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Archive for December, 2012



Please Quit Stopping Me From Killing Myself

December 31st, 2012 at 5:29 pm by Brian

The Boehner Plan - Classic Misdirection

Budd Dwyer call your office.  At last, the unearthed Republican Strategy to deal with the mountainous Obama debt.  Maybe if they shoot themselves in the head they’ll really, REALLY be able to hold Obama’s feet to the fire when the Debt Ceiling negotiations start.

After all, the media will have to admit that these latter-day Headless Horsemen caved on increased taxes in exchange for no spending cuts and it would only be fair for Obama to agree on that in a few months, right?  That’s how it will be reported, right?

With both sides on the cusp of a fiscal cliff deal, President Barack Obama vowed Monday to seek additional revenue next year alongside spending cuts. In the process, he also angered several GOP senators who said he demeaned their efforts to reach a deal.

Obama said that a year-end deal to avert tax hikes for the middle class “is within sight, but it’s not done.”

Does Boehner, McConnell and Lindsey Graham’s congressional dental plans cover reconstructive orthodontia from biting pillows so hard?

Awww, Obama doesn’t fix you breakfast and leave money on the nightstand after he rides you raw in full view of the public.  Boohoo.  He doesn’t appreciate that you’re part of the act too.  Is that what I’m reading?

You did more than just lay there like a cold fish.  Lindsey got all lathered up to do the work of the un-American people and when his reacharound arm went out he got mad that we all couldn’t come together at the same time.  Boehner cupped the balls and McConnell thankfully wore a leather mask that hid his flappy jowled Beaker neck.

Add current and hopefully not future Senator Bob Corker to the traitorous gangbang:

Immediate reaction from Republicans to the president’s demand for even more revenue, as well as his shots at Congress, was sharp.

Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn., took to the Senate floor to say Obama might have alienated Republicans who were tentatively ready to support the current cliff deal, which would push decisions on the sequester and other budget issues to the new year. “I think he’s lost numbers of votes with what he did. He didn’t lose mine, I’m not like that,” Corker said.

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., said the president’s remarks were a “cheerleading, ridiculing of Republicans exercise.”

Corker said, “You can call me a sawed off little bitch who gobbles nuts for loose change but I will always abandon my stated principles so that the media won’t call me names.”  To which McCain chimed in, “You gonna finish those nuts?”

With this deal, the Republican Party is officially done.  I have always said that they have neither the ability, strategy or will to fight but RNC headquarters itself is about to be declared federally protected land for the deep and lengthy series of caves found within.

They live in this fantasy world where time constraints and arbitrary deadlines apply to themselves and not the other side.  A world where they think that the media is going to take part in a “gotcha” moment when the opposition is determined to be hypocrites or unserious about dealing with the country killing debt banging its tentacles at the negotiating table.

The pundits, the press and the politicians think that by massaging this stuttering clusterfuck of a deal into some Victory For The American People ™ that we are somehow immune to the math that is going to slam it’s red, capital F Minus ink pen on this final exam.

The spending will continue.  The debt will be raised.  Nothing is fixed.  Your money is more worthless than it already was under our “Don’t Look Down Obamanomics” policy.

What no one accounts for is the panic when everyone does look down.  The panic is what kills.  It’s not the Neo-Welfarists bitterly clinging to 3-4 years of unemployment checks as opposed to taking a demeaning job (read:  A job)  that pays less than the handout or the never involved welfarists who ceased to work generations ago.  The panic of the people who continue working and realize it’s not worth it anymore is what will finish us.

But we are going to look down eventually and we are all going to suffer greater than any 1920s soup kitchen at the precise moment of Democracy and Freedom’s greatest peril.  Abandon the Republican Party if you have not already done so.  At the moment when they were needed most, they decided to become Democrats out of  the same ideological suicide that the Tea Party saved them from doing in 2010.  Resentment was their reward.

Like all serious suicides, you can’t save them from themselves.  We’ll just throw those bitten pillow cases away, change out the headboard, wipe off the wall and finally start over.   I really can’t say “fuck you” loud enough or long enough.

cry baby

Pussy Control:  Time to vote on a new speaker.

