(In light of everything that’s going on with the TSA right now, I thought Woman of Abomination wouldn’t mind if I re-posted this. We’re tight. We agree we shouldn’t let people in uniform seduce us into blind obedience. Outside of the bedroom that is. )
Beloved, didn’t you know that your God is just a myth created by feudal lords to keep the serfs in line when they couldn’t be directly monitored? The idea of a soul, the belief in hell, this dream of salvation, these notions of good and evil, all emerged from a collection of stories and traditions created to send men off to war to die for the empire du jour? Please, my love, do not be fooled by ancient propaganda. It makes you weak. We live in an enlightened and civilized society now. You are a free man. Here, let me loosen the buckles of your chainmail suit. Let me remove your helmet with it’s ridiculous embellishments. Let me see what’s beneath this armor of God.
Oh, my sweet. I was praying that under that garish costume, there would be something more provocative than a gray business suit. Don’t tell me you’ve bought into the corporate ladder lie. You’ll spend your life constantly treading water, reaching for some imaginary shore, but you will be expending your very life force like a rat on a wheel. Do you see how you are just fuel for their greed machine? Why should you slave away? You are a free man. Let me slip my hands beneath your lapels and get this dreadful sport coat off of you. It’s so unnatural.
And is this a wallet? What do you need all of this money for? Look at my slaves, they have nothing. Aren’t you ashamed of your affluence in this world where rich and poor are so sharply divided? Did you not learn to share? Free yourself from materialism. Here, I will take this money and find a charitable use for it.
What was the other thing I felt in your pocket? Oh, of course you are happy to see me, but not doubly so. Is it a weapon? How can we have a peaceful society when men run around with guns blazing? Only rednecks cling to these obvious phallic symbols, and it’s due to their ignorance, fear, and hate. You should be free of these troubles. You strike me as an intelligent man. Why must you wield such an instrument of murder? Here, let me unfasten this holster.
When you placed your hand on my wrist my love, I noticed your ring. Have you a wife? A family? Why do you feel that you must be beholden to these leeches who steal your money and your time, who challenge your independence? Family is so restrictive. Your parents steal your childhood telling you who to be and how to live, then when you have children of your own, they steal your adult years with their noise and demands. How can you be a free man with family? The little parasites should never be born. Give me your hand. Let me take this little trinket of absurd romanticism from your finger.
And why must you wear those glasses? Don’t tell me that you’ve been spending your time reading independently; discerning things for yourself; meddling with that computer and getting your information from the unschooled fools in their underwear who live in their mother’s basements.
Or are you looking at art in the museums? All of those gaudy romantics with their pretty women? Don’t you know that’s passe? Ugly is the new beautiful. And for music, loud is the new lullaby. You’re a free man. I know I keep saying it. But I must remind you that you should not let tradition dictate to you what you should read, see, and hear. I think those glasses are superfluous. Let me see your eyes.
Look at you before me. Down to your shirtsleeves. You’re actually quite sexy. Now that I’ve removed your ring, and established that there is no soul, I hope I’ve removed the notion that sex is somehow sacred. It’s really just physical after all. We should fornicate to our hearts’ content. Let’s just remove the rest of your clothes my Love. Be a free man with a free woman.
Doesn’t it feel good to be free; free because now you have no God? Free because now you are not burdened by the desire to be good or the fear of being evil? Free because you are moving toward a utopian society where nobody gets shot? Free because now your future will somehow be handled for you? Free because now you don’t have to waste your life pursuing wealth and property? Free because you are not drowning under the weight of old traditions like family? Free because now you are able to abdicate all forms of personal responsibility, and hand them over to me? Free because you are naked and empty?
Because you are so wise and you haven’t fallen for all of that old propaganda, you have earned me. I will be the bed you will lay in.
After you’ve had your shower of course.
See that numbered hook over there? That’s where I’ve hung your armor, and your clothing, and beneath which I have cleverly placed your gun, wallet, and ring. Be sure to remember that number so that you can retrieve them when you come out.
Because you are a free man.