Move your piece, make your peace! Designed in university lounges and perfected by entertainment think-tankers, Sorry! dares you to be strong by being weak! Who needs American Exceptionalism when you’re contrite in Cairo, loved in Luxembourg and sainted in Central America?

Work your way around the world collecting goodwill tokens and reset buttons from “friends you haven’t met yet”. Sure they may continue attacking you and building nukes like no tomorrow. But you will ultimately win because you won their hearts!

Not available in the US

The player can win by collecting just some of these great apologies:

And many more!!

Previously:

Day One: The Twelve Days of Christmas – Call of Duty – Slack Ops!

Linked by the magnificent Photoshop b*stards at I Own The World and Director Blue. Thank you!

Hey, kids!  It’s that time of year again.  The one where I’m dreaming of a White Christmas.  And nothing is whiter to me than every liberal I’ve ever met.  They can be so difficult to shop for though.

With that in mind, let’s pull out this year’s list of “Who’s Been Nietzsche and Who’s Been Nice?” to see what handout Santa’s going to leave them for Winter Solstice.

On the heels of Call of Duty’s 7 million copy launch earlier this month, Koch Industries in cooperation with InActivision have cut their palms with a KA-BAR and sworn a blood oath (while slicing limes on the 19th hole) to bring us their most overambitious and underqualified game to date:

Call of Duty:  Slack Ops

On Wii, Ennui: Will Obama be able to finish 18 holes in time to hold the 38th parallel?

Use pitch, draw and don’t forget SPIN to turn what is traditionally a lazy man’s pastime into your foreign policy legacy.

Realistic gameplay lets you be the POTUS. When North Korea launches a sneak attack on an ally’s civilians, you are forced to reckon with 18 Holes to avert Nuclear Holocaust starting off with a brutal par 5 where you must negotiate a harrowing sand trap after the first dog leg.  If we can’t get back to the clubhouse by nightfall, a tersely worded letter to the U.N. won’t get drafted in time!

So Real Even Your Ratings Will Plummet: Use the crowd control feature to whip-up or settle down a fawning press corps.  Camo’d cameo announcers Chris Mathews, Andrea Mitchell, Katie Couric and Brian Williams report from the rough (terrain of their New York /D.C.studios) to give you the play-by-play commentary and your Wii controller’s leg adapter unleashes our patented vibrating Tingle ™ Technology.  Don’t get distracted by how awesome you are. You’ve still got to compose that meeting request with your Cabinet so you can draft that letter!

Unlock hidden missions! It’s a game inside of the game.  After being rebuffed from Chinese diplomats, you are forced to enter into a deadly game of pick-up basketball.  Will Robert Gibbs get picked last?    Use Obama’s natural tendency to bow as you reach in to steal the ball and hog it until the shot clock runs down.  You only have minutes left before you can draft that text message to your assistant so she can schedule that meeting request with your Cabinet and hold a quorum on that letter you were thinking about writing when everybody was still mad about that thing that happened - before The Final Buzzer.

And whatever you do, watch out for those elbows!

You just can’t have an intelligent conversation with open borders morons:

I always feel better knowing that we’re in the very best of hands.  The not-at-all alien Obamanian intellectual restraint, void of emotion, is the straightest and most potent arrow in our national quiver.

But what if our enemies (or friends we haven’t made yet) aren’t possessed of such mild wisdom?

YEONPYEONG, South Korea (Reuters) – North Korea has placed surface-to-surface missiles on launch pads in the Yellow Sea, Yonhap news agency said, as the United States and South Korea began military drills and China called for emergency talks.

China made clear that the talks would not amount to a resumption of six-party disarmament discussions which North Korea walked out of two years ago and declared dead. South Korea said it would carefully consider China’s suggestion.

Hoping that the ChiComs goosestep in to save the day isn’t a strategy.  Their history as a swashbuckling, diplomatic Zorro leaves a great deal to be desired.

