Blake, Glengarry, Glen Ross

David Mamet, The Secret Knowledge

Separated at birth?

Steven Crowder, the conservative humorist who produces great videos for Big Hollywood and The National Center for Public Policy Research, may have gotten his first taste of entertainment industry thuggery.

Strange that the outrage doesn’t center on the fact that the Daily Show shuns conservative pundits as a matter of policy, but rather that Crowder didn’t shut up about it. I guess Bugsy Lieberman doesn’t like people violating the Code of silence.

If this is new to you, here is the backstory. Crowder, through his manager, was informed by the Daily Show producers that he wasn’t really welcome on the show. Crowder released the private email between his manager and the Daily Show senior producer in this video:

Devo. It took me a while to warm to them. In 1982, I was rocking out to Sammy Hagar and other dirtbag guitar heroes. These guys were playing synth music and doing weird MTV videos. There wasn’t much to like.

It’s open mic night at the sanitarium! Dr. Mothersbaugh will make some brief announcements before Dr. Casale does impressions from the Broadway smash Phantom!

But their music was contagious. Even now, I have at least 10 of their songs in my MP3 library including a real bitchin’ rarity.

Which is why this is disappointing:

I can’t say I’m really that disappointed. Ninety-five percent of the music I listen to is performed by unreconstructed lefties.

Do read through this pompous interview and see how they position themselves as above-the-frackas watchers of society. You’d think the might have something more insightful to offer than “Sarah is Stupid.” How are you different than any other entertainment industry boob?

Also gleaned from this article is just how seriously they took themselves and their message.

Good lord man, you weren’t the reincarnation of Alexis De Toqueville. You had very catchy tunes and musical creativity. Your lyrics were pretty much in line with mainstream pop. Besides, we already had Michael Stipe and Bono covering the deep socio-political crap.

Here is a palate cleanser.

(sirloin tip Big Hollywood headlines)

Your weekly moment of Archer.

How’d you get life insurance, Lana?  Don’t they know you’re in the Danger Zone?

If it makes you feel any better, 99% of those corn cobs vote Democrat.

Don’t worry, Li’l Davey.  The state’s going to provide this Kernell all the butter and salt he needs.

A federal judge has shot down a former University of Tennessee student’s bid to have tossed out convictions in the illegal access of Sarah Palin’s personal e-mail account during the 2008 presidential election.

[...]

Davies argued it was nothing more than a college prick prank by a rank assbag computer amateur. Federal prosecutors assigned a more sinister motive, arguing Kernell, the son of long-time Memphis Democratic state Rep. Mike Kernell, went searching for politically damaging information but came up empty-handed.

The feds slapped Kernell with four felony charges. At his trial in April jurors rejected a wire fraud charge outright, reduced a felony illegal e-mail access charge to a misdemeanor, deadlocked on an identity theft count and convicted Kernell of the felony charge of anticipatory obstruction of justice.

It’s always the “cover-up” that gets you.  It has dibs. But after the cover-up gets you then Jamal does.

Riddle me this:  If Li’l Davy gets his ass kernel popped in Cell block 6 will it make a sound?  I’m guessing yes.  First a wimper, followed by some open weeping before Big Bear’s squeaky bed springs gently rock him to sleep.  Maybe that will be more “his type”.

Night, night ya jag.  It’s a real shame that a few of your unscrupulous supporters can’t go with you in a show of solidarity.

I miss my Sunday mornings ever since Tim Russert died.  No one has filled the void.  Though Russert was a Democrat, I could trust him to put any blinders away and do his job.  I’m a Sunday morning widower who keeps revisiting an old haunt looking for something to remind me of the way things were.

Where we once had coffee and laughs, there is only another cookie-cutter  Walgreen’s.

When the show’s intro stopped playing he would be looking dead into the camera like a happy hunter.   The first guest was forever his quarry and the first question invariably was a felling blow.  The question of the week that, somehow, no one else had asked yet.  No politician or flunky has been intimidated by a reporter since Russert’s death as the vast majority of the so-called journalists remaining only want an administration job as Professional Notetaker / Water Carrier.

In light of David Gregory’s abject failure at even resembling a Tim Russert cover band, I hereby throw my support to Jake Tapper to take over Meet The Press as we officially enter the silly season.

Though I have never forgotten Tapper’s notoriously liberal bent while a columnist at Salon back the Internet’s heyday, he has earned a shot at the big chair and we need a watchdog who, if he’s not doing it for his country, can at least feign integrity for personal aggrandizement.  We all deserve better than what we’ve been getting.

and honor the troops every day!

