Admittedly, I was going to run with this idea but that it would only be one panel long.

When “Julia” was conceived, her mother receives federal funds care of the Lily Ledbetter Womb Emancipation Act to abort her and recycle her stem cells through The Race To Cure Capitalism Foundation.

This picture is the exact opposite of what Obama did. Plus chewy teeth.

In all fairness, Barack should be forgiven for his past sins against man’s best friend.  Look who he married.  If that’s not proof that he can learn to love a dog then nothing will.

On the other hand, this story from 2010 does seem odd in retrospect:

Obama, Lurie discussed Vick, green energy

Lurie told Peter King of NBC and Sports Illustrated the president praised the decision to hire Vick after the former Atlanta Falcon served 21 months in the Leavenworth, Kan., federal prison and was under home confinement for his involvement in an illegal interstate dogfighting ring, The Washington Post reported.

“The president wanted to talk about two things, but the first was Michael,” Lurie said. “He said, ‘So many people who serve time never get a fair second chance.’ He was … passionate about it. He said it’s never a level playing field for prisoners when they get out of jail. And he was happy that we did something on such a national stage that showed our faith in giving someone a second chance after such a major downfall.”

*Ahem*

Obama Scolds Vick: Don't play with your food.

So the guy who eats dogs (because eating a particular animal transfers their characteristics to you as he said) “passionately” calls the top 1% owner of a football team to ask about his top 1% player to make sure his career is recovering  after going to jail for running a dogfighting ring.  Sort of puts it in perspective, doesn’t it?

Commies, please keep telling yourselves that this is not a big deal.  Americans spend approximately $45 billion dollars a year on their pets.  They get upset watching Sarah McLachlan showing injured ones to raise money for charity.

Your president ate (at the very least) one because he thought it would give him special powers. And it did.  It made him your pack leader.

Woof-woof.

All the commies are talking about it and all the people on the right are talking about the way the commies are talking about it.

I get it.  A Latino neighborhood watch leader is accused of being white so that his shooting of an unarmed black teenager will give the black community an excuse to riot over anything not related to the way Obama has totally screwed them all over economically for the last 3 years.  Really, I get it.  It’s a wonderful distraction to galvanize the black vote and poison the well with race before this next election.

If I were a post-partisan, post-racial Earth Healer / attorney I would definitely interject my opinion that what happened in Florida was a hate crime and encourage my friends in the Black Panther Party to put up $10k to kidnap and murder the alleged cracker before the case goes to trial.  Better yet, just post his address and hope some hotheads shoot at the right house like Spike Lee has suggested.  That’s just what calm, cool and collective community organizers bring to the table.

With the proper cross-branding, The Trash Can Through The Burning Storefront Toss can get funding from Michelle Obama’s Move360 program and hold a voter registration drive at the same time.  Can’t let a crisis go to waste someone once said.

Like the Jena 6, Duke Lacrosse and Tawana Brawley, we are a much better country thanks to the awareness raised by ginning up fake hate crimes charges if the alleged victim is the correct color.  Usually a President doesn’t take the time to note the hue of the victim and to what degree they fall in the spectrum near a color that he’s more comfortable looking at in the mirror but these are post-racial times my friends.

If you do not look like Trayvon Martin, you will be given the opportunity to self-lynch and all carbon taxes will be waived if you act now.

Top Hollywood producer and Obama bundler Harvey Weinstein attend the White House state dinner last night and had nothing but wonderful things to say about the president.

“I’m so thrilled he’s running for reelection, he’s done a fantastic job, and he’s the most underestimated president I’ve seen,” Weinstein said, according to the pool report. “He’s too humble, and his accomplishments far outweigh his esteem, but people will learn that in time.”

This was his “humility” before Day One in office.   Safe to say, his modesty has grown at a rate exponential to our economy under his watch.

Should we ever expect less from the 4th Greatest President of All Time and future point guard of the Chicago Bulls?  Not unless they change their name to the Chicago Bullshit.

Then he could be the owner.  Elect him to the Hall of Fame before the first game.  Put his face on the jerseys.  Provide that everyone learns to distribute the ball evenly and is allowed to take the same number of shots.  Indeed, pay all of the players the exact same amount.  When they lose, he can praise their effort as the model of efficiency right before they file for bankruptcy.

February 28, 2011

But when his presidency ends, Mr. Obama knows exactly what car he wants to buy as his post-presidential ride — a plug-in Chevrolet Volt. “Five years from now when I’m not president anymore, I’ll buy one and drive it myself,” Obama promised 1,600 auto workers at a United Auto Workers union event in Detroit on Tuesday. “Yes, that’s right,” he reiterated, accompanied by deafening applause.

What a piping hot load. Did a cow shit in here? No, it’s just another Obama speech. Predictably, empty promises mouthed to either a bunch of enthusiastic sloped-foreheaded union knuckledraggers or equally enthralled 5th year community college retards en route to till the debt fields for the next 15 years of their miserable McDonald’s slinging lives.  *arf!* *arf!*  to deafening applause.

Would I like fries with that?  Oh, yes you can – add that to my order.

Less than a week later:

Chevy’s electric car, the Volt, is running on empty. With sales lagging and inventories building, GM has decided to idle production of the Chevy Volt for five weeks. During that time, about 1,300 workers will temporarily be laid off.

Because if there’s one thing Obama’s full of more than shit, it’s himself.  I can understand Weinstein’s confusion considering the striking resemblance.

They guy is too buffed and the kitchen is too clean for this to be convincing, but if you can suspend your belief a bit, you’ll be ROFL.

A little background, Mike O’Brien is an SNL writer who hosts a bizarre webcast called “Seven Minutes in Heaven”. If you’re weird like me, you may find yourself watching all his videos.

Yesterday

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