We’re left with two views:  Either North Korea is China’s proxy, sabre rattling at Seoul while the U.S.’s cokeweenie President is a windsock in the breeze or, North Korea is simply China’s rabid dog whose water bowl they occasionally replenish but who they have no real control over their behavior.

China, which agreed with South Korea that the situation was “worrisome,” suggested the emergency talks for December among North and South Korea, host China, the United States, Japan and Russia.

“Worrisome”, eh?  An unprovoked, undeclared act of war against a civilian target is acceptable but potentially responding to it in kind is “worrisome”.  Behold, ChiCom logic at its most refined.

“Premeditated murder” ordered from NorK command central equals  “fresh talks” translated from Chinese.

Seoul expects jitters in financial markets to settle in the short term unless North Korea carries out further provocations, Yonhap quoted a senior Finance Ministry official as saying.

The government plans to inject sufficient liquidity in won and dollar trading if local markets suffer from herd behavior on Monday, Yonhap said.

The nuclear-powered carrier USS George Washington, which carries 75 warplanes and has a crew of over 6,000, has joined the exercises and will be accompanied by at least four other U.S. warships, an official from U.S. Forces Korea told Reuters.

South Korea has deployed three destroyers, frigates and anti-submarine aircraft, Yonhap reported, adding the exercises were being held far south of the disputed area where the artillery firing took place on Tuesday.

South Korea doesn’t have the will to be a country anymore.  While  suckling at the teat of our largesse, North Korea declared war and they went to the mall. Less than half of them believe there should be a military response.  Which begs the questions, why are we there?

If all of our warships leave the area after these exercises without making North Korea back down then Kim looks strong as he hands the wheel to his son.  But what if he fires on our ships while in the course of these “exercises”.  And why do we hold “exercises” when our ally has been attacked?  You hold exercises in anticipation of an attack not after.

Our command seems to be ascribing cold, dispassionate motives onto a lunatic dictator which does not bode well if there are Chinese submarines somewhere in the Yellow Sea.

Like Joe Biden said, Obama would be tested.  Safe to say, no matter how awesome and intimidating his stitches from playing b-ball looks, he is not prepared or up to this challenge.  He can bow his way out of this conflict to the detriment of South Korea and every other U.S. ally fending off geographic bullies but he will have a permanent black eye to match his fat lip.

This will be his Legacy.

WHEREAS it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favour; and Whereas both Houfes of Congress have, by their joint committee, requefted me “to recommend to the people of the United States a DAY OF PUBLICK THANSGIVING and PRAYER, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to eftablifh a form of government for their safety and happiness:”

NOW THEREFORE, I do recommend and affign THURSDAY, the TWENTY-SIXTH DAY of NOVEMBER next, to be devoted by the people of thefe States to the fervice of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our fincere and humble thanksfor His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the fignal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpofitions of His providence in the courfe and conclufion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have fince enjoyed;– for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to eftablish Conftitutions of government for our fafety and happinefs, and particularly the national one now lately instituted;– for the civil and religious liberty with which we are bleffed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffufing useful knowledge;– and, in general, for all the great and various favours which He has been pleafed to confer upon us.

And also, that we may then unite in moft humbly offering our prayers and fupplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and befeech Him to pardon our national and other tranfgreffions;– to enable us all, whether in publick or private ftations, to perform our feveral and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a bleffing to all the people by conftantly being a Government of wife, juft, and conftitutional laws, difcreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all fovereigns and nations (especially fuch as have shewn kindnefs unto us); and to blefs them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increafe of fcience among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind fuch a degree of temporal profperity as he alone knows to be beft.

GIVEN under my hand, at the city of New-York, the third day of October, in the year of our Lord, one thousand feven hundred and eighty-nine.

(signed) G. Washington

Apparently there is some tension over in the far east related to one country shooting at another. Wars and rumors of wars, and what not.

