Stacey McCain is the only kind of McCain I like but this excited defense of Santorum’s snooping streak doesn’t help anyone:

Yes, this is what Santorum says in a statement, one of about two dozen issue-oriented statements on the “Where I Stand” page of his campaign’s Web site. The statement is clear: Santorum wants to enforce laws that the Obama Administration has refused to enforce.

Would you like me to be more specific — because I could, y’know — about some of the clearly illegal obscenity now available online? Perhaps Jedediah Bila or Judson Phillips should contact former Attorney General Ed Meese or former Justice Department official Mark Levin and ask them about this subject. Because I’m reasonably sure that a whole lot of things now available online are, in fact, illegal.

Do we really need to re-fight what prurient community interest standards again?  These aren’t the old days where that shady shop with the tinted windows and neon lights needed to be harangued into the shitty part of town so all the rich people could drive 20 miles out of their way to buy a skin mag and protect their property values.

You pick your battles. While the decline of Western Civilization can be easily accessed by anyone with a $15 internet connection and a curiosity for just how many thick cuts of manmeat some young, sexually empowered feminist can plug into her adventurous pooter at one time, it takes someone as self-righteous as Santorum to decide he wants to play King Pyhrrus and electively fight his way to the top of that sweaty pile of fun flesh to count them on the public dime.

For the children no doubt.  The little lambs shepherded to safety by the self-anointed Smut Smasher.

Like investigating steroids in baseball, Congress should spend the first six months of the Santorum presidency *shudder* hanging out at strip clubs  watching reel after reel at Xhamster and Youporn to determine how many dicks is too many in a gangbang.  And how many are just right for Goldilock’s gash.

How can I put this politely? Ah! Let’s try this: What you want to do with that baseball bat in the privacy of your own home is strictly up to you, but the video is illegal obscenity.

Did that help clarify the issue somewhat?

…

Remember that Rick Santorum has a law degree and spent 16 years in Congress drafting legislation. He knows the law, and he knows the Constitution, and he knows doggone well that the First Amendment wasn’t intended to protect the kind of filth that’s on the Web nowadays.

So, yes, Santorum promised “vigorous” enforcement to shut down operators who are profiting from commerce in illegal obscenity, and you may agree or disagree with that. But this isn’t an issue that Santorum raised during a stump speech yesterday or that is the subject of his newest campaign ad.

No one’s asked him recently.  Ask him now.  See how far he wants to take it.  I’m guessing to third base on the first interview.

So Santorum would not have an issue with a crowdsourced pornography site where users submitted their own videos and weren’t paid for them.  Because the commerce from perceived illegal obscenity is what gives rise to government investigation?  This veers into Tipper Gore parental advisory sticker territory.  What starts out as wanting to protect little Suzie and Bobby from ever stumbling onto Max Hardcore’s oeuvre (NSFW) quickly devolves into an inquisition of Dee Snider as to why he wants to rock and/or whether or not he will be able to take it (short answer:  No, he ain’t gonna take it.)

Filth is in the eye of the beholder and I think everyone knows that Santorum would see filth as masturbation, premarital sex and non-procreative marital sex to music from anyone other than Pat Boone.  Every time you enter the Missus, you needed to be aiming for baby.

Not to conflate the issues as to whether the Establishment Republicans have the fix in against Santorum – they do.  And Gingrich.  And Paul.   The unholy pentagram of Drudge, Ann Coulter, Mitt Romney, National Review and Barbara Bush have all bathed in the blood of goat sacrifice while listening to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Suicide Solution” to ensure that no one but Romney gets to wear the horns and carry the pitchfork at the Republican convention.

Are the attacks on Santorum coordinated by the Establishment?  Almost certainly.

Are the assertions true that Santorum would use the presidency to enforce his brand of Big Government “I know what’s best for your personal / spiritual life” social conservatism?  Definitely.

