If Real People Acted Like Politicians
January 24th, 2009 at 5:00 pm by CrankyTuesday, 8 am
Daughter: Dad, could you pass the butter?
Dad: Listen sweetie, I asked you to pass the sugar three times. You want the [deleted] butter? You pass the [deleted] sugar. That’s how it works in this household.
Daughter: [Mutters unintelligibly and shoves sugar bowl across table]
Mom: Oh, I just remembered. Verizon called again. They say the check you said you sent them still hasn’t arrived yet. If they don’t get the check by the end of this month, they’ll cut off the phone service.
Dad: Cut me off? Cut ME off? If those [deleted]suckers are trying to censor my right to free speech, they won’t get a nickel from me. Forget them. I’m switching to AT&T.
Mom: AT&T terminated our service three months ago.
Dad: That’s it, I’m calling ActionNews. [Dials ActionNews 800 ConsumerWatch™ Hotline] Hello? Yeah, listen the phone company is threatening to cut off my phone service in the dead of winter. It wouldn’t be so bad, except that my wife is in third-stage kidney failure and we’re waiting for the call from the hospital.
Daughter: Dad, could you PLEASE just pass the butter?
Tuesday 6:45 pm
Mom: I swear I had $45.00 in my purse. Hon, have you seen it?
Dad: I didn’t take it.
Mom: I didn’t say you did. Say, when did that marble statue of you get here? No way that is staying in the living room. Did you just buy this?
Dad: What the [deleted] is this? You remind me of that scene in that movie where that guy is being beaten and harrassed by people and he says, “forgive them father, they know not what they do”.
Mom: The Passion of the Christ?
Dad: Yeah.
Mom: So I’m guessing you have no idea where the money in my wallet went?
Dad: I didn’t take it! And listen, I’ll need $150 more to pay the delivery charges on my monument.
January 25th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
The intern dialogue must have been deleted for brevity…oh wait, that was the last socialist president…..
January 25th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Right, AG. Why be redundant.
January 27th, 2009 at 9:28 am
oh yeah, right on the money and so contemporary. but what about the “next episode”…
“If Real People Acted Like Palestinians…”
(there’s a decent vignette there, even if not a full-on episode… you can do it!)
you’re well on your way to a series and a major studio contract. i can feel it. we just need to see what you can do with this… show us whatchoogotz….
January 27th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Thanks Nate. Will you be my cinematographer? Give me a day or two to get my head unstuffed and I’ll gladly accept your challenge.