Preston Taylor Holmes
Knoxville, TN

The Cranky Neocon
Philadelphia, PA

Brian McMurphy
Nashville, TN

Michele
Knoxville, TN

Nigel
San Diego, CA

TinyElvis
The O.C., California

Yiddish Steel
San Diego, CA

Annika!
Parts Unknown, California



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Archive for the ‘Kids Are Funny’ Category



Freeze Or I’ll Chop Your Head Off!

February 27th, 2010 at 8:52 am by Michele

For your Saturday morning viewing pleasure- Axe Cop! A comic from the head of a five-year-old, illustrated by his 29 year-old brother.

Read them all or I’ll get Avocado Soldier to throw Uni-Baby at you!

Update: LMAO! Episode #7 Uni-Baby is rescued and Good Bad Santa Sockarang buys a chainsaw at the Weapons Store.

What I Love About Homeschooling…

August 26th, 2009 at 8:45 am by Michele

I’ve always supported the idea of homeschooling.  All the way back in college a creative writing teacher asked me what I was planning to do with all of my talents (not trying to boast, simply a necessary lead-up) and I said “I think I’ll have kids and homeschool them.”

I planned on homeschooling them when they were babies, then after my eldest hit toddlerhood, I booted her out to the nearest preschool as fast as I could.  A mom could only be tormented for so long by hair-raising meltdowns over the “green cup” or the texture of the pop tarts.  A mom needs a break. I guess the same goes for paid daycare workers, because they kept booting her back to me.  So did kindergarten, and first grade, and second grade.  We finally figured out that we were dealing with more than a bit of nasty stubbornness, we were dealing with a syndrome for which few teachers have much compassion or time.

Now I’ve been teaching at home for four years and have made quite a list reasons to love homeschooling.  It can be a bitch, don’t get me wrong.  Just last week, three days into our school year, four years into homeschooling, I was complaining that I already felt burned out.  The child has improved so much behaviorally, and she’s always been brilliant, so I’ve been considering sending her somewhere else to get her education.  But yesterday, we skipped the curriculum suggestions, you know, Math, History, Social Studies, and watched “The Ten Commandments” a two-part mini series made for ABC in 2006.  We spent all day talking about Moses and Aaron, betrayal, what it means to be a brother, what it means to be a leader, what it must have felt like to be Moses.  How some people have minds like slaves and want to be led around, and how those types of people can be easily swayed to the occult, theft, murder etc.  What an education!

Why am I posting this at the always irreverent Sixmeat?  Because for the next ten days we’re going to skip ten chapters in our History book, and ten current events lessons to watch Milton Friedman’s “Free to Choose” series on the importance of American freedom. Since the almighty Google has folded to some socialist China man and pulled it, we will have to make a little detour to Youtube on day 6 to watch the best one: “What’s Wrong With our Schools”.

Are the school kids going to get to watch this series?  I bet not, and it saddens me.

After watching this series, my child will know more than most Americans about the significance of freedom and why we should fight for it.  Maybe this will all culminate in a little family trip to DC after all.

There is probably a minivan full of homeschoolers we can hop on to get there.

BTW, it’s not hard to find one of these fascinating groups. One can usually locate them by standing in the parking lot of a public school for a while until a gray van passes with a couple of kids hanging out, making moose ears and yelling “neener neener!

Well, at least that’s what one would see my kids do.


Doing Blow Off Ashley Biden’s Chest and The Only One Who Gives Orders Is Boss

March 29th, 2009 at 11:04 pm by Brian

There are quite a few reasons to highlight the story of Biden’s daughter’s alleged flakefest instead of playing this magnanimous “I wouldn’t want it done to me and my kids” card being trotted out by The Chivalrous Knights of the Center Right. And I’m reposting my comment from another site but we all have our reasons.

First, let me second Dan Riehl’s observations here.  The scolding Miss Manners of Centrism have gotten our asses handed to us the last two election cycles.

