If it’s Summer then that means only one thing - reruns!

I’ve dusted off some classic posts from the CrankyNeocon days when I was a solo-act. I had a series called Revenge of the Stupid Lyrics. It started as a way to vent on some of the most annoying lyrics in Rock history.

These posts are repeated because 1) some of you might have missed this back in the crazy blogging days of 2004 and 2) I once received an email from a grateful student who thrilled that someone took the time to decipher Rock’s deepest thoughts.

You’re welcome.

Posted by Cranky @ 2:00 pm
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1. Haha. Potato wave to ya Cranky!

   Did you know the real lyrics to that Pearl Jam song are just as insane as the misunderstood ones?

   And did you know that in the desert you can’t remember your name for there ain’t no one for to give you no pain?

   Or a grammar lesson?

   This is fun. I just might have to search my memory banks.

   comment by michele — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

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2. bring.it.on.

   comment by Cranky — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

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3. Oh it’s on.

   Plush

   And I feel that time’s a wasted go
   So where ya going to tomorrow?
   And I see that these are lies to come
   Would you even care?
   And I feel it
   And I feel it

   Where ya going to tomorrow?
   Where ya going with that mask I found?
   And I feel and I feel
   When the dogs begin to smell her
   Will she smell alone?

   And I feel so much depends on the weather
   So is it raining in your bedroom?
   And I see that these are the eyes of disarray
   Would you even care?

   And I feel it
   And she feels it

   Where ya going to tomorrow?
   Where ya going with that mask I found?
   And I feel, and I feel
   When the dogs begin to smell her
   Will she smell alone?

   When the dogs do find her
   Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow

   Really stupid murder song?

   comment by michele — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 6:17 pm

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4. Stupid lyrics under the heading “Just Threw Up a Little in My Mouth”:

   Lucky me swimmin’ in my ability
   Dancin’ down on life with agility
   Come and drink it up from my fertility
   Blessed with a bucket of lucky mobility

   My mom I love her ’cause she love me
   Long gone are the times when she scrub me
   Feelin’ good my brother gonna hug me
   Drink my juice young love chug-a-lug me

   comment by michele — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 6:51 pm

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5. How did you get your hands on the real lyrics? You’re right, the goof lyrics actually make more sense.

   I’ve spaced out a few of the old RotSL posts over the next four weeks. Face my wrath.

   comment by Cranky — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 7:53 pm

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6. On the other hand, you have actual quality lyrics.

   Push, push in the bush.
   Push, push in the bush.
   Push, push in the bush.
   Push, push in the bush.

   Are you ready?
   Are you ready for this?
   Do you like it?
   Do you like it like this?

   comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 8:37 pm

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7. How deep into the Euro dumpster did you have to dive to find that gem?

   And the video? A day at the “special” summer camp, right?

   comment by Cranky — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 8:56 pm

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8. Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby.

   Well, which is it?

   But in this ever changing world in which we live in…

   What? Sir P. - learn English. Please!

   comment by Jimmy Lee — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

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9. I’m pretty sure that almost all of the Chili Pepper’s “Geography Funk” from Stadium Arcadium could fall into this category:

   Life is my friend
   Rake it up to take it in
   Wrap me in your cinnamon
   Especially in Michigan
   …well I could be your friend

   White clouds I’m in
   A mitten full of fisherman
   C’mon Huckleberry Finn
   Show me how to make her grin
   …well I’m in Michigan

   Cry me a future
   Where the revelations run amok
   Ladies and gentlemen
   Lions and tigers come running
   Just to steal your luck

   A rainy Lithuanian
   Who’s dancing as an Indian
   Painted in my tiger skin
   (Especially in Michigan)

   Double chins and bowling pins
   Unholy Presbyterians
   Land is full of medicine
   I find it when I’m slipping in
   ….into Michigan

   The tainted new librarian
   Who fainted when she tucked you in
   Let’s float away like zeppelins
   (On stoic gusts of Northern wind)

   Out on the farm we’ll be
   Swimming with the mother duck
   Deep in the mitten where
   Lions and tigers come running
   Just to steal your luck

   Life is my friend
   Underwater violins
   Order now from Ho Chi Minh
   A porcelain that comes in twins
   …When I’m in Michigan

   WTF???

   comment by Brian — Monday, July 7, 2008 @ 9:28 pm

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10. Cranky, how can you mention “stupid” lyrics and Steve Miller without “The Joker”?

    Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
    Some call me the gangster of love
    Some people call me maurice
    Cause I speak of the pompitous of love

    The pompitous of love?

    Miller even admits he completely made that word/phrase up. Likely when he was stoned out of his gourd.

