I wrestle with my selfishness.  It’s an unfair fight because no matter which side I root for either way I want me to win.  But no matter how self-centered I may become, it’s always assuring to know that I’m never the worst because “journalists” in the Legacy Media business can articulate it so much better than any of the other millions of unemployed.  They practice tugging at those heart strings.  Especially those of people out of work as a result of the positions and policies they engraved on the tombstones of their cover stories and editorial pages.

Who else ever got paid to alienate customers as long?

So who would want to be a journalist? It has always been work for the strong-hearted, the bull-headed and the hopelessly romantic. People do this work because they love it. They love telling stories, however grim, seamy, or heartbreaking. In fact, the more heartbreaking the better.

Exploiting the humanity of the downtrodden to raise the all-important “awareness”.  Preferably in pursuit of expanding the nanny state.

That’s not to say that the piece linked to above chronicling the personal experience of the toll on family and career is void of sincerity.  It does.  But it is completely absent of any attempt at understanding  the downfall that the old media brought and continues to bring on what’s left of itself.  An obvious and intentional lack of self-examination.  No amount of New Media business model synergies seminars are going to fix that glaring blindspot:

The end of a love affair is always a little sordid, isn’t it? Awkward moments, bracketed by false reassurances that everything is still OK, postpone the inevitable…. They eye non-profit status with government subsidies like it’s Viagra for print.

The noble non-profits in pursuit of The Public Interest ™.   Dutifully reciting Washington’s message in exchange for their bread.  Or cab fare on the nightstand.

Perhaps they’d like it more if the government decided to take over their business, shut down hundreds of small papers and let the ones who donated the most favorable coverage to their campaigns survive and the really doe-eyed idealists among them can go to Washington like Mr. Smith.

By O’Keefe’s count, “Thomson is one of at least 14 journalists to join the Obama administration, with virtually all of them serving in a communications capacity,” and, intriguingly, O’Keefe asserted “other reporters at national outlets are known to be considering similar roles.”

Maybe those precious few remaining ink-stained wretches can gin up hatred of some hard-hearted Senator who thinks that government employees don’t deserve special treatment more than the private citizens he represents.  Those kinds of “grim, seamy and/or heartbreaking” tales are shiny epaulets on that government communications job résumé.

What kind of vocation calls such brave men and women?  Fearlessly standing up for the Big Guy?  Willing to cut the average American off at the knees to comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted?

For myself, I learned a long time ago the one thing we can count on is change. Because of my husband’s work, my life has had a rootlessness to it that I never intended, but have come to accept. The only thing that’s brought me to tears during our latest upheaval is the number of colleagues who’ve have contacted him about a job with the same company. So many good people, so desperate to escape the beast’s arms.

The Beast of the Old Media is unwanted and howling in the backyard.  It’s begs for Big Government to hold it’s tether and water it’s bowl.  It longs to attack on command in pursuit of a “progressive” agenda against the private citizen who must involuntarily underwrite it.  It despises the average American while claiming to look out for Those Who Vote Against Their Best Interests.

At the end, it never realized that all it ever had to do to be successful was to be fair.   Either that or it did and chose to fail.

I’m not sure this passes the smell test for me. But hey, it came from Yahoo! News, so it must be real right?

Now you might have some idea why a perfectly good Democrat can go off the rails on something as commonsensical as government subsidized abortion. It’s the shadow cabal of crypto-Christianists! Really, is there any other reason? Indeed, can there be?

I can’t answer that. I couldn’t if I wanted to. They’re listening.

In a strained defense of wasteful “make work” projects to temporarily sustain government employees and their favorite no-bid contractors, the Bolshevik revolution continues with aplomb as the SouthCommunists at the reconstituted Nashville City Paper (NCP) serve up a little cover story complete with quasi-Soviet/NorK iconography:

You Forgot To Add The Sickle

ed. note – Six Meat Buffet uses Commie iconography as parody – not praise.

