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"Would someone please get
this clown to quit following
me around Knoxville???"
- Glenn Reynolds








moon phases


Friday, February 29, 2008


 

A Momentary Lapse of Honesty

Thursday, February 28, 2008


 

When You Get Self-Righteous Feelin’s You Need Contextual Healin’

Nashville’s free daily, The City Paper, weighed in on Le Jihad de Hussein bin Farrakhanvict this morning to provide some much needed irony to a brummagem brouhaha:

McCain and Alexander were correct for disavowing the use of Obama’s full name in these communications from party officials and supporters. They were quite obviously code words used in poor taste to inflame otherwise justified fears of the Muslim world in general from Americans.
[...]
At the same time, “Hussein” is the actual middle name of the man who could very well be president of the U.S. There is no getting around that fact. At some point, the equally vexing fear mongers of political correctness in this country are going to have to concede that a president’s full name is often if not frequently used in our culture as a sign of respect.

After the election, should the Senator from Illinois become our next president, we as a country cannot go around for four to eight years pretending he does not have a middle name. The idea is laughable. During the election, operatives in the GOP and elsewhere need to follow the advice of leaders like McCain and Alexander and show some restraint and better judgment.

But there’s no irony there, McMurphy - whatever do you mean?

Further to “vexing fear mongers of political correctness” and “show(ing) some restraint and better judgment”, what you missed if you didn’t pick up the dead tree version of the City Paper was this hilarious politically incorrect insert for where to send your chirrens to Camp this summer:

Is that a mote in your eye or a tomahawk?

Camp Racial Sensitivity

Nothing says showing restraint and good judgment like dressing up your cherubic li’l anglos in warpaint and makin’ raindance for Indian Summer.

Camp Slave Days

Of course maybe collecting scalps, smoking the peacepipe, and playing blackjack ’til three in the morning isn’t your cup of firewater. Maybe Camp Slave Days is more the experience you want the kids to celebrate come Happy Juneteenth. No word if there’s a discount for booking during Black History month.

Camp Wikki Pentecost

Let Salvation Be Your Vaccination:

Your God’s only as big as the snake that you handle when you laugh, learn, love and get bit by the word of the Lord at Camp Pentecostal.

Thanks City Paper. You’re the Centrum for my snicker-starved soul. Providing me my 100% recommended daily allowance for irony.

I needed that.

Posted by Brian @ 8:18 pm
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008


 

Vignette From the Living Room To The War Room

Mrs. McMurphy:  Don’t these people have a life?

Me:  This is their life.

Posted by Brian @ 10:19 pm
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McCain Denounces McCain

Maverick.

Presumptive Republican Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain, III denounced comments he made earlier today saying that they had no place in his campaign. The comments in question related to Democrat hopefuls Hillary Clinton and He Who Shall Not Be Named* regarding his knowledge of a misunderstood group of freedom fighters in Iraq:

GOP presidential candidate John McCain mocked Democrat Barack Obama today for saying he’d take action as president “if al-Qaida is forming a base in Iraq.”

McCain told a crowd in Tyler, Texas “I have some news. Al-Qaida is in Iraq. It’s called ‘al-Qaida in Iraq.’”

McCain said he didn’t watch Obama and Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton debate last night in Cleveland. But he said he was relayed Obama’s response when asked if as president he’d reserve the right to send U.S. troops back into Iraq to quell an insurrection or civil war.

When Mr. McCain was reached for comment by reporters, the Straight Talk Express didn’t mince words:

“Mockery of my betters in this campaign is unacceptable no matter who’s doing it, even me. You know, this is a free country and all but people don’t have a right to say whatever they want in my campaign. Hillary and He Who Shall Not Be Named* are honorable Americans who deserve to run a clean race without us nasty Republicans making fun of their good names”, as he got down on bended knee.

“I want to disassociate myself from my disparaging remarks about their ability to lead this country. It was totally uncalled for and I am being dealt with appropriately. I cede no moral high ground when it comes to treating my opponents with respect - whether it’s Hillary or what’s his face.”

UPDATE:  Next!