Thank you to all our service people who put their lives at risk for us daily. And Gene Simmons, you’re the best. I can forgive you for what you did to Rock music in the 70′s

Yea, yea, yea…he played “Michelle” but  “Fat Bottomed Girls” are what make the world go-round.  And around she goes:

Rumpshaker wants to take my salt shaker.  Think Globally, Don’t Be Globally, oh, Thunder Thigh Master.

When’s Malia gonna ask her Daddy to plug that piehole?

Now, who’s lecturing who about needing to exercise?

I don’t think we should operate on this one.  A pain pill should do the trick.

Put it out of it’s misery.

“If we’re not careful, if you don’t field the strongest candidate — frankly, like Arlen Specter — they’re going to take over,” Specter said of the tea parties. “Beating the tea party gang is more important than who does the beating.”

Fool, you were primaried by your own party and lost.  Who excludes who exactly?  So much for the Big Tent of the Democratic Party.  It speaks volumes for the Specters of the world who complained to the very end about how far to the right the Republican Party had gone (as if!) to be done in by how far to the left the Democrats have gone.

Once a figurehead of “moderates” in the Republican Party, he evolved after decades in Washington to see average citizens who want limited government as greater enemies than Democrats and in need of a beating no less for the crime of wanting someone to represent them.

Let that be a lesson to you other traitors and turncoats.  There is no honor among thieves.

It’s not something that bothers me, but it is something that would be nice if they did something about it.

I’m talking about the concentration of conservative viewpoints all under NewsCorp’s umbrella. No one complained when Glenn Beck left CNN to join Fox or John Stossel left his post at ABC to go on Fox Business. These are all good things. But add in Rupert Murdoch’s purchase of the Wall Street Journal and the paranoid types might think a monopoly is being formed.

That’s why this is such a good idea:

I’d also love to see a National Review channel on basic cable. Why not? There’s 700 channels devoted to Iron Chefs, people who refurbish homes, midgets, people with bizarre medical conditions, families with 26 kids and, of course, a rash of programs about New Jersey douchebags who ham it up in front of a camera. And don’t get me started about the cross overs; New Jersey douchebag chefs and families of 26 health-impaired midgets who flip real estate. I know, my wife likes all of them.

I can envision a reality show that follows Jonah Goldberg around with a handheld camera as he works the DC circuit rubbing elbows with James Carville and Tucker Carlson. I’m not sure how, but if we could work in some sort of sex angle that would help. Maybe Goldberg stakes out upscale Georgetown bars and scopes out Pols and their young aspiring staff? We could have a special gay week where Larry Craig and Eric Massa!

OK, maybe not.

But my original point stands, it is a good thing or something like that.

(s/t Treacher @ the Daily Caller)

One of Hollywood’s out of the closet conservatives, Adam Baldwin, gives PJM’s Ed Driscoll a great interview.

I admit that I wasn’t a Firefly fan so I can’t relate to the cult following. However, Baldwin in on our family’s favorite show, Chuck. He plays super-patriot Major Casey with just a dash of self-deprecating second amendment love.

You might know him best from his role as Animal Mother in Full Metal Jacket.

Anyway, if you’re a fan and are interested in his journey from Hollywood liberal to one of Big Hollywood’s major contributors, listen to the interview.

Why couldn’t it have been his scumbag John Edwards-wanna-be brother instead?

R.I.P. Doug.

More rock greatness down the tubes.

A movie review of Avatar from a parallel universe. I’m not sure if the blog owner is one of us or someone poking fun at the “wingnuts”, but either way, good stuff.

I just got back from seeing Avatar in 3D with my son and brother-in-law who is spending the holidays with us.

Quick impression – I loved Avatar. I loved it for the same reason I loved Independence Day; jaw-dropping CGI without any burdensome plot. Full disclosure: I consider 90 minutes of things blowing up a completely satisfactory use of $10 not unlike the people of Idiocracy enjoying their biggest hit movie.

Avatar contains some of the most spectacular visuals I’ve ever seen. The 3D is not overpowering, but rather it creates a lush dream world that is somewhere between a Thomas Kinkade painting and an early 70s Yes album cover.

Humorously enough, for all the magnificent 3D visuals, the characters could not be more 2D. I won’t go into the details because there are so many good reviews. Some links to Big Hollywood reviews here.

