UPDATE: Hurricane Petunia is on her way:

Amid confirmation that 20 Americans have been diagnosed with the swine flu, officials at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) said they fear death in the United States as they expect more cases of the virus to emerge.

…

Earlier today, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said the government declared a public health emergency, which will allow it to free up resources to tackle the issue.

Thank goodness Homeland Heifer is going to chew up all the pestilence on the prairie.  At least she hasn’t called for a quarantine of all our service men and women to make sure they don’t infect the True Blue U.S.S.A. with their virulent right-wing extremism yet in response.

Quote Homeland Heifer, “On behalf of the USSA gubmint, I’d like to apologize to swine everywhere for comparing it to our troops.”

***************************************************************************

So I was two years premature with my prediction that we would face a potential pandemic as a result of our de facto open borders policy.  At the time, the issue was rising tuberculosis rates in states bordering Mexico and a little compare/contrast when Chuckie Schumer was worried that we didn’t have enough border guards to monitor Canada and that “one person with a disease getting into America was one too many”.

I received the usual slings and arrows from the disease carrying Left at the time but such is the price of being right.

And yea, we aren’t facing the black plague yet but imagine if we were.

The World Health Organization is set to declare the deadly swine flu virus outbreak in Mexico and the U.S. a global concern, potentially prompting travel restrictions, said a person familiar with the matter.

An emergency committee of the WHO in Geneva will declare the outbreak “a public health event of international concern” in a 4 p.m. teleconference today, said the person, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the meeting is confidential. In response, WHO Director-General Margaret Chan may raise the level of pandemic alert, which could lead to travel restrictions aimed at curbing the disease’s spread.

“These levels of pandemic alert are all signals for action,” said Malik Peiris, a professor of microbiology at the University of Hong Kong, who has studied influenza viruses for more than a decade. “Raising the level of alertness to influenza, especially in returning travelers, would be a relevant thing to do.”

Maybe we don’t have to imagine so hard after all.  Maybe when our nation’s Spring Breaking tanned, rested, and wretching frat boys and hoebags keel over after the Cabo or Cancun keggers then people will take this stuff seriously.

The only response the Left has to trying to prevent widespread diseases like this is to cry “racism” to a public safety issue.

When I travel abroad, I always have to make sure to check the travel section of the State Department or the CDC so that I am up to date on my inoculations as some diseases are common in other countries that I would have no immunity.  It’s a silly thing I do called “Being A Responsible Citizen”.  Likewise, with people carrying a 16th Century disease walking into a downtown restaurant and applying for a cook’s job aren’t thinking twice about that festering sore on their hands or that productive cough as they pass your plate on to the waiter who has been linguistically and racially profiled as being acceptable to send to your table.

It is not safe to allow unfettered immigration.  You are holding a syringe filled with swine flu to our necks and demanding our social services for ransom.

When Americans are dying from swine flu be sure to look at your landscaping and that subpar roof you had installed on your house and remember that it was worth it.   In a perfect world, the illegal that gave you the swine flu will also be able to dig your grave for a reasonable rate if that helps make it easier for your family.

Death to the Current TV – 2!  It’s the least we can expect as it’s all Bush’s fault.  What?  Six months after he’s gone and these Current Commie dopes take off to provide aid and comfort to Kim Jong.

Lo and behold, he be the Ill-est.  Almost as bad as Bush!  So sez the Huffinglues:

Before getting back to the formula, here are a few of the issues we’re all afraid to talk about too much because there are no clear solutions to them and they involve far larger geopolitical gamesmanship and the like that not may help Ms. Saberi, Lee, and Ling’s respective plights. Iran and North Korea are both former members of the infamous “axis of evil,” a brand that has not exactly left a pleasant legacy for either of them as they attempt to force the new Obama administration to deal with them in his newly declared era of reconciliation. [...] Then there are the human rights issues of which both Iran and North Korea have very blemished track records (not that our own is so hot right now).

