This week some Red Chinese were working together to carry a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich back to their colony, when one unbalanced member of the hive decided to assert his individualism and commit suicide, thus backing up the line and turning it into a scrambling pile.  Since an already established path was blocked by this obstacle, a good scout broke from the group and, with a patriotic salute, removed the impediment.  The lunatic was dispatched with efficiency suffering only injuries to his spine and second abdomen, and the sustenance arrived at it’s destination.

BEIJING —  Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge.

Chen fell 26 feet onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday.

The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen’s “selfish activity,” Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area.

“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest,” Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. “They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”

Thus ends today’s lesson in how the psychologically unstable may efficiently remove themselves from Chinese society.   Regular Buffet readers may want to take notes.

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