Among some of the brilliant observations from the Kremlinesque note-takers at the NCCCP:

More than $1 billion in stimulus funds have flowed into Tennessee’s 5th Congressional District, represented by U.S. Rep. Jim Cooper, a Democrat who voted for the recovery act. That money has created nearly 7,000 jobs in the geographic area that includes Davidson and parts of Wilson and Cheatham counties, according to federal figures that cover Oct. 1 to Dec. 31, 2009.

At $1,000,000,000.00, that’s roughly $143,000 per job.  Excuse me, “nearly” 7,000 jobs.  Round it up a little.  Now would those be full-time jobs in the private sector that will be contributing taxes next year or a gubmint project filling potholes for 3 months because that’s a top 1-percenter income being funneled through the models of efficiency that are the federal and state government.  At least on Charity Navigator we can see how much went to Administrative costs.

The government’s stimulus-tracking website, recovery.gov, is designed to offer transparency about how the federal funds are being spent, and indeed, the wealth of information is almost overwhelming. The slightest bit of navigation will reveal initiatives throughout Nashville. Some, mostly construction projects, were unveiled with staged photo-ops and now don the familiar red-blue-and-green stimulus logo at their sites. Others have gone largely unnoticed. The list is much too lengthy to cover in its entirety without risking utter boredom.

You read that right.  Indeed,  they would hate to bore all you 10+% unemployed Tennesseans out there with all this free funemployment time on your hands. The information is so overwhelming we simply don’t have the ink to describe how completely awesome it is.

I thought this level of lickspittle A2M Soviet cockslobbery was reserved strictly for The Nashville Scene.

Indeed, I certainly don’t want to bore you with any more of the slavish teabaggery that Joey Garrison begged for at the wrinkled sack of the Obama Administration but this was just too much:

More heat on the street: Perhaps the most celebrated stimulus project allocated to Metro — hailed by Dean and others — is the $9 million grant awarded to the police department to bring on 50 new officers. According to spokesman Don Aaron, most of the money pays for salaries and other benefits.

That’s $180,000 per police officer added for those Metro school graduates averse to math.  Ask those cops how much they get paid a year and then ask where the other $135,000 went.

It seems Pravda On The Cumberland finally got a little competition.

Best not to examine all those Phantom Congressional Districts that got $54 Million in cream right off the top.  You say “Cream!” too loud around these inky apparatchiks and all they do is close their eyes and open their mouths.

$54 Million??? Why, that’s almost 300 new Robocops we could have bought or at least fended off lawsuits over rightfully arresting illegal aliens.  Or at least put a down payment on a light rail so we can have the illegals polishing the brass on our Shining Sanctuary City On The Hill.

Robocop: Only cost $73k in 1987 dollars (though most of his parts were made in Mexico)

Whatever you do Joey and the rest of your Comrades at the NCCCP, don’t look into that ghost money.  We’d all much rather read your incessant lacrimosas over Juana Villegas’ spilled breast milk.

It’s worse than any Mayan calendar running out. Republicans might regain control of government and unleash the wrath of Quetzalcoatl. That is if they anger the gods of the Old Media Pantheon.

Via NewsBusters we have two back-to-back eviscerations of Senator Jim Bunning’s hold on the “jobs bill”. I haven’t looked into the backstory enough to tell you whether the whole thing is political maneuvering or a genuine attempt to impose fiscal restraint.

The jobs bill is popular so it gives them the cover they so need to attack Republicans without reprisals. And like dogs on red meat, they proceed to dive into the nasty advocacy journalism that hasn’t been seen since Reagan pulled blankets off of homeless people.

Again, I can’t speak to the merits of Bunning’s actions, but watch the videos and hear the blatant narration that is being sold.

Expect years of this if and when a Republican Congress actually tries to cut spending. There will be no shortages of crippled single mother’s of ten (actually, the will pick a white mother of three because that is what “Middle America” needs to see) paraded before your eyes while Williams, Couric and Sawyer softly weep.

