***UPDATED 9/21/08****
FBI has served a search warrant on David “The Popcorn” Kernell’s apartment in Knoxville.  I eagerly await our local Baghdad Bob Roberta to declare no such thing has happened. (h/t Terry Frank)

Kernell, a Memphis Democrat, said his 20-year-old son David had been contacted by authorities investigating the hacking of Palin’s personal email account.

[...]

Kernell otherwise declined to comment, or discuss his son’s whereabouts and whether he was in custody.

Reports that Palin’s e-mail had been hacked bounced across blogs and into the news on Thursday.

Contact Theo Emery at 615-726-4889 or temery@tennessean.com.

Agents of Karl Rove no doubt.

We now return you to The Spin Cycle as it originally aired.

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Well aren’t you special?

If David does turn out to be involved in hacking, Mike Kernell had nothing to do with it. Anyone who knows Kernell, knows he doesn’t even email because he hates computers and is computer illiterate. That’s the irony. Everyone who knows Mike is chuckling because he hates computers.

There are very few people I would vouch for, but Mike Kernell is one of them, and if it turns out his son did something wrong, Mike had nothing to do with it.

And I reiterate, as of this moment, NO ONE has contacted Mike or his son from law enforcement and as of now it is an Internet rumor.

UPDATE: 7:27 PM. If you’re in the press and want Mike Kernell’s phone number, email me at MissSharonCobb@aol.com.

Ah, seasoned journalism at it’s finest.  It’s not like state legislators don’t have their fucking telephone numbers published on their webpages.

Quick, Mike Kernell, a Government Official ™, is talking about government business with a local moron.  Someone must eavesdrop on their conversations and e-mails in violation of all federal and state laws on the subject!

Tenn. Code Ann. § 39-13-601: A person who is a party to a wire, oral or electronic communication, or who has obtained the consent of at least one party, can lawfully record a communication and divulge the contents of the recorded communication unless he has a criminal or tortious purpose for doing so. Violations are punishable as felonies with jail sentences of between two and 12 years and fines not exceeding $5,000. Tenn. Code Ann. §§ 39-13-602, 40-35-111.

Anyone whose communications have been unlawfully intercepted can sue to recover the greater of actual damages, $100 per day of violation or $10,000, along with punitive damages, attorney fees and litigation costs. Tenn. Code Ann. § 39-13-603.

Recording or disseminating a communication carried out through a cellular or cordless telephone, or disseminating the contents with knowledge of their illegal origin, without the consent of at least one party, can be punished as a felony with a potential prison sentence of between one and six years and a fine not to exceed $3,000. Tenn. Code Ann. §§ 39-13-604, 40-35-111.

Taranto sums it up as only he can:

Let’s step back for a moment and consider what this says about the press’s attitude toward privacy. A few years ago, the New York Times revealed the existence of the Terrorist Surveillance Program, a theretofore-secret effort to prevent attacks by listening in on overseas terrorists’ phone conversations. In defense of the Times’s action, we heard a lot of pious proclamations about privacy: George Bush might want to snoop on your phone conversations or emails, and the press was merely being vigilant in protecting your privacy.

Yet the Sharon Cobb AP, in reporting on its own role in the current story, tells us that it refuses to cooperate with the Secret Service’s investigation of the privacy breach. Granted, the AP probably doesn’t have that much to contribute to the investigation. But the symbolism is telling, and surely deliberate. It suggests the press places a far lower premium on privacy than on its own privileges and its adversarial attitude toward government (or perhaps toward Republicans).

Especially telling in this regard is the AP’s reference to the emails as “leaked.” (The Boston Globe uses the verb leak in its headline for the AP report.) Usually this term refers to a government agency or other organization’s failure to keep a secret. A leaker is someone who is authorized to possess information but not to disclose it.

These emails were not leaked, they were stolen.

Lying hypocrite.  Everyone can thank me for cutting this problem off early on.  Attention whore.  Read the comments.

Kudos to the Arnold Horshack of Nashville’s Leftardium.

Terry Frank’s got the Facebook screenshots.  I particularly like his membership in the “The Fastest Way To A Girl’s Heart Is Through Her Gay Best Friend “.

Asshole shields up!  Sully man the rear!  A new Ass Ensign is on the poop deck.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that you mangina-loving, felonious snoop.

It Came From Mempiss Update: An investigation is underway.

But News Channel 3 has confirmed the Anchorage division of the FBI has contacted the Memphis division and an investigation is underway.

[...]

