This is the Big Day. For you fence-sitters, here are some important reasons why you should cast your vote for Barack Obama.

… because mom and dad can’t take care of you forever.

… because no-one should be punished with a mortgage they don’t feel like paying.

… because, deep down, you really thought Elliot Ness was a pussy in the Untouchables.

… because who knew that caring for the downtrodden can be so lucrative.

… because the only black people you know, you’ve seen on TV living on the roofs of their flooded out homes.

… because Bill Ayers really does have a point.

… because you’ll be voting against ignorant people who believe that a holy person came and gave hope to the world.

… because the suburbs are boring and must be punished.

… because $4 a gallon gas will punish boring suburbanites for buying SUVs and really fouling up the view between Manhattan and the Hamptons with your McMansions. Oh yeah, and it will save the planet.

… because after the rich find their loopholes, we middle class folks will have an opportunity to pay our fair share.

… because your kid’s college fund really should go to someone more deserving of remuneration.

… because who else is gonna represent Matt Damon?

… because what could possibly go wrong?

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