Lesson 8 – How to Manufacture a Crisis

At the end of chapter seven, we discussed the uses of fear as a hook to get viewers to return after the commercial break. Chapters eight through ten discuss great ways to keep your audience fearful. We will start with manufacturing crises.

Crisis manufacturing is much easier than the student of Television Journalism might think. Whether it is shark attacks or child abductions, CM follows a simple template.

It is best to illustrate this point by example. Let’s create a crisis based on the fear of man-made global catastrophe. This is always a popular theme.

The first step is to find a topic that is close to people in their day-to-day lives.

The paperclip. An innocuous object or an agent of death?

In this case we chose a paperclip. But anything could suffice; Yoplait yogurt containers, pull tabs on soda cans or plastic water bottles, for example.

One paperclip is about .08 oz of steel. It takes .002 cents to manufacture one. Seems harmless enough. But what about in the aggregate?

Millions of paperclips! No, millions and millions of ‘em!

Everybody uses paperclips. Multinational corporations manufacture them by the billion. Now, I hope you begin to see the potential crisis emerging. Here we have something that touches everyone and is nothing short of a silent killer.

Do you know how much groundwater is contaminated manufacturing a billion paperclips? How many Third world villagers are displaced when a paperclip factory is plopped in the middle of their wheat fields?

We don’t know. But fortunately, there are no shortage of young progressively-minded scientists out there who have already done the work for you!

mmmm. Tasty grant money!

These miners of apocalyptic gold makes the journalist’s job very easy. Rather than digging, the stories are brought to you by objective, non-profit funded scientists.

Now you are ready to kick your crisis up to full speed. Get the story onto the teleprompter.

When a good-looker intones the word “imperiled”, the world sits up and takes notice.

You are ready to go national with your story. Good graphics, a soundbite from the author of the study and just a hint of how the Conservative Administration is skeptical of the results should make this report a success. Do not worry about generating “hype”, the hanger-oners, carpetbaggers and celebrities will come as sure as the sun will rise.

As your crisis becomes a movement, keep your viewer involved. Are they doing enough to prevent Armageddon? Is there some way they can prevent the last Polar Bear from choking to death on a wayward paperclip?

Write your congressman immediately. Tell him you support the .03 per paperclip Save the Planet surcharge!

What is a good crisis if your viewers feel helpless? Get them involved. The easiest way is encourage them to get the government to save them.

Remember, we do not intend to create mass hysteria. But should that happen, that too will be a good story and will be covered in chapter 12.

UPDATE: After reading this piece and seeing the error of their ways, the New York Times calls b.s. on Global Warming.

As an aside, first the hire Bill Kristol and then they write this. Allz I can say is, “Rove, you magnificent bastard!”

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