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- John Randolf
Trotting another rotten chestnut out of the archives for you - another installment of the CrankyClassics™ Revenge of the Stupid Lyrics. Previous episode here.
This was originally published in 2005, which is like 26 blog years, so some of the links may not work.
One of the reasons for this blog is so that I have a forum to disgorge 38 years worth of pet peeves. Music is a veritable goldmine. Some songs qualify because they became peeveworthy when seen through the lenses of a (slightly) more matured me. Others have always bothered me.
Remember, you are here voluntarily. This is America after all. So let’s begin, shall we?
Mine’s a tale that can’t be told,
My freedom I hold dear;
How years ago in days of old
When magic filled the air,
T’was in the darkest depths of Mordor
I met a girl so fair,
But Gollum, and the Evil One crept up
And slipped away with her.
Her, her….yea.
I love cake. I love carrots. But what freakin’ moron decided to put carrots in cake? How bored or depraved do you have to be to say to yourself, “you know, that cake is just sitting there, what do you think would happen if I put carrots in it?”
My point? Glad you asked. Led Zep is enjoyable and Tolkien’s works are phenominal. But together, forget it.
Too bad Robert Plant wasn’t into Suess, eh?
T’was in the depths of Whoville I met a girl so fair. But Yertle and the Grinch crept up and slipped away with heeeer-er, her-er.
Yuck
p.s. Johnny Walker Red of Right on Red beat me to the Hobbit/Zep issue. But this one has been bothering me for years.
we’re gonna rock down to Electric Avenue . . .
Who is to blame in what country? Never can get to the one.
Dealing in multiplication and they still can’t feed everyone.
Sorry kids, no education until world hunger is eradicated.
By the way, if I heard the lyric “and then we’ll take it higher” as “and then we’ll take your tires” does that make me racist?
CHORUS (soldiers)
But, we don’t see little Carmen!
There she is! There’s Carmencita!
Carmen! At your feet, we are pressing - all of us!
Carmen, be sweet, at least answer us,
and tell us on what day you will love us!
CARMEN
When will I love you? Good lord, I don’t know,
Maybe never, maybe tomorrow.
But not today, that’s certain.
Love is a rebellious bird
That nothing can tame,
And it is simply in vain to call it
If it is convient for it to refuse.
Nothing will work, threat or pleading,
One speaks, the other stays quiet;
And it’s the other that I prefer
He said nothing; but he pleases me.
Love! Love! Love! Love!
Just lovely. Sleazy, horny soldiers haranguing the cigarette girls. Such a dim view on the preciousness of love could only come from the French.
And I feel a long way from the hills of San Salvador
Where the sky is ripped open
And the rain pours through a gaping wound
Pelting the women and children
Pelting the women and children
Run, run
Into the arms
Of America
So you feel “a long way from the hills of San Salvador?” Maybe it’s because you’re in a huge arena outside of Scottsdale Arizona.
Bono, now that I’m down $120.00 what with paying to come and see you, do you think maybe you could throw a couple of bucks to your Sandinista friends to get a new roof?
Of all the activist rockers, I like Bono the most. He strikes me as sincere.
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
Actually, I have no gripe against this song. But I need to mention that every time I hear this song, I think about those screaming 14 year old Japanese girls at Buddokan.
They must be, like 45 years old by now. Do they ever look back and get embarassed or tell their kids, “hey do you hear that screech? That was me!”
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Darn it…I heard a song on that Satellite Radio I had this weekend in the rental car, and I thought to myself, “these lyrics are so darn stupid that I MUST let Cranky know the next time he goes with a “stupid lyrics” post.
But now I’ve gone and forgotten the song.
Oh well…cruise over to my place when you get a chance and see which 70’s tune I WAS subjected to this weekend.
And try not to trip on the fire I took for making an admittedly insensitive comment on Michele’s Knoxville Shootings post.