As Sheila Jackson Lee notes, we need not worry about this, as “today we have two Vietnams, side by side, North and South, exchanging and working. We may not agree with all that North Vietnam is doing, but they are living in peace.” So, don’t get too worked up, and stuff.

(In light of everything that’s going on with the TSA right now, I thought Woman of Abomination wouldn’t mind if I re-posted this.  We’re tight.  We agree we shouldn’t  let people in uniform seduce us into blind obedience.  Outside of the bedroom that is. )

Beloved, didn’t you know that your God is just a myth created by feudal lords to keep the serfs in line when they couldn’t be directly monitored? The idea of a soul, the belief in hell, this dream of salvation, these notions of good and evil, all emerged from a collection of stories and traditions created to send men off to war to die for the empire du jour? Please, my love, do not be fooled by ancient propaganda. It makes you weak. We live in an enlightened and civilized society now. You are a free man. Here, let me loosen the buckles of your chainmail suit. Let me remove your helmet with it’s ridiculous embellishments. Let me see what’s beneath this armor of God.

Oh, my sweet. I was praying that under that garish costume, there would be something more provocative than a gray business suit. Don’t tell me you’ve bought into the corporate ladder lie. You’ll spend your life constantly treading water, reaching for some imaginary shore, but you will be expending your very life force like a rat on a wheel. Do you see how you are just fuel for their greed machine? Why should you slave away? You are a free man. Let me slip my hands beneath your lapels and get this dreadful sport coat off of you. It’s so unnatural.

And is this a wallet? What do you need all of this money for? Look at my slaves, they have nothing. Aren’t you ashamed of your affluence in this world where rich and poor are so sharply divided? Did you not learn to share? Free yourself from materialism. Here, I will take this money and find a charitable use for it.

What was the other thing I felt in your pocket? Oh, of course you are happy to see me, but not doubly so. Is it a weapon? How can we have a peaceful society when men run around with guns blazing? Only rednecks cling to these obvious phallic symbols, and it’s due to their ignorance, fear, and hate. You should be free of these troubles. You strike me as an intelligent man. Why must you wield such an instrument of murder? Here, let me unfasten this holster.

When you placed your hand on my wrist my love, I noticed your ring. Have you a wife? A family? Why do you feel that you must be beholden to these leeches who steal your money and your time, who challenge your independence? Family is so restrictive. Your parents steal your childhood telling you who to be and how to live, then when you have children of your own, they steal your adult years with their noise and demands. How can you be a free man with family? The little parasites should never be born. Give me your hand. Let me take this little trinket of absurd romanticism from your finger.

And why must you wear those glasses? Don’t tell me that you’ve been spending your time reading independently; discerning things for yourself; meddling with that computer and getting your information from the unschooled fools in their underwear who live in their mother’s basements.

Or are you looking at art in the museums? All of those gaudy romantics with their pretty women? Don’t you know that’s passe? Ugly is the new beautiful. And for music, loud is the new lullaby. You’re a free man. I know I keep saying it. But I must remind you that you should not let tradition dictate to you what you should read, see, and hear. I think those glasses are superfluous. Let me see your eyes.

Look at you before me. Down to your shirtsleeves. You’re actually quite sexy. Now that I’ve removed your ring, and established that there is no soul, I hope I’ve removed the notion that sex is somehow sacred. It’s really just physical after all. We should fornicate to our hearts’ content. Let’s just remove the rest of your clothes my Love. Be a free man with a free woman.

Doesn’t it feel good to be free; free because now you have no God? Free because now you are not burdened by the desire to be good or the fear of being evil? Free because you are moving toward a utopian society where nobody gets shot? Free because now your future will somehow be handled for you? Free because now you don’t have to waste your life pursuing wealth and property? Free because you are not drowning under the weight of old traditions like family? Free because now you are able to abdicate all forms of personal responsibility, and hand them over to me? Free because you are naked and empty?

Because you are so wise and you haven’t fallen for all of that old propaganda, you have earned me. I will be the bed you will lay in.