Posted by Brian @ 6:48 pm
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Tuesday, February 26, 2008


 

Those Lefties Sure Are Stabby

I know I shouldn’t laugh when people get stabbed, but this is just too good.

FEBRUARY 25–Meet Jose Antonio Ortiz. The Pennsylvania man allegedly stabbed his brother-in-law in the stomach after the pair quarreled about their respective support of Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. According to cops, Ortiz, 28, stabbed Sean Shurelds last Thursday night in the kitchen of an Upper Providence Township home. According to a criminal complaint, a copy of which you’ll find here, the 41-year-old Shurelds, an Obama supporter, told Ortiz that the Illinois senator was “trashing” Clinton (apparently in regard to recent primary and caucus results). Ortiz, a Clinton supporter, replied that “Obama was not a realist.” While not exactly fighting words, the verbal political tiff led to some mutual choking and punching. And, allegedly, a stabbing in the abdomen.

Obviously, both men were making salient points regarding each other’s candidates, and sometimes there is just no other way to settle disagreements besides graphic violence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating violence in the least, but if you’re a Clinton and/or an Obama supporter and you find yourself in a conflict with another Dim-O-Crack this primary season, don’t be afraid to settle the argument through some brutal act of mindless violence.

Sometimes it’s the only way when you’re defending the honor of the Obamessiah or the androgynous Anti-Christ.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 12:32 pm
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Monday, February 25, 2008


 

Global Warming Religion

While snow cover in North America is at it’s highest level since 1966, here in Cow-wee-fornia the state Senate is proposing to mandate the inoculation of the global warming religion into our classrooms.

All I know is that I cannot get an accurate weather prediction from Dallas Raines anywhere beyond 2 hours before a storm and we are supposed to believe that this same science can be used to predict global climate change.

It doesn’t matter really. We all know the two who are really in charge!

Posted by TinyElvis @ 11:30 pm
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Because I Grew Up Watching TV and I Turned Out TV

If the glaciers were melting as fast as Oscar ratings, I would be worried about the environment:

Following the lowest-rated Emmys since 1990, the strike-hindered ratings performance of a severely truncated version of the Golden Globes and a nonstruck airing of the Grammys that nonetheless disappointed, Sunday night’s presentation of the 80th Annual Academy Awards on ABC hit an all-time ratings low.

According to overnight fast national ratings, the awards averaged a 10.7 rating among adults 18 to 49 and was seen by 32 million viewers. In the demo, that’s down a sharp 24% from last year and the lowest on record. Among viewers, that’s a 20% drop. The previous all-time low was in 2003.

Man-made Oscar Cooling threatens Hollyweird but you can help, dear readers. For your convenience, all future bills for Internet Access will provide you the choice to donate money for Oscar offsets.

For just pennies a day, you can ensure that Hate America propaganda (that no one pays to watch) continues to get a little gold statue as our middle finger to you, Redneck America.  That’s right, last night’s documentary winner “Taxi To the Darkside” grossed a staggering $107,000.00 domestic since it’s release in mid-January of this year.

Please give us $10 a ticket not counting $8 for popcorn, $6 for a soda, and $4 for a candy bar to have us tell you how much we hate you.  As we tilt our heads, raise our index fingers to our chin and genuflect to the sky as to why people don’t watch our movies anymore.

Posted by Brian @ 7:38 pm
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Saturday, February 23, 2008


 

I’m A Bruce Pearl Sheep, Part Five

Vols take a dump on my hometown boys from Tiger High, 66-62. When Monday comes, the basketball Vols will take over the #1 spot in the polls for the first time ever. Pat Summitt just had an aneurysm.

Memphis sandwich

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 11:40 pm
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Saturday Afternoon Moment of Zen

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 5:52 pm
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The Confederate State of the Black Union 2008

C-Span has the State of the Black Union 2008 on for the rest of this afternoon. (That link will take you to the C-span archives where it’s broken into three sections:  the morning, afternoon, and Clinton’s remarks) - the outrageous outrage of Dick Gregory Youtubes are listed below after the jump)

You want to get to the root of the problem with race in this country? You need free material to write about this afternoon?