The NR-F Minus

December 23rd, 2012 at 1:10 pm by Brian

Full disclosure:  I am not now or have I ever been a member of the NRA.  Nor do I ever have any plans to be.  It’s not that I disagree with their mission as much as the way that they go about doing it.  Donating money to allegedly pro-gun Democrats who pimp their endorsement to win conservative districts and then shoot them in the back with the gun that they gave them.  It’s like Michael Steele left the RNC and now presides over the NRA.  Just who’s side are you on?

It is time for Wayne LaPierre to retire to some great tree stand far removed from a television camera, microphone or interviewer.  He is no more than a doddering relic locked in 30 year old arguments.  Wholly unprepared and singularly unlikeable, if the NRA would like to lose the current national debate they could do no better than continuing with LaPierre as their face to the public.  He is the Pat Robertson of the 2nd Amendment and, quite frankly, the 2nd Amendment deserves a lot better than Wayne LaPierre.

I say this following his numerous misfires on Meet The Press. A dreadful interview.  Into the liberal lion’s den he went, with literal crap in the corner of his mouth while David Gregory studiously avoided mentioning it to him for the entirety of the prosecution decidedly hostile cross-examination.  While the idea of having an armed guard or allowing a licensed teacher to be able to carry may have some merit, the rote delivery of “what we need is a good guy with a gun x 15″ is some of the lamest rhetoric I’ve heard since Mitt Romney told people to vote for “love of country” contra Obama’s message of revenge.   Like the Republicans selecting Romney to take on the failure of the Obama presidency, the NRA is sending a rusty blunderbuss into a landmined warzone with motion detecting sentry cannons.

This is the best you’ve got?  This speaks nothing of his press conference earlier this week where he dusted of such golden oldies as:

And here’s another dirty little truth that the media try their best to conceal. There exists in this country, sadly, a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells and stows violence against its own people. Through vicious, violent video games with names like “Bullet Storm,” “Grand Theft Auto,” “Mortal Combat,” and “Splatterhouse.”

These are the comments of someone who has no connection to modern culture.  Twenty-year old video games that no one has seen since the Clinton Administration?  I understand the argument.  However, it’s being poorly made and delivered by someone reading it off of index cards who could not extemporaneously produce a more relevant example.  There are ultraviolent video games out there.  Call of Duty, Battlefield, Resident Evil.  They make more than Hollywood blockbusters.  Many more with subversive elements like Bioshock.   Breaking Bad glamorizes meth dealing. American Horror Story glamorized Columbine.  Calling out Mortal Combat or “Kindergarten Killers” is tantamount to demanding Dee Snyder testify in front of Congress again.

The NRA needs a new messenger.  One who’s had a little less surgery and is not locked in the good old days when Charlton Heston could smooth over his bellicosity to those not in the choir.  There are numerous people – Democrat party officials, school teachers and the other Democrat nuts who are making death threats against the members of the NRA with impunity and the equivalent of an endorsement from the media.  Not a word from LaPierre.  We don’t need guns to hunt deer.  We need guns to kill Democrats who want to kill us.

He offered no response to Blowdry’s suggetion that the NRA be responsible for funding guards in schools?  Really?  Why not force Planned Parenthood to pay for abstinence education at public schools?  This leap of demanding a private organization to assume guilt and financial responsibility for the actions taken by someone who was not a member or supporter is downright Soviet.  The shooter is dead.  The mother he killed to illegally obtain the weapon he used is dead.  Eric Holder is ripping a page out of Vladimir Putin’s playbook and providing some sham pretext to raid the store where Nancy Lanza legally purchased her rifle.  A store that did nothing wrong is being raided because someone tried to rob it and the media is painting it as “they were being raided by the feds for other reasons”.

