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Archive for the ‘Bizarro’ Category



Gay-Hating, Magic Underwear Wearing Pack of Wild Dogs Attacks Flock of Seagulls. Or Not.

May 11th, 2012 at 2:16 am by Brian

How desperate is the “All-In” media to polish the turd of Obama’s re-election campaign?  Desperate enough to give top of the fold coverage to half a century old allegations of high school pranks.

Prepare yourself for the nastiest campaign in American history.  And look at that turd shine:

…this morning the Washington Post dropped what had to be an intentionally-timed bomb on presumptive nominee Mitt Romney. Within hours of Obama suddenly deciding to stop lying about his position on same-sex marriage, the Washington Post read Mitt Romney’s teenage mind,  found it anti-gay, and in a huge, attention-getting feature worked hand-in-hand with the Obama campaign to paint their likely challenger as a snooty, wealthy, homophobic, prep school bully.

This is the best they’ve got.

We’re to believe that Mitt The Mormon was running around like a “pack of wild dogs” at the same time that Obama was eating packs of wild dogs.  Guess which one is a five page Washington Post cover story?

Hey, now…didn’t Journolist’s founder work for the Washington Post?  Come to think of it, he still works for the Washington Post!

This screenshot from Memeorandum is the textbook definition of “I got the memo”:

Message received loud and clear.

After Obama’s Epic Fail on same-sex marriage, we have to change the subject to a half century old nontroversy that the bankrupt Washington Post has been keeping its powder dry on for who knows how long.

What’s a bigger story?  An alleged prank from 1965 or Obama’s cocaine use in the last twenty years?  A dog put in a kennel on top of a car or the President eating it?

Why can’t we know what classes Obama took in college?  Why can’t we know his GPA?  How is teenage Mitt Romney somehow fodder for major news outlets but Obama starting his career in the home of a domestic terrorist and spending 20 years in a racist crackpot’s church off-limits?

Old Media, just go out of business already.  The Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes and his only modesty is you covering up his pride with your mouth.

Seriously, Who Let The Dogs Out?

April 18th, 2012 at 10:50 pm by Brian

Every Obama speech from here until election day should be greeted with so many “Woof-woof-woof”s that people think Arsenio Hall is running for President.

This picture is the exact opposite of what Obama did. Plus chewy teeth.

In all fairness, Barack should be forgiven for his past sins against man’s best friend.  Look who he married.  If that’s not proof that he can learn to love a dog then nothing will.

On the other hand, this story from 2010 does seem odd in retrospect:

Obama, Lurie discussed Vick, green energy

Lurie told Peter King of NBC and Sports Illustrated the president praised the decision to hire Vick after the former Atlanta Falcon served 21 months in the Leavenworth, Kan., federal prison and was under home confinement for his involvement in an illegal interstate dogfighting ring, The Washington Post reported.

“The president wanted to talk about two things, but the first was Michael,” Lurie said. “He said, ‘So many people who serve time never get a fair second chance.’ He was … passionate about it. He said it’s never a level playing field for prisoners when they get out of jail. And he was happy that we did something on such a national stage that showed our faith in giving someone a second chance after such a major downfall.”

*Ahem*

Obama Scolds Vick: Don't play with your food.

So the guy who eats dogs (because eating a particular animal transfers their characteristics to you as he said) “passionately” calls the top 1% owner of a football team to ask about his top 1% player to make sure his career is recovering  after going to jail for running a dogfighting ring.  Sort of puts it in perspective, doesn’t it?

Commies, please keep telling yourselves that this is not a big deal.  Americans spend approximately $45 billion dollars a year on their pets.  They get upset watching Sarah McLachlan showing injured ones to raise money for charity.

Your president ate (at the very least) one because he thought it would give him special powers. And it did.  It made him your pack leader.

Woof-woof.

 

 

 

How Much Political Mileage Can You Get Out of a Dead 17 Year Old?

March 25th, 2012 at 3:59 pm by Brian

Because evidently dead 17 year olds are just the kind of biofuel running Obama’s 2012 campaign.  Based on the comment threads I’ve read, and watching David Pfluffer on Meet the Press, if Obama can start at the toes and roll his way up to Trayvon Martin’s eyes he should be able to squeeze enough political mileage out of his corpse to get 98% of the black vote or more.

All the commies are talking about it and all the people on the right are talking about the way the commies are talking about it.

I get it.  A Latino neighborhood watch leader is accused of being white so that his shooting of an unarmed black teenager will give the black community an excuse to riot over anything not related to the way Obama has totally screwed them all over economically for the last 3 years.  Really, I get it.  It’s a wonderful distraction to galvanize the black vote and poison the well with race before this next election.

If I were a post-partisan, post-racial Earth Healer / attorney I would definitely interject my opinion that what happened in Florida was a hate crime and encourage my friends in the Black Panther Party to put up $10k to kidnap and murder the alleged cracker before the case goes to trial.  Better yet, just post his address and hope some hotheads shoot at the right house like Spike Lee has suggested.  That’s just what calm, cool and collective community organizers bring to the table.

With the proper cross-branding, The Trash Can Through The Burning Storefront Toss can get funding from Michelle Obama’s Move360 program and hold a voter registration drive at the same time.  Can’t let a crisis go to waste someone once said.

Like the Jena 6, Duke Lacrosse and Tawana Brawley, we are a much better country thanks to the awareness raised by ginning up fake hate crimes charges if the alleged victim is the correct color.  Usually a President doesn’t take the time to note the hue of the victim and to what degree they fall in the spectrum near a color that he’s more comfortable looking at in the mirror but these are post-racial times my friends.

If you do not look like Trayvon Martin, you will be given the opportunity to self-lynch and all carbon taxes will be waived if you act now.

Unclear On The Meaning Of Words

March 15th, 2012 at 9:11 pm by Brian

From the top one percenter, human stunt blob Harvey Weinstein:

Top Hollywood producer and Obama bundler Harvey Weinstein attend the White House state dinner last night and had nothing but wonderful things to say about the president.

“I’m so thrilled he’s running for reelection, he’s done a fantastic job, and he’s the most underestimated president I’ve seen,” Weinstein said, according to the pool report. “He’s too humble, and his accomplishments far outweigh his esteem, but people will learn that in time.”

This was his “humility” before Day One in office.   Safe to say, his modesty has grown at a rate exponential to our economy under his watch.

Should we ever expect less from the 4th Greatest President of All Time and future point guard of the Chicago Bulls?  Not unless they change their name to the Chicago Bullshit.

Then he could be the owner.  Elect him to the Hall of Fame before the first game.  Put his face on the jerseys.  Provide that everyone learns to distribute the ball evenly and is allowed to take the same number of shots.  Indeed, pay all of the players the exact same amount.  When they lose, he can praise their effort as the model of efficiency right before they file for bankruptcy.

February 28, 2011

But when his presidency ends, Mr. Obama knows exactly what car he wants to buy as his post-presidential ride — a plug-in Chevrolet Volt. “Five years from now when I’m not president anymore, I’ll buy one and drive it myself,” Obama promised 1,600 auto workers at a United Auto Workers union event in Detroit on Tuesday. “Yes, that’s right,” he reiterated, accompanied by deafening applause.

What a piping hot load. Did a cow shit in here? No, it’s just another Obama speech. Predictably, empty promises mouthed to either a bunch of enthusiastic sloped-foreheaded union knuckledraggers or equally enthralled 5th year community college retards en route to till the debt fields for the next 15 years of their miserable McDonald’s slinging lives.  *arf!* *arf!*  to deafening applause.

Would I like fries with that?  Oh, yes you can – add that to my order.

Less than a week later:

Chevy’s electric car, the Volt, is running on empty. With sales lagging and inventories building, GM has decided to idle production of the Chevy Volt for five weeks. During that time, about 1,300 workers will temporarily be laid off.

Because if there’s one thing Obama’s full of more than shit, it’s himself.  I can understand Weinstein’s confusion considering the striking resemblance.

