Well, I missed Football Friday last week. But if I hadn’t forgotten, I would have picked the Seahawks, Panthers, Steelers and Broncos. Undoubtedly. I mean, I saw those games coming from a mile away. As usual. But I didn’t, so you’ll just have to trust me on that.

The only favorite that pulled it out last week was Seattle. Which is a shame, since they’re one of the reasons I hate Seattle, that filthy, wretched, patchouli-stink, coffee-house hippie town.

I was certain that Golden Boy Peyton Manning was going to choke – I just didn’t think he’d choke so soon. After Manning called out his offensive line for their poor blocking and was reamed by Terry Bradshaw, the Mannings have circled the wagons.

Maybe next year, Peyton, maybe next year. Naaah. Not next year either.

This week’s prognostifications:

Seattle 27 Carolina 24 – Should be a good game. Carolina will put up a fight, but the Seahawks will wear them down and be on their way to their first-ever Super Bowl appearance.

Steelers 31 Broncos 21 – The battle of the beards. I still have no idea how the Broncos got past the Pats last week. Some fluke turnovers and that was about it. The Steelers, on the other hand, did it with punishing defense and smashed the Colts in the mouth repeatedly. This is why I’m taking Pittsburgh. On a side note, I’ve been a Broncos fan since I was a kid – but something about that filthy hippie quarterback Jake Plummer makes me want to root against them. And that hurts me inside.

Stay tuned as I’m seriously considering live-blogging the Super Bowl in two weeks. Won’t that be fun?

UPDATE: Since Smantix says he’s in, we’re definitely live-blogging the Super Bowl. Two weeks from Sunday night. If you’ve got nothing better to do, join us. Or we’ll come find you. And you don’t want that.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I freakin’ love the playoffs.

No time for coaching carousel analysis or other bloviating – only time for picks. Lucky you.

In the AFC:

Pats 33, Jaguars 23.

The Patriots are about to come to playoff-life and lay the smack down on the rest of the AFC. They’ll win this game because they’re at home, and because they’re the Patriots and this the playoffs.

Steelers 25, Bengals 23.

This is a tough one. The Bengals are back in the playoffs for the first time in forever. The Steelers beat the Bengals at home earlier in the year, then the Bengals went up and beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh. None of this makes sense. I’m taking Pittsburgh because of their playoff experience – something the Bengals don’t have – and because such a pick does not make sense.

In the NFC:

Redskins 31, Bucs 28.

This was a great game back in November, when the Bucs stole the game 36-35. I don’t believe that’s going to happen twice. Chris Sims will choke under the playoff pressure, just like he used to at Texas.

Giants 27, Panthers 21.

I’m tempted to take the Panthers in this one because of their recent playoff successes. But I’m also tempted not to take them because my smelly co-worker Joe is a big Panthers fan. I’m taking the Giants because the game is at NY and they’re a little more solid on both sides of the ball. And because Joe is smelly.

It’s been a while since the last lackluster Football Friday, but since the bowls are almost done and the NFL season is coming to a close, we might as well toss off one last batch as things wind down.

First, a quick look at the farm leagues.

There have already been a couple of good bowl games (Nebraska/Michigan, Oklahoma/Oregon, among others), but the big ones are still to come.

For you Vol fans who may have forgotten what a bowl game is, that’s when a team has a winning record and enough standing to be invited to a post-season game that is either owned by ABC/BCS/ESPN or put together by corporate sponsors to hawk their wares. This is something you won’t have to worry about for at least the next few years. Certainly not as long as the Great Pumpkin™ is steering the ship straight into the cliffs.

Here’s where to blow that Christmas money:

• Rose Bowl: USC 77 Texas 14 – For reference material, please see USC/Oklahoma from 2004.
• Fiesta Bowl: Notre Dame 26 Ohio State 23 – Should be the best game of the bowl season hands down. Well, at least on paper.
• Orange Bowl: Penn State 31 Florida State 17 – The real question in this game is whether or not enough of Bobby Bowden’s players will be out of jail in time for kickoff.
• Sugar Bowl: Georgia 36 West Virginia 14 – It doesn’t hurt that this one got moved to Atlanta since the Superdome still has shit all over it. Should be a complete dud – watch Desperate Housewives instead.
• Peach Bowl: Miami 29 LSU 16 – I’ve been saying that LSU sucks all year and I’m right. LSU and Les Miles can cram it in their purple-clad asses.

Now comes the fun part – the NFL playoffs, baby. The only thing to look forward to after the Christmas holidays.

Who’s in the playoffs so far? In the AFC, it’s Indy, New England, Cincy, Jacksonville, Denver. In the NFC, it’s Chicago, NY Giants, Seattle. Teams still in the mix and hunt: Pittsburgh, Kansas City, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Washington, Dallas. After Sunday, we’ll know who-plays-who and who’s out in the rain looking in the window, crying, like Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places.

While most teams will be mailing it in this weekend, there are still some games with implications. Picks:

• Pittsburgh 28 Detroit 17 – This will cement the Steelers’ wild-card playoff position, but they won’t make it past week two of the playoffs.
• ‘Skins 23 Iggles 13 – I love it when the Eagles fall upon hard times. And I’m still not sure why.
• Carolina 31 Atlanta 29 – All the Falcons have is Ron Mexico, and we’ve learned this season that that isn’t enough.
• Denver 29 San Diego 27 – Denver doesn’t have much to play for other than to treat this as a playoff game and get ready for the playoffs by keeping the Chargers out of the playoffs. San Diego could easily pull this one out, though, especially if Denver decides to rest the starters.
• Reggie Bush Bowl: San Francisco 1 Houston 0 – The loser of this game is actually the winner of the Bush Bowl. Both teams will try hard to fail, which should make this one entertaining.