From Santorum’s website:

Enforcing Laws Against Illegal Pornography

America is suffering a pandemic of harm from pornography.  A wealth of research is now available demonstrating that pornography causes profound brain changes in both children and adults, resulting in widespread negative consequences. Addiction to pornography is now common for adults and even for some children. The average age of first exposure to hard-core, Internet pornography is now 11. Pornography is toxic to marriages and relationships. It contributes to misogyny and violence against women.  It is a contributing factor to prostitution and sex trafficking.

Every family must now be concerned about the harm from pornography. As a parent, I am concerned about the widespread distribution of illegal obscene pornography and its profound effects on our culture.

Pornography, not illegal pornography mind you, just plain-assed pornography – it’s ruining marriages and causes brain damage.  The science is settled!  This isn’t about “obscenity”.  This is about Rick Santorum deciding that pornography period is not good for anyone and by gum he’s going to nip this in the bud.

I don’t know how many holes a bud has but, gee willikers, Santorum is more than ready to shove the hard cock of big government into as many of them are necessary to fuck the freedom out of the first amendment and get us all holding hands and smooching on the couch in between Family Feud and when we go to bed at a decent hour.

It’s hard not to wish ill upon a sick, diseased soul such as this, but I shall try to refrain. (or at least I’ll refrain from typing it)

UPDATE: Apparently this guy gets off on trying to make a name for himself via making “shocking” statements. Here he is celebrating Andrew Breitbart’s death. I guess this is how the talentless try to get attention.

Was this ship a time machine?  Are we in the 19th century?

It seems like gender war and imagined parity is the order of the day until you’re waist deep in the drink. Then it’s “Save me!  Save me!  Women and children first!”

That’s not just water around your waist.  That’s equality creeping up on you.  Cold isn’t it?

Is it everything you hoped it would be?  Is it worth an extra  23 cents on the dollar to know that the stranger next to you is going to, at peril to themselves, throw you over their shoulder and carry you to safety because you ovulate half of your life?

Call it The Knight Fee.  The Chivalry Tax.  Includes free door openings and roadside assistance.

I’m just saying.  Everyone needs to pay their Fair Share ™.

Disclaimer:  Author fully endorses Women and Children First Policy.  Theses views are the author’s alone and do not represent the official policy of those of SixMeatBuffet.com, Six Meat Buffet, LLC, Seis Carne, S.A. de C.V. or our parent company DynoGlobal Chemcorp Heavy Industries.

More:  Herr Krumm

Don’t tell Peggy the Moocher though, I’m sure she’s still down at the payday loan office trying to figure out why Barack didn’t pay her mortgage and fill up her car for her.

Certainly, thinking such a thing is the height of cluelessness in the first place. However, the black middle class, which grew and prospered over the last decade has been (*gasp*) hit hardest by their jug-eared hero’s anti-capitalist economic policies.

Here’s the problem with the wealth-redistributionists — well, there’s more than one, but we’ll start here. These class warriors live in a world of Marxist economic theory that has, as its primary objective, to punish the achievers in the top tax brackets and bring them down. To them, having a rising tide that lifts all boats is somehow unfair to the smaller boats, even as they’re now able to get new gold-plated hardware to replace the rusted-out metal junk and new pine-scented air-fresheners to hang from the bridge’s rear-view mirror.

These jealousy-ridden lunatics only see the disparity between the white and black median household incomes, when they should really be horrified at the catastrophic drop that both demographics have suffered under the boot of the Obama/Soros/Geithner/Bernanke Crime Family.

But that would be too logical. If these race-baiters had any common-sense, they wouldn’t spend their lives race-baiting.

Actually, ma’am, they are still between 12-13% of the population according to the 2010 Acorn Census, which doesn’t exactly qualify as “huge”, despite their over-representation in the left-leaning media and entertainment industries.

For all those guilt-ridden white liberals out there who thought that voting in the first black president (well, technically, the second) would get you off the hook, think again. The class-warfare, race-obsessed media and political classes will never let it go. You could paint the House and Senate black and you’d still have the same tedious meme to wade through anytime you picked up a newspaper.

For an easier-to-understand, USA Today-style look at the problem, Cranky can help you out.

Now El Presidente de Los Suns has come out of the closet, because it’s not enough to have cornered the black and hispanic markets.