Because Iran and North Korea were perfect little angels prior to January 2000, right?  The US human rights record is in league with North Korea’s and Iran’s because enemy combatants were treated to the CIA’s Extreme Yoga class and evidenced by our black site prisons where we’ve been abducting foreign journalists for years.  That mean old Bush forced them to take the Al Gore Current’s useful idiots hostage because they are children trying to get mommy’s attention:

To answer the immediate critics, yes it does involve the US extending itself beyond just finding middle ground. It does mean making concessions and inevitably planting karmic seeds that run the risk of producing even more problems down the line. But that’s the role and risk a parent sometimes has to play with a child that acts out in an effort to get attention. It’s not stooping to their level. It’s just bending down to look them in the eye and let them know you’re taking them seriously.

Who is taking who seriously, exactly?  Last month, despite all the braying and false bravado, North Korea fired off a missile towards Hawaii to underscore who they don’t take seriously.  That being one Barack Hussein Obama.

They have to stoop to his level because he’s the child with ADHD and their “karmic seeds” are being planted in his ass with both boot heels.

In short, the Huffinglue writer who claims to be one of the formative minds behind Current TV makes no mention of how the plight of two of their “journalists” is being erased from the Current TV website.  And why wouldn’t they?  This bit of international nastiness is a great distraction from our Dear Leader’s Glorious Revolution.   We haven’t even the time to enact our Righteous Retribution on Bush’ s War Criminals for daring to offer legal opinions on interrogating Khalid Sheik Mohammed over his hedgehog jihad.

We must look beyond the 2 Google Current morons held prisoner in Pyongyang.  Many times America has been arrogant and blind.  If they need to kill Current’s propagandists (or sentence them to a decade in prison) to help tilt the Karmic Scales to the U.S. and North Korea being equal then so be it.  We are all equally worthless in Barack’s new paradigm.

I know I spin for all of Current TV and the Huffinglue Post when I say that we will build monuments to their deaths for righting the scales of U.S. historical injustice against North Korea.  When will we learn?

…by way of idiocy.

Super-sized Kraut hops into polar bear enclosure to become one with the animals. She just about became one with the animals by traveling through their digestive tracts in little pieces and becoming one with the rest of their bear piles.

I can help you with her condition. She’s a lunatic. See for yourself (video at the link).

h/t Leo

He really should have thought twice before reminding us that he existed by vomiting forth more idiocy in Vanity Fair.

Thank goodness bankrupting the country doesn’t qualify as a “disaster”. Luckily, the job market is always flush with openings for bad adolescent poets. Give me Keith Morris any day.

Actually, there are a lot of people in America pissed off about the current economic crisis, you just don’t like our views (limited government, self-determination, support of the U.S. Constitution, strong national defense, the list goes on). And the way you respond to the average Americans who are involved in this grass-roots movement demonstrates that you’re the same bitter, ignorant, little pimple-faced twat who eventually had to bulk up into a steroid rage to prove your manhood.

I guess times are tough over at Vanity Fair if this is the best they can do. Hopefully it’s an unpaid internship for old H.R.

h/t Rob

The always brilliant Victor Davis Hanson explains why if you think as Obama does, you would do exactly what he is doing. It comes from how one sees the world.

Obama has proven to be a true believer in the philosophies of William Ayres and Rev. Jeremiah Wright and his policies bear that out.

Here is the troubling part. Troubling because it is as true as it is obvious:

Is the Pajamas Media mindtrick working yet?  Recite until it’s not an issue anymore.

Radaronline has gotten to take a look at Biden’s coke princess daughter and is shocked - shocked – to learn that the bitch she got set up.*

So what?  Did somebody force her to put a straw up her nose?

It was a setup.

The video purporting to show Vice President Joe Biden‘s daughter Ashley snorting cocaine was preplanned by a man trying to get rich selling the tape, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

The man, who is apparently a friend of Ashley’s, even bought the cocaine and the hidden camera, our investigation has uncovered.

“Your investigation”?  That entails what, exactly?  The guy selling the tape shoving it into your reluctant faces?

Let me say this.  You don’t need real cocaine to put out a fake video.  You don’t need a hidden camera if you’re using an actress.   You don’t hire a law firm in advance of selling the tape if it’s fake.  If it was fake both Biden and his daughter would be out loud and proud in front of the cameras proclaiming their innocence.