Where is the argument about personal responsibility?  Whether it’s the movies you watch, the pills you take, the car you drive, the gun you buy it is no shock that the party who does not believe in individual responsibility would do so in this case either.  But for the head of the NRA to spew some “it’s as much everybody’s fault as us” is a rhetorical failing.  It’s Hollywood’s fault.  It’s video games fault.  Blah, blah, blah.  There was one person responsible for the Newtown shooting and that person is dead.  If he would have lived Liberals would be arguing that he should get an attorney free of charge, get his Bachelor’s Degree and suckle on the taxpayer’s teat for 70 years until he died of old age.  Every few years one would argue that he didn’t get a fair trial and should be let go like the amateur Norman Mailers they are.

These are serious times and the 2nd Amendment demands a serious defender.  To paraphrase I Own The World’s observation, the people who say it’s impossible to deport 12 million illegal aliens are somehow convinced that they are going to confiscate 280 million firerams.  The notion floated by New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo lets the gungrabber’s mask slip:

In a radio interview on Thursday with Albany’s WGDJ-AM, New York governor Andrew Cuomo said that he plans to work with state legislators next month to submit a proposal for new gun-control laws; in particular, Cuomo said, “our focus is assault weapons,” because current state laws regulating the weapons “have more holes that Swiss cheese.”

“I don’t think legitimate sportsmen are going to say, ‘I need an assault weapon to go hunting,’” he said.

Cuomo continued, “Confiscation could be an option. Mandatory sale to the state could be an option. Permitting could be an option — keep your gun but permit it.”

The 2nd Amendment was not written to protect the rights of hunters.  Much less “legitimate” hunters as deemed by the Governor of New York.  It was meant so that a tyrannical government would get its bloody comeuppance when the time inevitably comes.  It was meant to stop Andrew Cuomos and Michael Bloombergs.  Your government is breaking into your home at night.  It is stealing the rings off your fingers at the funeral home.  It is stealing your child’s birthright.  And now it wants to steal the god-given right for you to be able to defend yourself.

You win the argument through debate so that you do not have to win it on your doorstep.  LaPierre has failed at that job.

RELATED:  Did David Gregory violate D.C. law with his extremely violent, high capacity prop comedy ambush of LaPierre this morning?  Video at Legal Insurrection complete with LaPierre’s visible mouth crud.  Spoiler Alert – probably.  But he’d get mad if you showed a picture of an abortion when debating “choice”.

***

Thanks to BigFurHat at the always hilarious IOTW for the linky and the kind words.  As a sidebar, I don’t discount the need to encapsulate one’s message so that it can fit on a bumpersticker.  I do find fault with LaPierre’s numerous attempts to jam the clumsy penis talking point of his test-polled catchphrase into whatever lull in a hostile interview that he mistakes as a hole an opening.  But I say that about everybody.

Time Magazine Names Adam Lanza Person Of The Year

December 18th, 2012 at 7:13 pm by Brian

Sure he’s late to the party and kept to himself.  Mostly.

But there’s no denying that Lanza is Time’s gender neutral “Person” of the Year.

The competition was already murder.  Between Mohammed Morsi, Kim Jong-Un, Sandra Fluke, The Undocumented American – it wasn’t the quantity of people killed but the quality.

What this lanky, saucer eyed mass murderer has done is greater than any Arab Spring.  He’s ushered in the American Fall and the movement to repeal the 2nd Amendment to the United States Constitution.   Many great progressives died on that battlefield of non-gunshot related injuries but it took one brave, differently abled young man to succeed where so many others failed.  With each round he pumped into those elementary school children, our hearts skipped a beat and swelled with pride.  His gun may have been in those cherubic faces but his name was on everyone’s tongue.

What’s he doing??? What’s he wearing??? Ya know?  What makes him tick?  Was his mother a drunk redneck who got what she deserved?

Like watching a young child learn to ride a bicycle, the smile on our faces grew as we watched our own country maturing before our eyes in realization that gun ownership is just plain wrong.  Even hardcore rightwing Republicans like Joe Scarborough and Michael Bloomberg or avid Democrat hunters like Joe Manchin could not deny the tidal wave of change – statistics be damned.

The usual rapid fire NRA put it’s guns in the ground and observed a weeklong silence in agreement that they were totally responsible for what happened.