Update
Here is some info on Bunning’s day on the floor of the Senate. I hope you don’t mind ALL CAPS in red.

(s/t Protein Wisdom)

…if you continually decide,

to faithfully pursue…

something something something…

I think Jonathan Springston knows the next lyric.  He probably knows the whole song by heart.

Objective truth, is not the  kind of truth that the editor of the Atlanta Progressive News deems a good fit for his rag. Truth is not their policy, so they fired it.

In the end, we had to make a very difficult decision to move forward as a publication without Jonathan Springston. Last Wednesday, we informed him it seemed more appropriate if he found work with another publication or started his own publication.

At a very fundamental, core level, Springston did not share our vision for a news publication with a progressive perspective. He held on to the notion that there was an objective reality that could be reported objectively, despite the fact that that was not our editorial policy at Atlanta Progressive News. It just wasn’t the right fit.

We have already begun drafting a more programmatic statement on our editorial position regarding objectivity, inter-subjectivity, and news. To be sure, I’ve commented on Creative Loafing’s blog previously about such issues.
(Inter-subjectivity?!)

In the meantime, here is some information from our Frequently Asked Questions page:
“Progressive news is news that brings us closer to universal health care, living wages, affordable housing, peace, a healthy environment, and voting systems we can trust.

We provide news of concern to working families, and therefore, our writing is geared toward a specific audience. Fortunately, our audience–working families–comprises a majority of people in the United States who are largely ignored by corporate media sources.

We believe there is no such thing as objective news. Typically, mainstream media presents itself as objective but is actually skewed towards promoting the corporate agenda of the ultra-wealthy.

The truth sure does give these guys the vapors, doesn’t it? He prefers subjective truth, which is a fancy Orwellian phrase for “lie”. But only uber-wealthy corporate media, and troglodytes like Joe Wilson, would use such an objective “fact-based” word.

The editor made sure to clarify his position in the comments section:

APNEditor Says:

1. February 15th, 2010 at 6:59 pm Also, I didn’t mean to imply–even indirectly or in the slightest way–that Creative Loafing was objective. Quite the opposite- Creative Loafing’s slant is so inline with the bourgeois, corporate ideology of most of the corporate media in Atlanta, that you all kind of reinforce and reify each other to the point where one can easily become deluded that this corporate ideology you propagate is somehow an objective truth.

I have a subjective truth. I think the term bourgeois is tres passe. I mean, who is this guy? Some mustache-twisting, goatee stroking throwback to the Bolshevik revolution? What kind of currency does Cardinale get paid in for his work ? 1905 rubles?

Probably.  I’ll go search for his picture.

That is definitely the APN editor on the far left, circa 1919.  According to my subjective truth.  Guess you have to go back that far to be “progressive”.

(I found this somewhere on Big Journalism but I lost it somewhere. I certainly didn’t find it by reading Creative Loafing.)

Update: (Or inconvenient objective truth) Atlanta Progressive News is not a non-profit, it is a corporation.

Andrew Breitbart, one of the only actual brawlers on the right, gives Salon’s pants-shitting socialist Max Blumenthal a verbal beatdown. It’s a thing of beauty.

It’s fun to watch a spineless socialist media whore try to lie his way out of his own public statements. This is a good look at the cowards of your mainstream media.

You’ve got to love the Legacy Media spin though:

From the New York Slimes:

Report Faults 2 Authors of Bush Terror Memos

From the Hill, “we’ll have hearings on the hearings until I get the answer I want!” says husband of drunken bar brawling corruptocrat:

Judiciary chairmen vow hearings on torture memos report

From the Administration’s public relations farm team at the Washington Post(Op Trannies):

Authors of waterboarding memos won’t be disciplined

From Neo-nationalist People’s Radio:

Yoo And Bybee, Lawyers Behind ‘Torture Memos,’ Will Not Face Disbarment, Criminal Punishment

al-Reuters:

US: Lawyers Misconduct Shows Need for Torture Inquiry

They have a real funny way of describing how someone was found innocent.