The Helpless Dictator

February 21st, 2012 at 11:15 pm by Brian

Is there something magic about going from $3.50 a gallon to $4.00?  I always thought that would have happened at $2.00 a gallon but I evidently underestimated the magnitude of revolving credit Americans were willing to taken on for their cars without stopping off at Home Depot to buy pitchforks and propane torches.

Enter stage Far Left.  The “I Can Invent A Reason To Force You To Buy Everyone Else’s Medical Insurance” President suddenly is helpless in the face of the gas prices that he encouraged.  Get out your bicycle pumps, everybody.  This whole thing can be solved by properly inflating your tires and getting a tune-up:

During an event at the University of Miami, Mr. Obama will discuss the steps the country can take to tackle what the White House sees as an annual cycle of spikes in gas prices, the officials said. At the same time, these officials, who briefed reporters Tuesday on the president’s plans, acknowledged that there is almost nothing the president can do in the near term to lower gas prices.

I’ve lived a couple of years now and “the annual cycle of spikes in gas prices” has never been this bad.

Cut off the gas card to Air Force One and the 22 limousine caravan and see how quick that changes.

The administration officials brushed off the brewing political storm over rising gas prices as an annual affair bolstered by media hysteria. They said the White House anticipated the current spike in gas prices, which they attribute to increased demand around the world, particularly from China.

Has the media been “hysterical” about gas prices?  Up until last week they’ve comatose on the subject of gas prices for three years.  If even one of them had showed anything resembling Terry Schiavo-level animation it would have been nothing short of miraculous.   Under Bush they were apoplectic over $1.80 gas.

Funny how China has increased demand and they make moves to buy Canada’s ethical oil that Obama rejected.  He did reject it, right?

February 6, 2012

On Monday, Stephen Harper, the prime minister of Canada, traveled to China for a week of high-level meetings.  He brought with him a handful of his cabinet ministers, including Joe Oliver, his tough-talking minister of natural resources who, until recently, had been withering in his scorn for the opponents of the Keystone XL oil pipeline, which President Obama rejected a few weeks ago.  The pipeline, of course, was intended to transport vast oil reserves in Alberta to the American refineries on the Gulf of Mexico.

Magic Chi-coms!  No comprehensive energy policy there.  You have something I need so I approach you to buy it with money in my hand.

So Canada thinks that Obama rejected the pipeline.  The environmentally-ill whackjobs take credit for Obama rejecting the pipeline.  Republicans brought it up for a vote several times and Obama rejected the pipeline.  And Obama brags about rejecting the pipeline.

Because the sheer volume of his bullshit is shovel-ready enough to bring the unemployment rate to 0%.  Earlier today in the Cuckoobirdland that is the White House Press Corps / Stenography Pool:

TAPPER: How can you say you have an all-of-the-above approach if the president turned down the Keystone pipeline? And you blame the Republicans for making a political –

CARNEY: But the president didn’t turn down the Keystone pipeline.

This is why no lawyers should ever be President.

“There are no magic solutions to rising oil prices and the pain that Americans feel at the pump,” Carney said.

He’s right about that.  Magic solutions are for healing the earth and stopping the tides from rising with rainbow marshmallows shooting out of a unicorn ass.  It’s not fucking magic to be energy independent through oil.  You either drill it yourself or you buy it from somebody who is friendly to your interests.  You’ve shut down the refineries, lived up to your campaign promise of putting the coal companies out of business and then act shocked when poor and middle-class people can’t afford gas to go to work assuming you haven’t killed their job yet.

Duh, you’re getting three years of welfare so you don’t have to go to yucky work. Between childcare and 25-30% of your take home pay going to the gas tank it doesn’t make sense to go to work and thanks to neverending unemployment benefits – you don’t have to!  You’re welcome.

Who’s up for moving to Australia?  By my count, Mad Max should have been born already and it’s only a matter of time before he joins The Bronze with the last of the V-8 Interceptors.

Local Merchants Pay Their Fair Share ™

December 23rd, 2011 at 6:37 pm by Brian

Something tells me if some of these people were standing in line looking for a job and not sitting outside of a mall waiting for some Chinese made sneakers with a multi-hundred millionaire’s name on them that their families would be considerably better off:

Louisville, Ky. (WDRB) – Witnesses say Louisville Metro Police had to break up a fight early today at Jefferson Mall over the release of a new style of sneakers.

Officers were on the scene where witnesses told WDRB that 75 to 100 people were reportedly in a fight over pairs of the new Air Jordan Eleven Retro Concords.

One witness claimed that a security guard was trampled by the crowd waiting for several shoe stores to open early. That claim could not be independently verified, as WDRB News was not allowed inside the mall.

At least eight police cars were on scene. Sources with the mall claim they were already there to provide security.

From the Keynesian / Krugmaniac  perspective, look at all of the jobs this melee helped to create or save.  The riot police called in to maintain order and make arrests (plus overtime!), the booking agents who would log them into the jail, the ambulance drivers who would pick up the wounded, the therapists who could counsel them,  the locksmith to prepare new fences for the stores and the janitors to clean up the blood.  And, of course, the welfare office who cut the checks that allowed these folks with such misplaced priorities to use their cash on hand for something this important to begin.

This riot is probably the greatest thing to happen to this particular strip mall since October 2008.

“I got the love for the ‘Js,’ you feel me?” said Brandon Betts, a customer who purchased the shoes. ”Look at the box! The box is cold!”

“Man it’s crazy in there: people getting run over and security guards getting trampled and stuff,” he added. “They almost tried to arrest us!”

Sources with the Mall deny that there was a fight and say no police report was made out.

Correction:  No jobs were created for booking agents logging anyone into a jail for these various felonies.  And from North Carolina:

PINEVILLE, NC (WBTV) – Dozens of police officers had to break up fights and restore order at a local mall while shoppers were waiting for an overnight sale of a popular tennis shoe.

WTF is it about tennis shoes?  They don’t make you jump any higher or run faster.  Michael Jordan retired from basketball almost a decade ago.  Now, this could just be the cracker in me talking, but are tennis shoes important enough to add another candle to the Kwanzaa menorah?

You’ve got Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumbaa, Imani and Air Jordans.  Air Jordans being the last candle.  The highest.  The culmination of all of your race-based collectivist couch-sweating labors.

In a related story, Eric “We’re Cowards On Race” Holder brought a federal lawsuit against South Carolina today for daring to ask voters to show some form of identification in order to vote:

The Justice Department on Friday entered the divisive national debate over new state voting laws, rejecting South Carolina’s measure requiring photo-identification at the polls as discriminatory against minority voters.The decision by Justice’s Civil Rights Division could heighten political tensions over the new laws, which critics say could depress turnout among minorities and others who helped elect President Obama in 2008.A dozen states this year passed laws requiring voters to present state-issued photo identification, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Just how is this related to a story about people rioting over Christmas tennis shoes?  Maybe because if showing some form of official ID to vote was such a hardship that all of these people standing in line to pay $200 for a pair of tennis shoes could, I dunno, take their Granny or Auntie to the DMV to get a $15 driver’s license.  The wait would be less too as well as not being out in the cold.

Voting with Their Feet:

Do Blacks care more about tennis shoes than their right to vote?

 In Tennessee, we have to show a government issued photo ID to buy 8 tablets of Sudafed and enter our names in a DEA Registry if we want to effectively combat allergy season.  Yet, somehow, exercising your right to vote – the ultimate franchise – shouldn’t require anything more than showing up at the poll of your choice several times a day and show nothing save the cartons of cigarettes and “walking around money” that Eric Holder gave your preacher.

Taking time away from his busy schedule of murdering border agents, funneling illegal arms to and money laundering for Mexican drug cartels, AG Holder had these comments earlier this month regarding those who have an entire year to figure out a way to get a Photo ID in between their hectic tennis shoe rioting schedule:

Holder expressed concern about the new laws in the Dec. 13 address, saying: “Are we willing to allow this era – our era – to be remembered as the age when our nation’s proud tradition of expanding the franchise ended?’’

