I was going to go to the Valient Thorr concert at the Exit/In tonight since I didn’t see Wolf Blitzer at lunch but instead I’m douching it out with the Snoozefest at Belmont.

Due to a runaway request by one person, who will remain nameless (Nigel), consider this an Open Thread.

I say good day, sir.

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Well underway -

McCain lights up the crowd with an awe-inspiring rip on Earmark Reform.  Nothing motivates the crowd more! *snooze*.  How’s making those earmark-getters in the $700B bailout famous with your pen going, Senator?

Obama thinks 9/11 was a missed opportunity - to engage in offshore drilling - when did this happen?  Oh, and to create an army of volunteers with a draft.

McCain panders to the breeder set - shit out a few kids???  I’ll double the amount of Brian’s money I’m going to give to you.  Eat me, my friend.

Dur, the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel….I hope Al Franken didn’t stay up all night writing that one.

We’ve got one person fighting here and the other guy’s just laying his hands down at his side.  Kofi Obama couldn’t whip on McCain more unless he had a Viet Cong uniform.  Luckily, Bill Ayers probably still has one in his closet he can borrow.
Read on you glutton for punishment.

McCain drops his newest campaign slogan, “I’m As Unpopular With Democrats As Republicans”.  Thanks to the GOPers who hitched their little red-state wagons to his star.

The Messiah promises universal, gold-plated Congressional quality healthcare to everyone.  No pre-existing condition too expensive!  Problem solved.  Where’s my Staple’s “Easy” Button?

Ruh-roh, Obama digs up his dead mother and uses her as a shield to claim universal, Congressional quality healthcare is a Right.  Newsflash!  Healthcare cannot save you from a fatal disease.  It can prolong the inevitable but it will not keep you from dying.  It will be expensive and cripple our economy if you write a blank check to everyone with a fatal disease and they will die anyway.

Pretty rich coming from people who support euthanasia.

Does Lee Corso say “my friend” this much?

Obama blames the genocide in Darfur on the US squandering all of the goodwill from the Eurotards.  What’s stopping them from tossing their frogs and krauts into the Janjaweed meat grinder being underwritten by China and blocking all action in the UN?  Iraq = wrong!, Darfur = good!  It’s as clear as mud.

No Blood for Oil!  We need Blood for Nothing.

Pokkystahn Watch: We were distracted from invading a nuclear Pokkystahn.  We should redouble our efforts in Afghanistan because terrorists only sit still in one place.  They don’t flee across national borders.  We’re going to encourage Pokky Stahni democracy when the majority of them are al Qaeda sympathizing militants.  And a democratic Pokky Stahn is going to put those nuclear weapons in al Qaeda’s hands.

Obama’s a fucking nut.  Let’s see a show of liberal hands who are running down to their recruiter’s office to sign up for his invasion of Pockey Stan and Darfur.  *bok*, *bok*, *b-cock!*  Take that warmonger.  Squanderer of Goodwill ™.

McCain finally hits on Russia.  He claims there will be no new Cold War.  My friend, we are already in one and we have a lot greater chance of making it a hot war when they are deploying nuclear armed warships to the Caribbean and ramping up bomber flights near Alaska.

The Obamessiah can see around the corners the future.

Here’s a question Tom Brokaw won’t ask - Obama has said he wants to eliminate our nuclear arsenal when Russia is ramping up theirs.  Should we make a good faith effort and lay our weapons down with the idea that they are going to be nice little commies?

A serviceman asks about defending Israel with US troops.  For some reason, I’m sure someone’s licking his chops about now.  McCain wants McSanctions from the European League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Obama to Iran - Keep acting up and we’ll send you weakly worded statement.  Do what we say and we’ll invite you to our wine tasting party at Barbra Streisand’s house.

Obama gins up his “I’m Just a  Simple Caveman” Speech.  A few years ago my typical, white grandparents thawed me out with a pineapple and a boogie board.  But I do know this - Bush Is Bad.  Change Is Good.  America can only improve if my resume improves with it.

Farmer McCain wants to keep his hand on the tiller.  Just make sure it’s a tiller and not a wheat thresher there, my friend.

*********

The End.