A. That luxury has not been afforded to the Bush twins over alcohol when they weren’t 21. Mary Cheney’s gayness being brought up during the VP debates.  They put Pattie Davis in Playboy to piss off Daddy didn’t they?  Andrew Sullivan’s conspiratorial stalker-lite snoopings around Bristol Palin’s nether regions and attacking a baby of all things.  Etc., etc.

B. Joe Biden is a big Drug Warrior. That’s a terrific CATO podcast link to Timothy Lynch’s comments about Biden’s selection. Now’s the time to even out that crack vs. coke sentencing disparity. Otherwise, we’ll think that white people getting caught doing cocaine is no big deal but black people doing cocaine in crack form gets them sent up the river. Take one for the team, Ashley. Dad’s Team. Dad’s team kicks your door in at night. Shoots first and asks questions maybe.

C. She’s 27 years old. How long do you get to be a kid in this country? The tape is evidently of her joking that the lines aren’t big enough and from within the year.  Sorry, but when Dad’s running for the big job and you’re out tooting it up like the whistle on the Chattanooga Choo-Choo you’ve got to know these no longer youthful indiscretions are going to bite you and Dad in the ass.

D. In light of the President’s plan to continue raiding pot dispensaries and the increasing drug violence along the Mexican border, Hillary Clinton is in Mexico this week condemning Americans for doing the drugs that have the cartels holding daily bullet festivals. Coincidentally the same kinds of drugs her Brother tries to sell pardons for and Brother-In-Law has been convicted of.  Drugs her husband admitting doing and not inhaling.  Drugs the current President engaged in freely.  Drugs the last President did before Jesus became the ultimate high.

Let’s clean our own houses first, eh?

It’s a story whether you want it to be or not. When did Pajamas Media get to be the filter that tells us what we are and aren’t allowed to talk about. You can reason. You implore. But the only one who gives orders is Boss.

Biden’s helped write the laws that have sent millions to jail. If he can’t stop his own daughter then how the hell are we?

Dad’s running around thanking Spain for all of their help in Iraq.  Spain hates us.   They cut and ran so fast I was afraid that their mothers were going to switch them to safety scissors lest they trip and land on them.  Maybe he should get drug tested too.

Maybe they should all get drug tested.  If it’s good enough for our welfare recipientson government assistance, it’s good enough for our welfare recipients in Congress who just voted themselves another fat raise while millions are getting laid off.

Breitbart’s Conservative Manifesto:

The Huffington Post, Daily Kos and other left-leaning sites benefit from the right’s belief that there are rules and decorum in political debate and civic engagement. Of course, every now and then, a curious right-winger will go in and engage in discussion at a left-wing site, but rarely under purely disingenuous and mass coordinated means.

David Brock, John Podesta, am I missing something?

As a prolific consumer of online content, I value nothing more than the sincere expression of opinion that differs from mine. Sometimes I am even moved or swayed from my dogma. But that was not the type of communication that got Mr. Obama elected.

The American right is in a heap of trouble in a media age that doesn’t shun the goons and liars that have poisoned the political process and won the American presidency by breaking the rules of fair play. It is time to fight back, but it won’t be easy. The enemy is willing to do and say anything in order to win.

And our side simply is not.  Even when we are completely in the right and have non-nefarious motives for doing so.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

February 12th, 2009 at 8:32 pm by Michele

An interesting statement by my 11 year old girl while riding in the car and listening to talk radio:

“I know one thing the president can’t do.”

“What’s that?”

“He can’t buy America.”

Ah.  The clarity.

Kids Today

June 15th, 2008 at 4:07 pm by Brian

Always with their Xboxes and Playstations and Nintendo DSeses. Maintaining an increasingly sedentary lifestyle void of meaning and substance. I wish they’d pay more attention to what’s going on in the world, you know? Get involved. Do something with their life.

Like this kid:

HAVANA, Cuba (AP)The Cuban boy at the center of an international custody battle eight years ago has joined Cuba’s Young Communist Union.

Elian Gonzalez said he will never let down ex-President Fidel Castro and his brother Raul Castro, according to the Communist youth newspaper Juventud Rebelde.