RadarOnline.com viewed the tape but did not offer to purchase it. The man who made the tape shopped it to several media outlets but did not receive any written offers, we’ve learned.

Now, RadarOnline.com has discovered that the woman who is alleged to be Ashley Biden was set up in an elaborate plot by her “friend.” The man bought cocaine and a hidden camera and brought the cocaine to a party.

He then made sure that he was in correct position to film her when she snorted the drugs.

Click here to read report that the lawyer representing the drug tape seller quit.

The seller had planned to get the woman alleged to be Ashley on tape doing drugs for at least three weeks. The tape was shot this year.

It is clear from the tape that the woman said to be Ashley Biden does not know she is being filmed.

There is nothing illegal about videotaping someone without their permission unless they have an expectation of privacy. For example, some place like the inside of your home by yourself or in a bathroom.  We’re videotaped every day without our permission.  At a traffic light.  At a store by surveillance.

Having someone else in the room with you diminishes any expectation of privacy you might have in the event you decide to start wiping your ass or hoovering up a mirrorful of sweet Colombian Marching Powder in plain view.

Let’s all tilt our heads to the left and wipe that tear out of our eyes.  It’s all gonna be ok, pumpkin.  We’ll announce in the press conference that you’re already seeking treatment at a swanky rehab centre and that this is “a private family” matter and that they hope the press will let this story die so this poor, little rich girl can get the help she so desperately couldn’t have cared less about before this video surfaced.

The press will dutifully oblige and send flowers.  Meanwhile, Andrew Sullivan’s stakeout of Bristol Palin’s vagina will resume it’s regularly scheduled broadcast.

Eww.  This whole topic is just so unpleasant.  Let’s talk about something else!

How about how Obama’s ruining the country?

Oh, wait.  We’re not allowed to talk about that anymore either.

Tell me fellas, when did ya’ll switch out the pajamas for a straitjacket and a mouth gag?

Here’s over 30 stories the New York Times ran on the Bush Twins illegally buying their own completely legal alcohol when they were underage.

Current Biden daughter cocaine stories?  Zero.  A commenter in one NYT blog post about the British press mentions it.

USA Today from the Wayback Machine:

Bush twins in spotlight

Most college kids get away with it. But when you’re famous and shadowed by a stone-faced guardian with a squiggly radio cord coming out his ear, delivering the fake ID with nonchalance is a challenge.

So President Bush’s twin daughters got caught. Last week, Jenna and Barbara Bush landed in the nation’s newspapers and all over TV, one charged with possessing alcohol, the other with using someone else’s ID.

The Bush White House responded to the widespread coverage by taking snide shots at journalists in a news conference and getting testy in private discussions. What they want is simple: The same hands-off coverage that Chelsea Clinton received as a child of the first family. Whether they recognize it or not, that’s exactly what they are getting. Most responsible media avoid writing about presidential children — unless their actions force them into the limelight.

…

It’s not just a family story either. As governor, Bush signed the law that stiffens the penalty for second and third alcohol offenses in Texas. A majority in the U.S. House and Senate voted to withhold federal dollars from states that didn’t stiffen enforcement of under-age drinking laws.

…

Coverage of alcohol and the legal system is not pointless. Both impact millions every year. With Bush’s daughters entangled in the two, expecting media silence is fantasy.

Forbid!  Alcohol and the legal system.  It impacts millions.  To expect media silence is fantasy.

Where’s USA Today, today?  You guessed it:

Welcome to Fantasyland.

Seriously.  I do not even care if she did it.  I want everything decriminalized.   What matters is the selective media blackout when we have clear-cut examples of a double standard.  That and that Joe Biden has gleefully tossed millions in jail and ruined their lives for doing less than his daughter is alleged to have done.

It’s enough to make you cry.

There is some serious mental illness and stupidity out among the population. The Obamessiah more popular than Jesus? Sure, we have fun calling President Hussein everything from Obamessiah to Urkel Christ to a variety of other names, but this poll demonstrates how detached from reality the idiots in the hopey changey crowd actually are.