At the same time, Holder vowed to not let politics affect his department’s review. “We’re doing this in a very fair, apolitical way,’’ he said in a recent interview with The Washington Post. “We don’t want anybody to think that there is a partisan component to anything we are doing.’’

Of course, not.  Politics plays no part whatsoever in  suing those racists in red states for affirming the identity of their voters and preventing fraud at the polls using the same standard as buying a six-pack of beer or cigarettes.

And if you believe that, I have some Black Panthers standing outside of a voting station  in Philadelphia to sell you.

Fret Not, America: ***LIVE*** From the We Stand With Gibson Rally

October 7th, 2011 at 3:57 pm by Brian

Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn warns the bikers over their carbon emissions.

Live simulcast starts at 1PM CST through the official We Stand With Gibson site.

What is it about American Exceptionalism that the soon-to-be ex-President Urkel H. Anti-Christ, Jr. hates so much?  Much like the impetus for the astroturfed “Occupy Wall Street” mob scenes, it has a lot to do with whether your check cleared the DNC.  Like the radio payola scandals, it also appears that federal agents are taking requests with mercenary aplomb from the far Left end of your dial.

The abbreviated version is that earlier this year Obama’s eco-stormtroopers at the hilariously misnamed US Dept. of Fish and Wildlife attacked the guitar manufacturer during a daring daylight raid, guns draw on employees, out of fear that Gibson’s inventory of awesome would have been flushed down their toilets had they simply knocked on the door with a search warrant.

Makes you proud to be an American, doesn’t it?  I mean it’s not selling automatic weapons to Mexican Drug Cartels in order to pin gang violence on US gun owners but it’s a nice touch.

At issue seems to be that Gibson employs documented American citizens to do some fit and finish work on the wood used in their instruments.  Americans who should be drawing patriotic unemployment checks. 

In an interview with Beck radio affiliate KMJ 105.9 in Fresno, California, Juszkiewicz told host Chris Daniel that the government made the point “explicitly:”

CHRIS DANIEL:  Mr. Juszkiewicz, did an agent of the US government suggest to you that your problems would go away if you used Madagascar labor instead of American labor?

HENRY JUSZKIEWICZ:  They actually wrote that in a pleading.

CHRIS DANIEL:  Excuse me?

HENRY JUSKIEWICZ:   They actually wrote that in a pleading.

CHRIS DANIEL:  That your problems would go away if you used Madagascar labor instead of our labor?

HENRY JUSKIEWICZ:  Yes, yeah. They said that explicitly.

It’s not that the wood is harvested from the Tree of Souls from Avatar though if it were it would probably rock your face off and simultaneously get your cats pregnant.  And it’s not that a foreign government lodged a complaint.  No, US Fish and Wildlife decided to pro-actively enforce another country’s laws and pervert one of our own when the other country did not think it was a problem.  Gee, I wonder why.

One of Gibson’s leading competitors is C.F. Martin & Company. The C.E.O., Chris Martin IV, is a long-time Democratic supporter, with $35,400 in contributions to Democratic candidates and the DNC over the past couple of election cycles. According to C.F. Martin’s catalog, several of their guitars contain “East Indian Rosewood.” In case you were wondering, that is the exact same wood in at least ten of Gibson’s guitars.

The Gibson facility wasn’t raided over allegations of tax evasion, charges of embezzlement, or even something as drab as child labor. Not even close. It was raided over what the DOJ deems an inability to follow a vague domestic trade law in India (one that apparently the Indian government didn’t seem too concerned about enforcing) regarding a specific type of wood. Not illegal wood, just wood with obscenely specific procedural guidelines.

While armed federal agents assert prosecutorial discretion to enforce another country’s protectionist laws.  We all know what this is.  The same thing that happened to car dealerships that contributed to Republicans after the bailout.  The same thing that happened to Ford when the White House demanded that they retract their anti-bailout commercials.

The Chicago Way may be fine for blues music and deep dish pizza but it’s  un-American in a Presidency.

Everybody lend your support to this international icon today being forced to decide whether they should  layoff all of it’s US employees to stay in the good graces of our Gangster Government or fight the good fight until this administration is thrown out on its red diaper rash in 13 months.
*********
B-Mac Update: (more…)

America’s Gone Soft-Serve

September 30th, 2011 at 2:49 am by Brian


From the President of the International Union of Projectionists Against America:

Mr. Obama, in an interview with WESH-TV in Orlando, said his administration has been tough on the country’s trading partners and tried to strengthen U.S. manufacturing.

“This is a great great country that had gotten a little soft and we didn’t have that same competitive edge that we needed over the last couple of decades,” Mr. Obama said in response to a question about the country’s economic future. “We need to get back on track.”

Nothing 99 weeks of unemployment and taxpayer funded payoffs to those svelte union workers can’t fix.

Not to worry when you know Obama’s working his fingers to the cone for you.

You ole softie.

 

Spin The Wheel, Raggedy Man

September 28th, 2011 at 11:55 pm by Brian

Having my many creative thoughts for raising money for local charities rocked down by legal counsel, I was left wondering what to make of this redline from Drudge regarding $3 entry fees to have dinner with Obama and holding a lottery for his clean and articulate company:

The emails from the Barack Obama reelect about winning a dinner with the president as a randomized reward for contributing to the campaign have gotten a bit more intense as time goes on, and the latest one, from the first lady, emphasizes that the winner of such a prize shouldn’t freak out about it.

 ”Just relax,” she advises.

Yea.  My “just relax” / “it’s for a good cause” gambit to our sitff lipped counsel didn’t assuage their concerns about violating lottery laws.  After all, there are a wealth of rules and regulations that govern lotteries, raffles, etc..  Take the District of Columbia for example concerning and the Lottery and Charitable Games Control Board including, at the very least, some licensing requirements:

1502 RAFFLE TICKET REQUIREMENTS

1502.1 Tickets printed for raffles shall include the following:

(a) Name of the licensed organization listed on the license;

(b) Date, time, place, and exact address of the drawing;

(c) Prizes to be awarded;

(d) Aggregate value of the prizes;

(e) Cost of the raffle ticket;

(f) Purpose for which net proceeds will be used;

(g) Statement that the winner need not be present at the drawing to win;

(h) Appropriate odds of winning, assuming all raffle tickets printed are sold; and

(i) The phrase “Licensed by the D.C. Lottery and Charitable Games Control Board.”

1502.2 Tickets shall have pre-printed consecutive numbers and a stub held by the licensed organization listing the name, address, and phone number of the person purchasing each ticket. This stub shall be used in the raffle draw.

1502.3 The price to the public of all tickets for any one raffle draw shall be in one fixed amount.

1502.4 Only United States currency or coin shall be accepted by a licensed organization as payment for any raffle ticket.

1502.5 Prior to the license being issued, but subsequent to Board approval of the application, the applicant shall provide a statement from the printer on a form provided by the Board stating the following:

(a) The total number of tickets to be printed;

(b) The first numbered ticket to be printed;

(c) The last numbered ticket to be printed; and

(d) That the tickets were numbered consecutively and that there were no duplications.

1502.6 Prior to the license being issued, but subsequent to Board approval of the application, the applicant shall provide to the Board the printer’s proof of the tickets.
SOURCE: Final Rulemaking published at 35 DCR 3788, 3811 (May 20, 1988).
HISTORICAL NOTE: Prior to May 20, 1988, the D.C. Lottery and Charitable Games Control Board published Final Rulemaking at 29 DCR 5016, 5036 (November 12, 1982).

1503 RAFFLE DRAW

1503.1 The licensed organization shall guarantee each ticket a fair and equal chance at the draw.

 

Etc., etc.

Oops.  Maybe they’d rather hold a bake sale except that Moochelle banned those cause of all the chunky little chirrens.

Any lawyers in the house?  Just asking.

Did Pat Robertson Get A Tan?

September 26th, 2011 at 9:23 pm by Brian

I don’t know how else to explain such insensitive nonsense:

Mr. Obama on Sunday took a swipe at Texas Governor Rick Perry for his skepticism regarding climate change, pointing to “a governor whose state is on fire denying climate change” as exemplification of the weakness of the Republican presidential field.