Do yourself a favor and force yourself to watch these people for two hours. It will become painfully evident who the problem is.

My prescription? A mirror big enough for everyone on the stage to get a good look at themselves.

Serial racebaiting radio talker Tom Joyner elevates the discussion intentionally ebonicizing his question: “What is we gonna do (laughter from the crowd) if Barack Obama doesn’t win?”

I dunno. What is you been doin’ up until now? *crickets*

Then somebody on the panel says that they’ve got to take “n-words” seriously and the crowd gets a little uncomfortable so the panel ignores the comment.

Good stuff. Tune in!

Michael Steele will be coming up too so we should expect some fireworks. Al Sharpton, Donna Brazile, Cornel West, some other names that mean something to the radicalized culminating with Hillary Clinton addressing the group at the end.

This is one of the longest fuses to a bomb I’ve ever seen.

Allright, they’re back.

Cornel West is doing his best Oswald Bates impersonation. (you will not be able to watch the rest of this symposium if you click on that link)

More Oswald!

UPDATED FOR HILLARY at bottom >>> Continue Reading

Posted by Brian @ 12:01 pm
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Friday, February 22, 2008


 

Michelle Cynthia Obama-McKinney

Is everyone spending their Friday night reading Michelle Obama’s thesis paper?

Her comment on never being proud of this country was an accidental moment of candor. Barack Obama’s wife is Cynthia McKinney’s ideological soul sister with better hair relaxer and a more expensive degree.

The Sociology major should have been a red flag (and it was). A big red flag with either a yellow star or a yellow hammer and sickle in the corner.

I’m only on page 14 and this is too good. Imagine George Wallace in a weave. >>> Continue Reading

Posted by Brian @ 8:45 pm
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Thursday, February 21, 2008


 

We Are Not Prepared (Prescription Strength Democratic Debate Edition)

When world affairs inflame our passions.  In a world irritated by our unilateral cowboy President. You need Preparation ™.

Preparation

Yes, apply Preparation ™ liberally and in mere moments (or at least your first 100 days) you’ll be enjoying streamers, cheese trays, and tickertape parades down Main Street Tehran.

No need for pesty strings attached to your Presidential visit to Havana. If you make having standards a precondition to meeting with the Head of the Free World, you’ll make people think you’re better than them! And we don’t want that.

Heaven’s no. The President of the US being better than the head of Sudan, North Korea, Iran, Syria, Russia, Belarus, Chad, Zimbabwe, Venezuela, Haiti, or Burma? Not in my book.

You make the preparations. We already have our reservations.

Posted by Brian @ 8:52 pm
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Obama’s Messianic Creds

A lot has been made of the “Obamessiah” and his politics of hope. His followers have a fervor that reminds me more of the Life of Brian than the Book of Acts.

But let’s take a closer look at this new Messiah and another one who had the same title. The similarities are eerie.


Jesus said “blessed are those who grieve.”

Obama is a blessing to the habitually aggrieved.


Jesus made bread and fishes to feed the masses.

Obama made lots of bread from some big fish.


With Jesus, one’s guilt will washed as white as snow.

With Obama, the white guilt will be washed with one vote.


Jesus let the little children come to Him.

Obama let the little children obtain abortions without parental consent.


Jesus was not ashamed to associate with a woman of ill repute.

Obama’s campaign was made ill by his association with a shameless woman.


Jesus brought hope to the blind and lame by healing them.

Barack lamely sells hope to the blindly loyal.


Jesus showed friendship with Tax Collectors.

Barack made friends by collecting taxes.


Jesus turned the other cheek to His enemies.

Barack cheekily agreed to sit down with America’s enemies.


Jesus’ arrival was proclaimed by a lone voice in the wilderness.

Obama’s arrival was proclaimed by a loud voice in the Midwest.


Many of Jesus’ followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.

Many of Obama’s followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.


Hope, for the time is near!

obama1.jpg

Posted by Cranky @ 6:19 pm
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The Culture of Corruption (Unabridged To Nowhere)

Not to send Cranky flailing into an epileptic fit against earmark reform (i.e., Jimmas DeMintus Uninterruptis), but Stop The ACLU is pointing out that the spit is fired up. The hog is being served. And all of the crossdressing in Barney Frank’s closet can’t hide our little Congressional Piggies from cloaking themselves as fiscal vegetarians.