I have to wonder where Harris interactive found this bucket of losers. Then again, there are 54+ million of them out there. Probably wasn’t too difficult.

h/t MB

Because you’ve got to be roomy in the crotch to fit 69 missing computers from everyone’s favorite whacky nuclear lab.

Somewhere, Wen Ho Lee is smiling.  And somewhere else, deep in Washington’s Swampland, a jug-eared moron is glad that the ethically challenged and unsecure-at-any-speed Bill Richardson didn’t get the VP nod.

I believe I speak for everyone when I say “we all are”.

Last member of the Members’ Only Jacket club and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad  issued a statement through his spokesman earlier today to rebuke his subordinate, President Barack Hussein As-Salaam Alaikum Mohammed Suleyman Obama (D – Earth), for offering to join the Axis of Sexy meet without preconditions:

“This request means Western ideology has become passive, that capitalist thought and the system of domination have failed,” Gholam Hossein Elham was quoted as saying by the Mehr news agency.

“Negotiation is secondary, the main issue is that there is no way but for (the United States) to change,” he added.

“Then change we will!”, said Obama spokesperson Robert Gibbs. “Change is our business and business is good.”

In response, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad launched a fresh tirade against the United States, demanding an apology for its “crimes” against Iran and saying he expected “deep and fundamental” change from Obama.

Gibbs added, “You say ‘change” and all I ask is how deep?  Two fingers at Camp David?  A fist?  No holes barred?  I am deeply and fundamentally at your command, sexually speaking.  Give my piece a chance.  That’s all I’m asking.”

Iran denies any plans to build the bomb and insists its nuclear programme is solely aimed at peaceful ends.

“I know I speak for President Islamobama when I say that when your programme is aimed at our peaceful ends then we  will finally be in a comfortable position to face the nuclear payload of your negotiations from a position of mutual respect rather than the donkey punch diplomacy stubbornly pursued by the miserable failure of the BushCo gangbangers.”, Gibbs acquiesced.  “You unclench your fists and we’ll extend our throats.”

Watch where you're pointing that thing!

“President Obama swiftly responded to Hurricane Katrina.”

Amazing that I cannot recall a time when Barack “The One and Done” Obama was not and would not always be (p)Resident.

Like When James Washington crossed the Mississippi to attack the hessians using the subterfuge of the Martin Luther King holiday to free our nation from divisive tyranny of South Africa’s white minority regime. Thanks Democrat run school boards.

President Obama will keep the broken promises made by President Bush to rebuild New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. He and Vice President Biden will take steps to ensure that the federal government will never again allow such catastrophic failures in emergency planning and response to occur.

That would be the separation of powers between state governments and the federal government.

President Obama swiftly responded to Hurricane Katrina. Citing the Bush Administration’s “unconscionable ineptitude” in responding to Hurricane Katrina, then-Senator Obama introduced legislation requiring disaster planners to take into account the specific needs of low-income hurricane victims.

This is from the new White House.gov official site (h/t Drew M.)

My offer to participate in the mandatory group hug of Three Term ChangeyHopeyUnity has officially been rescinded.

I’d like to think all the right-leaning folks who keep imploring everyone to be gracious losers would do well to remember Vince Lombardi’s famous “you show me a good loser and I’ll show you a loser” maxim. Were your opportunistic kumbaya appeals to just get-along-until-he-gives-you-a-reason-to-not-get-along not so transparent I’d think your heads have been squeezed fact-free from fatal assphyxiation.

These people don’t deserve respect or a moment’s rest because, as sure as the hell they came from and will return to upon their not-soon-enough deaths, aren’t going to give it to you in return. As evidenced by The White House’s own website now.

So much for that National Day of Reconciliation bullshit.

God I hate this guy:

In a surprising rebuke (ed. – “surprising”?  To who?)  to the warriors who fought for him through tough times, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) on Sunday sided with President-elect Barack Obama and scolded the Republican National Committee for fanning the Illinois corruption scandal.

…

“I think that the Obama campaign should and will give all information necessary. You know, in all due respect to the Republican National Committee and anybody — right now, I think we should try to be working constructively together, not only on an issue such as this, but on the economy stimulus package, reforms that are necessary.