“I mean, has anybody been watching the debates lately?” he asked at a campaign fundraiser in California. “You’ve got a governor whose state is on fire denying climate change,” Obama said.

When Pat Robertson blames natural disasters on people not living right according to his definition he’s summarily mocked and disowned from all quarters.

Maybe Pat Robertson isn’t the right example.  Maybe President Fred O’Phelps is more appropriate.  Community agitator stands on the charred remnants of one of the 1500 homes lost with his fluorescent  “Gaia Hates Texans” sign to mock the thousands displaced and hundreds living in shelters.  Like he said to his black folk at the CBC this week, he’s listens to “some of ya’ll” but he’s not the President of “all of ya’ll”.  You  can only keep his inner-Jeremiah Wright down for so long.

This is beyond simply having no class when Obama rejected designating those wildfires a national disaster so many months ago.  But that’s what you get with a liar who acts in bad faith.  When Chicago falls and skins it’s knee he’ll be on Air Force one within the hour to wipe it’s snotty, stuck-up nose.

As I recall, there are some undocumented workers in Texas.  I’m shocked he’s willing to throw those illegal votes away for a laughline at a fundraiser.  And they did laugh.  If two or three Paultardian ghouls cheering the thought of someone dying for not buying health insurance in a crowd of thousands is talkshow fodder for a week then a much higher number taking joy at the billions in damage, lives lost and homes destroyed from a downed powerline and drought are not ghouls how exactly?

Hypocrisy Attaaaaaack Watch:  Via Jake Tapper at ABC -

The White House today added to the president’s criticism the night before of the audiences at Republican presidential debates, chastising the GOP candidates for staying silent in the face of objectionable eruptions by some members of the audience.

At a fundraiser in California on Sunday night, President Obama said of the debates, “You’ve got audiences cheering at the prospect of somebody dying because they don’t have health care and booing a service member in Iraq because they’re gay. That’s not reflective of who we are.”

The boos and applause came from what sounded like less than a handful of individuals, it should be noted.

I assure you – it’s exactly who you punk bitches are.  A couple of Paultard ghouls cheer a “theoretical” death vs. the President of the Goddamned United States of America cracking jokes about actual Americans dying.  Somewhat delightfully, Mr. Tapper reminds:

Earlier this month, Carney refused to condemn Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa Jr., who called Tea Party members “sons of bitches” at a labor event the president attended.

“I understand that there is a ritual in Washington that, you know, somebody says something and you link the associations and then everybody who has an association with him or her is somehow — has to avow or disavow it,” Carney said, adding that the president wasn’t on stage at the time and “didn’t hear it. … Mr. Hoffa speaks for himself. … The president speaks for himself.”

This ritual is rooted in tribalism I bet.  Now, if House Republicans will just quit being so partisan they can get down to voting on another half a trillion dollars in wasteful spending to some more green energy Enrons and bailout some more signing bonuses for union thug sons of bitches at their failing auto companies.  And Mr. High Minded Centrist stands above it all, committed to working to solve all of our problems he created.

 

 

 

 

The Tribe Has Spoken

September 26th, 2011 at 3:08 am by Brian

It’s not often that I find myself thinking about Chris Matthews.  Sure as we approach Halloween and I see more straw-haired dummies sitting on bales of hay it happens more often than not.  Or the occasional bout of sciatic pain that results in tingling of the extremities of a distinctly non-political nature.  Sure.  It can happen.

But when I heard about The Obamessiah’s blatant race huckstering to the socialists and Marxist sympathizers at the Congressional Black Caucus, I was indeed reminded of Sissy because of his description of Tea Partiers not so long ago:

Much like mainstream media coverage of this year’s Tea Parties, Matthews and “Hardball” guests Norah O’Donnell and Salon’s Joan Walsh made an issue of how “white” the crowd was at a Palin book signing event in Michigan.

This is a largely white — almost no minorities in this crowd,” reported MSNBC’s O’Donnell live from the scene.

Matthews reiterated, “Well, they look like a white crowd to me,” later claiming, “I think there is a tribal aspect to this thing, in other words, white vs. other people.”

 

Technically Incorrect: Though both "white" and a Tribe

Ooga booga.  The albino tribe chucking their boomspears towards the skies and their dog-whistling smoke signals codewords.  Terrifyingly patriotic and god fearing at the same time as they took afternoons away from work to protest a black president big government and a black president out of control spending and an unconstitutional power grab by a black president of their healthcare.  In fact, if it was a white president doing all of these things these less than noble savages would have been perfectly fine with it.

Not to distract from the theme, but what am I to make of these race-based crowds gathering to plot to exclude other races from exercising their bigoted franchise?

President Obama’s campaign is developing an aggressive new program to expand support from ethnic minority groups and other traditional Democratic voters as his team studies an increasingly narrow path to victory in next year’s reelection effort.

Operation Vote will function as a large, centralized department in the Chicago campaign office for reaching ethnic, religious and other voter groups. It will coordinate recruitment of an ethnic volunteer base and push out targeted messages online and through the media to groups such as blacks, Hispanics, Jews, women, seniors, young people, gays and Asian Americans.

None dare call it “tribalism” it seems.  Instead of “dogwhistles”, Big Bro “O” can scare up some chain rattles to add some rhetorical umph! to his firepit chats about the slavery to come when the almighty Clock Is Turned Back ™.  The Ghost of Jim Crow should evacuate the bladders of the recipients of his version of voodoo economics in a trail all the way to the voting booth.

Getting Warmer: A Tribe Called Quest

 

After all, with black nationwide unemployment at a 27 year high and the vicinity of 16.7%, it’s got to be somebody else’s fault other than the guy in the funny headdress because he’s half the same color as you.  Because that’s not racist.  High Economic Priest Timmeh “The Pale Rider” Gheitner can don the ceremonial bone in his nose, stomp his tiny feet, wrench his pencil neck and warn of big falling sky if another Trillion dollars from as-not-yet-written bill isn’t passed immediately, or at least a month from now after Chief’s next much needed double jumbo jet visionquest to the oppressively black Martha’s Vineyard.

Addressing the (ed. – somewhat tribally blacks only) caucus’s annual dinner Saturday night, Obama reeled off more statistics showing how he said his jobs bill would help millions of black Americans. He lamented the community’s steep economic troubles, telling cheering audience members that he needs their help, despite any discouragement they have felt.

“I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I don’t have time to complain,” he said. “I am going to press on. I expect all of you to march with me. . . . Stop complaining, stop grumbling, stop crying. We are going to press on.”

He said, “Between all these rounds of golf, I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself.”  He said, “Don’t change Chiefs in midstream”.  And if he just so happens to set back race relations in this country 60 years to win a 2nd term well that’s just the Saltine calling the Townhouse “cracker”.  It sure beats running on his record.

Almost There: I still don't see any marching shoes.

Either way, sewing racial division so that his slavish followers will paypal their EBT cards to him is the quickest way to Make-It-Rain Dance.  Whatever you do Chrissy, don’t refer to this as tribal behavior.

 

Is Ben-Gay Considered A Lubricant?

July 24th, 2011 at 2:11 pm by Brian

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about this:

Via the NY Post: AFP/Getty Images Phyllis Siegel (rear) and Connie Kopelov (front) celebrate after becoming the first same-sex couple to get married in New York City the day the state's gay marriage law went into effect.

The Big Apple said “I do” to a new era of gay rights this morning and celebrated New York City’s first same-sex weddings.

Chelsea residents Phyllis Siegel, 76, and Connie Kopelov, 84, got hitched at the marriage bureau on Worth Street in Lower Manhattan at 9:02 a.m., setting off wedding bells across Gotham.

City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, who is openly gay, witnessed the ceremony that was officiated by City Clerk Michael McSweeney.

‘It was just so amazing,’’ said Siegel, who has been with her love for 23 years. ‘‘It’s the only way I can describe it. I lost my breath and a few tears.’’

 

Is “losing your breath” really that difficult to do when you’re 76 years old?