Case in point, John Boehner’s soon to be former website to monitor Earmark Reform is being shuffled around so that people can’t find it:

“I am writing today to register my protest over this belated change, and to request a detailed explanation of the events that led your office to make this dramatic reversal,” wrote Boehner. “Changing its address now will inevitably hamper the effectiveness of the new website, much to the convenience of the majority that runs the House.”

“[The] reversal comes just days after an independent report revealed that the freshman Democratic class in the House has been ‘showered in pork’ by the leaders of the current majority,” he continued. “[The] reversal comes just weeks after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) – who as leader of the Democrat-controlled House has the power to shut down the earmark process in our chamber immediately – declined to join me and more than 150 other House members in supporting a total moratorium on all earmarks.

Normally, I would relish a pork shower. But this is no time to mince meats.

Boehner’s point about Pelosi and the Culture of Corruption (tm) she is presiding over really shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, her war on earmarks was won decisively by her plastic surgeon long ago. Stretchmarks too. All bigoted traces of age exiled to a past of Jim Crow’s feet. No longer being forced to gum her tapioca pudding at segregated lunch counters.

If only she would give us his business card we could put him in charge of the GAO. If he could get our budget as tight as the skin on her Joker grinning face we could all be driving solar-powered gravy trains before that geriatric San Francisco treat of a House Speaker could flag down her limo driver and gas up the Gulfstream to Syria for another rousing game of Horny Despot and Easy Grandma Kafir.

House freshmen accounted for $263 million in personal, single-sponsor earmarks. Democratic freshmen accounted for $237 million of that,” a CongressDaily report added the same day.

Posted by Brian @ 6:18 pm
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008


 

How Dare You Take Mrs. Obamessiah’s Name In Vain!?

So when the Obamessiah’s followers fill their diapers with glee-filled moisture over the word “change”, does that mean that they’re going to change from being the usual scum-sucking racist Dim-O-Cracks that they are?

Don’t bet on it.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 12:06 pm
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A Nice Tribute to an Underrated Film

Anyone remember Dark City?

Dark City was a “thinky” science fiction thrilled done in a very noir style.

It died in the shadow of the Matrix. Agent Bedhead has a very insightful analysis of this cult film.

Posted by Cranky @ 9:29 am
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WTW: Six Meat Over Miami

6MB Vice City

Apologies to the kids for being so scarce lately but bidness called. And when it’s below freezing in Nashville and the expense is authorized for “South Beach”, it’s time to inflate the tires on the double wide and haul my tightly-clenched sphincter down I-95.

To begin, let me say that if you can get passed the omnipresent unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch techno blare that is pumped like white noise through every street light, potted plant, patio umbrella, and cocktail napkin (at every conceivable hour of the day and night) that it’s really not that bad of a place to hang out for a week.

You must make peace with the beat . It was there before you and it will be there after you are gone.

It’s like going to Jamaica and realizing that you hate reggae music after you’ve been off the plane for two hours.

Unch-Unch-Unch-Unch

The beat is inescapable. The same one from the Girls Gone Wild videos. Best to make peace with it lest it destroy you and find your battered psyche left curled in the fetal position on a bed in the corner of the Delano hotel’s pool bar and getting charged a $300 bottle service.
>>> Continue Reading

Posted by Brian @ 12:01 am
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008


 

The Hezbollah Flag Decoded

Along with a bunch of others. Pure brilliance.

Posted by Cranky @ 10:23 am
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Maybe It’s Time to Pardon Some Terrorists?

Could the Clinton nomination hinge on Puerto Rico?

But one group of 63 delegates is more equal than another. Democratic delegates are supposed to be allocated by proportional representation. But that notion is alien to highly competitive Puerto Rican politics. In practice, the dominant figure in Puerto Rico identifying with the Democratic Party has seen to it that his faction gets all the territory’s delegates

This means that Puerto Rico is likely to have more leverage in Democratic National Convention votes than any single state, no matter how large.

