Another classic from our boy BigFurHat.

If there is ever a need for a guerilla advertising campaign, it’s publishing Iowahawk’s “Life of Julia” parody and wallpapering the world with it.

Admittedly, I was going to run with this idea but that it would only be one panel long.

When “Julia” was conceived, her mother receives federal funds care of the Lily Ledbetter Womb Emancipation Act to abort her and recycle her stem cells through The Race To Cure Capitalism Foundation.

Every Obama speech from here until election day should be greeted with so many “Woof-woof-woof”s that people think Arsenio Hall is running for President.

This picture is the exact opposite of what Obama did. Plus chewy teeth.

In all fairness, Barack should be forgiven for his past sins against man’s best friend.  Look who he married.  If that’s not proof that he can learn to love a dog then nothing will.

On the other hand, this story from 2010 does seem odd in retrospect:

Obama, Lurie discussed Vick, green energy

Lurie told Peter King of NBC and Sports Illustrated the president praised the decision to hire Vick after the former Atlanta Falcon served 21 months in the Leavenworth, Kan., federal prison and was under home confinement for his involvement in an illegal interstate dogfighting ring, The Washington Post reported.

“The president wanted to talk about two things, but the first was Michael,” Lurie said. “He said, ‘So many people who serve time never get a fair second chance.’ He was … passionate about it. He said it’s never a level playing field for prisoners when they get out of jail. And he was happy that we did something on such a national stage that showed our faith in giving someone a second chance after such a major downfall.”

*Ahem*

Obama Scolds Vick: Don't play with your food.

So the guy who eats dogs (because eating a particular animal transfers their characteristics to you as he said) “passionately” calls the top 1% owner of a football team to ask about his top 1% player to make sure his career is recovering  after going to jail for running a dogfighting ring.  Sort of puts it in perspective, doesn’t it?

Commies, please keep telling yourselves that this is not a big deal.  Americans spend approximately $45 billion dollars a year on their pets.  They get upset watching Sarah McLachlan showing injured ones to raise money for charity.

Your president ate (at the very least) one because he thought it would give him special powers. And it did.  It made him your pack leader.

Woof-woof.

Because evidently dead 17 year olds are just the kind of biofuel running Obama’s 2012 campaign.  Based on the comment threads I’ve read, and watching David Pfluffer on Meet the Press, if Obama can start at the toes and roll his way up to Trayvon Martin’s eyes he should be able to squeeze enough political mileage out of his corpse to get 98% of the black vote or more.

All the commies are talking about it and all the people on the right are talking about the way the commies are talking about it.

I get it.  A Latino neighborhood watch leader is accused of being white so that his shooting of an unarmed black teenager will give the black community an excuse to riot over anything not related to the way Obama has totally screwed them all over economically for the last 3 years.  Really, I get it.  It’s a wonderful distraction to galvanize the black vote and poison the well with race before this next election.

If I were a post-partisan, post-racial Earth Healer / attorney I would definitely interject my opinion that what happened in Florida was a hate crime and encourage my friends in the Black Panther Party to put up $10k to kidnap and murder the alleged cracker before the case goes to trial.  Better yet, just post his address and hope some hotheads shoot at the right house like Spike Lee has suggested.  That’s just what calm, cool and collective community organizers bring to the table.

With the proper cross-branding, The Trash Can Through The Burning Storefront Toss can get funding from Michelle Obama’s Move360 program and hold a voter registration drive at the same time.  Can’t let a crisis go to waste someone once said.

Like the Jena 6, Duke Lacrosse and Tawana Brawley, we are a much better country thanks to the awareness raised by ginning up fake hate crimes charges if the alleged victim is the correct color.  Usually a President doesn’t take the time to note the hue of the victim and to what degree they fall in the spectrum near a color that he’s more comfortable looking at in the mirror but these are post-racial times my friends.

If you do not look like Trayvon Martin, you will be given the opportunity to self-lynch and all carbon taxes will be waived if you act now.

From the top one percenter, human stunt blob Harvey Weinstein:

Top Hollywood producer and Obama bundler Harvey Weinstein attend the White House state dinner last night and had nothing but wonderful things to say about the president.

“I’m so thrilled he’s running for reelection, he’s done a fantastic job, and he’s the most underestimated president I’ve seen,” Weinstein said, according to the pool report. “He’s too humble, and his accomplishments far outweigh his esteem, but people will learn that in time.”

This was his “humility” before Day One in office.   Safe to say, his modesty has grown at a rate exponential to our economy under his watch.

Should we ever expect less from the 4th Greatest President of All Time and future point guard of the Chicago Bulls?  Not unless they change their name to the Chicago Bullshit.

Then he could be the owner.  Elect him to the Hall of Fame before the first game.  Put his face on the jerseys.  Provide that everyone learns to distribute the ball evenly and is allowed to take the same number of shots.  Indeed, pay all of the players the exact same amount.  When they lose, he can praise their effort as the model of efficiency right before they file for bankruptcy.

