Watching A Russertless ‘Meet The Press’ So You Don’t Have To
July 27th, 2008 at 11:39 am by BrianLive From Londonistan:
Tom Brokaw: President Obama, you’ve shocked the globe. In the past week, world leaders have gobbled your balls and asked for seconds. You’re a giant on the world stage and have been compared with the saviour of mankind.
Does this surprise you?
Sen. Obama: Quite frankly no, Tom. You’ve tasted my balls and their creamy goodness is self-evident.
Brokaw: Right you are, sir. Though omniscient, have you learned anything through your travels to the Middle East, France, Germany, and England?
Obama: Um, nothing I didn’t know already. We still need to gather allies to fight the Tally Ban and apply pressure to Pocky Stan. Nor can we underscore the “Sunni Awakening” that has conveniently given our nation’s enlisted war criminals an opportunity to leave Iraq gracefully or be thrown out.
Brokaw: Good point your highness. John McCain has said that he is not going to vote for you. Should the streets flow with the blood of the non-believers?
Obama: There are many seats on My Father’s Bus, Tom. You can either grab a seat on the bus or get thrown under it.
Brokaw: That’s how I remember my Sunday school lessons.
(visibly shaken)
My Liege, s-s-some of my *cough* staffers…
(yells to the back of the studio) – Can somebody get me some water for His sake?!? (Returns to the table)
Some of my current staffers want me to ask you about your “Sunni Awakening” comments and whether you believe they won Iraq or U.S. soldiers are actually….
Obama: Let me stop you right there, Tim.
Brokaw: Tom.
Obama: I am an agent of Hope and Change. You may have also noticed that I’m black.
Brokaw: [...]
Brokaw: Afghanistan. You have claimed this to be the biggest front in the War on Terrorism yet you visited it for the first time this week. If this is so important, why haven’t you gone before?
Obama: Regardless of my physical manifestation, I have been there Tim. When you only saw one set of footprints in the sands of Kandahar, it was then that I carried you.
Brokaw: You’ve said that Pakistan needs to…
Obama: Pocky Stan.
Brokaw: Yes, Pakistan needs to allocate more of the military resources the U.S. has donated to…
Obama: Pocky Stan.
Brokaw: That Pocky Stan needs to focus more on engaging Tally Ban freedom fighters in the mountainous regions than preparing for a build-up against India. How can we do this when polls indicate 50% of Pocky Stanis are sympathetic to the cause of al Qaeda.
Obama: Ted, listen. John McCain just wants to distract us from The Real Issues ™ and continue the same old miserable failings of the Bush Doctrine. And when I accept my party’s nomination on the anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have A Dream Speech” everyone is going to realize that the game has changed.
From Poughkeepsie to Pocky Stan. From Alameda County to Afghanistan. My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of The Me.
Brokaw: Let’s talk second bananas.
Obama: No.
Brokaw: Very well then. Thank you for entertaining some of the rudest questions that I never would have asked on my own. They made me do it, Mr. President. Please forgive me.
Obama: Thanks for having me, Todd.
July 27th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Heh. Pocky Stan. I thought we were going to declare war on Pocky Stan when the Obamessiah took over?
July 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Thanks for taking that bullet for us, Brian. I’m staying in NYC right now, but when I turned on what I thought was “Meet the Press”, they had it listed as “religious programming”.
July 27th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
He had the good judgment to vote against the surge and Iraq because we need those lives to attack a nuclear Pakistan and cluster like Sudan.
The Beige Knight is surprisingly hawkish when it comes to sending people to die where there is no compelling US interest – in the great Democrat tradition.
It’s as simple as jawboning our “allies” into sending thousands of their troops into the meat grinder and opening their checkbooks. A pretty speech from a third party conquers decades and centuries of territorial disputes stoked by religious violence.
Makes sense to me. Just put on The Beatles album and the wars will end in 3, 2, 1….
Isn’t it time for a new Black-Eyed Peas video or something? I need my politics spoonfed to me from MTV and Google Current. On the bright side, it will be interesting to see these stations broadcasting pro-war propaganda if The Obamessiah gets to sniff the seat of power.
July 27th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Barack and Roll Obama…the cat scares me worse that chlamydia.
I have a feeling he’ll be just as difficult to get rid of.
LK
July 27th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Thanks for the info, LK. I was going to tell my wife that I fucked up and fell in love blender for Laurie Kendrick but that was pre-chlamydia admission.
Now we’re going to just go out to the Olive Garden as previously planned.
July 28th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Didn’t say I had Chlamydia Bri…just said Obama scares me as much as the malady does.
However, I’m more concerned with this…this “love blender” you speak of. Tell me, can one get this at Target or is it something appropriated at say…a brothel?
And lastly, remind me never to come here again to attempt to be either pithy or clever.
Or contagious.
LK
Or
July 28th, 2008 at 7:32 am
The love blender is in each of us. It was a term from the opening page of Matt Groening’s “Love Is Hell”.
I’m just ribbing you a little. I’ll be quiet now.
July 28th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Obama Interview on MTP as channeled by SMB…
…
July 31st, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Classick.
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 pm
“Thanks for having me, Todd”.
That alone sent a tingle up my leg… I’m,, I’m just twitterpateded!!
OsamaHusseinIslamObama 08′ (D-World)
(the terrorist & Allens choice)