I can imagine the following scenario. Hillary Clinton’s delegate margin over Barack Obama rises and falls a bit from week to week, depending on primary results. Her margin among superdelegates, around 100, fails to increase much because party and public officeholders are wary of offending Obama’s youth and black constituencies. Then, presto! In early June, Puerto Rico’s 63 delegates put her over the top. She has her majority and goes about the business of choosing a vice presidential candidate.

It could, but the governor has already come out for Barack Obama. With Puerto Rico in play, however, I’m sure Mrs. Clinton would dream of doing anything drastic or immoral to win it over.

Posted by Cranky @ 10:22 am
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Why Are All The Best Republicans Dead*?

I’m sure he was hated by the progressives of his day, but we could sure use the anti-pork straight shooter known as President Arthur.

Heard of The Pendleton Act? Chester Arthur signed that law that…get this…actually required government appointees to show some level of competence before they get appointed. No more cronyism. While The Pendleton Act is still allegedly in effect, clearly our current administration doesn’t pay much attention to it.

Arthur also enacted our nation’s first immigration law:

Nigel has the details.

It seems strange to be nostaligic for times I never lived in, but whatever.

* I’m not talking about you, Senator DeMint. I would never say such a thing.

Posted by Cranky @ 9:52 am
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Monday, February 18, 2008


 

I Feel Like I’m Floating In The Soup These Days

Far and away Bill Paxton’s finest moment on the silver screen. Before he went and sold out.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 10:06 pm
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Inside The Mind of a Jawa

Real thought provoking stuff in the this well made video courtesy of Kafir at the Jawa Report.

The vid is informative, professional, funny at times and has just a dash of conspiracy which doesn’t spoil the taste. Good beat and easy to dance to. I give it five stars.

Posted by Cranky @ 10:47 am
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Saturday, February 16, 2008


 

Six Meat Safety Tip O’ The Day

Gathering around a suburban highway at 3 am to watch an amateur drag race, probably not a good plan.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 1:18 pm
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The Curse of the Microphallus

Often times, when a man is short, insecure, and cursed with microphallus, he loads up on steroids and tries to get into a position where he can wield some type of power over others due to his own lack of manhood.

Baltimore’s Officer Salvatore Rivieri is a prime example of this sad situation.

Life is difficult when lived through the lens of a Napoleon complex combined with steroid rage. Turns out Riviera hates remote control cars nearly as much as he hates skateboards.

Seek help, Officer, seek help.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 9:04 am
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008


 

Keepin’ It Real This Valentine’s Day

More of the same over this a-way…

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 9:44 pm
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008


 

Practical Advice for Conservatives

Courtesy of See-Dub:

Somewhere across America there is a politician running who meets your standards for enlightened conservatism. Send him twenty dollars. Every month. And a letter saying what you think is important, and maybe print out an article (or blog post) you think his staff ought to read. Congress is our firewall. We need it. Whoever gets in the White House, he or she is gonna be a pro-amnesty squish at best and the Shamnesty crew is already doing a little dance about it. So we need to do whatever we can to slow it down in Congress. And we need some Senators who are going to filibuster their little butts off when McCain or Obama or Hillary send some noodle-spined hack through the confirmation process on his way to being a judge or a cabinet member. We can’t lose any seats and even safe seats, like Jim Inhofe’s in Oklahoma, need your attention and support.

All the attention goes to the presidential race. But remember what a Conservative congress can do. Think 1994. Besides, much of our problems had to do with the Congress losing sight of their base. If we support specific candiates instead of “the party” we can exert our message much more effectively. Not one dime for Mel Martinez, Arlen Specter or Ted Stevens. Millions for DeMint [insert leg-humping sound here].

Posted by Cranky @ 9:01 am
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I’ve Seen The Future And It Is Brown

This will be on everyone’s radar today.

The U.S. population will soar to 438 million by 2050 and the Hispanic population will triple, according to projections released Monday by the Pew Research Center.
The latest projections by the non-partisan research group are higher than government estimates to date and paint a portrait of an America dramatically different from today’s.