The sacrifice those kids made for the good of the nation is greater than any fingerpaint or prom they were going to attend.  With each little coffin being delivered to the funeral home we clinked our champagne glasses and toasted Adam Lanza. After all, you can’t make a firearm outlawing omelet without gunning down a few 29th trimester fetuses.  To be certain, we washed the champagne down with bittersweet tears.

No other candidate could even come close to having such a positive impact on our world while making us completely re-evaluate our longheld position on homeschooling.

On behalf of the entire Mainstream Media Complex, we’d like to extend our highest honor to Adam Lanza.  Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.

Cheers,

The Time Magazine Editorial Board

Sad Robot Delivers High School Commencement Speech Wrapped In A Unitarian Sermon

December 17th, 2012 at 11:03 am by Brian

Gettysburg this ain’t.  Sad Robot delivered his programmed transmission to the much heralded “interfaith” vigil in Newtown, CT last night in response to the unscheduled 29th trimester abortions of the white kids Jamie Foxx wanted to kill once they grew up.

Systems responded normal throughout beta testing.  The tear duct emotasensor still appeared to be on the fritz but Barack-O-Bot powered through like some Energizer Bunny beating the drum of gun control:

It comes as a shock at a certain point where you realize no matter how much you love these kids, you can’t do it by yourself, that this job of keeping our children safe and teaching them well is something we can only do together, with the help of friends and neighbors, the help of a community and the help of a nation.

And in that way we come to realize that we bear responsibility for every child, because we’re counting on everybody else to help look after ours, that we’re all parents, that they are all our children.

He said, “You didn’t raise that child.  Somebody else did.”

This glitch in Sad Robot’s readings represents a disturbed understanding that a family comes after the community in order of importance.  They are their parent’s children.  They are not The Community’s children.

In the coming weeks, I’ll use whatever power this office holds to engage my fellow citizens, from law enforcement, to mental health professionals, to parents and educators, in an effort aimed at preventing more tragedies like this, because what choice do we have? We can’t accept events like this as routine.

Are we really prepared to say that we’re powerless in the face of such carnage, that the politics are too hard?

Are we prepared to say that such violence visited on our children year after year after year is somehow the price of our freedom?

You know, all the world’s religions, so many of them represented here today, start with a simple question.

A.  Where does this multicultural bullshit get interjected?  Newtown, Connecticut according to their last Census is 95% white, 2% hispanic and 2% black.  Am I to assume that like the United States as a whole that it was founded by Muslims and that 95% of those white people along with the 4% of their servants are evenly distributed across Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism and Islam as opposed to being a primarily Christian gathering?

That one line tells you what this speech was.  It was not a comfort speech to the sleepy little top 1% burg of Newtown.  It was a gun control speech to the nation as I predicted earlier.  Your tragedy is my opportunity.

Insert a series of false choices where you either support banning all semi-automatic weapons or you eat babies for breakfast.  This is coming from a guy who demands that abortion providers grab a pre-human by the appendages and beat its head against a porcelain sink if it’s accidentlly born alive.  Sad Robot is anything but human.

You have a false choice.  Your children’s lives or the 2nd Amendment.  I’d say without the 2nd you can never insure their lives.  Sad Robot does not see your money as belonging to you and it’s fairly evident in his comments last night that your children don’t belong to you either.  Over 200 years into this experiment, how are children even alive in America under this logic?

They belong to us.  They belong to a benevolent government who keeps them safe and raises them because you can’t do it by yourself.

The memories we have of them, the joy that they bring, the wonder we see through their eyes, that fierce and boundless love we feel for them, a love that takes us out of ourselves and binds us to something larger, we know that’s what matters.

We know we’re always doing right when we’re taking care of them, when we’re teaching them well, when we’re showing acts of kindness. We don’t go wrong when we do that.

Such “kindness” was on full display this weekend when one of Sad Robot’s senior White House Staffers mocked the shooter’s mother who was shot four times in the head in her bed:

Even after death, the War On Women continues unabated.  Because when we teach people well when we are showing acts of kindness.  That’s when we’re at our best.  McLaughlin currently teaches at the Harvard Law Review.  I’m certain he’s teaching those kids what really matters.

