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Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category



Can Peyton Manning Lower The Employment Rate?

February 5th, 2012 at 9:13 am by Brian

Only if he drops out of the work force permanently:

It is so sad and so hard to write it again, but it’s true: Peyton Manning is done in Indianapolis.

After listening to Manning Monday night, after listening to owner Jim Irsay characterize Manning Thursday as “a politician” who should keep his concerns “in house,” there’s no other conclusion to be reached by a sane, sober human being: Manning’s days in Indianapolis are over, and they have been over for quite some time. On a day when the introduction of Chuck Pagano as the Colts new head coach should have been the story, Irsay stole the headlines.

The NFL is a cut-throat industry where the all-American, clean living, do-everything-right poster boy for your organization and the League is tossed out in the street so a mediocre team like the Colts can hope to get Luck-y by throwing the dick of their future on the craps table of the next Draft?  Say it ain’t so!

My heart aches for the state of Indiana.  For about two seconds.  Any way.

If anyone in earshot can communicate this to Manning:  Come home to Tennessee.

Quit designing video games and do it for real.  The University of Tennessee is in such a state of disrepair that they’re having to layoff police officers because the team isn’t even worth arresting anymore.  That burglary is going unsolved.

Take this game to another level.  Use UT to be a flagship student-athlete program where you recruit the talent and bring them up through the ranks to create a next NFL generation with a little more humility and a little less pitbull fighting.

Be the anti-Spurrier.

 

Orwell Nods: When Is War Not “War”?

March 20th, 2011 at 3:01 pm by Brian

Why, when you justify bypassing Congress to authorize the use of force under the War Powers Act, silly.

Just don’t call it a war and it’s not a war.

/Because of Teh Optics! ™

And speaking of Teh Optics, Preznint My Pet Goat can dispatch those rumors about not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time.  He can start Not-A-War and play with kids’ balls at the same time.

I assure you – we are in the very best of hands, er, feet.

And watch out kids, remember – Obama’s a pedal-phile after all.

 

Action Figure FAIL

March 3rd, 2010 at 11:08 pm by Brian

We’ve been had.  Seems Leinart took being a Trojan a bit literally.

If we can just keep Jim Brown from slapping a skullcap on Afro-Leinart for another year or two, I can retire off that sweet, sweet E-bay lucre.

Sorry, Nigel.

To Hell With The Saints

February 6th, 2010 at 4:06 pm by Brian

Who doesn’t love an underdog?  Year in and year out for decades the lowly Aints have struggled to even make it to a playoff but now they’re in The Big Game.  Are we supposed to be surprised when they can’t act like they’ve been there before?

NEW ORLEANS – A student at a Maurepas school was sent home by the principal for refusing to take off an Indianapolis Colts jersey, according to a statement from the American Civil Liberties Union.

“(T)he Principal of Maurepas High School, which had declared that students could wear jerseys in support of the New Orleans Saints, punished a student for wearing a jersey in support of the Indianapolis Colts,” said ACLU Executive Director Margie Esman in an e-mail.

“The student, who had lived most of his life in Indianapolis and has an outstanding academic record, was called out of class and told that he was not allowed to wear that shirt. When he refused to change his shirt, the principal sent him home.”

We’re just talking about one out-of-control, tinpot fascist here – right?  A rogue principal whose school spirit borders on North Korean nationalism.  But then you delve into the comments section and see how far some people are willing to go to support his actions.  Running the gamut from calling for permanent expulsion of the student, to veiled personal threats of the student because “they know who he is”, to calling for arresting his parents with a few “whodats” peppered inbetween.   Rules are rules!

Maurepas High Valedictorian, Lootie: Just following the rules!

It’s easy to think some people are engaging in a bit of pre-Super Bowl hyperbole but since most Saints fans can’t spell “hyperbole” I dismissed that out of hand.  They’ve expelled one of the brighter students at their school for engaging in a harmless bit of free expression because he didn’t read the DRESS CODE.  This criticism coming from people who couldn’t watch a weather forecast for an entire week warning them to get out of the way of a CAT-5 hurricane the size of Germany.

Dumbasses don’t follow rules.

Rule #1:  Big Hurricane = Move.

But seriously, folks – Go Colts!

And if by some miracle of animal sacrifice and voodoo magic New Orleans is able to win then the police will need to be on standby.

To prevent Houston from being burned to the ground.

Jobs Are Your New Boise State

January 30th, 2010 at 12:53 pm by Brian

And apparently they aren’t going to get #1 ranking either:

The Obama administration is considering several steps that would review the legality of the controversial Bowl Championship Series, the Justice Department said in a letter Friday to a senator who had asked for an antitrust review.

“The administration shares your belief that the current lack of a college football national championship playoff with respect to the highest division of college football … raises important questions affecting millions of fans, colleges and universities, players and other interested parties,” Weich wrote.

Take your Ritalin, guys.  In a battle between the BCS and the ADHD, I’m betting on the BCS.

Nobody’s solved healthcare.  Nobody’s solved crap.  You don’t want to prosecute the New Black Panthers in Philadelphia but you’re ready to roro-rooter the BCS Series?

“Interested parties” means congressmen and senators who would like free tickets to ogle college poon and prick while they “investigate”.

Jobs are our #1 priority.  Sure.  But they’ll never get above #6 until they schedule a few more Big-12 and SEC games during election season.

Belated Thanks to Six Meat West

December 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm by Brian

Yes, a belated hat tip to Yiddish and Nigel for not clubbing the Titans crowd to death with the yule log Vince Young laid in the home field stocking on Christmas night.

