10. In protest of CBS, stopped trying to be funny in 1997, no one noticed.

9. After quintuple bypass surgery, discovered that he had no heart!

8. Misplaced humor bit “Big Ass Ham” found in his pants!

7. Still has violent stomach reaction to Doritos.

6. Used to play to college students, now prefers to play WITH them.

5. Got big laughs dropping watermelons from towers, now tries dropping bombs in his monologue.

4. Obama, Uma. Uma Obama! Ha ha ha ha, yeagh.

3. Primetime? Forget it CSI Topeka is on.

2. Lowest rated CBS show? Two words, Katie Couric!

1. Used to mentor Conan O’Brian, now gets schooled by him.

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