 

Personally, I could not care less about what consenting adults do in their private lives but this isn’t that.  This is forcing your state and an attempt to force other people’s states to recognize your deviant personal behavior as normal and to get businesses to pay for health insurance.

 

Not that I have a problem with deviant behavior either.  Or, in the case of homosexuality, a statistically deviant behavior that you choose to engage in since it’s not genetic.   Either way, it should not be government’s role to play referee or certify people’s religious ceremonies.  Especially a “ceremony” that just got invented in the face of several thousand years of that particular religion’s tenants.

 

Get government out of the marriage business and let everybody get a civil union and then you’re problem is solved.  At the rate divorce courts screw over men anyway, heterosexual marriage should be a thing of the past in this lifetime.

 

What man in his right mind is going to engage in this financial risky proposition?  Only gays it seems.  80 year old lesbians harboring their daddy issues like the pack of Lucky Strikes rolled into the shirt sleeve of their v-neck tees.

 

I’m glad we don’t have anything better to worry about any more than Great-Grandma Siegel’s honeymoon as she turns down her environmentally sensitive fluorescent mood lighting and gently caresses Nana Kopolev’s Depends thong and fends off the arthritis in her diddle finger.

 

New York, NY.  You can’t smoke a cigarette but the Mayor can flick God the bird right in his stupid, fucking face.  Let’s move the reception to the nearest mosque for an exercise in the tolerance of this idiocy, shall we?

Weekly Idiocracy Roundtable: The Grand Bargain That Never Existed Has Electrolytes Edition

July 17th, 2011 at 6:22 am by Brian

Newsbusters captured an entertaining exchange between Charles “Not Sure” Krauthammer and President Camacho’s sycophantic press corps in the People’s Republic of Lemmingrad.  The similarities are facepalmslappingly uncanny.

Grab some Brawndo and enjoy:

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER: [The President] talks a good game. “Oh, I’m prepared to do entitlements, I’m ready to do entitlements.” Not once has he ever enunciated in public – other than all these leaks which I don’t trust for half a second – one structural change in entitlements, and without that, everybody over the age of nine knows we are not going to get a handle on the debt. So let’s hear him say it in public once.

NINA TOTENBERG, NPR: So why is it when he offered the big deal, the $4 trillion deal…

GORDON PETERSON, HOST: The grand bargain. It’s got electrolytes.

TOTENBERG: …the grand bargain (It’s got electrolytes), Republicans backed away from it?  It’s got what Republicans crave.

KRAUTHAMMER: When did he offer that?

TOTENBERG: He offered that last week.  What Republicans crave!

KRAUTHAMMER: Where?

TOTENBERG: In, he did it, publicly and in negotiations.

KRAUTHAMMER: In your leaks? What’s in the $4 trillion?

TOTENBERG: But Charles.

KRAUTHAMMER: Give me a number. Explain to me what’s in it.

TOTENBERG: Why is it, in two, in matter of two days, Republicans backed away from that and said we don’t want it?  It’s got what Republicans crave.  It’s got electrolytes!

KRAUTHAMMER: You accept everything he says, a $4 trillion deal, if you don’t have a single item in it that you can enunciate.

TOTENBERG: Well, I’m not at the table. Perhaps you are, but I’m not.

RAUTHAMMER: Well then how does he expect America to accept something in which he explains nothing?

TOTENBERG:    But he’s giving Republicans what they crave.  He actually said I’m going to get heat from my own people.

KRAUTHAMMER: My colleagues are demonstrating a point I’ve been trying to make about how you have a completely compliant, pliant, supine press accepting every leak out of the White House. Tell me, we have been told, I’ve heard it again and again that the President’s prepared to do, to make cuts in entitlements. Name me one.

These are the allegedly smart, well-informed Washington insider media.  Which one can escape the lure of the mystery box???  Entitlement reform might save Social Security, but the mystery box could be anything!

At this point President Camacho, aka Captain Awesome, flicked everyone the bird and acknowledged that everyone’s shit is real sensitive right now but that he has a plan to make the crops grow again.  Crops which we can then slap out of a starving child’s mouth so that we can put it into a car’s gas tank which will ultimately ruin it’s engine.   A very complicated plan that requires a measly additional $2,000,000,000,000.00 to make it through the next year or he’s going to be forced to shoot grandma in the face, stab our troops in the back and layoff all the food inspectors.

No cuts to a non-existent high speed rail to Iowa City is still untouchable though.  Still got a billion to give to Hamas.

Let them eat Extra Big Ass Fries.  No, wait.  You can’t have Extra Big Ass Fries.  Only I and my fugly wife can have Extra Big Ass Fries. F*ck you, I’m eating.

You can have Peas.  They actually do have electrolytes.

Diarrhea of the Mouth of a Mad Black Woman

July 16th, 2011 at 8:57 am by Brian

Admittedly, Tyler Perry looks better in a dress and is more ladylike.

Drudge has been leading with Sheila “I am a Queen” Jackson-Lee’s accusations that  Obama is facing unprecedented opposition because of his race and that no other President has faced the kind of disrespect that he has because he’s half-white.  *Yawn*

I am particularly sensitive to the fact that only this president…has received the kind of attacks and disagreements and inability to work,” Jackson Lee, a member of the Congressional Black Caucus, said. “Only this one. Read between the lines.”

“I do not understand what I think is the maligning and maliciousness of this president. Why is he different?” the Texas Democrat asked. “In my community that is the question we raise. In the minority community that is a question being raised. Why is this president being treated so disrespectfully?”

“Read between the lines”??? Given the illiteracy of Mrs. Jackson-Lee’s constituency, it’s a bit insensitive to ask them to read anything not in spraypaint or Spanish.  But it is instructive to know that she only represents “the minority community”. Of course, whites are a minority in her community but she doesn’t  mean to say that she represents them.  /read between the lines

This is coming from the Cynthia McKinney of Texas.  Elected time and time again from the dregs of Houston’s welfare wards.  They elect her for the expressed purposes of keeping her in zebra print moo moos, flowing gold scarfs, and to be a professional bigot representing Houston’s parolees and babymamas.

When it comes to matters of “showing disrespect”, I’m inclined to agree with her.  She stands out as one of the most disrespectful members of Congress of all time.  To her staff, to her colleagues, to airline attendants, to the American people and to a former President.  That’s not a mote in her eye, it’s a lumber yard soaked with gasoline and set ablaze.

A former staffer recalls one revealing episode during the height of the financial crisis in the waning months of the Bush administration. Jackson Lee demanded a meeting with a top Treasury aide, even though she did not sit on any of the committees with jurisdiction over financial matters. As her car pulled up outside the Treasury, Jackson Lee told her driver to park directly outside the door.

Due to the proximity of the Treasury Department’s headquarters to the White House, Secret Service officers told the driver not to park there. After an argument with the agents, who kept telling the driver to back off, Jackson Lee finally emerged from the building.

As the car drove away, a Secret Service van flashed its lights behind them. “Keep driving,” Jackson Lee told her staffer. Ultimately, the driver pulled over in defiance of the boss’s wishes. At this point, Jackson Lee emerged from the car, screaming, “I’m Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee! Who do you think you are?” to a team of Secret Service agents.

Jackson Lee accused the “white” agent at the gate of racism, claiming she wouldn’t have to deal with “this stuff” when Barack Obama became president. She then filed a formal complaint with the Secret Service, which prompted an investigation. A Treasury official later explained that the accusation had been dismissed because the agent in question was Hispanic, not white.

This is but one of dozens of examples.  Her deck only has race cards in it.  If this woman was any more of a loose cannon, Eric Holder would have already sold her to the Mexican drug cartels to kill border agents.  Check out the entire Daily Caller piece from earlier this year.  That’s just an excerpt of page 1 of 7 on Hurricane Sheila. Be thankful she failed in her quest to become a judge.

Welcome to your post-racial America, folks.

Why Won’t The Internet Stop Masturbating Me?

June 9th, 2011 at 9:43 pm by Brian

You’ve got to rove Arrec Bawrin.  Sure, it’s been several decades since Glengarry Glen Ross, but he’s still the closer.  Are you interested???  I know you are:

Which brings me to Anthony Weiner.

