I’m swamped right now. So please amuse yourselves as one of my favorite Photo/Photoshop Ninja sites, Are We Lumberjacks.

Still here? Ok, also check out I Own The World and Director Blue.

I hope to blow the dust off my Photoshop and get busy soon. I hear there is something going on with health care and there might be some material there.

UPDATE And don’t forget the best (photoblog after Zombie, of course), Snapped Shot.

Note: it may appear that I’m kissing butt after the SS owner left a comment below, but it ain’t so. However, I am feeling guilty because I intended to put up a link to them yesterday but couldn’t find a photo. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Well, the world’s best 41 impersonator anyway.

We’ve been had.  Seems Leinart took being a Trojan a bit literally.

If we can just keep Jim Brown from slapping a skullcap on Afro-Leinart for another year or two, I can retire off that sweet, sweet E-bay lucre.

Sorry, Nigel.

In Technicolor!

Earlier today, Weenie The Punchdrunk Midget of the Mighty Searchlight Fightin’ Dwarves spake thusly on The Nature of Man:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) suggested Monday that domestic violence by men has increased due to U.S. joblessness.

Reid, speaking in the midst of a Senate debate over whether to pass a $15 billion package meant to spur job creation, appeared to argue that joblessness would lead to more domestic violence.

“I met with some people while I was home dealing with domestic abuse. It has gotten out of hand,” Reid said on the Senate floor. “Why? Men don’t have jobs.”

He’s technically right but for the wrong reason.  And conclusion.  It makes you think that it’s the mens who are going crazy because they’re out of work, frustrated, in all likelihood bitterly clinging to their guns and religion.

But what if they’re not holding on to their First and Second Amendment rights?  What if it’s the mens getting beaten because they don’t have jobs?  Instead of clinging to the guns and the god, they’re substituting it with a tray of brownies and a six-pack of Fat Tire at 10 in the morning?

Thanks for standing up for us, little fella:

The wife of former professional wrestling champion Ric Flair was arrested overnight in an apparent domestic assault case, police say.

Jacqueline Beems, 41, was charged with misdemeanor assault, according to Charlotte-Mecklenburg police.

Beems and Flair were married about three months ago.

If the Nature Boy’s getting pounded over the head with a folding chair in his own home, think of the whipping Mrs. Reid is going to lay on Dingy come November.  Woooo!

And thar she blows.

Thanks Red State’s Dan Perrin.

I needed that.  Hopefully, this will end the same way.

We've got him right where we want him!

An open request to the British Press. In addition to absolutely kicking the arse of your counterparts in the American unofficially state-run media on the subject of so-called “climate change” – your next story should be about how and why they have ignored this story completely.

Call them up. Interview them. Get them on the record as to how this story that you all are exploiting, like the fabled last oil reserve buried deep in a caribou’s hindquarters, is nary worth a mention by our Rip Van Winkle Press. Perpetually trapped in a mental time warp between an early club-you-over-the-head 1990’s Mtv raising awareness campaign and it’s discredited future.

They have plenty of time to procrasturbate over Sarah Palin’s hand notes, perpetuating Government Motor’s smear campaign against Toyota, or some dude setting the World’s Record for hugs yet can’t dedicate anyone to covering the Greatest Con Game In The History of Ever.

It makes The Sting look like The Flea Bite.

Cheerio. Pip-pip. And all that other hoo-ha, Old Chum. Have at it.

UPDATE: Thanks to all you Instapunditeers and Big Journalism visitors. Doing the jobs American “journalists” don’t want to do on this issue.

Local homewrecker makes good.

It’s worth it just for the National Enquirer’s photoshop of what Silky Pajammies has in store:

“John knew Rielle had been waiting for a proposal for two long years. Since they’ve gotten involved, she’s followed every order he gave her, going on a cross-country cover-up, hiding away during her pregnancy and after giving birth for the sake of his presidential aspirations.

“Rielle never uttered a peep about their affair publicly, and remained loyal to John. John felt she deserved to know that he wanted to raise their child together, and wanted Rielle in his life as his partner.

“John has said that when his divorce is final, he’ll buy her a diamond ring. But in the meantime, he’s getting them a house.”

Is that house for her or him?  How romantic.  Next stop – Zales!

Let that be a lesson to all you floosies out there who never think that Mr. Wonderful is going to leave his wife after a few years.  Keep giving it all you’ve got and never say a word.

One day she’ll get cancer and keep running her mouth about what a scumbag he is and he’ll wise up and marry you.

Earlier this week, Michelle Obama waddled onto the main stage to tackle a serious problem plaguing white, upperclass trust fund babies.  Namely, overextended childhood obesity.

“We’ve seen the surge in obesity in this country is nothing short of a public health crisis.  It’s threatening our children, it’s threatening our families, and it’s threatening the structural integrity of the Internet,” she said. “Higher rates of obesity are directly linked, as you’ve heard, to higher rates of diabetes, Twitter use and living off mommy and daddy until your mid-30s.”

Stepping into the ring to challenge Obama’s assault on America’s gravitationally challenged middle-aged youth, Meghan McCain (5′ 6″, 230 lbs. / Age: 3 1/2 in dog years) donned her moo-moo and fightin’ bib and launched er, deployed rolled off the remote control long enough to mouth  this blistering galactic critique while in the orbit of the fully-operational Joy Behar Battlesphere:

“People were saying that this is the new movement in my Democrat Party,” McCain said during an appearance on ‘The View.’ “I did not want to go to the healthcare summit YMCA. I have (a) very much different, gastronomical differences with them.”

And she described Mamma Obama’s comments as “innate fat-ism.”