Because so many 14 year olds want to get involved in politics and defend murderous dictators. Who does Elian Gonzalez think he is the average commenter at Digg or something?

Juventud Rebelde says in its Sunday edition that the boy was among 18,000 people who joined the group Saturday.

That’s one hell of a “Vote or Die” campaign F-Diddy has got going on down there. I don’t think that Miss Cleo or possibly Whoopi Goldberg could have seen a future where little Elian would be used as a tool for Communist propaganda for the rest of his life. I refuse to be that cynical.

Ah, the 1990s. It was a simpler time. The world was at peace. Everywhere an American traveled abroad the local peasantry tossed rose pedals at our feet. The French always sent us this most excellent cheese sampler every Christmas. The Chinese were only putting antifreeze in the cat food instead of the dog food too. The Russians were charging the Venezuelans retail for AK-47s. I made a million dollars a year at the Cotton Candy factory, myself.

And damn it, the government knew how to deal with illegal immigrants.

Tell those bigots to shut up!

After all, we don’t have the money to go after every illegal alien with a fully locked and loaded SWAT team. Only the 6 year old ones.

Say Hello To My Hello Kitty

March 13th, 2008 at 9:20 pm by Brian

All I have in this world is my balls and an electric fuchsia AK-47.

Here, kitty, kitty

Say hello

 

Don’t Hate The Playa, Hate The Game

May 26th, 2007 at 3:40 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

While driving past a house under construction at the corner of Ebenezer and Northshore earlier today, Preston Jr. noted that that’s the house he’s going to live in when he marries his school friend Katelyn. When the house is finished of course, he added.

So I had to ask him, what about the cute girl Avery he likes from his swimming lessons? His response?

“Well, I’m going to marry Katelyn, but I’ll just play with Avery.”

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Already a playa at 5. I must be doing somethin’ right.

Note To Self: 4-Year-Olds Don’t Speak in Metaphors

November 28th, 2006 at 12:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

The other night, Preston Jr. was very concerned and kept getting up after being put to bed. This is unusual. He’s usually out like a light soon after prayers.

He came downstairs and with great despair, said that his piggy bank was gone. Where was he going to put his quarters (for gumballs) with his piggy bank gone? Due to the fact that we’re in the process of moving to a new house, nearly everything had been packed up, including the piggy banks.

Being the incompetent parent that I am, naturally, I assume that what he’s really upset about is the transition into a new house from the only house he’s ever known. Seemed like a logical conclusion to me. It’s not really about the piggy bank – the piggy bank merely represents his anxiety about moving to a new house and a new neighborhood. The piggy bank is just a metaphor for his pending upheaval.

He later woke us up around 1:30 am, still worried about his piggy bank. I tried to reassure him by letting him know that he’d have his piggy bank at his new house.

Demonstrating far more parental competence and understanding of child psychology, Mrs. Holmes got up, unpacked the piggy bank, put it back in his room (precisely where he demanded) and off he went to sleep. When I brought it up later, she emphasized, “he really wanted his piggy bank.”

Sometimes a piggy bank is just a piggy bank.

Preston Jr. And The Sony Walkman, Volume One

June 12th, 2006 at 11:15 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

While driving home from getting our haircuts this weekend (yeah, we usually go together), now-four-year-old Preston Jr. found my Sony Walkman™ brand radio and headphones in the back seat of my car and decided to put them on and listen. As I usually have it on some form of talk-radio, he was immediately enthralled. This discussion followed:

Preston Jr.: Someone is telling me something on the radio.

Me: Really? How interesting. What are they telling you?

Preston Jr.: (Pause) I guess they’re telling me something dangerous.

Me: Well, let me know so I’ll be ready.

Preston Jr.: Now they’re telling me something about basketball.

Me: Really? Hmmm…

Preston Jr.: Now they’re telling me something about baseball.

It was at that point that even he was bored with the sport and tossed the headset back into the floorboard of the back seat.