The Internet, as I understand it, is best for sharing information, ideas and even feelings. We send our thoughts and feelings, our very spirit, over the airwaves, with astounding velocity. At times, as human beings, we want to attach the body to the feelings, as well. Photos of ourselves and loved ones. Pets. The view out our window. The image of a child’s purity.

Barring any further revelations about the underage purity of the children Mr. Weiner of the Incalculable  Certitude, may or may not have spanked his Hebrew National to – that might have been Mr. Barrwin’s most unfortunate turn of phrase in this curiously unsolicited defense of the wanky Weiner.

Photos to find love. To find sex.

My thought on Weiner is that he is a very busy man.

For high functioning men like Weiner and other officials who have lived through such scandals, who are constantly on the go, that leaves one tried and true source of a reliable high. The affirmation that comes when someone lets you know they want to sleep with you. Or even cyber-sleep with you.

“High functioning” weiners, aside the running sexting joke is that no one ever knew if the person on the other end was a hot co-ed or a beefy bear with the keyboard of a slutty angel.

One busy gentlemen may feel a bit betrayed if he comes home from his busy day at work to find his missus jilling off to a tattooed, unemployed construction worker who’s milking the coconuts to his veiny palm tree on the other end of the Skype connection.  Much less half a dozen construction workers.

Who can say?  Working for Hillary Clinton might be a walk in the park.  A park fraught with flashers in trenchcoats.  Or the ever-gracious  frotteurs on the subway who, above all others, understand how pressed for time you are.

This is sex for many people now. No time for Mateus and cheap spaghetti. No time for slowly moving toward one another with a combination of hope and caution, lust and integrity. One can push a button and get something beyond porn. Porn is essentially two dimensional. One sees and hears. Internet sexting can be perceived as three dimensional by adding the component of “feel”, regardless of how cheap and unearned those feelings are. That person on the screen is doing whatever they’re doing… just for you.

Is this a defense or a confessional?

We tell ourselves that these devices help us communicate more effectively. What they actually do is allow us to bypass the person lying right next to us, across the room from us or at an airport heading home to us, in order to meet our immediate, even inconvenient, needs. To bypass their moods, their current view of us and their own desires, or lack thereof.

Weiner is a modern human being. So he ensnared himself in things that modern humans do. When I first heard about his problems, I snickered and made jokes, too. Now, I’m sad for him, his family, his district and his colleagues.

Let he who is without sin…

So only the atheists should be allowed to criticize Weiner by Barwin’s standard.  Preferably ones who aren’t so modern or busy.  Lazy Luddites who are fapping in the ways of our forefathers.

Through all of this, there is an unreasonable assumption that Weiner only played Hide The Salami with himself and throughout his engagement and marriage that he never indulged in an extra-marital affair.  He’s earned it, right?

Running a self-styled gauntlet of leftarded bimbos and pornstars stands he, Integritous Masturbatus.

An undeserved presumption of innocence for someone who played fast and loose with anyone on Twitter who paid him a compliment.

Damn you, sexy Internet.  I’m a married man!  And oh so busy.

 

I Hate Saying I Told You So

June 3rd, 2011 at 1:04 am by Brian

We’re a little over a year removed from the Great Nashville Flood of 2010.  Through it all, I remember the countless visions of neighbors helping neighbors.    That didn’t include Police Chief Ronal Serpas who abandoned the city a week after the rains hit for greener, golder and purpler pastures.

No, that was the first sign that the city was recovering.  As I watched the turd of his ascendancy, buoyed by the rising waters of the Cumberland River, as it floated towards the bowl of New Orleans – I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them

May 15th, 2010 “And This Little Piggy Went Wee, Wee, Wee All The Way Home”

What has happened (to New Orleans)recently???  I’m at a loss unless…wait…there was something that happened just this last week:

Nashville Police Chief Ronal Serpas takes job in New Orleans

Did the bouquet resemble fried bologna, Old Spice, jowl sweat and feet?  Because if it did, I think we’ve found our culprit.

For a city that prides itself on bacchanalian revelry, the stale sock of Chief Teetotaler is about to drape across the nose of your good time for the foreseeable future.

I’d say to prepare for the jump in violent crime and unsolved murders too (our’s is close to 40% now), but thanks to the Legacy of Naginomics you all should be ready to make that drunken, hobo stumble into Chicago gangland numbers.

Congratulations to your up and coming funeral home industry and may it replace all the French Quarter businesses forced to close once he starts enacting the same DUI laws that he did here.

Damn, it sucks to be so right.

 

New Orleans murder studies show rate is 10 times national average

Published: Saturday, March 26, 2011, 1:45 PM

Murder.

How prevalent is it? How do police stop it? What can be done?

The two analyses, the result of months-long studies conducted late last year by the federal government, attempt to shed light on the myriad factors that conspire to make New Orleans the nation’s most murderous city.

With reams of data and statistics, federal experts determined that New Orleans’ homicide rate is 10 times higher than the national rate and five times higher than the rate for comparably sized cities.

This is just for starters.  Serpas has only been there a year.  His solution is going to be to break out a computer and start feeding it garbage statistics to make you forget all those bodies you’ll be seeing on the news every night by putting a COMSTAT graphic on the Internet to make you think he’s doing something.  And prepare  for a full-scale assault by NOPD to bring the full, pedantic force of traffic law enforcement down on the heads of the citizenry scofflaws  to solve the murder problem.

It makes sense as Serpas was recently and curiously cleared of any wrongdoing in a scandal where the contract for reviewing traffic tickets was awarded to his best friend and a myriad of other double-dipping, doling out sweetcake off-duty police work assignment scandals that might sink the average bullshitter.

Indeed, NOLA.  It sucks to be you.  Flush Serpas now before he starts lulling you into a false sense of security by repeatedly defining rapes and sexual assaults  down to “Matters Of Record” like he did to juke the stats here.

 

 

The Old Man And The C (I.A. Prison)

May 22nd, 2011 at 1:50 pm by Brian

Whither thou, young Hemingway.  The world’s smallest sitar plays for you.

Father of the Year, Frank Lindh, still doing a bang-up job.

Proud Papa Frank Lindh, whose diseased loin sprang forth the American Taliban, has a full page op-ed in the New York Times today lamenting why his son has not been similarly sprung from the womb of a federal penitentiary upon Osama Bin Laden’s premature evacuation of this living world.  As Mr. Lindh is an attorney, he is so highly learned that he cannot distinguish the crimes of Osama bin Laden from those of his son.

So, upon the death of bin Laden, his son should be free as a bird.  Right?

Like Ernest Hemingway during the Spanish Civil War, John had volunteered for the army of a foreign government battling an insurgency. He thought he could help protect Afghan civilians against brutal attacks by the Northern Alliance warlords seeking to overthrow the Taliban government. His decision was rash and blindly idealistic, but not sinister or traitorous. He was 20 years old.

We’ll linger on the “20 year old” part in a moment.  But like Hemingway, the younger Lindh joined those idealistic Taliban in fighting off those Nazi Afghan warlords and to inure those poor, Afghan civilians’ throats to the loving strangle of the Taliban.  If ever there was a moment to mind you’re own effing business, this Old Man in the CIA prison never took advantage.

Before 9/11, the Bush administration was not hostile to the Taliban; barely four months before the attacks it gave $43 million in humanitarian aid to Afghanistan. There was nothing treasonous in John’s volunteering for the Afghan Army in the spring of 2001. He had no involvement with terrorism.

Just this last week, one of our nation’s eternal embarrassments – Jimmy Carter – called us “human rights violators” for not giving aid to North Korea despite their repeated violations of sanctions.  Does us providing humanitarian aid to North Korea, or Iraq under Saddam Hussein or any shithole in the world carry the import of our endorsement of the regime in power?  This is more than disingenuous.  It is, in fact, a damnable lie that the Bush administration gave its blessing to the Taliban so that Failure Frank can lay down his own suppressing fire for Jihad Johnny.  The Times editors know this and chose to keep it.