Kernell wouldn’t comment on whether or not there’s any truth to what the bloggers are saying, but says he has talked to his son about the rumors.

He said, “Now, son.  The most important thing is Honesty because I would never rob, rape, steal, run a red light or lie to a telemarketer*.  Nor are your actions a reflection on my bad parenting like Sarah Palin’s pregnant (whore) daughter who she hid the first (whore, out of wedlock) baby as her own.  The first thing we need to agree with our attorneys on is what the definition of Honesty is in this particular case.”

Posted by Brian @ 9:08 pm
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1. Thank you, BMac. I was logging in to post something about that little fruit, but you made it much sweeter.

   I am sorry that you had to visit whats-her-face’s blog, though. Did you know that she is a seasoned journalist? She’s well-seasoned, but journalist? Mmmmkay….

   I hope the little shit enjoys his stay up in Cell Block 6D.

   comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Thursday, September 18, 2008 @ 9:51 pm

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2. We see where privacy concerns end. I just blame her disease. Obviously, she’s not in her right mind.

   Kind of like how she harps on Fred Thompson’s disease. We can really only pity them. Projection and all.

   comment by Brian — Thursday, September 18, 2008 @ 9:59 pm

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3. This post had one of those titles that when you see on the aggregator, you can’t resist clicking over. Heh. Also, you say to yourself, “gotta be Brian”.

   comment by Glen Dean — Thursday, September 18, 2008 @ 10:00 pm

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4. Just show me where I’m wrong Glen. You know it. I know it.

   Everyone knows it. A city full of assholes afraid to say shit like it is.

   comment by Brian — Thursday, September 18, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

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5. Brian, you’re better than this. I don’t know what else to say, except I hope you never come after me, though it’s been done.

   comment by Donna Locke — Thursday, September 18, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

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6. I swear to God, the Knoxville campus is the absolute epicenter of douchebaggery in the universe.

   It’s at the crossroads of Wealth and Stupidity, of Privilege and Laziness, of Entitlement and Uselessness, of Self Esteem and Coddling, of Philistinism and Sodomy.

   Many of the kids that go there are left wing enough to be in Berkley, but they only have average to below-average grades. And all the fucktards that are there (including the vast majority of the “Hope” scholarship charity cases) destroy the quality of education that university provides. So people who come here wanting to use their minds and think and learn something must give way to complete douchebags like David Kernell.

   comment by Juvenal — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 12:11 am

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7. I’m not sure why you’re being so cruel, but unlike you, I’m loyal to my friends, and Mike Kernell is my friend.

   Preston, Brian–lay off of me. I never did anything but offer friendship to you and you shouldn’t be talking about me this way.

   And I’m not sure if you’re talking about my lupus,RA,thyroid or disc problems, but making fun of me for being sick, “her disease” isn’t particularly humorous.

   Real classy…again.

   comment by Sharon Cobb — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 12:46 am

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8. Sharon, my only beef with you (besides your tediously left-wing hyper-emotional talking points blog) is when you strolled over here to link me to the unitarian church shooter. Don’t dish it out if you cant take it, sweetie. Yes, that was the condescending Obama-style sweetie.

   comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 7:13 am

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9. I have a tendency to be as classy as the person I’m dealing with. For better or worse.

   If nothing’s off limits then nothing’s off limits. If rumormongering someone’s disease is the cause for whatever professional failure comes their way then what’s good for the goose….

   If breaking into people’s e-mail is acceptable behavior to a self-described “seasoned” used-to-be professional then where do I get to draw the line?

   That if Barack Obama’s e-mail had been hacked by the son of a Republican that you wouldn’t be howling for his head and countless “what did they know and when did they know its”. It’s a KKKarl Rove plot!!11!@ And a hate crime to boot.

   Your flackery for Kernell is a disgrace to whatever hold you had left on your former professional mantle. When you should have been asking him about whether his son is the cause of a national story, a felonious invasion of privacy of a VP candidate, you’re only concern is to make sure someone’s position of power is safe.

   Just take that “used to fix Tom Brokaw’s coffee” shit down and replace it with “utter fucking tool of the Democrat Party”. At least something on that page should be honest.

   comment by Brian — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 8:30 am

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10. Hmm…

    Brian, you were a little heavy-handed with Sharon here. Of course you are right to call her out for asking the wrong questions…that point is in your last comment.

    I like ’80s-tubing Sharon. But what I know see is that politically there seems to be two “Sharons”…the one who would occasionally come over here and meekly try to make her point, conceding when we would have a point.