After you’ve had your shower of course.

See that numbered hook over there? That’s where I’ve hung your armor, and your clothing, and beneath which I have cleverly placed your gun, wallet, and ring. Be sure to remember that number so that you can retrieve them when you come out.

Because you are a free man.

For now.

When did Obama’s “safe schools czar” get to decide the new TSA screening rules?  After watching the video after the jump, then ask yourself why the father didn’t deck that TSA agent.

Whenever anyone complains about these intrusive and ultimately useless curtailments to traveling freely, I can’t help but be reminded of the incessant caterwauling for 7 long years about the infringements of the PATRIOT Act and the leftist lament that communications to their terrorist buddies in other countries, not covered by our Constitutional protections,  might be monitored without a warrant.

No warrants or probable cause needed for strip searches of children, nuns or the disabled though.  Right guys?  Frogmarch John Yoo in front of a MoveOn.org tribunal for treating terrorists like terrorists but give Napolitano two thumbs up for fingerbanging five year olds and profiling people with Ron Paul stickers on their pickup trucks.

Did I say “fingerbang”?  I meant “love pat”.  Come to think of it, “love-patting” five year olds doesn’t sound good either.

Fondling Fascism.   And if you don’t like it, it’s because of your Puritan hang-ups about Screener #12 ogling your tiny johnson and not out of concern for your suspended constitutional rights.  Dissent, of course, being 99% less patriotic than it was 2 years ago.

If it’s any consolation, it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.  Wait until they find a pack of M&M’s in your kid’s carry-on baggage.  Then you’ll really be in trouble.

MODEST PROPOSAL: I”m not traveling anywhere for Thanksgiving and I can completely appreciate everyone foregoing the sex scanners but just for good measure why doesn’t everyone wear burqas to the airport too? You can still have one overnighted from Amazon.com in time for that special flight.  That is the photo-op that needs to be on the front page of every paper.  The defining act of civil disobedience for individual rights at home since the inception of the War on Terror.

Either you’ll be skipped over for the pat down or the image of Muslim women being felt up can be beamed across the world and help improve our relations with the Religion of Peace.  See how equally we treat everybody here?  None of us have rights.

Did he mean to say this out loud?

I know you’ve done everything you can to take a dump on the U.S. Constitution, Senator Shitbox, but you only have so much power – at least for now.

I have a better idea, though. Why don’t you set your GPS device, follow the instructions to the 6th ring, turn left and burn.

I don’t agree with Penn Jillette all of the time (he’s TOO libertarian for me), but that line just made me a permanent fan of his. HIS experience with TSA morons:

Last Thursday I was flying to LA on the Midnight flight. I went through security my usual sour stuff. I beeped, of course, and was shuttled to the “toss-em” line. A security guy came over. I assumed the position. I had a button up shirt on that was untucked. He reached around while he was behind me and grabbed around my front pocket. I guess he was going for my flashlight, but the area could have loosely been called “crotch.” I said, “You have to ask me before you touch me or it’s assault.”

He said, “Once you cross that line, I can do whatever I want.”

I said that wasn’t true. I say that I have the option of saying no and not flying. He said, “Are you going to let me search you, or do I just throw you out?”

I said, “Finish up, and then call the police please.”

When he was finished with my shoes, he said, “Okay, you can go.”

I said, “I’d like to see your supervisor and I’d like LVPD to come here as well. I was assaulted by you.”

He said, “You’re free to go, there’s no problem.”

I said, “I have a problem, please send someone over.”

Go here for the rest…

No, really:

BERLIN, Nov 16 (Reuters) – Climate change could lead to colder winters in northern regions, according to a study by the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research on Tuesday.

Vladimir Petoukhov, lead author of the study, said a shrinking of sea ice in the eastern Arctic causes some regional warming of lower air levels and may lead to anomalies in atmospheric airstreams, triggering an overall cooling of the northern continents.

