Obama’s Messianic Creds

February 21st, 2008 at 6:19 pm by Cranky

A lot has been made of the “Obamessiah” and his politics of hope. His followers have a fervor that reminds me more of the Life of Brian than the Book of Acts.

But let’s take a closer look at this new Messiah and another one who had the same title. The similarities are eerie.

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Jesus said “blessed are those who grieve.”

Obama is a blessing to the habitually aggrieved.

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Jesus made bread and fishes to feed the masses.

Obama made lots of bread from some big fish.

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With Jesus, one’s guilt will washed as white as snow.

With Obama, the white guilt will be washed with one vote.

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Jesus let the little children come to Him.

Obama let the little children obtain abortions without parental consent.

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Jesus was not ashamed to associate with a woman of ill repute.

Obama’s campaign was made ill by his association with a shameless woman.

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Jesus brought hope to the blind and lame by healing them.

Barack lamely sells hope to the blindly loyal.

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Jesus showed friendship with Tax Collectors.

Barack made friends by collecting taxes.

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Jesus turned the other cheek to His enemies.

Barack cheekily agreed to sit down with America’s enemies.

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Jesus’ arrival was proclaimed by a lone voice in the wilderness.

Obama’s arrival was proclaimed by a loud voice in the Midwest.

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Many of Jesus’ followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.

Many of Obama’s followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.

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Hope, for the time is near!

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11 Responses to “Obama’s Messianic Creds”

1. Brian Says:
   February 21st, 2008 at 6:48 pm

   Another fine offering from Regnery.

   I hope that book comes with a pillow in case I faint from reading the brilliance of His word.

2. Tim Zank Says:
   February 21st, 2008 at 9:23 pm

   “now with 30% less leviticus!”

   absolute comedy gold…

3. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:
   February 21st, 2008 at 11:02 pm

   Is it written in Ebonics, or is there an Ebonics Concordance?

4. Nigel Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 am

   Freakin’ brilliant Cranky. Tim got to it first, but that 30% less Leviticus line…

5. Gordon Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 am

   Thanks, kids. BTW, the Leviticus line was suggested by none other than McMurph!

6. LeatherPenguin » It’s Like ‘The Sermon on the Mount,” but NOT Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm

   [...] ObamaMessiah Bookmark to: [...]

7. TC@LeatherPenguin Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm

   But where does he stand on post-caveman Johnny Damon’s Jesus claim?

   Do we have a fight here, or what?

8. Mark Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 5:38 pm

   Maybe he can make the blind deaf and the lame insane. That is CHANGE after all.

9. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:
   February 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm

   Exactly, Mark. Exactly.

10. Brian Says:
    February 22nd, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    Thanks for the nod, Gordo.

    Something tells me this People’s Movement isn’t going to end until some Congressmen are shot while trying to escape from Guyana.

    I just heard ABC Nightly News saying that Obama was in high spirits after last night’s debate. Funny how cocaine will do that to you.

11. News from The Campaign Front — New England Republican Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    [...] Neocon and now at Six Meat Buffet, is a comic genius.  The Gospel According to Obama, now with  30% Less Leviticus!   No tags for this [...]