Even worse than Cameron’s mediocre ability to flesh out characters is his unimaginative dropping of such politically loaded gems like “shock and awe” and “fight terror with terror” into the mouths of the villains. Seriously, if he wants the genius moniker, I suspect he could have worked a little harder at it.

I knew about Cameron’s lefty agenda going in, so that didn’t really phase me. Besides, all I need to know about what he thinks about me is captured in this fan video.

And this ain’t no fooling around. Word is that musicians are up in arms about their music being used to “torture” detainees at Gitmo.

Broken, defeated and confused.
 

No doubt Hillary Rosen and the parasites of the RIAA are interested too. Napster got nothing on the Pentagon’s use of unlicensed music.

But the controversy is real. Anyone who has lived next to an apartment full of college kids can empathize at the de-humanizing exposure to music. This goes double if it they are the disaffected suburbo-anarchists.

Tom Morello, whose musical talent stands in inverse proportion to his self-important activism is outraged against the machine.

Any validity to his statements is lost by the fact that he tirelessly pisses off Philadelphians by standing with convicted cop-killer Mumia Abu-Jamal.

These musician have always stood for love, justice and all the other fuzzy sentiments that come cheaply to well-insulated artistic types.

“Everybody Hurts” may have saved thousands of lives!
 

Oh well, considering that these folks are still active now, it’s Obama’s problem now.

UPDATE: More from Big Hollywood.

I don’t know what Day By Day’s copyright standards are or I would have reposted it here but this pretty well sums it up.

No, not Chrissy this time. This time we got the sensitive artist Matthews, Dave.

I know I’m going out on my own here, because so many of my friends love his ballads ‘n’ stuff. His talent is undeniable.

My main gripe with Matthews is how this chucklehead who performs neither Rock nor Alternative is constantly bombarding the Alternative and Regular rock stations with his melancholy strains of love and social insight. Also I’m completely baffled by the women who hear this lyric and say, “I love you Dave!”

But don’t worry Honey, he also respects you for your intelligence and spirituality.

Usually, I just change the radio station when Matthews is on. But today, we are blessed to have is opinion on the issues.

Pretty standard sensitive rock-star drivel, actually.

Or maybe the extreme-left agenda that is bringing socialism (and spending) to its greatest level in our history.

Oh, so you don’t mind the socialism. I mean really, isn’t it just the warm, fuzzy embrace of an all loving government. Yeah, maybe we did blow things out of proportion a bit.

Added Bonus 1 – CNN Tonguebath!!:

Dave Matthews is uniquely qualified to share his thoughts on race because CNN observes:

And let’s face it kiddies, if the world was like a giant Grateful Dead concert, we would all live together in harmony and mutual love – at least until the doobage is gone.

Added Bonus 2 – Real Kudos!!

Credit where credit is due and all that:

I’m guessing though that if we look closely at the cause Matthews funded, we’ll find it went to the New Orleans Prevention of Cannibalism fund.

Not everyone is as interested as me in the behind-the-scenes lives of neurotic Jewish comedians. But if you’re 1) slightly curious, 2) don’t mind and endless stream of d*ck jokes and 3) like sweet stories, then I recommend you seeing Funny People.

Mrs. Cranky and I saw it Friday night and it was really a good movie with enough hilarious one-liners to be a comedy and enough, oh what’s the word, warmth, to be a drama. When Judd Apatow and Adam Sandler were on the Dennis Miller show plugging the movie, I learned that it was loosely based on the time when they were struggling comedians living together in L.A. And judging by the inside jokes and celebrity cameos, it probably was true to form. This fanboy of comedy was very pleased.

You’ve probably seen the trailers* and know enough about the plot line that I won’t need to rehash it here. But I will tell you that some of the scenes alone make it worth the admission. The scene were Emminem is ripping Ray Romano was one. Also the scenes with the Swedish/Nazi doctor that weren’t in the trailer were great.

Andrew Breitbart’s conservative Big Hollywood blog wasn’t as impressed, but there is a good read here.

* Paramount won’t let you embed the video AND they bumped my five second YouTube of Will Farrell in Zoolander. So, screw ‘em.

Well, if a Hollywood actor/comedian says stuff like this,

well odds are that he was conservative at heart.

Bless him. He now knows that boutique liberalism isn’t anyone’s friend.

Who is Paul Rodriquez? Here, refresh your memory (content warning).

Maybe Michael Jackson set the stage for Obama. Or perhaps the legend of the Numinous Negro is a real and tangible part of our culture.