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 2:50 am

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11. All really great catches. This would make an awesome coffee table book. OK, the all time worst lyrics:
    
    I love the friends that I have gathered together on this thin raft
    We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping.
    This is the land where the pharoah died.

    The negroes in the forest, brightly feathered
    They’re saying “Forget the night
    Live with us in forests of azure
    Out here in the perimeter there are no stars
    Out here we are stoned, imaculate.”
    

    What’s wrong with it? Oh let me count the ways…

    It deserves a post all it’s own. A post that comes with a free tab of acid delivered via eemail.

    The problem is, I’m not 100% he wasn’t trying to be this bad. Poetic license and all that.

    comment by Cranky — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 8:11 am

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12. Shew. I’ve always been a little ashamed that I didn’t know what pompitous was. I always imagined it was something that grew on a rooster’s head.

    Um. I kind of like those stoned negro lyrics Cranky. I guess I’m off to re-programming.

    comment by michele — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 8:51 am

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13. Then there is the category for most stupid formulation of lyrics…the songs that simply list things and they become a song.

    (And yet, I have both of these in my MP3 player):

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=pKu2QaytmrM

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=16kh-AP4OCU

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 10:49 am

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14. I dunno Nigel, the Reunion song was new, but I liked it. Does that make me stupid too?

    Off to research “Pompitus”…

    comment by Cranky — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 11:17 am

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15. Anyone remember this ‘lil gem from your “cutting-edge, Nu-Wave” daze?!

    DROP YOUR PANTS

    Don’t leave me for another
    You’ve got no pride to live with mother
    Don’t take your fruit from my basket
    Your peaches and pleasin’ are always in season
    I see you giving girls the eye
    You taste the goods before you buy
    You trick or treat beneath the sheet
    It’s head to toe between my feet

    So drop your pants around your ankles
    You make me shiver when you deliver
    (x4)

    Drop, drop, drop

    You hold the key, please unlock it
    Don’t pull your plug from my socket
    I am the woman to your man
    It’s you that opens my tin can
    I give the orders around this house
    I’m the ***** to your mouse
    Your sense of timing is uncanny
    You play the samba on my fanny

    So drop your pants around your ankles
    You make me shiver when you deliver
    (x4)

    Drop, drop, drop

    Find the pit stop time to rest
    Place your face down on my breast
    Forget our shame, no need to blame
    I am the fire, you are the flame
    I love your lust, I am desire
    Your fingers make me vibrate higher
    It’s magic when you come and go
    I levitate in the afterglow

    So drop your pants around your ankles
    You make me shiver when you deliver
    (x4)

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 2:38 pm

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16. Damn Yiddish…

    Cranky, good luck with Pompitous. I don’t think you’ll find anything.

    Life is a Rock came from 1974 or so…I remember us in grade school trying to figure out the lyrics.

    comment by Nigel — Wednesday, July 9, 2008 @ 1:27 am

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17. You mean Mellencamp’s R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A. isn’t original?

    comment by Cranky — Wednesday, July 9, 2008 @ 8:00 am

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18. Hey Cranky…something else stupid I just noticed about The Joker…

    Miller chose the word “love” to rhyme with “love”.

    And yet…I still dig the Steve Miller Band

    comment by Nigel — Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 3:22 am

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19. He also used “time” to rhyme with “time”.

    (Lovey dovey all the time.
    Ooh wee babe I’ll sure show you a good time.)

    comment by michele — Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 8:16 am

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20. I like SM too. In fact, even when I mock the bands, I like most of them. It’s like appreciating John Cusack as Lloyd Dobbler but hating him as Sean Penn redux.

    Jungle love, it’s driving me crazy.

    comment by Cranky — Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 8:22 am

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21. Dude, go back and listen to “I’d Love to Change the World” again and kindly consider that this is satire. Really. Yeah, I know, you don’t expect it, but there it is.

    Insert tongue into cheek and keep in mind the purpose of any TYA song is to frame a brilliant guitar solo and it all snaps into focus.

    comment by Ronsonic — Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 11:21 am

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22. Re the Doors

    I believe the lyrics are

    “I see your AIR is burning
    Hills are filled with fire”

    Referencing the Malibu fire. (Well one of the many - but there was a huge one that burned to the sea. As an LA resident - yes - from below the pallasides- it can look like the air is burning ) The love mentioned to is the love of the city/region.

    Not great lyrics, but they do make sense.

    comment by Kris R — Sunday, July 13, 2008 @ 5:18 am

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23. Thanks Kris, that makes more sense.

    Consider me enlightened, ’cause you know I are a liar.

    comment by Cranky — Sunday, July 13, 2008 @ 8:04 am

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