So You’re Leaving California
June 5th, 2009 at 9:19 pm by CrankySorry to hear it. I know it was nicer when your parents moved you there all those years ago. But for reasons you cannot quite put your finger on, it has gone down the toilet. Before you pack up your U-Haul, please read the following as it pertains to you.
The good people of Arizona, Washington, North Carolina and Colorado among others have asked me to ask you to sign this simple pledge. It would go a long way in making your new neighbors more comfortable about your imminent arrival.
I, the undersigned, have read and understood the following.
1. Many, many people have lived here before I came here with my enlightened concepts. As such, these people have survived smoking in bars, having chickens in their yards, owning firearms and occasionally riding motorcycles without helmets. I will acknowledge that these people – my future neighbors – appreciate my concern but wish I would keep it out of the town council meetings and other legislative bodies.
2. I promise to, at the very least, entertain the possibility that the policies I supported in my original home state contributed to its high cost of living (e.g. gasoline, real estate) and decreased quality of life (e.g. crime). With that in mind, I will show some appreciation for the low cost of living and the high quality of life which my new home provides. Furthermore, I will attempt to learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them out of some need for emotional fulfillment.
3. I acknowledge that, despite my noteworthy compassion, encouraging uncontrolled illegal immigration causes a breakdown in education, hospital and civic services which benefits no one; not the residents, not the legal immigrants and not even the illegal immigrants. I pledge to not make grand statements such as designating my new community as a “sanctuary city”.
4. Government programs, regardless of how noble they are, cost money. Therefore, before I advocate for all manner of social programs, I will ask myself if I am personally able to bear the financial burden for it and not expect “the rich” to pick up the tab.
5. I recognize that my new six bedroom home is part of a development which was recently a 500 acre farm. Furthermore, I understand that this development was made to accommodate growth of which I am part. I pledge not to develop a sudden zeal for conservationism after having “gotten mine” to keep the next 500 acre development out of my “back yard.”
6. I will note that before I moved here, the local population included minorities, homosexuals and disabled persons. Moreover, these various people groups integrated much better than I assumed. I will respect my neighbors by not fetishizing any particular identity group resulting in embarrassing individuals, polarizing communities and making an ass of myself.
______________________
(Your Name)
______________________
(Date)
NOTE: With minor modifications, this form applies to New York and Massachusetts.
UPDATE: Here is a convenient PDF copy for your friends and neighbors to use. Thanks to Brian for suggesting it.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
If you could .pdf this up for me I need to e-mail blast it to the entire Democrat Party in Nashville, the so-called Music Row Democrats, and every other California/New York/Chicago/St. Paul & Detroit transplant who has moved here to turn our fair city into the slum-away-from-slum that they fled under the cover of darkness to escape having to live with their poor decisions.
June 6th, 2009 at 2:22 am
Please add the Peoples Republic of Maryland to your footnote in the pledge. I cannot believe what the looting liberals have done to the beautiful state of North Carolina. They flee the states they’ve destroyed with their out of control liberalism and escape to states like North Carolina, bringing along their progressive ways and habits, then turn them into mirror images of the disaster states they fled.
June 6th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
We’re starting to get the California expats here in Texas, though as property values fell and collapsed, its slowed down as they can’t sell their homes there for 750,000 and come by a comparably sized home here for 195,000 and then live like kings. Personally, I’d rather they stay where they were at and fix their own damn problems…
June 6th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
[...] who moves into a “red” state. [...]
June 6th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Duncan,
I’m a SoCal who is considering a possible move to Texas if this nanny state becomes more than I can bear.
In fact, I think I am going to buy the home right next door to yours.
Maybe we can go shoot some guns sometime…
June 6th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
You guys all realize that this is exactly how my once-great state became the mediocre Mesopotamia that it is today. I can walk into any crowded public place with my bullhorn and ask if anyone was born in California, and maybe 50% will be able to raise their hands. My follow-up question would be, “how many of you were born in San Diego”, and less than 25% would raise their hands. It took 25 – 30 years of carpet-bagging “transplants” to run away from the miserable cess pool of a city and state that they were from to rub the luster off of my native home town and state of birth.
June 6th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Hillman, as a current resident of the aforementioned People’s Republic of Maryland, I heartily second your motion. If and when I leave the place, the last thing I will want to do is bring its nanny-state and big-brother policies with me. Such is the situation of a red person living in a blue state.
June 6th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
It’s not just the red states that have been screwed up. They bring their incessant whining and “California star” attitude with them and, because they sold their homes in CA for 5-10 times what they’re really worth are able to outbid any local for prime property. I used to design houses and can’t count how many times I drew houses for people who had bought little 2-BR places in the Bay area in the 70s for about $50,000, raised their 2.3 kids in them, then retired and sold their small castles for $1.2-1.4 mil, came up here (Oregon), bought prime coast property and built a 2,000 sf mansion (which was mostly unused) for a total of $650,000, and still had over 1/2 mil in the bank to enjoy. The jerks have no idea how far they raised property values, then they turn around and agitate to lock the rest of the land up.
Bottom line, just like with their politics they don’t have a clue.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Nail on the head Carlos. I remember in the 80′s talk that Portland was where Californians should go because Seattle had enough of them.
June 6th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Nigel,
They’re building houses just down the road and behind me, you’re more than welcome. My small arsenal hasn’t been to the range lately…. and when we’re done there is always some Shiner Bock to drink… cold and frosty mugs…. whenever you’re ready…
June 7th, 2009 at 10:58 am
[...] at Six Meat Buffet, Cranky has a pledge required of all the folks streaming out of [...]
June 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
California Politicians to Kalifornians: “Screw You!!!”…
Yes, you proper and progressive thinking people who voted these honorable and progressive thinking liberal politicians are now getting your comeuppance desired outcomes.
Thanks to voting in politicians who refuse to reign in over spending, to curb i…
June 10th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
LOL! This is so dead on. I fled CA 10 years ago for college. Considered going back to be near family. But take that off the table and, objectively, I could never justify moving to CA. On just about all criteria listed here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality_of_life_index
my new state beats CA, hands down. Most states do.
CA does have mild weather, which is nice if you’re into that. Most folks are. Maybe that’s why they’re so invested in preventing climate change?
July 25th, 2009 at 4:55 am
Mild weather my ass. My fiance and I moved to So Cal from Phoenix 2 years ago. Outside of July & August, the weather sucks. All we do is complain that it’s constantly foggy/damp/chilly. Hell, it’s July and I was shivering sitting outside last night trying to enjoy a cigar. We’re moving to Texas next month and can’t wait to go out at night and be WARM again!