I hate puns too, but eh, what are you gonna do?

This story in the Daily Mail gives the terrifying account of a dorky fella who went out pelt hunting for cougar and found himself in the crosshairs of a false rape accusation.   This would-be chef was invited by the accuser, an attorney over a decade his senior, to her home and found her already marinating in wine.  What happened next is the predictably licentious tale of the hunter become the hunted in the tall, graying bush of the legal system:

‘Of course. She’s an attractive woman. What young man wouldn’t be flattered by that?’

When he arrived at the house, he’d already had three beers. He can’t remember how much wine he went on to consume, but the woman told the court that she had something approaching four bottles of wine.

In a sober courtroom, these sorts of events can sound like hedonistic orgies, but Peter says it was nothing of the sort.

‘It was just your typical get-together. Music. Dancing. Everyone a bit merry. That’s how I would describe her. She was on great form, chatty. She’d obviously been drinking, but was she paralytic? Absolutely not.’

There was flirting, and lots of it, he says. When the other friend left, leaving Peter and the woman alone, things got physical. They went upstairs.

Needeless to say, it didn’t end with a lotiony foot rub and a Golden Girls marathon.  Unlike the completely one-sided affair that takes place on college campuses, he was able to face his accuser and be exonerated in a court of law but the stigma from those types of accusations in the Internet Age can last a lifetime and will.

The obvious solution is to develop a breathalyzer test that, much like an ignition interlocking device, doesn’t allow your drawers and/or thongs to come off without blowing above a certain BAC level.  If you’ve only had one beer then you can blow all you want after that.  Perhaps it could be regulated by local law enforcement and monitored to make sure it’s in compliance.  Then, affixed with the proper seal indicating such compliance.

We can’t just have underwear firing off with a hair trigger.   It needs federal legislation mandating a child safety lock or something.

This, of course, does not account for abuse of prescription drugs, intravenous drugs, or anything else smoked, licked, rubbed or applied to the skin in a circular fashion.  But it’s the first step in order to protect people incapable of running their own lives and I think that’s the important thing.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 28th, 2009 at 11:22 am and is filed under Bedwetting Leftists, Bizarro. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.