Look, if President Hernandez believes in small government and has a zero-tolerance for Islamist violence, then I welcome our Hispanic overlords.

Sadly, it won’t go that way. Our Republicans love the cheap labor and the Democrats want a large identity voting bloc.

But immigration is going to be a fact of life and one that we can work to make a net benefit for our country. If our leaders take secure borders and assimilation programs seriously, this upcoming wave of immigration could be as beneficial as the Irish, Italian and Jewish waves of the past.

Besides, you white folks just aren’t having enough babies. I blame you.

Posted by Cranky @ 7:53 am
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Monday, February 11, 2008


 

We Are All N-words Now

So says Nas draped in his fresh, new “N-word” tee at the Grammys. In celebration of his forthcoming album, originally titled “N-Word”. Peeps are making all sort of serious statements ‘n shit deez days. NSFW (not safe for whitey)

It’s all experiences we go through everyday of all ethnicities. White, black, indifferent.”
[...]
We’ve all at some point felt discriminated on whether it’s in the Dominican Republic, whether it’s in China whether it’s in Iraq wit soldiers gettin’ dey heads blown off for reasons we don’t know why. And you know the meaning of the word is supposed to be “ignorant”.

Word is bond. No argument there.

So there’s money being made off us “poor”, “innocent, so-called “ignorant” people so no longer are just black people n****as today. It’s also me and you.

But making money off us poor, innocent, and ignorant people is what makes the rims go ’round. It’s what Street Dreams is made of. Who am I to disagree?

This is a whole new channel. That train has left the station…what I’m thinking about is a more current issue….

It’s time for a new President to come in office and abolish this thing that only allows black people to vote for another 23 years. Whoever can abolish this thing that doesn’t allow black people to vote after 23 years from now.

???

Anybody feel free to clue me in to that one. Anybody at all. All I know is that since I am also an n-word now that my vote is in jeopardy too. So whatever this thing is that keeps me from voting in 23 years, I’m down with abolishing it too.

It’s probably the same thing that’s keeping me from voting this year - the Republican Party.

I like the non sequitur at the end where his beotch grabs the mic to drop some serious unrelated knowledge about John Lennon writing “Woman Is The N-Word of the World”. That was 1972.

So much for Instant KKKarma.

What’s old (school) is new (school) again UPDATE: I’d almost forgotten about N.W.A. releasing ‘Niggaz4Life’ wayback in 1989 1991. I should have since I worked at Sam Goody for about 2 months at the time.

Back then, N.W.A.’s album was originally released as “Efil4zaggin” out of fear of being censored by Al and Tipper Gore. Still, it debuted at Number #2 on the Billboard Charts. Now, almost 20 years later, Nas is stealing the creative Alpine stereo out of N.W.A.’s racebaiting ‘64 Impala.

Congrats Nas, you are truly standing on the shoulders of n-words. A pioneer - just like them. Twenty years ago. Doing the exact same stunt.

N-words with Attitude

Empowering: N-words With Attitude.

Posted by Brian @ 7:16 pm
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Sunday, February 10, 2008


 

Quick TV Quiz

Q. What do you call a show that features a midget family with quintuplets who have their home refurbished before they sell it?
>>> Continue Reading

Posted by Cranky @ 7:07 pm
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Your Sunday Morning Inspirational Obama

Behold the Lamb of Obama, which taketh away the sin of the world. Art thou ready for His mint jelly?*
St. John of The Edwards, 1. 29

For He Has Risen

Regular Lamb: Not as pure as Obama

Don’t be fooled by imitation brand Lamb of Obama ™

UPDATE (Cranky)

Yes the Messiah narrative deepens and martyrdom enters the picture.

STOCKHOLM (AP) — Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing believes Barack Obama would be assassinated if he were elected U.S. president, the British writer said in a newspaper interview.

Asked whether she supported Hillary Clinton or Obama in the presidential race, Lessing told Stockholm daily Dagens Nyheter “it doesn’t matter,” but suggested the two Democrats should join forces in the election.

Still unclear is whether or not he rises again after three days.

Posted by Brian @ 11:37 am
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