    Then there is this “Sharon”…the one on her blog:

    http://sharoncobb.blogspot.com/2008/09/stop-calling-barack-obama-elitist-its.html

    I think when Obama is called an elitist, what Republicans are really saying is he’s an uppity Negro.

    I don’t really want to turn this into a “pile on Sharon” thread…Brian did a good enough take-down. Suffice it to say, I miss the days when Sharon could come over here and we could debate the musical influences of Depeche Mode.

    comment by Nigel — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

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11. Uh, Nigel… I think Brian was opening a thread for debating the “musical” influences of a Douchebag with a modem. Brian was doing what Obama has ordered his minions to do. Get in the face of the opposition.

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 4:18 pm

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12. A blog is not a newspaper or straight journalism (no jokes please). People wouldn’t read it. Sharon’s blog reflects her personal views. We all know she supports the Democrats, just as we all know that when we alight at SMB, we will find, well, stuff like this.

    All may be fair in love and satire, but sometimes when you play the edge, you just cut yourself. When people are trying to do something kind for someone else, I say cut ‘em some slack. If you’re a parent and you manage to get through life without your children embarrassing you or causing you pain, you will be lucky. In case mine might read this, I’ll just stop here.

    comment by Donna Locke — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 4:31 pm

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13. You are quite correct Donna. A blog is someone’s personal views. And in this case, Sharon’s views suck. Right down to closing the comments section so “no one can slander her friend” while her friend’s piece of shit son is trying desperately to libel someone else while committing a felony to do it.

    He just happens to be trying to slander the name of somebody she just heard of a few weeks ago and has an (R) next to their name which makes it okay.

    I don’t feel cut. In fact, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest.

    This isn’t a friend doing a good deed. This is comforting the comfortable and trying to conceal the truth out of partisan self-interest.

    I hate John McCain and loathe the idea of ever having to pull a lever for him but shit like this is exactly what it takes to make me show up on Election Day. I don’t hate McCain as much as I hate Obama’s cult of cocksuckers.

    comment by Brian — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 5:48 pm

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14. Brian and Preston, I’m not trying to make y’all stop doing what you do here — one could sooner have made Elvis stand still on stage. I know personally there is no cure for being a smart aleck, not that I’m looking for one. I’m just saying Sharon really is friends with the father, and I don’t appreciate your calling her those names and impugning her motives. Sharon and I disagree on some things, but she really does have a big heart.

    comment by Donna Locke — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 9:57 pm

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15. That’s my assessment and you are free to disagree. I’m questioning motives. There are only a couple of names present here:

    a) hypocrite - do we doubt that if the shoe was on the other foot that the response would be anything less than “oh well, those repigletcan /b/astards under orders from Darth Rove are trying to digitally lynch Our Lord and Saviour the Obamessiah”. Please.

    b) Attention Whore - when you consistently link grub because you posted it first, you’re demanding someone pay attention to you for doing nothing more than repeating what a wire service just ran.

    c) Arnold Horshack - as far as I know, that’s an insult to Horshack as he’s still finding work.

    d) Moron - if the tin foil lined, chinstrapped helmet fits. Maybe some people think if you put on your favorite bandana, turn U2’s “One” up to 11, and flash a peace sign to Ahmadinejad that he’s going to tell the 12th Imam to stop enriching weapon’s grade uranium.

    And with that, I’m done with this topic. It has wasted enough of my time. We can rehash it if we need to when twice institutionalized Asshole Jr. is being carted off to pound-him-in-the-ass prison. We can count on an apologist there I’m sure.

    comment by Brian — Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 10:43 pm

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16. That’s it. I’m getting the whip.

    comment by Donna Locke — Saturday, September 20, 2008 @ 5:17 pm

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17. Someone’s in deep doo-doo.

    comment by Marcus — Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 1:20 am

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18. Nothing like some passive aggressive blogging from the liberal folk.

    He didn’t do it. He son might have done it. If the son did do it, it was a college prank. Then of course, fuck off and die wingers.

    It’s always the same. Some things never change.

    comment by Number9 — Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 9:15 am

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19. she really does have a big heart

    Is that another one of her medical conditions?

    comment by Sarcastro — Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 2:21 pm

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20. Heh - I was going to make a similar “enlarged heart” comment, Sarcastro, but realized that would make me “mean-spirited”. Thanks for handling that for me.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Monday, September 22, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

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21. ouch……

    OsamaHusseinIslamObama 08′ (D-World)

    (the terrorist choice)

    comment by Swamp Rabbit — Sunday, September 28, 2008 @ 9:55 am

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