February 28, 2011

But when his presidency ends, Mr. Obama knows exactly what car he wants to buy as his post-presidential ride — a plug-in Chevrolet Volt. “Five years from now when I’m not president anymore, I’ll buy one and drive it myself,” Obama promised 1,600 auto workers at a United Auto Workers union event in Detroit on Tuesday. “Yes, that’s right,” he reiterated, accompanied by deafening applause.

What a piping hot load. Did a cow shit in here? No, it’s just another Obama speech. Predictably, empty promises mouthed to either a bunch of enthusiastic sloped-foreheaded union knuckledraggers or equally enthralled 5th year community college retards en route to till the debt fields for the next 15 years of their miserable McDonald’s slinging lives.  *arf!* *arf!*  to deafening applause.

Would I like fries with that?  Oh, yes you can – add that to my order.

Less than a week later:

Chevy’s electric car, the Volt, is running on empty. With sales lagging and inventories building, GM has decided to idle production of the Chevy Volt for five weeks. During that time, about 1,300 workers will temporarily be laid off.

Because if there’s one thing Obama’s full of more than shit, it’s himself.  I can understand Weinstein’s confusion considering the striking resemblance.

They guy is too buffed and the kitchen is too clean for this to be convincing, but if you can suspend your belief a bit, you’ll be ROFL.

… please enjoy this. Especially for you fans of Lord of the Rings. Watch closely for dialog from the upcoming Hobbit movie starting at about 2:00.

A little background, Mike O’Brien is an SNL writer who hosts a bizarre webcast called “Seven Minutes in Heaven”. If you’re weird like me, you may find yourself watching all his videos.

How else could you explain the constant attacks on the half-black, half-hispanic Spider Man? Sure it was cool for 60 years, but there’s a new post-racial era upon us!

And social justice for all. And not in that pansy-ass college seminar way. We’re talking cold hard cash!

Yesterday

Just like banned trans-fat, an Obama second term is good for you.

Yesterday

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, but much, much cooler.

Yesterday

Look for the silver lining, momma always said.

Yesterday

The campaigning has begun and I think President Obama is off to a great start.

Check back tomorrow. More coming.

Remind me again – who was it who didn’t pass a budget for two years prior to her ouster as the Speaker of the House of Representin’?

House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) will demand a seat in the table for the final talks on the national debt limit, putting a strong liberal voice in the room.

Pelosi and House Democrats were left out of the negotiations between President Obama and Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) last year that extended nearly all of the Bush tax rates though 2012.

Pelosi didn’t participate in the final high-level talks over fiscal 2011 spending levels either.

But now she’s demanding her say at a time when many of her House Democratic colleagues are disappointed in Obama’s level of consultation with their caucus.

I’m sorry.  I thought the point of budget negotiations was to actually accomplish something.  Not to interject “a strong liberal voice” to ensure nothing gets done.

These protestations from the Iron Bitch who locked Republicans out of all discussions during her Reign of Error, capped off with a stroll across the capitol with a super-sized gavel while she laughed and laughed, is so rich that it deserves a tax cut.  “A strong liberal voice”, Alzheimer’s what’s the difference?

Me Neither: Remember when Madame House Frau Natasha Pelosovic allowed a "strong conservative voice" in healthcare negotiations?

Or, perhaps we should just pass the new budget so she can find out what’s in it.  Or, just “deem it” to have passed without even having to vote on it.

Here you go, Ma’am.  I found a chair that’s just about your speed.  Try not to bang it too loudly.

Code Pink approved

Now I realize that picture is a bit insensitive and probably violating ADA standards given Great-Grandmother Pelosivic’s disabilities.  Should budget negotiations drag on too long, we can make accommodations so that she can still participate without sacrificing her dignity.

Flexing her muscle, Pelosi asked for and got a meeting with Obama on Thursday morning to discuss the next phase in the negotiations.

At her age, she shouldn’t be flexing so much though I do concede that she knows how to make a stink if she doesn’t get her way.

With one well placed bullet, a gay-ass, lame father’s day gift becomes much more – well – fun.

Though lying low since their inauspicious arrival in 1982, their hour is at hand. In response to growing union influence, the Koch Brothers sent the activation code and now all hell will break loose.

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. We’re about to start the bonus round on It’s Different!

Our contestants are the best of the best from liberal intelligentsia, media and journalism. I’ll pose a series of questions and you choose the best answer.

Let’s begin!

(more…)

What a media circus that was, eh?

Being the Six Meat Buffet, we are obligated to say something. Sadly, in my case, that something isn’t meaningful.

But hey, Doug Ross notes that this weiner tossing is nothing new.

If you are enjoying this Memorial Day Cranky style, and by that I mean holed up indoors in a fashion that makes Ted Kaczynski uneasy, let me humbly share my cheers and jeers from the free instant queue. Due to the ennui, each review will be limited to five words.