If this is the new standard then we should immediately cease and desist all humanitarian aid to every country whose leader is not as pure as the driven snow.

I was stunned when I learned that John had gone to Afghanistan. It wasn’t our fight; he put himself in harm’s way without his parents’ approval. He did not go into Afghanistan alone; he took his family with him, and we all have suffered for his impulsive choice.

Does a 20 year old need permission from their parents anymore to do anything?  I realize Mr. Lindh says he is an attorney so I’ll trust him on that.  Hopefully, he’s also aware that the same laws provide Taliban Johnny with the free choice to make his own decisions also mean that we don’t get to prosecute him as the father since Young John’s defects clearly lie with the manufacturer.  And shouldn’t he bear some civil and financial responsibility for putting out this defective product without a warning label that ended up killing others?

Now that Bin Laden is dead, I hope President Obama, and the American people, can find it in their hearts to release John, and let him come home. Ten years is enough.

Ten years for his running guns for the Taliban and staying silent when being questioned by the CIA Agents who were murdered in the riot he could have alerted them about is not long enough.  He deserves to be shot at dawn every morning.

Look deep into my heart.   No.

This month a two tour Iraq War veteran was shot 60 times in his own home by his own government while your piece of shit is kept safe from harm at US taxpayer expense to continue practicing the diseased religion that threatened the life of the former.  If ever we were able to trade the two.

Mike Spann is still unavailable for comment. Though I’d hope the Times could find the balls to let his father respond in a full-page OpEd.  We already know the answer to that one though.

Just like we know the entire transcript of the conversation between Spann and Lindh shortly before the riot that he could have alerted them to.  He sided in silence in favor of the Taliban after September 11th.  He should have been executed on the spot.

The World Goes On. We Do Not.

May 22nd, 2011 at 9:22 am by Brian

Thank God the Harold Camping jokes are almost over. They’ve been rare, if non-existent, here and I thank everyone for that.

To that end, Mr. Camping got people talking about their faiths in the living rooms of their neighbors and the eye-rolling, gallows humor of the rare few with jobs left.  Singing along to Camping’s Jonathan Edwards cover band.

If it takes the imminent threat of eternal damnation to change the way you treat your fellow man then your faith’s credibility ranks somewhere near Camping’s clairvoyance.

The man’s almost dead.  I’m sure he thought he would be dead before this date came and went.  When I was 20, I thought I would be dead by 25.  It’s why we drink.  It’s why we smoke.   It’s not that we think we’re indestructible.  It’s that we’re painfully aware of how vulnerable we are to a nihilistic degree.

Camping’s no different than Al Gore and the Hot Earthers.  I thought all the coastal cities were supposed to be modern day Atlantises by now!  How many passes does this guy get?  An armada of polar bears on ice floes should be threatening invasion of Southern California by now.

This planet hates us.  The story of human history starts with our adaptation and conquest of it and then each other.  Every once in a while, it reminds us that we don’t control it.  So quit trying.  You can’t balance a budget, quit telling us that you can manage a tilted spinning mudball with a Happy Fun Ball center.  And quit pretending you’re any different than some nut with a shock of white hair waiving a bible at us and telling us that we’re all doomed if we don’t repent and by $50 LED bulbs.

By my count, Camping’s been an amateur compared to how much money the environmental movement has looted from the Treasury.  At least his followers were given a choice.

Is This Country Worth Saving?

May 21st, 2011 at 10:35 am by Brian

I have my doubts.  For those who are still disgusted by the perpetually going-off-half-cocked behavior of Arizona Sheriff Clarence Dupenik, who blamed right-wing radio for a paranoid schizophrenic Democrat shooting Gabby Giffords, it’s of no comfort that his pre-meditated murder (and subsequent cover-up) of a two tour Iraqi War veteran in his own home will be applauded by the allegedly conservative Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia &  Thomas:

A Tucson, Ariz., SWAT team defends shooting an Iraq War veteran 60 times during a drug raid, although it declines to say whether it found any drugs in the house and has had to retract its claim that the veteran shot first.

And the Pima County sheriff scolded the media for “questioning the legality” of the shooting.

Jose Guerena, 26, died the morning of May 5. He was asleep in his Tucson home after working a night shift at the Asarco copper mine when his wife, Vanessa, saw the armed SWAT team outside her youngest son’s bedroom window.

“She saw a man pointing at her with a gun,” said Reyna Ortiz, 29, a relative who is caring for Vanessa and her children. Ortiz said Vanessa Guerena yelled, “Don’t shoot! I have a baby!”

Yes, it’s an isolated incident.  Not nearly as isolated as we would like to believe. But the revolutionary disrespect for the Fourth Amendment from Rookie SWAT/Hired Murderer #1 all the way to Supreme Court Chief Justice makes me question my continued citizenship.  We’ve got to expect the murder of a few innocent eggs to make our Drug War omelet and if they were innocent after all – well, fuck it.  Don’t you dare have the temerity to question the policy.  After all, who do you think you are?  A free person in a country that respects your right to life, secure in your personal property or to pursue your individual happiness?

Grow up.

When you no longer have a right to defend yourself from someone anonymously and violently breaking into your home, you’re no longer in America anyway.

What? You’re still here?

May 21st, 2011 at 9:55 am by Cranky

I know I am, so either I’ve really disappointed Lord Jesus, or another Armageddon crackpot left thousands of followers with the dismal prospect of having to show up for work on Monday.

Well, I’m pretty sure number one is true but this time I’m going with the latter.

I am of course talking about the second end-of-days-absolutely-for-real-I’ve-got-the-math-to-prove-it prediction from Harold Camping. Look, we believers really ought to live like He will return tomorrow. However the absurdity of holding to a specific date is not only contrary what Jesus himself said, but doubly ridiculous considering that this is his second attempt given with a straight face.

For Camping, the morning after should be as embarrassing as one after an Ecstasy and vodka fueled rave in a SoHo tranny bar. But it won’t be. Instead the aftermath, for many will be a deep disappointment.

Wohlberg said the Bible does not give a date for the end of the world and Camping’s system for determining the date is based on “speculation” that’s a mixture of truth and fiction.

As a result, he “makes Christians out to be a laughing stock.”

So why do people seem to believe him?

“He’s very charismatic,” Wohlberg said. Plus, “the climate that we’re living in with so many things happening in the world lends itself to people believing something is going to happen.”

The author of “The Rapture Delusions” also argues that “human beings are gullible.”

Unfortunately, when Sunday, May 22, comes and the world has not ended, Wohlberg fears the worst.

“There’s a danger [his followers are] going to be disillusioned with the Bible,” he said. “They are going to give up on God and the Bible and throw in the towel.”

The End Times and new secular apocalypses, such as global warming, nuclear winter, ozone holes, have held the fascination of countless people throughout history. I’m just fascinated by the people who are waiting for anything to pin their fears onto.

As May 21 drew nearer, followers say donations grew, allowing Family Radio to spend millions of dollars on more than 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs plastered with the doomsday message. In 2009, the nonprofit reported in IRS filings that it received $18.3 million in donations, and had assets of more than $104 million, including $34 million in stocks or other publicly traded securities.

Marie Exley, who helped put up apocalypse-themed billboards in Israel, Jordan, Lebanon and Iraq, said the money helped the nonprofit save as many souls as possible. She said she and her husband, mother and brother planned to stay glued to the television Friday night in Bozeman, Montana for news of an earthquake in New Zealand.

Well, we caught a break in the rain this morning so I am going out to mow the overgrown lawn before it turns into a jungle.

Transparency for Thee, Not for Me

May 14th, 2011 at 8:35 am by Brian

Your Time to Divest From Facebook Is Now.

Realizing, of course, that your information is the asset.  Given freely and with no hopes of ever concealing it.  Your real name, your hometown, every medical issue you’ve ever discussed, every old flame you’ve ever looked up, every opinion on every issue and your Zynga poker strategy to boot – handed over to an untouchable, Democrat sociopath:

For years, Mark Zuckerberg, the chief executive of Facebook, has extolled the virtue of transparency, and he built Facebook accordingly.

