Like the lemming that I am, I admit to contributing an extra $20 to the pot that has already earned close to $100 million dollars in the 9 days since ‘Marley & Me’ was released.   At the screening I saw at Green Hills last night, the theater was so packed that the ushers were re-seating people to make room for everyone looking for a spot.

Sorry if we’re not licking the ‘Milk’ out of your saucer, Hollywood.

It is a testament to the nature of the American people that they would freely give up a hundred large for a mawkish send-up cynically and laboriously designed to pluck at your heart strings.

This is what makes our culture different from the Islamic ones.  We care more about our dogs than they care about their children.

I’m not going to go into any spoilers here like I usually would.  Suffice it to say, when you bring a pet into your family it is an assumption that your pet is going to pass away one day.  The loss of a pet is different in ways from losing a relative or friend because so many times the love of an animal is completely unconditional.  People have conditions.  All we ask of our pets is that they don’t attack any small children, pee on the rug or track mud through the house and we are willing to compromise on the last two.

Admittedly, I don’t cry at movies or funerals.  Partly because I’m some kind of monster but mainly because  the former is specifically designed to evoke a response and the latter because they’re designed too well to exploit some tragedy in your life.

If  you feel the need to take part in the Great National Cry of ‘Marley & Me’ in need of some cathartic release because your 401k has dropped 40% – go in prepared.  Don’t go out and buy a labrador or a chihuahua because all of the chirrens are going to want a Marley of their own or a celebrity handbag like Paris Hilton unless the thought of animal shelters overflowing with our forgotten friends doesn’t matter to you.

A pet is a voluntary commitment not unlike a marriage.  It is ’til death do you part and the failure of the relationship to work is strictly on your part.  For a child, it is usually the first real measure of responsibility that they will ever have and an important tool to help them show devotion to something outside of themselves.

If you are one of the soulless pod peoples incapable of taking care of yourself or others – go buy a cat. There’s a reason why there are dozens of famous dogs but the most famous cats are cartoons.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am and is filed under Confessions, Entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.