My friends, we should be focusing on taking money away from the American people to bailout the UAW than focusing on the cess pit that my boss was incubated in since his political conception.  But there’s a reason why Stephopottamus invites you on his show despite your obvious appeal to the CBS demographic.

After failing your country, your supporters, and yourself shouldn’t you take a little more time off to wonder why nobody voted for you?  Perhaps you should read the complaint against Blago or consider the Mohammad al-Dura fashion that Rahm Emanuel has been deploying to hide behind his children – away from the prying questions of reporters not named Joe Conason.

In short, get lost and stay there until you learn something.  Which will be never.

Socialist-utopian restaurant can’t survive in the real world. First bad decision? Letting the customers set their own prices.

I’m surprised that the employees are even expecting pay. In a just world, there would be no such thing as paychecks and prices and purchases.

Managing employees is so, like, establishment, maaan.

What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

As always with liberals, it’s not the actual outcome of their policies and schemes that matter – it’s all about their intentions. Just as President Hussein’s 100% tax rates will be borne of “helping the downtrodden,” it won’t matter that the country collapses. It’s all about their altruistic intentions. Remember, they hold moral and social authority over you, because they are good and you are bad. If you keep this in mind for the next four years, you’ll be ok.

QOTD:

I am not a party hack. Mike Kernell is my friend and I am standing by him. I KNOW he had nothing to do with this. Whatever his son did or didn’t do, Mike had nothing to do with any wrong doings.
As for your need to call me names, go join Six Meat Buffet, they do that there just to be cruel and evil. (And yes, G-dless–just ask them if they believe in G-d)
Terry is too classy to be cruel for the sake of being cruel to a fellow blogger.
But by all means, go join the chorus of G-dless haters at 6 Meat.

To my knowledge, Cranky is a Jew and Preston is a Christian.  Make that a chorus of one.

They told me when Bush was elected that civil rights would be rolled back for people who weren’t Christofascist godbotherers, and they were right!

As Sharon’s on one of her tears about what a mean ol’ meany I am, it’s important to make a few distinctions in regards to the investigation of one David “Orville Redenbacher” Kernell.  This investigation is not about The Last Honest Man ™, Memphis (of all places) rep. Mike Kernell.  This is about his son and what he appears to have done.

The only comparison I’ve made about the sins of the son on the father is the luxurious treatment he’s getting by someone who laid on Palin thick about her underage daughter being pregnant as being a reflection on her.  Last time I checked, pregnancy wasn’t a felony.

Hypocrisy is a stinky perfume but it’s being splashed on like so much Charlie in Cobb Country.

Two, as Sharon has taken it upon herself to be the Kernell Family’s official spokesperson and as they have circled the wagons, called in the lawyers, and dropped all communications with the media – I only have one question.

Did he do it?

Not “can you prove he did it”?  Because judging by his choice of attorneys it looks like he’s going to try and scapegoat somebody else.  Will there be digital DNA evidence in an investigation where circumstantial evidence is damning enough?  They will either have to claim somebody spoofed his account, that one of his roommates did it, or that someone broke into the apartment and did it.

Mind you, when your name is “Kernell” and you change the password on the account to “popcorn” you might just want to go ahead and plea bargain now.  Save yourself a lot of legal fees and family embarrassment.
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2nd and 3rd String cannot be any worse.  Please, oh merciful Lord (the Obamessiah), from my mouth to your ears, from your telekinetic brainwaves to the talking hot dog bun in The Great Pumpkin’s fanny pack.  Please, for all that is Orange outside of prison jumpsuits and traffic cones, set Jonathan Crompton down until further notice:

It’s halftime at Neyland Stadium, and one team looks like it’s serious about winning a championship. The other looks like it’s serious about … well, being the laughing stock of the SEC.

We all make mistakes.  Hell, I bought the wrong kind of Wet Jet hardwood floor solution at the store 2 years ago and I haven’t heard the end of it yet.

Your playcalling is to scoring what RU-486 is to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  It’s just not happening.

My drinking, however, is coming along quite nicely.

Fulmer, you should be handed a pink slip at the end of this game.