Dramatic Re-enactment

Portrait of 69,456,897 Oddballs. We’re going to need a bigger canvas:

A family source said Bishop…was a far-left political extremist who was “obsessed” with President Obama to the point of being off-putting.

This story of the Alabama professor who gunned down her colleagues just keeps getting stranger and stranger. After all, I’ve never heard of a far-left extremist in Academia with an off-putting Obama cult mentality before.

Somebody get Incompetano monitoring the Twitter feeds. We may have to shut down every single U.S. college and newsroom. When this latter-day Unabombette was questioned about mailing a pipebomb to a doctor thanklessly tasked with examining some of her research:

“She was quite cavalier about it,” Fluckiger said of Bishop’s description of her interview with police. She said Bishop “grinned” as she described being asked by cops whether she’d ever taken stamps off an envelope and fastened them onto something else. “I cannot tell you what the grin meant,” Fluckiger said.

Seven years prior, Bishop shot her brother to death in Braintree in an incident that was ruled an accident at the time.

Somehow none of this disqualified her from jumping in front of a classroom full of kids.

Oh, and she tried to hold up a car dealership.  It’s stuff like this that makes Massachusetts look like some commie cuddling, crook coddling CuckooLand.

Sometimes appearances can be deceiving.  Other times, devastatingly accurate.

Homeland Security can just wait until Bishop gets her own show on MSNBC. At least that would ensure that her infectious ideas won’t be exposed to as many people as the university.

No word yet as to whether the President will send out some free t-shirts for the victims but I expect a full rebuke of violent, leftwing looney bin radio is forthcoming.

Tea Parties dominated by conspiracist kooks. According to Newsweek’s Jonathan Kay.

This world view’s modern-day prophets include Texas radio host Alex Jones, whose documentary, The Obama Deception, claims Obama’s candidacy was a plot by the leaders of the New World Order to “con the Amercican people into accepting global slavery”; Christian evangelist Pat Robertson; and the rightward strain of the aforementioned “9/11 Truth” movement. According to this dark vision, America’s 21st-century traumas signal the coming of a great political cataclysm, in which a false prophet such as Barack Obama will upend American sovereignty and render the country into a godless, one-world socialist dictatorship run by the United Nations from its offices in Manhattan.

Sure enough, in Nashville, Judge Roy Moore warned, among other things, of “a U.N. guard stationed in every house.” On the conference floor, it was taken for granted that Obama was seeking to destroy America’s place in the world and sell Israel out to the Arabs for some undefined nefarious purpose. The names Jeremiah Wright and William Ayers popped up all the time, the idea being that they were the real brains behind this presidency, and Obama himself was simply some sort of manchurian candidate.

Of course every movement has its radicals, but if these ideas dominated the Tea Party movement, wouldn’t I have heard about them before stumbling upon them in a Newsweek article? I mean, I know my political prophets and they’re all pretty much dead.  Well, not ‘Zo, but anyway.

Kay didn’t even mention all of the wordpress-hating, Bill Whittle goading, gun-toting, earth-loving, secular Christian, veteran Wiccan Tea Partiers that had me fascinated all morning, but then again, they don’t fit his narrative. If you’re at all intellectually/philosophically/spiritually curious, and willing to have all of your own stereotypes challenged, you should read the comment thread on that one.

Breitbart reminds the media – “It’s not your business model that sucks. It’s YOU that sucks.”

Via Gateway.

There is an old boilerplate technique used by journalists where any mention of spending cuts leads directly to images of starving babies, school closings and laid-off firemen.

This was especially effective during the Reagan years and is discussed by Bernard Goldberg in his first book Bias regarding the “homeless crisis”.

This would stop by next Tuesday if Republicans would always respond exactly as Senator Gregg did.

Yes, I’m mining Newsbusters today. My office computer still has a rabbit-ear antenna and it’s the only station I get.

