Revenge of the Stupid Lyrics
July 7th, 2008 at 2:00 pm by CrankyIf it’s Summer then that means only one thing – reruns!
I’ve dusted off some classic posts from the CrankyNeocon days when I was a solo-act. I had a series called Revenge of the Stupid Lyrics. It started as a way to vent on some of the most annoying lyrics in Rock history.
These posts are repeated because 1) some of you might have missed this back in the crazy blogging days of 2004 and 2) I once received an email from a grateful student who thrilled that someone took the time to decipher Rock’s deepest thoughts.
You’re welcome.
| Artist | Song |
| Steve Miller | Take The Money And Run |
| Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas You know he knows just exactly what the facts is He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice He makes his livin’ off of the people’s taxes Two major gripes: One – “facts is” doesn’t rhyme with “taxes”. If you substitute “faxes” for “facts is” then Billy Mack comes across as a visionary that forsaw the invention of the fax machine. Two – Why point out that he makes his livin’ on other people’s taxes? The song is about two young proto-slackers who shoot somebody while robbing his home. The cop is the good guy, right? Wrong! Cops are a total bummer. |
|
| The Doors | L. A. Woman |
| I see your hair is burnin’ Hills are filled with fire If they say I never loved you You know they are a liar OK, it’s a given that Jim Morrison poetry, like drum circles, is really beautiful when you’re frying on acid. But is there ever an excuse to say “they are a liar?” |
|
| Ten Years After | I’d Love To Change The World |
| Everywhere is freaks and hairies Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity Tax the rich, feed the poor Till there are no rich no more I’d love to change the world “Tax the rich, feed the poor.” Hey man, that’s noble. ‘Cause then, like all the poor people will be fed. “Till there are no rich no more” Dude, your album just went gold. What’s that? Oh. Nevermind. Well at least they’re honest enough to admit they don’t know what to do. But putting that on me is way too heavy. |
|
| REM | Orange Crush |
| Follow me, don’t follow me I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush … We’d circle and we’d circle and we’d circle to stop and consider and Centered on the pavement stacked up all the trucks jacked up and Our wheels in slush and orange crush in pocket and all this here county What the Hell are you saying? Excuse me, what did he just say? |
|
July 7th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Haha. Potato wave to ya Cranky!
Did you know the real lyrics to that Pearl Jam song are just as insane as the misunderstood ones?
And did you know that in the desert you can’t remember your name for there ain’t no one for to give you no pain?
Or a grammar lesson?
This is fun. I just might have to search my memory banks.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
bring.it.on.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Oh it’s on.
Plush
And I feel that time’s a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
Really stupid murder song?
July 7th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Stupid lyrics under the heading “Just Threw Up a Little in My Mouth”:
Lucky me swimmin’ in my ability
Dancin’ down on life with agility
Come and drink it up from my fertility
Blessed with a bucket of lucky mobility
My mom I love her ’cause she love me
Long gone are the times when she scrub me
Feelin’ good my brother gonna hug me
Drink my juice young love chug-a-lug me
July 7th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
How did you get your hands on the real lyrics? You’re right, the goof lyrics actually make more sense.
I’ve spaced out a few of the old RotSL posts over the next four weeks. Face my wrath.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
On the other hand, you have actual quality lyrics.
Push, push in the bush.
Push, push in the bush.
Push, push in the bush.
Push, push in the bush.
Are you ready?
Are you ready for this?
Do you like it?
Do you like it like this?
July 7th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
How deep into the Euro dumpster did you have to dive to find that gem?
And the video? A day at the “special” summer camp, right?
July 7th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby.
Well, which is it?
But in this ever changing world in which we live in…
What? Sir P. – learn English. Please!
July 7th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
I’m pretty sure that almost all of the Chili Pepper’s “Geography Funk” from Stadium Arcadium could fall into this category:
Life is my friend
Rake it up to take it in
Wrap me in your cinnamon
Especially in Michigan
…well I could be your friend
White clouds I’m in
A mitten full of fisherman
C’mon Huckleberry Finn
Show me how to make her grin
…well I’m in Michigan
Cry me a future
Where the revelations run amok
Ladies and gentlemen
Lions and tigers come running
Just to steal your luck
A rainy Lithuanian
Who’s dancing as an Indian
Painted in my tiger skin
(Especially in Michigan)
Double chins and bowling pins
Unholy Presbyterians
Land is full of medicine
I find it when I’m slipping in
….into Michigan
The tainted new librarian
Who fainted when she tucked you in
Let’s float away like zeppelins
(On stoic gusts of Northern wind)
Out on the farm we’ll be
Swimming with the mother duck
Deep in the mitten where
Lions and tigers come running
Just to steal your luck
Life is my friend
Underwater violins
Order now from Ho Chi Minh
A porcelain that comes in twins
…When I’m in Michigan
WTF???