“These anomalies could triple the probability of cold winter extremes in Europe and northern Asia,” he said. “Recent severe winters like last year’s or the one of 2005/06 do not conflict with the global warming picture but rather supplement it.”

In COMPLETELY UNRELATED news…

In response to TLC’s Sarah Palin’s Alaska wankery, and in the interest of equal time, the intrepid photographer “Zombie” gives the other side of the story:

Nancy Pelosi’s SanFranSicko.  (NSF work, the sane, the heterosexual or disease/leather free).

Seriously.  Don’t open that at work.

I believe Deadwood’s Wu said it best.  Also, NSFW.

Because President Obama is a REPTILIAN…or something:

Oh…and Pleiadian aliens shot an ICBM out of the sky…that explains that “missle” off the coast of California.

YOU’D BETTER TAKE COLLEEN THOMAS SERIOUSLY! BECAUSE NUCLEAR ATTACKS AND EMPs ARE COMING WHILE PRESIDENT OBAMA IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY!:

Leading By Example: The portrait of civil discourse that is  Frank Rich

Because if there’s one thing Republicans don’t want to do after stomping a mudhole in Democrat’s asses less than two weeks ago, it’s to look like poor winners: (more…)

Clayton Cramer has an interesting contrarian notion over at PJM challenging longheld assumptions about crime being related to unemployment rates and how we’ve got it all terribly wrong:

Crime and unemployment: everyone knows that they go together. Right? Unemployed people, desperate for enough money to pay their bills, buy groceries, and get medical care (since those heartless Republicans think “don’t get sick” is a health care plan), must turn to crime. At the very least, disheartened men sitting at home are going to lose their tempers, get into fights, and shoot their spouses.

Like most conventional wisdom among the elites, it turns out not to be true.

Mr. Cramer proceeds with several charts showing the declining crime rate in several violent categories which I’m not disputing.  What I contend is that what he’s calling a lack of correlation is based on a lack of causation.  Which may be lulling him into a false sense of security about his fellow man.  Something that’s not taken into account here is how the availability of easy revolving credit can effect these numbers.

(more…)

Pat Sajak fesses up and finally apologizes for unleashing Keith Olbermann on us.

From the interview, you realize two things; even in 1989, Keith was “out” as a weird guy – Pat introduced him as such, and secondly, Keith actually could be likeable. No need to go on what a self-important liberal shock-jock he is now. There is plenty of evidence for that.

This one cut deep.

I live in the most beautiful state with the best weather and some of the friendliest people. Everyone wants to live here…er…everyone ONCE WANTED to live here.

Alas, my state has just overdosed yet again…and this time there will be no intervention:

Listen up, California. The other 48 states—your cousin New York excluded—are sick of your bratty arrogance. You’re the Lindsay Lohan of states: a prima donna who once showed some talent but is now too wasted to do anything with it.

After enjoying ephemeral highs and spending binges, you suffer crashes that culminate in brief, unsuccessful stints in rehab. This cycle repeats itself every five to 10 years, as the rest of the country looks on with a mixture of horror and amusement. We’d feel sorry for you if you didn’t constantly flip us the bird.

Instead, we’re making bets on how long it will be before your next meltdown. Oh, wait—you’re already melting down.

You’ve racked up nearly $70 billion in general obligation debt, and that doesn’t include your $500 billion unfunded pension liability. Your own analysts predict you’ll face a hole of at least $80 billion over the next four years.

Your government’s run by a brothel of environmentalists, lawyers, public-sector unions and legislative bums. When they’re not taxing or spending, they’re creating regulations and commissions like the Board of Barbering and Cosmetology and the California Blueberry Commission. Many businesses would leave if it weren’t for your sunny climate.

Which may explain why you’re so obsessed with climate change. If your climate changes, no one, including your Hollywood friends, would tolerate you anymore. So you’ve created a law to tax carbon emissions—no matter that it will kill jobs.

I’m pretty sure I prefer Pacman Jones’ way of “making it rain” to this one:

Wouldn’t you know it?  Right after I waxed my car.