Preston told me that when I did a great post (a looong time ago), that he almost forgot I was a Jew.

UPDATE A cute Jon Stewart rejoinder. (s/t Newsbusters)

The moral equivalent of the N-word at a Klan lynching.

A statement about the media’s desire for a black quarterback to do well.

Yet this is hardly elicits a ho hum, nothing to see here moment.

And who could forget this classic?

Look, Dingy Harry is an idiot, and I’m really not thinking that he is a filthy racist. In context, he was excited about Obama’s packaging and optimistic about a (mostly) black presidential candidate.

What is disgusting is that this gets a pass from the media who are quick impute racist motivations to code words like “elitist”, “arrogant”, “socialist”, “inexperienced”.

Really, have you ever noticed how principles become soft and malleable depending on whether it serves a particular agenda? Journalists are sensitive to injustice and racism as long as fits with their political ideologies.

The NYT reporter:

Obama, the next paragraph:

I know, no surprise there. It IS the New York Times after all. It just makes me wonder if Jackie Calmes has all her baby teeth since she is so good at being spoon-fed.

Our watchdog media uncovers the fact behind Sarah Palin’s book, Going Rogue. Thank You Know Who that these people are on the job.

Thanks for the DNC talking point, couldn’t have found it myself.

More from the mighty Mark Steyn.

Excuses Wearing Thin for Obama, Media Pals

The White House trying to dictate who’s a news organization. Democrats out to gut a business group. Obama media allies damning Americans as racist, unpatriotic and treasonous. Is this the America Obama promised when he campaigned to end the cynical and divisive politics of the past?

RTWT

The Imperious White House Communications Director and Mao mistress Anita Dunn opened her Mao mouth in January:

“One of the reasons we did so many of the David Plouffe videos was not just for our supporters, but also because it was a way for us to get our message out without having to actually talk to reporters,” said Dunn, referring to Plouffe, who was Obama’s chief campaign manager.

“We just put that out there and made them write what Plouffe had said as opposed to Plouffe doing an interview with a reporter. So it was very much we controlled it as opposed to the press controlled it,” Dunn said.

Continued Dunn: “Whether it was a David Plouffe video or an Obama speech, a huge part of our press strategy was focused on making the media cover what Obama was actually saying as opposed to why the campaign was saying it, what the tactic was. … Making the press cover what we were saying.”

You don’t have to look too hard to find our comrades.   All of Uncle Barry’s troops “appear” to be walking around in government approved red berets and jackboots with little red books, and skinny cigarettes, spouting Maoisms.  That’s fine, we have news organizations who will help the workers understand the nuance behind the appearance.  We don’t even have to make the media cover this.  Most channels salivate over our chic neo-marxist style.

Lately a perceptive comedian has been pointing it out: “Hey! Look at those commies walking around in red berets and jackboots with their tiny cigarettes talkin’ Mao!” We must laugh at these fools.  In a better world we would call him unstable and send him away to the proper mental facility- make him shut up, before he starts bandying about the idea that our new emperor is simply a useful idiot.

We must be grateful to Dear Leader that we have public figures like Anita Dunn to act as wise filters who will help us view the news from the White House in the appropriate context.  From this day forward, we shall refer to the public statements that the government approves and permits as real news. You should not worry about stumbling upon news items that make you uncertain, since real news is widely dispersed on ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, and of course CNN.

Go forth with confidence comrades! There is nothing to see here!

I just need to add this, because the Dunn’s quote clearly reveals how the Obama campaign operated, and his leadership operates, through a method of deceiving the people.  When there is not such a wide gulf between what your president says and what he means, then the press doesn’t need to be manipulated by White House Communications Directors into reporting only what he said,  not asking why he said it, and wondering “what the tactic was” behind the words.

Back when we had a president that spoke plainly, who didn’t need a translators/handlers,  the press regarded him as a swaggering simpleton who was an embarrassment to America. The press, in general, would rather hear a poetic lie than the bald truth.