July 8th, 2008 at 2:50 am
Cranky, how can you mention “stupid” lyrics and Steve Miller without “The Joker”?
Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me maurice
Cause I speak of the pompitous of love
The pompitous of love?
Miller even admits he completely made that word/phrase up. Likely when he was stoned out of his gourd.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:11 am
All really great catches. This would make an awesome coffee table book. OK, the all time worst lyrics:
I love the friends that I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping.
This is the land where the pharoah died.
The negroes in the forest, brightly feathered
They’re saying “Forget the night
Live with us in forests of azure
Out here in the perimeter there are no stars
Out here we are stoned, imaculate.”
What’s wrong with it? Oh let me count the ways…
It deserves a post all it’s own. A post that comes with a free tab of acid delivered via eemail.
The problem is, I’m not 100% he wasn’t trying to be this bad. Poetic license and all that.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Shew. I’ve always been a little ashamed that I didn’t know what pompitous was. I always imagined it was something that grew on a rooster’s head.
Um. I kind of like those stoned negro lyrics Cranky. I guess I’m off to re-programming.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Then there is the category for most stupid formulation of lyrics…the songs that simply list things and they become a song.
(And yet, I have both of these in my MP3 player):
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pKu2QaytmrM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=16kh-AP4OCU
July 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I dunno Nigel, the Reunion song was new, but I liked it. Does that make me stupid too?
Off to research “Pompitus”…
July 8th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Anyone remember this ‘lil gem from your “cutting-edge, Nu-Wave” daze?!
DROP YOUR PANTS
Don’t leave me for another
You’ve got no pride to live with mother
Don’t take your fruit from my basket
Your peaches and pleasin’ are always in season
I see you giving girls the eye
You taste the goods before you buy
You trick or treat beneath the sheet
It’s head to toe between my feet
So drop your pants around your ankles
You make me shiver when you deliver
(x4)
Drop, drop, drop
You hold the key, please unlock it
Don’t pull your plug from my socket
I am the woman to your man
It’s you that opens my tin can
I give the orders around this house
I’m the ***** to your mouse
Your sense of timing is uncanny
You play the samba on my fanny
So drop your pants around your ankles
You make me shiver when you deliver
(x4)
Drop, drop, drop
Find the pit stop time to rest
Place your face down on my breast
Forget our shame, no need to blame
I am the fire, you are the flame
I love your lust, I am desire
Your fingers make me vibrate higher
It’s magic when you come and go
I levitate in the afterglow
So drop your pants around your ankles
You make me shiver when you deliver
(x4)
July 9th, 2008 at 1:27 am
Damn Yiddish…
Cranky, good luck with Pompitous. I don’t think you’ll find anything.
Life is a Rock came from 1974 or so…I remember us in grade school trying to figure out the lyrics.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:00 am
You mean Mellencamp’s R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A. isn’t original?
July 10th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Hey Cranky…something else stupid I just noticed about The Joker…
Miller chose the word “love” to rhyme with “love”.
And yet…I still dig the Steve Miller Band
July 10th, 2008 at 8:16 am
He also used “time” to rhyme with “time”.
(Lovey dovey all the time.
Ooh wee babe I’ll sure show you a good time.)
July 10th, 2008 at 8:22 am
I like SM too. In fact, even when I mock the bands, I like most of them. It’s like appreciating John Cusack as Lloyd Dobbler but hating him as Sean Penn redux.
Jungle love, it’s driving me crazy.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Dude, go back and listen to “I’d Love to Change the World” again and kindly consider that this is satire. Really. Yeah, I know, you don’t expect it, but there it is.
Insert tongue into cheek and keep in mind the purpose of any TYA song is to frame a brilliant guitar solo and it all snaps into focus.
July 13th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Re the Doors
I believe the lyrics are
“I see your AIR is burning
Hills are filled with fire”
Referencing the Malibu fire. (Well one of the many – but there was a huge one that burned to the sea. As an LA resident – yes – from below the pallasides- it can look like the air is burning ) The love mentioned to is the love of the city/region.
Not great lyrics, but they do make sense.
July 13th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Thanks Kris, that makes more sense.
Consider me enlightened, ’cause you know I are a liar.