What?  You’ve never heard of “going ape” over something before?  It’s an old expression.  Not unlike putting lipstick on a pig or wrapping stinky, old fish in a newspaper.

For crying out loud – it’s just an idiom!  Don’t read more into it than I’m saying folks.  That’s all I’m saying.  Don’t go crazy.  *ahem*  Exercising some restraint is what I’m trying to convey.

Watch the video above though.  That was a premeditated insult that he started rubbing his forehead over before he said it and he’s going to live to regret it.

Watch the crowd start to cheer when they begin to “get” the joke.  (OMFG! – did he just say that?!? *whisper, whisper* This is exactly the kind of attack we’ve been waiting for!  Yay!)

Then watch them pitifully try to spin their way out of this before being forced to apologize for you misunderstanding what they meant. The same people who see coded racial attacks in the phrase “community organizer” can’t see Obama’s callback to Palin’s  “The only difference between a hockey mom and a pit ball is lipstick” remark from last week is little more than selective sensitivity.  Or insensitivity as the case may be.  Alas, such is the moral tuning fork of the liberal white male.  So attuned to the plight of the black man as he is.

My, my – what a difference a few points in the polls makes.  Thank God the era of Karl Rove’s dirty politics is over.  Two weeks ago, no one could have told you who Sarah Palin was.  Today they could tell you that she’s the bad mothering, wolf-killing, land raping, moose hating, adulterous mating, earmark taking, pregnancy faking, banned book baking,  Down syndrome baby-making, pig in lipstick who smells like old fish.  In two weeks.

Change – can’t you feel it in the air?

Digging Yourselves Into An Early Grave: Censorship from these Diggheads? Never saw that coming.

Seems talking about Palin is only ripe for shovels when they’re cracking one across the back of her head.

9/10 UPDATE: Digg now posts Obama’s response to a story they refused to even allow on their site.  Nice move, diggleberries.

Not one to leave a mouth shoeless, Joe Biden gets in on some Sarah sucker punches too – Hey, you know who could really use some embryonic stem cells, that retarded baby of yours.

Stay classy, Big J.

UPDATE (PTH):

Do you think Big J will call Gov. Palin sweetie during the debate? Or are their sexist/racist/religionist slurs reserved for B. Hussein, due to his protected class status?

I suppose we’ll find out soon enough!

Special thanks to Loyalty Inc. who was inspired by the communist propaganda at Obey (ed. – I shit you not) Giant site for helping us to convey our support for our favorite candidates and pet issues on our ten figure budget.

Flash your support to passing cars and let them know where you stand.  Remember, Blue Bandanas symbolize Hope and Change ™ while Red Bandanas symbolize the same old failed policies of the McSame/Bush III Administration.

UPDATE (Cranky):

Dang, Brian beat me to it. However, I’ve already invested 7 minutes, so here it is. Looney Tunes you can believe in.

(more…)

An apathetic liberal media yawns.  Why come you working with somebody named “White”?

• Allegedly “….berated and attacked (investigators) as they tried to serve a subpoena to a friend.” One investigator says that the mayor “grabbed him and threw him into (a) fellow investigator …..”
• That investigator, Brian White, “testified he had X-rays taken at a hospital and might have suffered a slight hip fracture.”
• Was ordered by a judge “to pay $7,500 and undergo random drug testing.”
• Though he is the mayor of Michigan’s largest city, is still “no longer permitted any personal travel outside Michigan. He also cannot travel on business outside the state without the court’s approval.”
• Tried to shame a black investigator for working with a white colleague, saying that “You should be ashamed of yourself. Why are you a part of this?” and “You shouldn’t even be riding in a car with a guy named White.”

Of course, Kwame Kilpatrick has a storied history of getting his reparations back one crooked contractor at a time.  It just happens the two officers were serving a subpoena on one of his most favorite at the time.  A friend who pled guilty to pistol whipping an employee several years ago and leaving him with brain damage.   A friend who is currently out on pre-trial for DUI.

I’m sure this is not the man he knew.  But who is Bobby Ferguson?