In closing, let me say that I think these debates are too civil.  McCain needed to strike back and strike hard and he failed.  If I was voting for a man to replace Wilford Brimley to hawk some Quaker Oats, he’s got my vote.   He’s nothing more than a protest vote against a Manchurian Marxist who owes everything in his life to a cabal of trustfund 60s radicals who have been trying to blow up America with the legal system instead of pipebombs.  From LSD and the SDS to the AARP and the National Lawyers Guild.

I’m going to have to think about it but he still didn’t get my ass out of the seat to vote for him.  I’ll vote for Rosalind Kurita before I’ll vote for McCain.  Palin better challenge Biden to a naked turkeyshoot or something.

P.S. - Sobriety sucks.  Think I’ll just get drunk for the next three weeks.

Posted by Brian @ 9:26 pm
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1. I’m twittering. So I’ll be slow over here. Playing a drinking game for every time McCain says across the aisle. I’m drinking water.

   comment by michele — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 9:35 pm

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2. Obama just used the 95% of the American people will get a tax cut lie…

   News Flash…30% of the American People aleady don’t pay a freakin’ dime in federal taxes.

   So doing simple math…how the hell will 95% of the people be getting a tax cut?

   Can you say “income redistribution”?

   Still waiting for McCain to drive a truck over that one…but I think he was taking a nap…

   comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 9:42 pm

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3. Oh shit…

   John…listen to Sarah. Global Warming shouldn’t even be a fricken priority now…

   Especially when our planet is experiencing one of the coolest years (globally) in 25 years.

   Sheesh…

   comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 9:45 pm

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4. Experience the Maverickicity. Pounding home Global “Climate Change” as a GOP priority.

   comment by Brian — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

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5. Healthcare cannot save you from a fatal disease.

   Yes Brian, but the Obamessiah can…

   comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:00 pm

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6. This is when McShame truly bites the dust. I don’t know how he’s going to pull out of this tailspin now.

   Luckily I didn’t have to hear the first hour of this. I just watched the mis-spelled closed-captioning roll by. It was refreshing.

   comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:05 pm

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7. Brilliance from the mind of the Messiah: Expand non-military aid to Pakistan?! WTF?! You want to kill the Jihadi scum-bags?! Our best export is pain; death; Chuck Norris!

   comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:11 pm

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8. This is painful…

   Surely Fox News will likely declare McCain the winner tonight, but I think his performance tonight just clinched an Obama Presidency.

   Which might be the best long-range thing…Palin/Jindal ‘12!

   comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:13 pm

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9. Bullshit Barry! My gosh…at least he throws his Bullshit around confidently…

   comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:14 pm

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10. Uhhh… Senator McLame, we do walk softly and carry a big stick in Afghanistan. The Air Force Drone is a pretty effective tool when not restrained by some Jag-off at the Pentagon skimming thru the abridged Military Engagement Codebook. Then, there is always Chuck Norris.

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:15 pm

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11. That’s the problem. The majority of the dumbed-down Amerikkkan public believe the shit that snakeoil salesmen like B. Hussein Osama spew forth. Hopefully the ratings for this one will be through the floor. That’s our only hope, Obi Wan.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

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12. You gonna get Osama, McLame? You can’t even get Obama when he tees up those beach balls for you to hit into the water!

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

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13. Fortunately, I have already made plans to be out of the country on Election Day.

    Let’s see if President-elect Obama’s thugs will let me back in…

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:17 pm

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14. Obama won’t even admit the surge of Chuck Norris’s beard.

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:19 pm

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15. You writing a book, Nigel?

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:19 pm

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16. Is it over yet? I’m watching The Shield on FX.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:20 pm

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17. Yeah, just had to cancel my trip to Kenya though…seems they don’t like me looking into Obama family records.

    I warned Jerry…

    Err…arr…uhh…Russia…uh…Barry just got caught on a topic he doesn’t know shit about. It took all night, but finally McCain got him.

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:23 pm

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18. OK, Barry is going to have to go over and shake that guy’s hand too…

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:25 pm

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19. Drudge Report poll has McCain in a landslide.

    Just FYI…

    Barry didn’t shake pink shirt’s hand.

    Barry hates the military.