That’s probably it for this season’s Football Fridays. With the possible exception of playoff commentary that no one will give two shits about. Happy pigskin weekend, bitches!

First things first: The winner for 2005′s gayest bowl game: The Poinsettia Bowl.

If I didn’t already know that Navy and Colorado State had all male players on their teams, I would think this was one of those powder-puff football league quota games. Sheeeeesh.

Alright, onto the pigskin.

The BcS bowl games are shaping up just as the BcS wanted it. 1 vs. 2, blah blah blah. The best game of the post-season, however, is Notre Dame vs. Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. Check back for bowl predictions later in the month so that you can blow all your Christmas money on gambling, which is illegal in Tennessee.

On to the pros. This weekend, I’ll be heading down to the Big Nasty for the Titans/Texans game. I’m torn on this one, because the Titans should really be tanking the rest of their games so that we can get as high in the draft as possible. But, unfortunately, I smell a Titans win 29 – 17. I’ll try not to spend too much on $7 beer while at Adelphia (or whatever they’re calling it these days). Elsewhere…

• Bears 24 Steelers 22 – This game will silence all those Bears doubters. Wherever they are.
• Indianapolis 37 Jacksonville 18 – I’m really starting to buy the “perfect season” crap. The Colts will still choke in the playoffs, though, just you wait.
• Buffalo 26 New England 18 – Upset special of the week.
• Giants 31 Eagles 7 – I don’t know why I can’t stand the Iggles, but I just can’t. I’m enjoying their downward spiral. Long may it continue!

This is one of those rare times when I’m kind of glad the football season is winding down – even though I was an almost-respectable 3/5 in semi-pro and 4/5 in the NFL last week.

With the back-to-the-future hiring of David Cutcliffe and merciful dismissal of Jimmy Ray Stephens and Pat Washington, the Vols may or may not be on the road to recovery. I’m not 100% sold on Cutcliffe, but he does have a solid track record. At least this is more than just the window-dressing crap that The Great Pumpkin pulled after the failed 2003 season.

And speaking of the Great Pumpkin, I’m starting to recognize the genius behind the 2005 season. Just like many others in the world of NFL-Farm-League (NCAA) football, Fulmer realized that this season belonged to USC from the very beginning. UCLA isn’t going to beat them this weekend and they’re going to brutalize Texas in the National Championship game. You know it, I know it, the American people know it.

Realizing this, Fulmer and his cohorts hatched an evil plan to phone in the 2005 season. The players followed their fearless leader’s example and phoned it in as well. No one really wanted to face USC this post-season. I, for one, celebrate Fulmer’s foresight in devising this plot and I thank him for allowing us to avoid big-time bowl humiliation, much as we’ve suffered in the past to the likes of Nebraska, Kansas State, Clemson and (ugh) Maryland. Thanks, Coach!

This weekend’s big games as we say goodnight and goodbye to the college football season:

• USC 37 UCLA 28 – I’d LOVE to see the Bruins pull this one out, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
• Georgia 29 LSU 22 – Yeah, I know LSU is 10-1, but I still don’t think they’re all that. They did lose to Tennessee, remember.
• Texas 59 Colorado 12 – Since the Puffs don’t stand a chance, I’d kind of enjoy watching Texas hang 100 on them. But if Texas sleepwalks through this one like they did last week, they’ll only win by 25 or so.
• Va Tech 39 Florida State 17 – Florida State really is horrible.
• Army 24 Navy 21 – I’m just glad they don’t let them use munitions during this one.

On to the NFL… I couldn’t have been more incorrect about the Chiefs/Patriots game. New England can thank their lucky stars that they’re in the shittiest division in the AFC. They’re 6-5 and STILL comfortably in the division lead over Buffalo, Miami and the Jets. If they were in a real division, they could be in trouble.

I really wanted to pick the Titans over the Colts this weekend. But after giving it more than a moment’s thought, there is no escaping the conclusion that Indy will win handily, 41-21. If our secondary wasn’t so young, I’d consider giving the Titans a chance, but it’s just not going to happen. But remember, if it does happen, you almost heard it here first! Elsewhere…

• Da Bears 30 Packers 10 – Looks like the Bears are for real. The defense is starting to bring back memories of the 2000 Ravens. Without all the stabbing.
• Carolina 27 Ron Mexico 17 – All Atlanta has is Ron Mexico. I’m optimistic that the Panthers will take advantage of that. I’m also hopeful that a couple of Panthers cheerleaders will take advantage of each other this weekend. Preferably on video.
• Denver 33 Kansas City 30 – Yeah, I know I sold KC short last week. But this rivalry game will bring out the best in the Broncos. Plus Christian Okoye just isn’t himself these days.
• Giants 27 Cowpokes 20 – How would you like to be Giants’ placekicker Jay Feely after his 3-miss collapse last weekend in Seattle? I’m really surprised he’s still on the team this week. Anyhoo, they’ll bounce back against the Cowboys this weekend.