But what can we say about the city that keeps electing this man?  You get what you deserve.  Detroit’s version of Barack Obama with an eating disorder.

No party mention either, natch.

Well, the virulently anti-American German media has spoken:

Anyone who saw Barack Obama at Berlin’s Siegessäule on Thursday could recognize that this man will become the 44th president of the United States. He is more than ambitious — he wants to lay claim to become the president of the world.

Is that what Americans are wanting to elect?  Never say “politics ends at the water’s edge” anymore.  An ostensibly American candidate for President campaigning overseas is nauseating.  Pandering to the people who made the worst parts of the last century possible.

Europe is witnessing the 44th president of the United States during this trip. [...]

Let’s allow ourselves to be warmed today, by this man at the Victory Column. Then we’ll take a further look.

Gerhard Spörl is the chief editor of DER SPIEGEL’s foreign desk.

Yes, let’s “be warmed today”.  Tonight the hot sex – tomorrow the AIDS test.

Nothing resonates with the foreign media like apologizing for us being a bunch of fuck-ups who mean well.

Yea, we suck but we try dammit.

Yea, our history is one of never quite living up to our creed but one of these days….

Don’t call him or Hobama bitter though.

A taxpayer funded Benetton campaign ad culminating in ditching a visit to US forces stationed in Germany.

Obama has “cancelled a planned short visit to the Rammstein and Landstuhl U.S. military bases in the southwest German state of Rhineland-Palatinate. The visits were planned for Friday.”

“Barack Obama will not be coming to us,” a spokesperson for the U.S. military hospital in Landstuhl told Der Spiegel. “I don’t know why.”

Updated – no visit because he would not be allowed to use it for a campaign stop.

Wouldn’t want to ruin the post-coital glow with a fawning European press corp that makes their US counterparts look like militant Birchers.

Count yourselves lucky, troops.  The only way Obama could have gone out on a higher note would have been if he rolled a live grenade into your barracks and raised the UN flag over your base.

Fred Sanford ain’t got nothing on Easy John Edwards though.

Now go send cancer-stricken Honey Bunny out there to sling all your muck so you can hide behind her skirt while pump and dumping the office secretary and leaving John Jr. to struggle in The Worse of the Two Americas:

Vice Presidential candidate Sen. John Edwards was caught visiting his mistress and secret love child at 2:40 this morning in a Los Angeles hotel by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

The married ex-senator from North Carolina – whose wife Elizabeth continues to battle cancer — met with his mistress, blonde divorcée Rielle Hunter, at the Beverly Hilton on Monday night, July 21 – and the NATIONAL ENQUIRER was there! He didn’t leave until early the next morning.

So long VP slot.

Stay classy, Big J.

As The Corner notes, The Enquirer broke the Limbaugh-Oxycontin story.

As far as credibility goes between the MSM and the high priest of tabloids, I find Man-Made Global Climate Change about as realistic as Bat-Boy.  The only difference is nobody has every tried to sell me Bat-Boy credits before.

Musical tickets?  Maybe.

Yes, a terrible, terrible tragedy:

Brian Beutler, a well-known progressive blogger, was shot and seriously injured during a mugging last night in Washington, D.C.

But before you can say “give peace a chance” the comments descend into the usual nutballery that makes up the liberal electorate.

So your argument is that Beutler should have whipped out his Colt and started banging away? Yeah, let’s all be violent and indifferent to the taking of human life … just like the criminals.

Because using a gun for self-defense is the same thing as robbing someone.

Come on guys!  Think.

If you’d been wearing your Obama stickers like the good lemmings you are, that felon would have likely tried to scope out a McCain supporter.  Instead of trying to defend himself perhaps he could have fallen on the ground, rolled into the fetal position, and pissed himself.

You can’t just roam the street and not know these basic survival skills.

Regardless, let’s hope Beutler recovers enough to be a walking ATM machine for his fellow Obamatards soon.

Hope and Change ™ are coming and the reactionaries, long-suffering and bitter in their undeserved sense of entitlement, are none too happy about it.  Seems clearing out the deadwood in the White House is always a good idea in favor of the new guy with a fresh perspective but when it comes to a complacent newsroom we can’t change horses in midstream and need to side with local experience over some untested punk kid.

