is at stake here, guys!
August 16th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
If you can’t get him to come back, someone please donate a bottle of zanax or valumn to me!
August 16th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Well, on the bright side, with Smantix gone, I can now turn this into an all-tennis blog. People will love that. And the US open is just a week away!
Don’t worry Mrs. S. We’ll put together a Smantix Scholarship Fund to collect for your upcoming psychiatric needs.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
It’s just like that Twilight Zone where the soldier, the hobo, the clown, the ballet dancer, and the bagpiper are trying to get out of a featureless metal cylinder. How did they get there? Are they in hell? Or could it be a group blog? Finally, the soldier makes it out to freedom, but it turns out he was just a toy in a charity collection can, and a little girl throws him back in.
Yep, Smantix. It’s just like that.
August 16th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Mrs. Smantix…Mr. Smantix is more than welcome to transfer over to my site under a new name…and I’ll pay him three times what Preston was paying him!
Of course that might get me banned from here…
August 16th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Don’t go! You aren’t through yet! If we didn’t have you, we’d have to invent you, and none of us are that creative/crazed.
August 16th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Dear Mrs. Smantix,
A few ideas….
I can donate some Buspar, but the only thing it does is make you dizzy and I don’t think it works on Smanxiety.
He could take up a martial art, at least 5 days a week. Worked for my angry male. He’s too out of breath to bitch about anything.
You could take him to a tattoo studio and get his lips pierced together. (Do this out of love of course) A permanently shut mouth might encourage him to continue blogging.
If you can’t do any of these things, just try to keep his environment sanitary and as liberal-free as humanly possible.
August 16th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Don’t go! You aren’t through yet! If we didn’t have you, we’d have to invent you, and none of us are that creative/crazed.
You see, that’s a great idea right there. I’m working on a Virtual Smantix using only Javascript and the posts he made here.
If Brittney harangues it, I’ll know that we’ve succeeded.
August 16th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Smantix,
as soon as you get to the Deming, NM, Greyhound bus stop, contact “Mando” on his cell at 472-8754. Day or night. He’ll take you down to Columbus and then west on Highway 9. You’ll meet “El Arabi” around mile marker 30, who will get you Mexican papers and walk you across the border, taking care of any military patrols or polleros you stumble across. You’ll be taken to Chihuahua City in a silver F250 with Texas plates. After that, your new identity will serve you well as you hide out from US law enforce—
Wait, you’re NOT fleeing an indictment??
Oh. In that case, thanks for the great writing and best wishes in the future.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Thanks everybody. It’s taken a dozen years but I think this self-sufficing river of enmity in me has finally run its course.
This is a good thing. 6MB is much more than what small part I contributed. In fact, I don’t think I’ve made 200 posts in two years.
While it may be short a primal scream or two in my absence, it’s never been short of laughs. And to paraphrase the immortal words of Thornton Mellon, “They don’t take shit off any body”.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Lost a blogger, gained two real-life friends.
I look at it as mostly a plus.
Keep in touch, Mr. and Mrs. Smantix, and don’t even think about skipping any future Prickfests.
August 16th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
It’s Like The Dead Celebrities Thing, But With Bloggers…
Beth quits.
Mr. and Mrs. John from Wuzzadem quit.
Smantix is quitting.
I guess these things go in threes.
I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Smantix just a couple of weeks ago. Two of the kindest, polite, and humorous people you could ever ho…
August 17th, 2007 at 8:02 am
I second the Vinnster. You’re both a couple of pricks, so you will still be a required Prickfest participant.
But Mrs. S, please be sure to send me your address…I’ll get you a care package post haste!
August 17th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Damn. Later dude. Thanks for all.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Is this gonna be one of the Frank Sinatra farewell deals, or the real deal?
Take good care of yourself.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Well, damn, I never did get my nickname. Good luck to ya, Smantix.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:38 am
You will be missed Smantix. Good work is hard to find. You did well.