….

“Having two identities for yourself is an example of a lack of integrity,” Mr. Zuckerberg has said.

Now, Facebook is being taken to task for trying to conceal its own identity as it sought to coax reporters and technology experts to write critical stories about the privacy implications of a search feature, Social Circle, from its rival, Google.

Transparency for thee, not for me it seems.  The Founding Fathers of this country understood perfectly the role of anonymity and I would rely on their 200+ year old integrity against Zuckerburg and his ilk any day of the week.

I was always reluctant to ever open a Facebook account and never fully embraced it. But hey, everybody’s doing it.  And if everybody’s doing it…that’s a lot of guys doing it*.

You’re faced with handing over not just your content but a map of everyone you know (home, work, church, other)  to someone who ostensibly hates you and has the ability to use it against you.  That I cannot stomach.  I don’t go to movies or buy the music of people who openly express contempt of my values.  Why should this be any different?  This isn’t to say that I’m so self-centered that I think a multi-billion dollar corporation is after me.  It just could if it wanted to and I don’t have to be the one to give it the ammunition.

It’s the Disclose Act on a personal level.

In a statement issued Thursday, Facebook said: “We wanted third parties to verify that people did not approve of the collection and use of information from their accounts on Facebook and other services for inclusion in Google Social Circles. We engaged Burson-Marsteller to focus attention on this issue, using publicly available information that could be independently verified by any media organization or analyst. The issues are serious and we should have presented them in a serious and transparent way.

After they were caught hiring a top flight PR firm to engage in an anonymous smear campaign.  It’s almost like the private sector parallel of the President they support. Openness, honesty and transparency for all – except me!  It’s still the Gilded Age for these information railroad robber barons and it’s time for a trustbuster.

Don’t anyone be offended when I start de-friending you.  I’m not hating the players, I’m hating the game.

 

Because I’m All About Compromise Up In H’yere

May 4th, 2011 at 3:09 pm by Brian

So we can’t see OBL’s splodeydome because it would inflame the LGF comments threads, the  goatbuggering Arab Sodomy Fields Street.

How about if we had him in an open casket funeral provided that the closed half was covered by an American flag?  Or, maybe if we dressed his corpse up in women’s panties and threw it on top of a big  pile of Abu Ghraib prisoners with Lindy’s dangling cigarette hanging over him?

Since neither photos of flag-draped coffins or prisoner abuse concerned Obama with international backlash, or threats to our troops and ambassadors abroad, this would have seemed like a safe compromise.

And then, in accordance with Islamic practice, we could have strapped a bomb to his remains and tossed him in a Beslan schoolhouse.

/Because of 16 hours of rawmuscleglutular and courageously gritty sleep deliberation!

You Can’t Rape The Willing

April 30th, 2011 at 10:44 am by Brian

This lover’s spat between the San Francisco Chronicle and Obama is getting out of hand.  In Tennessee, at least one party has to be arrested if the police arrive to a domestic violence call and see evidence of physical injury.  It’s the law.

However, it’s doubtful that Eric Holder is going to be flashing his blue lights or that Janet Incompetano will ride to the rescue in her extra-husky black wranglers for this collar.

The White House says a San Francisco Chronicle reporter broke the rules when she put down her pen and picked up a video camera to film a protest. The newspaper says the Obama administration needs to join the 21st century.

The conflict hit the newspaper’s front page Friday with a story about coverage of the protest during President Barack Obama’s speech last week at a private fundraiser.

It highlights the perils that arise when traditional arrangements between news organizations and politicians meet the modern reality that anyone with a smartphone can become a video journalist.

“Modern Day Reality” means a camera?  What is this – 1885?

That “traditional arrangement” would be to protect the comfortable in exchange for access.  Like Eason Jordan of CNN covering up Saddam Hussein’s atrocities to keep his Baghdad bureau open, every other media outlet in the U.S. has reached a similar arrangement for Barack Hussein so that they can keep snapping their pictures of his head in front of the presidential seal so that it resembles a halo.  And to photoshop out the horns as agreed.

I thought when you wanted to Change America ™ that “traditional arrangements” went out the window.  What was supposed to be an open marriage has not-so-suddenly become an abusive relationship.  Buck up, sugar.  He’s still such a catch.

Dan Gillmor, a media critic and head of the Knight Center for Digital Media Entrepreneurship at Arizona State University, said the White House needs to update the rules for its pool reports to match the realities of 21stcentury reporting.

But he also said newspapers should do more to embrace the new reality that amateurs are capable of providing their own records of events, showing a wider range of perspectives. For example, he said the Chronicle could focus more on providing a platform for amateur video, which would expand the definition of the press pool to anyone with a video camera.

In a Syrian sense, Obama’s the Reformer (like Assad) and this is really the SF Chronicle’s fault anyway.  Just look at how they were dressed all with a tape recorder and flip camera.  If you’re a reporter, you know not to go out in public all dolled up like that.

Put some ice on it, honey.   After all, no one in the media went into journalism to be objective.

The entire news media has a black eye today and they totally earned it.

The Fred Phelps of Global Warming

April 29th, 2011 at 7:34 pm by Brian

Hot Air’s got the link to the punk bitches at ThinkProgress.   I don’t want to rip their tiny holes with my massive link since under Obamacare I will have to pay for the stitching.  And the therapy.  The so many hours of therapy.

But blaming tornado victims because their state representatives don’t vote to wreck their economies over non-existent global warming?  Well….that’s not Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson all rolled into one, how exactly?

The congressional delegations of these states — Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia, Virginia, and Kentucky — overwhelmingly voted to reject the science that polluting the climate is dangerous. They are deliberately ignoring the warnings from scientists.

So if you’re just joining us because you’ve spent the last two days pulling your loved ones out from under the bricks of what was once your home – you know in your heart of hearts that you had this coming didn’t you?

I expect no class from the left ever.  I’ve tried to show them the error of their ways but they refuse to learn.

Everybody – you have a free pass the next time an earthquake hits San Fransicko, a terrorist hits New York City, or Allah willing, a fire burns Chicago to the ground.  Have at it.  Let them know that God is punishing them for their AIDS , buggery or whatever square that you don’t like about them that can be hammered into the round hole of reality.

They’re liberals after all.  I don’t need any other reason to wish every last one of them dead in the most painful way possible or to gloat over it before they have a chance to be buried.

 

 

Gangster Government’s St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

April 16th, 2011 at 7:07 am by Brian

I imagine that Harry Reid is smiling this morning.  And we’ll file this under “Income Tax Day Coincidences”.

Where is your Pro-Choice lobby now?  You can ante up your underage uterus on the operating table with a taxpayer funded blind but you can’t hit on soft 17 unless you travel across state lines to Atlantic City or Nevada.

The founders of the three largest online poker sites were indicted on Friday in what could serve as a death blow to a thriving industry.

Eleven executives at PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker, Absolute Poker and a number of their affiliates were charged with bank fraud and money laundering in an indictment unsealed in a Manhattan court. Two of the defendants were arrested on Friday morning in Utah and Nevada. Federal agents are searching for the others.

Prosecutors are seeking to immediately shut down the sites and to eventually send the executives to jail and to recover $3 billion from the companies. By Friday afternoon Full Tilt Poker’s site displayed a message explaining that “this domain name has been seized by the F.B.I. pursuant to an Arrest Warrant.”

This is the quid pro quo that government virtue paid to legalized vice and is the U.S. equivalent of Russia’s Mikhail Khodorkovsky farce.

Harry Reid calls out hit squad on the Vegas competition

Of all my vices, gambling is not counted among them.  Not that I’m against it – I’m just not good at it.  Judging from the constantly imploded and rebuilt steel and glass along the Las Vegas Strip, neither is anyone else.   Leaving out the morality of gambling, online or otherwise, the only difference between the physical casino that checks your bags while removing all of the windows and clocks from the gaming area and the one that you play in the solitude of your home office is the silent governmental partner who wants to make sure he gets his cut.

Full-Tilt Government.  The House always wins.

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