“And I think it’s why young people are turned off by this movement. And I’m sorry [but] All-U-Can-Eat-Buffets start with young people. Not with 46-year-old people talking about skinfold body fat tests and people who can’t say the word ‘creme brulee’ in Fronch. C’est vraiment ridicule!”

Meghan McCain also decried the divisiveness and partisanship in American politics and the growing populist rage that has powered the Pizza Party movement.

“Maya Angelou says she knows how the caged bird sings,” she said. “But does the bird not need to eat as well?”

Meghan McCain added, “This carrot and peas rhetoric will continue to turn off young voters and anybody that says different is eating egg-white garden omelets or something. Period.”

Harold or Clayton???  I get these two so confused.

There are so many striking similarities.Quick, Prudence.  Tell Jasper to get the pick-up truck helicopter ready.  Brother Harold’s going to make white liberals in New York feel comfortable with him one egg-white garden omelet at a time.

Part two in our ongoing series, and because I’m feeling particularly stupid, we continue.

In this episode, we look at Tom T. Hall’s ultra-sappy “I Love” as our SCIENTIFIC EXHIBIT A:

For our SCIENTIFIC EXHIBIT B, we look at Heathen Dan’s “I Like” from the old Doctor Demento radio show. I remember hearing this on Rock 103’s morning show in Memphis when I was just a lad. I can’t stop laughing. I give it a B+. Warning, graphic content.

For cereal.  If eyes are the windows to the soul, those glasses are the gayest of curtains.

Lucifer got a new head librarian today and he’s already gotten to work re-writing The Bible as the tale of a struggling, working class imp denied a living wage and cast out of eternally subsidized housing by a Zionist slavedriver buttressed by embellished, anonymous and unsubstantiated accounts (narrated by Matt Damon):

Howard Zinn, the Boston University historian and political activist who was an early opponent of US involvement in Vietnam and whose books, such as “A People’s History of the United States,” inspired young and old to rethink the way textbooks present the American experience, died today in Santa Monica, Calif, where he was traveling. He was 87.

More empirical data that the good die young.

“Howard was an old and very close friend,” Chomsky said. “He was a person of real courage and integrity, warmth and humor. He was just a remarkable person.”

Despite Chomsky losing the un-American Simon to his traitorous Garfunkel, we can only hope that he will soon join him in blowing Cerberus for a few licks from his dog bowl while getting the hot poker to an endless replay of “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”.

But it won’t all be fun and games.  As punishment for overflowing Hell’s antiquated sewage system with his bullshit, the Dark Lord then sentences Zinn to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” for all eternity in front of a waving American flag and a burning Soviet one with no reprieve – save a glass of water with a twist of lemon and a loaded shotgun.

Check out the Official U.S. Federal Health Choices Board Document, revision 2319 – Post Backroom Edition.

There has always been something familiar about Barack Obama that I couldn’t put my finger on. Thanks to two Long Island Ice Teas and You Tube, it all makes sense now.

And Merry New Year and what-not from all of us at the Buffet.

A movie review of Avatar from a parallel universe. I’m not sure if the blog owner is one of us or someone poking fun at the “wingnuts”, but either way, good stuff.

Whose panels freeze I think I know.
His mansion off the Boulevard Square;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his solar cells fill up with snow.

His Bio-Boat some think it queer
To float without electric near
Copenhage-ish screams of “Hot Earth!” on a frozen lake
The largest Nor’easter in all the years.

He gives his hat to flight attendant bitch
And asks when shall our journey take?
The only other sound’s the Captain’s switch
De-ice the wings while Fuel Man shiver shakes.

The skies foreboding, grey and bleak.
But Carbon Credits have no voice to speak,
And no frequent flier miles to keep ,
And no frequent flier miles to keep.

**************

B-b-b-b-back to the fuh-fuh-future UPDATE: How will America Survive Global Cooling and Why We Will Never Beat The Soviets.

SCIENTIFIC EXHIBIT A:

SCIENTIFIC EXHIBIT B:

Me, I prefer B. B gets a B+.

Dan Collin’s rousing call to action.

It’s not too late to make your contribution to understanding this much maligned people-group.

Let’s face it America’s racist, hegemonic, white-privileged and heteronormative culture has conspired to keep Cablinasian’s down. That and Black “leaders” and journalists who have insisted that Tiger is black despite his protestations that he doesn’t want to be identified that way, who insist that he represent their interests though he doesn’t represent them and who condemn him for not committing adultery with African American women again, despite the fact his Black 25% isn’t attracted to them.

ASIDE:
The fact that this is being taken seriously, tells us just how ridiculous Al Sharpton is in real life.

Yes, this is a real corner office at the place where I’m current working a temporary contract.

Courtesy of the Lemur King.

So, Khalid Sheik Mohammad is being tried in a civilian court in New York City. What could go wrong with that?

Day 1 – KSM slips out of the courtroom with Lynne Stewart and proceeds to lead NYPD on a three hour chase through midtown Manhattan.

Day 15-46 – Leading defense attorneys seek diligently for a jury pool of peers – terror-bent Islamic jihadis. Failing that, they seek sympathetic jurors.

Day 132 – Closing arguments.

Throughout – The media savvy judge maintains the highest standards of jurisprudence and decorum.

And Day 289 – The Verdict.

Well, there’s always hope that KSM will spend the rest of his life looking for the real killers. With AG Holder’s help, we may be able to capture them in Crawford, Texas.

(If you liked this, then thanks to Brian and Nigel for the ideas. If not, I did this by myself.)

Why not get one of these titles for your precocious little ones this Holiday Season™

From the Dept. of Unfortunate Headlines at The Guardian:

“Somali pirates beaten off in second attack on Maersk Alabama”

Though I’m certain it caught them off guard I’d hope that’s not ‘Plan A’.