Such a show of bravery is remarkable, considering the anti-gay slant of both the mainstream sports and entertainment industries. Oh wait….

Okay, that one was just for fun.

I am glad that it’s a weight off his shoulders. I know how important it is for me to let the world know what I do with my genitals. Perhaps one day, I’ll let the media in on my own bizarre practices so I can join Rick’s elite, yet somehow crowded, club.

Wouldn’t you know it?  Right after I waxed my car.

/Because of The Optics ™!

THAT’S RAAAACIST-WATCH: Nicholas Kristof, from the editorial pages of the NYT, declares that we now live in a Banana Republic.  Poor form, Nicky.  Poor form.  We know what you meant you racist, bananaphobic bastard.

That’s O’bama’s Luck of the Irish.   The Man In Command.  And this is going to make you feel so much better about airport security.

Two men taken off a Chicago-to-Amsterdam United Airlines flight in the Netherlands have been charged by Dutch police with “preparation of a terrorist attack,” U.S. law enforcement officials tell ABC News.

U.S. officials said the two appeared to be travelling with what were termed “mock bombs” in their luggage. “This was almost certainly a dry run, a test,” said one senior law enforcement official.

Not to worry, not to worry.  Both men only made it through two U.S. airports in Chicago and Birmingham, allowed to board both planes with mock bombs, multiple cellphones, large knives, box cutters and thousands in cash and they were still allowed to fly to Amsterdam.  I feel better already about this TSA agent fisting my prostate and having to wear pajamas and slippers to the airport while getting strip searched alongside some nuns from Dubuque and a kid with asthma in a wheelchair.

Meanwhile, Jethro the Security Guard is allowed to use the body scanner to take naked pictures of you and your kids and send them to his home e-mail account to jerk to and share with his friends later.

Though ABC News fails to identify the particular religious affiliation of these as yet Innocent Until Proven Guilty* ™ suspects,  Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi and Hezem al Murisi, they did mention that one is from Yemen which is widely known for its militant, rightwing teabagger Christianist population.

Because you see, we can jump to conclusions about some people and not others.

As we’ve seen with the Kentucky Census Worker case, you can blame limited government conservatives and accuse them of murder, try and convict them with zero evidence.  And never issue a correction.

You can be a leftwing Talking Points Memo blogger and firebomb and Democrat’s campaign office and they’ll blame Tea Partiers.

Or, you can be a lifelong Democrat who calls yourself a Tea Partier and makes a bunch of racist comments to smear them buy association.  It’s not like Professional Journalists with layers of fact-checkers are ever going to investigate who you are before they smear conservatives with their false narratives.

So when a fire mysteriously starts at a jihad training camp and the national media immediately jumps to the conclusion that some Constitution-loving, Patriotard has been stoking his anger after a long night of banging his head to Lee Greenwood and tracing his trigger finger around his leatherbound Glenn Beck transcripts that you’re going to have to excuse me for being a bit skeptical that a movement so paranoid about people making it look like a bunch of hillbilly racists would so easily play into the enemy’s hands when their enemies have such a history of planting the evidence on them.

Just because you’re comfortable with you bicyc-uality doesn’t mean I am.

Who’s up for another vacation?!?

“Trouble today? Ain’t no trouble today. We wouldn’t disgrace this day by allowing you to provoke us.“

That certainly explains your counter-protest.

Extreme Makeover: Leftwing Bigot Edition

The seven “diamond merchants”  burned to death as result of Sharpton inciting a racist riot at Freddie’s Fashion Mart and murdered rabbinical student Yankel Rosenbaum stabbed to death at the prompting of a Sharpton inspired mob shouting “Kill the Jews” are still unavailable for comment.

We know how Sharpton hates being provoked.  He also hates painting people with a broad brush.  Profiting from crimes he’s responsible for?  He’s pretty cool with that.

It’s amazing that this disgraced, racebaiting terrorist still gets not only a press pass for current comments but one from recent history as well. 1995 was not that long ago.  Especially for a Democrat candidate for President.