The open assault on Fox News began last weekend when White House Communications Director Anita Dunn accused the network of being a “wing of the Republican Party.”

“What I think is fair to say about Fox — and certainly it’s the way we view it — is that it really is more a wing of the Republican Party,” Dunn said on CNN. “They take their talking points, put them on the air; take their opposition research, put them on the air. And that’s fine. But let’s not pretend they’re a news network the way CNN is.”

Read the whole frickin thing.

From a Newsweek article, The O’Garbage Factor, Fox News Isn’t Just Bad. It’s Un-American.

That Rupert Murdoch may tilt the news rightward more for commercial than ideological reasons is beside the point. What matters is the way that Fox’s model has invaded the bloodstream of the American media. By showing that ideologically distorted news can drive ratings, Ailes has provoked his rivals at CNN and MSNBC to develop a variety of populist and ideological takes on the news. In this way, Fox hasn’t just corrupted its own coverage. Its example has made all of cable news unpleasant and unreliable.

Don’t read the whole thing.

It seems Fox wasn’t created as a response to a long entrenched left-leaning media chronicled by newsmen like Bernard Goldberg.  But like he says, liberal media types are unaware of their bias simply because they just assume they are right.

I guess these are general questions, but they have come up again since this Rush Limbaugh/NFL flap.

It seems the left spends a lot of time making spurious claims, and in Sarah Palin’s case, dragging public figures into lawsuits based upon these falsehoods.    The people bringing the suits know that their claims are based on fabrications, but that’s not the point.  The point is to destroy the image of the political figure, talk show host, plumber etc., and also, in Sarah Palin’s case, to bankrupt them.

Because they don’t have the patience or guts to do the actual work required to civilly defend their positions, the left makes sport out of  fighting strawmen. They coat conservative figures in stories they have created out of whole cloth to make a monster that doesn’t even exist, so they can set it on fire.  Do they at some point forget that they created the monster themselves?  If all of the Hitler mustaches, bloody fangs, and unsettling uplighting are stripped away, what are their true feelings about the grandma they put inside the wolf-suit?  Do they really feel that strongly about policy? And which actual policy is it that they take issue with?

At what point, when confronted with the actual facts, would  they have to break down and say “well, I just didn’t like the tone of his voice” or “her glasses were funny” or the more honest: “I believe a bunch of bullshit that’s not based in truth or rational thought, and I think that’s a superior way to think”?

Childish.

What the left doesn’t seem to understand about the right is that we don’t operate that way as a general rule.  We’re not out looking to create a boogeyman when we say, based upon economic and historical fact, that someone is implementing socialistic or fascistic policies, but when we make assertions like that are told what we are saying is derogatory or I am ignorant or misinformed, and lately we get accused of incitement to violence and hate speech.  But we are not hunting down imaginary monsters we have sewn together.  We are arming ourselves against a very real threats to freedom. The czars, ACORN, the stimulus, the government control and rationing of health care… we could go on and on ad nauseum about very real threats to freedom.  We don’t have to invent something to disturb us, but the left is too immersed in Alinsky’s Art of Poo-Flinging to see that the right’s protests arise from serious concerns.

There is a true a living, breathing threat, but it may take some unadulterated education on history and economics for the left to understand the monster, and that’s just too much work for them. In the meantime we’re all about to get our heads chewed off.

then MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, The New York Times and The Washington Post are the greedy tentacles of the Octopus in the White House.

I don’t know what Day By Day’s copyright standards are or I would have reposted it here but this pretty well sums it up.

This is a truly disturbing story, but it gets more dismaying by the third paragraph.

It’s this new information that has raised this case to a national level. Original reports of Sparkman’s death did not note the “fed” scrawling. At this point, it is unclear if the death was a murder or a suicide. Given the “fed” note, one must wonder if indeed this was a murder if the motive was related to anti-government sentiment.