Daybreakers – Corporations are the real bloodsuckers.

Grown ups – Rock, Sandler, James, Spade – wasted.

Cop Out – Buddy film with no buddies.

Kick Ass – Awesomely clever, fun child endangerment.

Predator 2 – No steroids for you, Danny.

Legion – Whoa, what Bible says that?

RoboCop – Campy action never gets old.

Another gem stolen from iOwnTheWorld.

Celebrities who look like they (probably) smell.

Some signs just annoy me. Not sure why.

Is this the ironic 40? Maybe it’s scare quotes. You know how those “40″ year olds are…

Is this supposed to reassure me? It’s like the no “firearms beyond this point” sign I saw at a post office. You brought the gun this far, odds are you’re in for the haul. The sign won’t cut it.
However, if the sign also said, “but you, our customer, should consider doing so as well”, then maybe it could be seen as a bit more friendly.

Is this a riddle? Tell me O Great Sphinx of the Department of Parking and Revenue. If I don’t park for two hours, do I attain immortality?

Check out this gem for you fans of MST2K. It helps to be a sci-fi geek, but certainly isn’t mandatory. Enjoy!

“PolitiZoid – Mystery Presidential Theater” from RightChange on Vimeo.

Found at IOwnTheWorld

So we can’t see OBL’s splodeydome because it would inflame the LGF comments threads, the  goatbuggering Arab Sodomy Fields Street.

How about if we had him in an open casket funeral provided that the closed half was covered by an American flag?  Or, maybe if we dressed his corpse up in women’s panties and threw it on top of a big  pile of Abu Ghraib prisoners with Lindy’s dangling cigarette hanging over him?

Since neither photos of flag-draped coffins or prisoner abuse concerned Obama with international backlash, or threats to our troops and ambassadors abroad, this would have seemed like a safe compromise.

And then, in accordance with Islamic practice, we could have strapped a bomb to his remains and tossed him in a Beslan schoolhouse.

/Because of 16 hours of rawmuscleglutular and courageously gritty sleep deliberation!

And Obamacare would need to cover the Dent Doctor to pull all the dings out of her hail-damaged ass.

Bill Maher uttered a female vulgarism when referring to former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin on his HBO show Friday night.

“Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade ‘Tsunami,’” Maher said. “I mean she said, ‘These ‘Tsunamians’ will not get away with this.’ Oh speaking of dumb tw**s, did you…”

Maher was offering an imagined Palin response in an apparent attempt at humor, as Palin had made no such statement.

The National Organization for Women (NOW) refused to comment on Maher’s use of the derogatory term. A rep told FOXNews.com it is a “known fact” that NOW does not correspond with FOX News.

This is from a midget who beats up his black hookers.

I know what you’re thinking. How dare I call her dumb? After all, wasting an Ivy League education majoring in Sociology and minoring in Afro-American Studies (oOooOoo, so hard) as a literal affirmative action placement because her brother played on Princeton’s basketball team and got her enrolled means she’s smart about pimping her race and doesn’t that count?

Umm, no. No it doesn’t.

But NOT, formerly NOW, now known as the National Organization of Twats has no comment on Maher’s remarks.

I expect no less from the hypocritical cunts who exiled Tammy Bruce so they could support OJ Simpson murdering his ex-wife.

NAG, NAG, NAG Update: NOT reluctantly renounces Bill Maher’s comments once asked by a reporter not from Fox News.  And I do mean reluctantly:

In the wake of Bill Maher’s tasteless slur against Sarah Palin Friday night, in which he called the former Alaska governor a “twat,” the National Organization for Woman (NOW) has not only denounced the use of such sexist words, but also issued a warning to conservatives who they believe are attempting to use the issue to discredit their organization: “We are on to you, right-wingers.”

“Listen, supposedly progressive men (ok, and women, too): Cut the crap! Stop degrading women with whom you disagree and/or don’t like by using female body terms or other gender-associated slurs,” Lisa Bennett, NOW communications director wrote in a statement.

In addition to chastising men (and women) like Maher who use their position as progressives as a shield against charges of sexism, NOW made it clear that their denouncement of Maher’s sexist remark toward Palin is in no way an endorsement of her or conservative policies.

“You’re trying to take up our time getting us to defend your friend Sarah Palin. If you keep us busy defending her, we have less time to defend women’s bodies from the onslaught of reproductive rights attacks and other threats to our freedom, safety, livelihood, etc,” wrote Bennett. “Sorry, but we can’t defend Palin or even Hillary Clinton from every sexist insult hurled at them in the media. That task would be impossible, and it would consume us. You know this would not be a productive way to fight for women’s equal rights, which is why you want us stuck in this morass.”

They certainly do seem to have a stick up their morass.  So that’s one line about Maher and then a paragraphs long rant against conservatives for pointing out their hypocrisy.

Juanita Broaddrick is still available for comment, Clinton coddlers.