Which is where we find ourselves at this fine hour as the deadwood in question, soon-to-be former Scene editor Liz Garrigan, is getting the business end of the boot lodged and subsequently broken off in her ultraliberal ass while her apparatchiks are dealing with a mighty middlefinger in response to the idea that one of them is sparkling fresh enough to be the Ty-D-Bol Man and helm the flagging alt-weekly.  The turds of their careers make a farewell swirl around the bowl: (more…)

When Jar Jar Binks’ creator came out this last week to say that he was happy to be supporting the Jar Jar of candidates the Obamessiah, meesa was muy unsurprised:

“We have a hero in the making back in the United States today because we have a new candidate for president of the United States, Barack Obama,” Lucas said when asked who his childhood heroes were.

Obama, “for all of us that have dreams and hope, is a hero,” Lucas said.

Well, the Neverland Ranch vote is locked up. Childhood is evidently still the present for Lucas who has defined “hero” down to making speeches in a reality far, far away.

Contrast Lucas’ intriguingly infantile world view with John Bolton in today’s LA Times who does not share his penchant for walking into a voting booth while hopped up on popcorn, cotton candy, and schoolgirl crushes:

Barack Obama’s willingness to meet with the leaders of rogue states such as Iran and North Korea “without preconditions” is a naive and dangerous approach to dealing with the hard men who run pariah states.

[...]

Consider his facile observations about President Kennedy’s first meeting with Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev, in Vienna in 1961. Obama saw it as a meeting that helped win the Cold War, when in fact it was an embarrassment for the American side. The inexperienced Kennedy performed so poorly that Khrushchev may well have been encouraged to position Soviet missiles in Cuba in 1962, thus precipitating one of the Cold War’s most dangerous crises.

Unfortunately for idealists, when Bolton steps into the World of Electronic Light And Magic ™ he can come off like an angry drunk kicking over your Star Wars collector figures and smashing your Dagobah action playset with a baseball bat your FX Lightsaber after a long day at the U.N. (and subsequently, the bar).
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Does anyone have a better analogy for the racially self-segregating Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority complaining about a campaign ad that simply plays back someone’s own words as being racist?

Hello, Pot? Collect call from The Kettle:

“The impulse to take a statement of hers out of context and make it a focus of an unpatriotic ad is to trivialize her and to attempt to devalue her,” said McKinzie (Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority International President). “This is unacceptable!”

She said the ad appeals to the subconscious racial fears of a sliver of Americans who remain unaware of progress.

Here’s that missing context again. High dudgeon from an organization that is comprised of bigoted bougies at its core is a rich, mocha irony. Who has subconscious racial fears and is unaware of the progress that’s been made here exactly?

Projection. It’s not just for movie theaters, ladies.

“The fragile state of America’s economic psyche threatens the viability of this nation. Alpha Kappa Alpha has made economics a major focus through the ESP program that is the theme of this administration. Putting America’s psyche on a strong financial global footing needs to be front and center on everyone’s mind – not polarizing messages that fan the flames of historical racial prejudice.

Because criticizing Shebama is damaging our nation’s “economic psyche”, you see?

Please don’t vaginalize our economy, Ms. McKinzie. Nothing will make it appear weaker in the world’s eyes or damage it’s “psyche” more than dressing it up in the sensible flats, lipstick, and push-up bra of your plus-sized Lane Bryant psychoanalysis.

Continued McKinzie, “Having a party organization use Michelle Obama as a target appeals to a bygone era that blemished America’s reputation and global stature. This type of ad could pose a real threat to the safety of the candidate’s wife given America’s historic behavior. It demands action from the president on down.”

How are McKinzie’s assassination comments any different from Hillary Clinton’s RFK ones except that she wants the President of the United States to abridge freedom of speech? Better yet, how are McKinzie’s thoughts as to the depravity of this country any different than Michelle Obama’s?

This is the type of political commentary you get from people who want to major in Economics yet minor in Foot Stomping but based on AKA’s International President’s dutiful tantrum, it appears that she majored in the latter and minored in Hissyfits.