Sept. 12th was the day that tea-baggers took to Washington, D.C. in protest of what they deem as overspending by the government, as well as too much government period.

While authorities seem unclear on the exact reason for Bill Sparkman’s death, Census Bureau Executive Director Dr. Robert Groves, while notifying census employees of the incident by e-mail, seemed quite sure it was a crime.

This was a brutal murder by a deranged person on September 12th. Perhaps he sought to legitimize his psychotic blood lust by cloaking it as political activism du jour, in much the same way Manson did, but this piece of editorializing is an obscene slander.  You can almost taste the bile of the journalist when he typed the word “Tea-bagger”.

I predict next week Maureen Dowd tries to pin it on talk radio.

The Slimes brings teh funny:

The story of the spectacular rise and fall of John Edwards, with its sordid can’t-look-away dimensions, is moving slowly but deliberately to its conclusion here in North Carolina.

The “sordid can’t-look-away dimensions” of a scumbag, ambulance-chasing attorney 4 Prez who was cheating on his cancer-riddled wife who he frequently sent out in front of the cameras to defend him from the paper that refused to cover it until it was all but over.

Other than the fact that Elizabeth Edwards knew all along and played the victim card to the hilt, she’s an inspiration to women everywhere who need to learn to shut their mouths.

Apparently, according to the bastions of rationality that are Joy Behar and Whoopie Goldberg, ACORN is doing the job Republicans won’t do, which is helping the poor.

GOLDBERG: Everything, I mean, you know, there are boneheads in all organizations. We’ve worked for them. We know that they’re there. But do you kill the whole thing? And I don’t think so. A lot of people think that you should kill it. But you can’t answer, you can’t tell me where those people who become even more disenfranchised go. Because we know the Republicans aren’t going to take care of them. Cause we see that doesn’t work anymore for them. So now where do they go? I am sick and tired of people dismantling stuff and saying, “Oh, we’re for the people,” and then leaving the people this. Because they don’t care. Find a way to fix it.

BEHAR: They haven’t dismantled the Catholic Church and they have some boneheads in there.

GOLDBERG: This is true.

Just in case you evil right wingers needed to know what’s involved in helping the poor,  I have provided a list that you can refer to when you get “confused” as you often do. If you have trouble reading, there are videos that we have just released this week which will provide much of the same assistance.

1. Provide poor people with low interest loans on properties that are out of their price range.  Picket when they get foreclosed upon and go bankrupt.  It won’t help their future ability to buy a home, but hey, you looked pretty philanthropic when you where breaking the locks for them.

2. Teach poor people how to commit tax fraud in order to open a brothel.

3. Remind poor people that there is no shame in selling your body. Have posters of Heidi Fleiss on the wall, because she is a hero.

4. Teach prostitutes and pimps how to claim their underage sex slaves as dependants on their tax forms.

5. Tell a hooker how to seduce a bank president in order to get a loan to open a brothel where you will instruct youngsters who barely speak English about the LA sex industry.

6. Tell an abused woman how she can “lay groundwork” with battered women’s charities and the authorities in order to provide a cover for murdering her abuser.

7. Offer, in exchange for sexual favors, to get your contact in Tijuana’s help in smuggling children across the border to be sex slaves.

There are also ways that the poor can offer their own contributions.  Getting involved in politics by registering dead people, cartoon characters, and football teams to vote Democrat.  Just make sure the office is closed when the poor come for their paycheck.

These are just a few ideas. Because you know the Republicans never helped a poor person in quite this way.  It’s change we believe in.  If the Catholic Church wasn’t so corrupt they would get with the program and start helping the poor too. Who is going to provide these valuable services if ACORN is shut down?  I mean, do we want to give a monopoly to the mob, or the international sex-slave trade?

(BTW I know there are a few progressive ideas that I have failed to note.  So if you have any more ways in which we can educate the ignorant Teabaggers among us on how to bring about economic justice to the unfortunate in this corrupt America, just leave it for me in the comments.)