/Because of The Optics ™!

THAT’S RAAAACIST-WATCH: Nicholas Kristof, from the editorial pages of the NYT, declares that we now live in a Banana Republic.  Poor form, Nicky.  Poor form.  We know what you meant you racist, bananaphobic bastard.

JG has an outstanding look at how the NRSC – and NOT the tea party – cost the GOP several Senate seats. The fact that they threw so much money down the crapper in California is enough to have them politically drawn-and-quartered, but this sack of evidence proves that, as suspected, the GOP still has no sack. Consequently, we, as an independent conservative base, are going to have to have to hold their feet to the fire now more than ever.

RTWT.

MORE:

Serr8d points us to this gem of a column. Well worth the read. If only the Rethuglicans will pay heed to nuggets of wisdom such as these. Amputate or die, indeed.

Payback is a bitch, isn’t it?

Behold…the best of Keith Olbermann:

Update: Turns out we WILL have Keith Olbermann to kick around after all!

Looks like Henry Waxman gets his way. Hard left politicos pushed their hard left agenda and the Blue Dogs get bitten.

Now San Fran Nan, who the AP finally correctly identified as a “California Liberal” is still bitterly clinging to the notion that she should lead the House Dems. Let’s hope they retrench further to the left.

It sounds like a win-win for everyone. Best of luck to you Nan!

UPDATE More from Allah

It sounds like at least a few members of the GOP may have gotten the message.

Yesterday’s sweeping victories for the GOP were anything but a vote for the establishment GOP.

Karl Rove is a douchebag. He is the establishment GOP and I would be tickled pink to never see his many chins on my TV again. He, in conjunction with his star pupil President Junior, did their very best to destroy the Republican party, and in 2006 and 2008, succeeded nicely. It has taken a grass-roots movement of conservatives to begin to take the party back from these robber barons.

Jim DeMint got the message long ago and is warning the incoming youngsters not to fall prey to the Trent Lott/John McShame/Lamar Alexander/Lindsey Graham/Olympia Snowe way of doing business.

Trent Lott is yet another corrupt scumbag who helped usher in the GOP’s downfall after the 1994 victories held such promise. It’s precisely this mentality that must be defeated to take our government back and collapse the public sector. DeMint finishes with a haymaker to the weak chin of the establishment.

Make no mistake, last night was a sweeping win for small-government conservatism nearly everywhere, particularly so when you get to the level of governorships and state legislatures. (Okay, maybe not in California, but to hell with that state anyway. They’ve earned their pending destruction.)

The old media is already spinning this election as some kind of disappointment because the GOP didn’t take the Senate or get rid of Reid or the Bearded Marxist in Delaware. Pish posh. This is only phase one in re-taking the GOP from within, which will be followed in 2012 by even more gains for conservatism.

So, to the new smaller-government GOP, this is your last chance. This election was not a vote for the GOP, it was a vote to stop the madness and begin restoring sanity. That means cutting spending and punishing those responsible for the corrupt crony-capitalist system that pushed us into this depression in the first place.

Get ‘er done or things may get really ugly — that is, if the coming economic collapse doesn’t destroy us first.

This post will be updated as the evening unfolds.

GOP takes the house. Picking up 60+ is not too shabby. Unfortunately, it looks like Barney Fa Frank will keep his seat, battered though it is.

Here in Tennessee, Bill Haslam beat Ned McWherter’s boy down like he was a teenager going through a gang initiation. The rest of the state of Tennessee is looking good with wins from Diane Black, Marsha Blackburn, Scott DesJarlais, Jimmy Duncan, Chuck Fleischmann, etc. Tennessee is a deep red state, bitches, and I’m damn glad to be a Tennessean.

There are some delightful things going on nationally. Rand Paul wins. Marco Rubio wins. Alan Grayson, you’re fired, you worthless, socialist asshole. Blanche Lincoln, you corrupt whore, you’re fired.