    (OK, Sharon, I was JUST KIDDING!)

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

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20. Here we go again. Sitting down for a pancake breakfast with Ahdmenedinnerjacket.

    

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:29 pm

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21. Bmac, thanks to your hard work, I don’t even have to watch. THANKYE.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

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22. Preston, if we all sat through this, you should have too…

    No Scotch for you!

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

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23. And how did the North Korean’s get the Colonel’s Secret Recipe for nukes, Barry?!

    Was it from one of those unconditional meetings with KJ Ill with Madeline Notsobright?! Hmmmm?!

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:31 pm

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24. You sure as hell didn’t get into Harvard or Columbia academically, Barry. Release your academic transcripts. Release your records.

    comment by Yiddish Steel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:32 pm

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25. Barry just used Change AND Hope in one sentence! The basis of his presidency.

    I just hope I have some change left in my pocket when he is done completely wrecking our economy…

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:33 pm

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26. My summation…a better 2nd half of the debate (which focused on foreign policy) for McCain.

    But how many people tuned out 20 minutes in when Obama was kicking his ass?

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

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27. Greetings from Houston.

    The Wizard of Uhs is alive and well and turning water into whine, I see.

    I love this guy. Look at his name. OBAMA. It ends in an “A”. If he wins, I’m having a vowel movement.

    LK

    comment by Laurie Kendrick — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:36 pm

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28. Laurie,

    You know, you should really get a job as a comedy writer.

    You make me laugh.

    Think about it.

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:38 pm

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29. LK is one of the few people who can make me actually LOL. Not just the fake typing LOL, but actually laughing aloud. Really.

    And Nigel, how did you know I was hitting the cheap J&B tonight?

    I think it’s time for me to start manufacturing the PALIN ‘12 stickers.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:42 pm

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30. Preston, you ALWAYS drink during live blogs…

    I axed this question last week…where the hell is Cranky?

    Damn…didn’t know George McGovern was still alive…

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

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31. comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:51 pm

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32. I am really torn. This country needs a four year stint of Obama to slap people silly. When you’re sitting in your crackerbox crackhouse with a 14% interest rate because your children haven’t gotten home from their mandatory volunteer green after-school jobs.

    I always believe that those who you cannot teach to fly, you should teach to fall faster. This country needs to hit rock bottom and Obama is the fastest way there. America needs a Kofi Annan to punch it in the mouth and see if it has any fucking pride left.

    comment by Brian — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 10:51 pm

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33. Nice video find, Preston…

    I’m wid ya, Brian. Palin/Jindal ‘12!

    comment by Nigel — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 11:00 pm

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34. This country needs to hit rock bottom and Obama is the fastest way there.

    I’ve started to think that way, Brian. Anyway, I’m hanging both of them in the smokehouse till they’re cured.

    comment by Donna Locke — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 11:08 pm

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35. I actually like Bobby Jindal. How different things would’ve been in Looserana HAD he been in charge during Katrina.

    Haley Barber, a Republican. really had a handle on the recovery and reconstruction in Mississippi and in terms of damage, his state was far worse off than his neighbors to the east. But Pass Christian and Biloxi recovered BECAUSE of a Republican administration.

    Look at Gov. Rick Perry (R) who was/is at the helm when Hurricane Ike ate Houston and Galveston like a bad 2am post drunk omelet at Denny’s.

    Sorry, but we do disasters better.

    And thank you for the lovely sentiments, Preston and Nigel.

    Gee, writing comedy? But women aren’t funny.

    El Kay

    comment by Laurie Kendrick — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 11:27 pm

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36. “Think I’ll just get drunk for the next three weeks.”

    Three weeks, two months, and four years.

    comment by See-Dubya — Tuesday, October 7, 2008 @ 11:58 pm

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37. Hi guys! Did I miss anything?

    Comcast internet connectivity at my home was hosed.

    comment by Gordon — Wednesday, October 8, 2008 @ 7:34 am

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38. My tummy hurts.

    comment by michele — Wednesday, October 8, 2008 @ 10:12 am

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39. That’s what happens when you put a moose on your stomach, Michele….

    comment by Nigel — Wednesday, October 8, 2008 @ 11:23 am

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