“But enough of words, actions speak louder than,” said Obama, pulling a bowler-clad campaign volunteer to the stage by his suspenders for a demonstration. “Action now. Observe all.”

After swinging a hobnailed boot into the aide’s yarbles, the stadium crowd erupted in cheers.

“I’m siii-inging in the rain, just siii-inging in the rain,” noted Obama, cheerfully dancing around the hunched-over aide. “Welly welly well what have we here? A naughty neighborman what has him a McCain yard sign?”

“Looks like a job for me old woodly comrades Hope and Change,” he added, gleefully drubbing the man with his trademark twin baseball bats to the crowd’s rhythmic chants of “Yes We Can, Yes We Can.”

“We are the Droogs we’ve been waiting for,” he concluded as the P.A. system struck up Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, the new official campaign song. “Lets get ‘em boys!”