System does not compute.  Must be a disconnect between Sad Robot and other units on the network. *bloop, bloop*

END OF TRANSMISSION

Shots Fired At The Intersection of First and Second

December 16th, 2012 at 6:06 pm by Brian

In the beginning, there was the word.  That’s usually what starts most violent confrontations.  Words can be used for good or evil.  Likewise with firearms.  Papers you would like to keep secure.  Protections from incriminating yourself.  And so on.

But what happens when one or more of those constitutional rights collide at the same time?

The f**knuts from Westboro Baptist seem determined to find out:

As families mourn the lives that were cut short in this unspeakable horror, an extremist group has announced they plan to congregate at the scene of the tragedy and offer praise to God for ‘executing his judgement’ – an unthinkable act amidst the sorrow overwhelming the quiet town.

If only words had a five day waiting period so that the Department of Education could run a background search to be certain that the free speaker did not harbor ill intent with his assault vocabulary.  Words with four, sometimes even five syllables.  High capacity locquacity. Nobody needs to carry around that type of firepower in every day conversation.

Nobody in their right mind anyway.  Loners maybe.  The kind of quiet nerds who learn words that they put in suicide letters.

Were that fully automatic flapping gums more tightly regulated, neither the offender or offended ever need know the root of their mtual animus.  Limit dictionaries to under 10,000 words.  If you need more than that then apply for a Class-3 toastmaster’s license.

A gun is such a clumsy weapon.  You shoot it towards someone’s stupid body and icky stuff runs out until they don’t talk anymore.  Words on the other hand…well-aimed words do the same thing internally.  And high-capacity assault words are the worst.  If spat rapidly enough and in the right grouping they can break your heart and wrench your guts.  Possibly forcing you to drink and drive or maybe even shoot yourself.   Don’t tell me words are less lethal.

For the safety of all involved, I hope that President Obama will show the same fortitude he did against the Youtube director of that anti-Muslim film towards the Westboro travelling choad show.   Come on, Barry.  Does somebody have to burn down an embassy to get some attention around here?

This calls for meaningful action regardless of the politics.

Crisis Officially Not Going To Waste

December 16th, 2012 at 1:54 am by Brian

Calm your nerves everyone.  He of Trayvon’s Likeness is going to Connecticut to pretend like he’s a human who has emotions to pander to the gun control crowd.

President Barack Obama will travel to Newtown, Conn., on Sunday to meet with families of those killed in the shooting rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary School and thank emergency workers who responded to the tragedy, the White House said Saturday.

“The President will also speak at an interfaith vigil for families of the victims as well as families” at 7 p.m., press secretary Jay Carney said in a statement.

*Pfew*.  For a second I thought it might have been a Christian vigil.

On Friday, an emotional Obama vowed to “take meaningful action, regardless of the politics,” to prevent future tragedies like the shooting massacre, which killed 26 people at the school, 20 of them children.

When Barry says “meaningful action, regardless of the politics” he means two things:  1) That he’s going to exploit this for all it’s worth to push his agenda and if you don’t get on board he’s going to order some crying mothers in front of the camera and call you a babykiller who is in the hip pocket of the NRA, and; 2)  Regardless of how Congress decides to act or not act he is going to pass an executive order and dare you to do something about it.

Daddy’s here to protect you everyone.  Sssshhhh.  It’s all going to be okay.  He didn’t know who his real father was but by god you are going to know that your children are actually his.  Or all of our children.  In the bosom of community-family well-organized.

For those easily offended by some god-hogging, intrafaith practices, be sure to hide your eyes when he drapes himself in a suit made out of the skin of dead children to push his agenda.

Or as his Attorney General said earlier today:

“As a nation I think we have to ask ourselves some hard questions. We gather too often to talk about these kinds of incidents. We need to discuss who we are as a nation, talk about the freedoms that we have, the rights that we have and how those might be used in a responsible way.

The balls on this guy.  And speaking of the Responsible Way(tm) that people who didn’t commit this crime need to ask themselves some hard questions about our Rights, this presumably means if you want to have unlimited access to guns and rifles you will need to start working for a Mexican drug cartel.