Follow the ongoing results at RCP. Thems got pretty colors and stuff to hep you know what’s what.

Nancy Pelosi is quick to correct the results – there are no new Republicans in congress.

Fox just called the PA-7 house race for Meehan – way to go Cranky!

Hey Buffet Friends!

This is a great night to be a political gangsta. I just came from the phone banks at the Pat Meehan for congress office. I made about 75 phone calls and rushed home where I am now watching the returns.

Here are some pics.

The remote campaign headquarters/call center in my neighborhood

Your humble correspondent

These young enthusiastic volunteers came all the way up from Virginia to take part in this tight race.

At the “phone bank” table. We were issued cell phones and given a list. About as fun as cold-calling gets.

If you believe the MSM, then this “war room” was filled with angry racists. What-ever.

I knew I was in the right place

What the…? Oh well, let’s just say I’m not surprised that this vehicle is in the handicapped spot.

If “purplish” Pennsylvania is considered a bellweather for most of the country, then the Philly suburbs are the Antietem battlefield. If possible, I’ll liveblog the good news.

Note to victorious Republicans on this, the most remarkable race for the GOP in a generation – don’t piss us off! We’re involved this time and we expect good things this time around. I am “cautiously optimistic” to steal a phrase and now that I’m invested in your success, I expect your best.

Say what you will about Florida Congresswoman Corrine Brown, but one thing she knows is her constituency.  So when it comes to bribing people to vote for her with the lure of a free meal, she knows how to close the deal.  And you don’t close the deal with bruschetta:

A flyer distributed by U.S. Rep. Corrine Brown’s office promised “a complimentary coupon” for a meal at an Orlando restaurant to “the first 350 to vote” at an early voting site on Friday, sparking the latest charge in the contentious race in Florida’s Third Congressional District.

The Brown campaign also used a taped phone message from the candidate to push the offer to people in her district, in which she asks people to “early vote and receive a coupon to have lunch with us at Mama Nems Restaurant.”

Yea.  It’s totally illegal to do that but Mama Nems, eh?  That must be some kind of Eye-talian joint, right?  Hrm…

“Federal law prohibits vote buying in any election where a federal candidate is on the ballot,” he said “[Brown] may have a violation.”

Paul S. Ryan, an attorney at the nonpartisan Campaign Legal Center in Washington, came to a similar conclusion.

“If this is tied to the campaign, it would appear to be a violation of federal law,” Ryan said. “It’s a pretty serious violation. It is illegal to give someone an inducement to cast their vote.”

The voice recording reviewed by The Times-Union was confirmed by Ronnie Simmons, Brown’s campaign manager, as authentic. And Brown’s Orlando campaign office acknowledged distributing the flyers.

Simmons, who is also Brown’s chief of staff, said he wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about.

“After they voted, they are welcome to join us for lunch,” Simmons said.

Some voters took advantage of the offer. A woman who answered the phone at Mama Nems said a number of coupons had been redeemed, but she wasn’t sure how many.

That would be Corrine Brown, not Nino Brown handing out turkeys at Christmas.

But take a look at Mama Nems menu.  It’s as pernicious as it is delicious.

Seriously, woman – do you get a carton of Newports with that racial stereotype?

I find the menu’s lack of arugula disturbing.  Not as disturbing as the braised oxtail or neckbone salad combo but disturbing nonetheless.

The US Attorney for Florida’s Middle District said it’s not his job to investigate this vote buying scheme and that he’d let Eric Holder’s Justice Department handle it.  Which will be coming any minute  now for a Class X Felony dietary infraction while in the commission of a hate crime.

REMINDER: In case you can’t smell what the Dems are cooking, it’s Election Day, folks.  We can’t promise you any free fried chicken gizzards or “lip smackin’ ribs” but if you’ll vote for the right candidate the jobs will come back that will enable you to buy all of them that you can eat.   And that’s the quintessential truth, Ruth.