Either way, I think there is a connection here. And I’m done watching this spectacle of human embarassment. I’m referring to his fans, celebrities and all the hangers-on that showed up.

Let’s get this out of the way first. Michael Jackson was an alleged pedophile and is now a dead alleged pedophile. It’s a tale of rags-to-riches-to-little-boys that you’ve heard a million times over.

Cara Ellison points us to a commentary at Beyond the Pale that is worth a read.

Why the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth?

Read the whole thing for a much more tactful and less vitriolic perpective than you might find here.

Enough with the media coverage and the idiocy. I realize that last November we certified that were are a nation of brain-dead lunatics, but do we have to continue to put our stupidity on display whenever an occasion like this rears its head? In a pathetic nation of reality TV zombies, I guess the answer is yes.

Hey Pookie Toon fans! As of today, the comics page has a permanent link on our sidebar. According the MapQuest, go left approximately 250 pixels and head south. You can’t miss it.

Andrew Breitbart has a must read on The Only Story That Matters.

Michael Jackson’s shtick was simply a more sophisticated, well financed variation on the molester with an ice cream truck. When after paying millions to his young accuser, Jordy Chandler, Jackson was later found to have gay porn producer Marc Schaffel, an un-indicted co-conspirator in Jackson’s 2005 child molestation trial, as his PERSONAL VIDEOGRAPHER and close pal on the very private grounds of Neverland Ranch.

…

Well, a year later, Schaffel was back at Neverland and again acting as Jackson’s personal videographer who chronicled the taping of the famous Martin Bashir BBC documentary that later appeared on ABC in the U.S., which centered around two young brothers hanging with Jackson and Schaffel as their ‘chaperones’ at the creepy amusement park cum bachelor pad.

Why did Michael Jackson bring back the gay porno producer to use a video camera to oversee kid trips to Neverland AFTER it was admitted by Jackson’s own people the Jackson/Schaffel alliance was blatantly improper?

Needless to say, it doesn’t end with “a world in mourning falls on it’s knees to curse God for denying us another 40 years of bizarre, criminal behavior”.

But boy, could he spin on his toes and grab his crotch (as well as the crotches of others) with the best of them!

I’ll grab mine, now you grab yours!

It was a nice reprieve while it lasted though.  We could turn on the television or the internet without hearing about North Korea threatening nuclear war, Iran shooting young women in the face, an economy being dragged behind the pick-up truck of the Obama administration,  passing the largest energy use tax in history, sending terrorists on a taxpayer funded island getaway, or the government taking over the healthcare industry.

But anyway – how’s Bo doing?  Is Christ On Earth still stealing a Newport when he gets a chance? Admittedly, a hazard of the trade when you’re passing out all those cigarettes to homeless people in exchange for votes for so many years.  That just means he’s human!  I was getting worried there for a second.

Michael Jackson is dead. Thought we should say something.

Here is the eulogy.

Bonus tip: If you find yourself working from home, DO NOT leave Fox News on in the background. This is the news cycle:

• Farah Fawcette has died.
• Clip of Jim McGreevy on Today show talking about Sanford scandal.
• Protests in Iran appear to be ending.
• Sanford crisis discussed.
• Farah Fawcette retrospective. Did you have the iconic poster? Apparently everyone did.
• Sanford crisis turns up steamy emails.
• Protests in Iran is an indicator of social and political unrest.
• Farah Fawcette has anal cancer – did they really need to say that?
• Farah Fawcette live coverage of Ryan O’Neill leaving the hospital parking lot.
• Should Sanford resign? Let’s ask the panel.
• Farah Fawcette retrospective again.
• Clip of Jim McGreevy on Today show talking about Sanford scandal again.
• Breaking: Michael Jackson hospitalized.
• Michael Jackson live coverage.
• Michael Jackson – Greta what do you think?
• A Very Brady Sequel on Comedy Central – channel switch.

10. In protest of CBS, stopped trying to be funny in 1997, no one noticed.

9. After quintuple bypass surgery, discovered that he had no heart!

8. Misplaced humor bit “Big Ass Ham” found in his pants!

7. Still has violent stomach reaction to Doritos.

6. Used to play to college students, now prefers to play WITH them.

5. Got big laughs dropping watermelons from towers, now tries dropping bombs in his monologue.

4. Obama, Uma. Uma Obama! Ha ha ha ha, yeagh.

3. Primetime? Forget it CSI Topeka is on.

2. Lowest rated CBS show? Two words, Katie Couric!

1. Used to mentor Conan O’Brian, now gets schooled by him.