Because it’s about taking responsibility for things you didn’t do from a man who hasn’t taken responsibility for what he did do that resulted in the deaths of hundreds to thousands.

Again.  The balls I say.

 

Who Isn’t Responsible For The Sandy Hook Slaughter?

December 15th, 2012 at 4:50 pm by Brian

If experience has taught me anything it is that the actual shooter cannot be held responsible for what happened.  Obviously.  Jared Loughner was not responsible.  Sarah Palin was.  Timothy McVeigh wasn’t responsible.  Rush Limbaugh was.   Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t responsible.  Lyndon Johnson was – but I digress on that point.  We can’t pass the Adam Lanza Registration Act or wargame the Cuckoobird Matrix to see which fine, upstanding Liberal Arts major is going to come down with a case of the shooties or stabbies.

What poor, disaffected youth was not hugged enough – or maybe hugged too much!  Like Goldlilocks, we can’t find that “just right” balance.

So who is to blame? Because, by God, We Have To Do Something…Anything ™.  Preferably before this crisis has gone to waste.  We can discern how the media will react since it’s a rerun.

Like all good fascists, Michael Moore tried to disarm all Americans in Bowling for Columbine after another couple of pampered blue-state rejects decided to shoot up their high school.  A shooting that would later be glamorized in the television series An American Horror Story that sought to humanize the school shooter.  Expect the cavalcade of hypocritical Hollywood A listers to flaunt their high school diplomas too as they make a living in tv and movies where they blow through more ammo on the big screen than they do cocaine in their personal lives.

Violent TV Shows and Music Officially Not Responsible For Anything you blameshifting gun nutters.

Over the years everything from goth culture, violent video games, movies, music, prozac, adderall, gangster rap and somehow rightwing radio seems to catch the blame for the thousand failures they weren’t.  None of which are going to be blamed this time.  With the exception of Rush Limbaugh who is responsible for everything bad that happens in the world.

Don’t Do What Darth Did.

Not this time though.  The fix was in before the killer was wrongly identified.  It was automatic assault rifles that were banned but are now flooding the schoolyards (OMG!!! The Children!) even though no one outside of a gun dealer can own an automatic weapon.  And in the meantime, every amateur Pat Robertson will hammer the square peg of their pet cause into the bullethole of reality.

On the right and the left.  Unashamed exhibitionists flogging themselves senseless in full view of The Children!!!(tm) everywhere to this XXX-rated grief porn until the waterworks squirt like the cathartic money shot.

None will ever ask why is it the “gun free” zones seem to be attacked so frequently or that the people who demand that you be defenseless in order to frequent their business or forced to attend their school bear no responsiblity for protecting you when you do so.

We’re just having a dialogue don’t you know?  A dialogue that always supports infringing on the Bill of Rights in order to protect the powerful instead of meaningful reforms to bad laws that can ultimately protect future victims.  Now that would be a revolutionary act in the age of the stupid and opportunistic.

Priorities: Cliffjumpers Edition

December 5th, 2012 at 1:11 am by Brian

Meeting with House Republicans to avert tax hikes that are going to set investments in this country back 35 years?  Nah.

Meet with the flapping gums of the lowest rated network on television to discuss tax policy?  Youbetcha.

Rachel Maddow is now in the West Wing. How do I know this? I just walked in with her.

— jennifer bendery (@jbendery) December 4, 2012

Never met Maddow until now. We kind of look alike, esp today. My intro: “Are you my long lost sister?” Her: “Glad we both got the memo.”

— jennifer bendery (@jbendery) December 4, 2012

Maddow, heading into West Wing, said she was here for a “hippie cabal.” Asked if I was coming. NO, DAMN IT, I WASN’T INVITED.

— jennifer bendery (@jbendery) December 4, 2012

So… in the last hour, I watched Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton and Lawrence O’Donnell all walk into the West Wing. MSNBC love fest?

Your income tax rates are going to be decided by a group hug featuring Raging Bulldyke and a racebaiting murderer in the skeletal throes of the most successful lapband surgery in history.

62 million people voted to be lead by a channel that’s lucky to get 1 million viewers a night.  Regardless of who is President, you can’t fix that.

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