Bonus Question: Between al-Sharpton and Obama, who gets to be the moderate?  Sharpton likes his Jews killed through attrition and close enough that he can hear the screams.  Obama wants the entire state of Israel destroyed at once from afar and preferably with zero emissions so as not to pollute the environment.  Discuss.

Of course, when I posted the Day 5 Update making fun of Teh Won’s proclivity to find a way to play golf when he should be doing anything else there was always a kernel of truth in the jibe.

Suffice it to say, I was merely showcasing my legendary clairvoyance:

Obama plays golf while wife speaks in Arkansas

By The Associated Press

Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 12:50 p.m.

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama is playing golf while his wife, Michelle, delivers a college commencement speech in Pine Bluff, Ark.

The president watched his daughter Malia play soccer Saturday before heading to the Fort Belvoir course to play golf.

If I were a Democrat in Nashville I would be a bit put off by the snub.  But that’s just me.  I have pride and self-respect.  Your mileage may vary.

Day 5 -  Waffler-In-Chief Update: When asked to respond on the status of federal efforts to the billions in damage due to the Tennessee floods, Joe Cool (aka “Mr. Wonderful Hussein Obama”) took a break from a round of golf to do his job, “Listen you filthy crackers, I just lost a Titleist to the water hazard on a Par 4 AND I haven’t even had my waffle today so don’t imply that I don’t know about hardship.   We’ve been there since Day 1.*”

Newbusters notes the anemic attention.

It is being reported that Nashville flood victims have begun eating each other and raping babies on the feces-strewn floor of Bridgestone Arena. My hands tremble as I write this.

Dramatic Re-enactment as verified by Randall Robinson.

After initial reports of explosions that rocked the J. Percy Priest dam had been confirmed, investigators were fired upon by black helicopters as they attempted to survey the extent of the damage. Was it an underwater scuba explosives team? Who can say? All who attempted to find the truth were murdered in cold blood and have been stacked up and used for kindling in the parking lot of the Stewart’s Ferry Pike Cracker Barrel.

The West End P.F. Chang’s rivals Pol Pot’s Killing Fields as the littered bones of the damned tinkle and clink throughout the dining room floor in a near genocidal concerto.

Though widespread looting has become the norm, even the most crestfallen native wept in horror as the police department commandeered vehicles at Crest-Hummer-Cadillac on Rosa Parks Blvd., abandoned the citizenry and waited the storm out at the Harrah’s Metropolis while gambling with money stolen from the pockets of the dead.

When reached for comment three days after the flood, FEMA underling  W. Craig Fugate fumed, “Hold your brewed water you fucking teabagging faggots.  We’ll get there when we get there.  Don’t think we weren’t keeping score, brother.”

Despite the large African-American population in Nashville, their skin color has been of little help in ameliorating the media blackout that has been transfixed on an alleged bomber, one Pakistani Tea Partier who failed to cause even a single papercut  in New York because authorities were clearly in control of the situation at all times thanks to good ole fashioned police work.

Thousands are still waiting on their roofs at this very moment for a glimpse of Sean Penn to rescue them from the swelling rivers they inherited from the Bush administration.

The Shoney’s in Bellevue may still be underwater but you can get all your Nashville Flood news updates from Six Meat Buffet as it is invented.

DAY 4!!! – w00t! We’re up to 373 Google News hits on “Obama Tennessee Flood”

Heckuva Job, Barry.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. But don’t worry about it, I’ve never heard of them either. But no matter, they are on the politically correct side of this issue, so they will be hailed as heroes.

Not-so-ironically, these black athletes are either ignorant of or supportive of the genocidal abortion rates in the black community. It would be nice if they would come out and confirm one or the other. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the former.

And who is behind this ad? Your loving friends at Planned Parenthood, where every child is a potential abortion. Especially those annoying black babies.

We must also remember that Margaret Sanger’s motivation for founding Planned Parenthood was to help rid society of those less desireable races.

But don’t bother these two brilliant athletes with these inconvenient truths. They probably couldn’t process it anyway.

Abortion is the holy sacrament of the left. It always has been, it always will be.