Class act, ya’ll.  With poise, you remained silent after the nationally televised, open-air colonoscopy Philip Rivers performed on the Titans’ secondary.  Thanks to the camera mounted on the tip of his foot, we have identified several polyps in need of removal during the suddenly present offseason.

Admittedly, my prediction would have been was 3-4 interceptions for Young but my fortune-telling abilities had been damaged during a freak turkey & dressing accident earlier in the day.  Little did I know that the biggest turkey was yet to come  as Young had only two interceptions and a forehead slapping fumble.  For the passes where he did sling on target, my dog’s veterinarian hasn’t seen that many balls dropped.  Instead of VY, we’ve got KY.  And every time he’s in use we’re gonna get screwed.

His accuracy as a passing QB makes me long to see Marty Feldman suit up.

Coach Jeff “Cold” Fisher can’t even muster a cheese spread knife of outrage as mistake after mistake compounded to 21 unanswered points topped off with a roughing the passer penalty against Rivers and a foul from the Titans bench after the play was over – all on the same play!

With the exception of a couple of our team members, the rest should serve as towelboys through the Chargers playoff run as they gratefully did not ramp up the score on them again like New England did.  So thanks again for not rubbing it in, guys.

Breaking: Football Players Are Stupid

November 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Well, not all of them, just a very healthy percentage.

Three freshman Vols arrested, two charged with armed robbery.

KNOXVILLE – Three University of Tennessee football players this morning face attempted armed robbery charges

Janzen Jackson, Michael Edwards and Nu’Keese Richardson, all 18, were charged this morning after an armed robbery attempt at a Pilot station on Cumberland Avenue, according to the Knoxville Police Department.

Each player faces three counts of attempted armed robbery.

UT Athletic Director Mike Hamilton released a statement this morning about the episode.

“At this time we are currently evaluating the circumstances surrounding an incident involving Mike Edwards, Janzen Jackson and Nu’Keese Richardson,” Hamilton said. “Any decisions or comments regarding their status will not be made until the evaluations are complete.”

Both Richardson and Jackson are coming off a week in which they faced discipline from Vols coach Lane Kiffin, the former for missing a practice and the latter for a violation of team rules.

Kiffin has touted the discipline in his program and a clean arrest record as recently as Wednesday’s SEC teleconference.

Well, CLK, now’s your chance to make an example of these thugs. Your predecessor, the Great Pumpkin, would find some reason to keep these three on the team – at least, that is, if they were going to contribute. Kick these pieces of trash of the team and off campus and set the right tone for this program going forward.

Jackson was going to be the next Eric Berry, what a stupid asshole. What a trio of stupid assholes.

UPDATE:

If you want a peek into the intellectual firepower of this trio, check out Edwards’ Twitter page. Warning: Not Safe for Brain Cells. via Tony B

A Final Word On The Titans Sucking

October 19th, 2009 at 10:57 pm by Brian

Can you at least switch from Baptist Sports Park to Vanderbilt?  This team doesn’t have the sniffles.  They need a heart transplant.

And some psychiatric help wouldn’t hurt either.

I Want Jeff Fisher’s Mustache Stuffed On My Mantle

October 11th, 2009 at 11:45 pm by Brian

I’m a Titans fan.  I love derivatives of Buddy Ryan’s acolytes on defense.  But the Titans’ need a coach and they don’t have one.

Aside from firing everything that touched the University of Texas on the team, the alternative is firing everything in coach’s gear on the sideline – starting at the top.  Jeff “Joe Cool” has no passion for this game anymore.  He’ll sleepwalk through the recap tomorrow before the Monday Night game and stoically “take the blame” for another humiliating bowel movement on all 100 yards of LP field – televised nationally to raise awareness for Colorectal Cancer Month.

His sideline demeanor raises awareness of Anger Management because no matter what seems to happen he never gets angry,throws down a clipboard, grabs a player’s face mask or decks an Offensive Coordinator for calling a run up the middle 3rd and long.  Of course, this could turn into a masochistic endeavor if we include the coach who turns down a penalty against the opposing team giving you 3rd &  8 and another chance to gets  a 1st down versus taking 4 & 2 and kicking a field goal.

You’re not really here to win anymore are you, Coach? Or is run left, run up the middle, incomplete pass to the left, punt some brilliant new strategy whose time just hasn’t come yet?

Facial Hair of Failure

You will be mine.

Paychecks need to be withheld because outside of the defense, the product that is being put on the field does not qualify as a football team.  Not that we’ll find that out from local sports talk radio who are so completely in the bag and starstruck that they are void of making any meaningful criticism.  You’re still doing my sitdown interview and we’re going to go play golf, right?

Nashville is such a polite city.  Nothing like the Chicagos or Philadelphias.

As our pampered, prideless, heartless multimillionaires can’t seem to catch the ball or run with it without dropping it, it’s time to up the stakes.

If Jeff Fisher cannot keep this almost all returning 13 & 3 team from last year from going 0-6 this year, he should be forced to shave his mustache on The Jeff Fisher Show next week.

We will keep his mustache in a fireproof safe, occasionally poke it with a stick and keep a bottle’s worth of Grecian Formula just out of reach to taunt it.

Titan Thursday Night

September 10th, 2009 at 9:23 pm by Brian

Aside from Tim McGraw’s lame, traveling suburban cowboy show to “warm up” for the game, I’ve got to say – If you aren’t watching the Thursday Night Titans/Steelers game. *glug, glug*

You are missing a heavyweight bout. *ding, ding*

Two teams, in their prime, and playing playoff caliber football in the first game of the season for your entertainment.

0-0 halfway through the 2nd Qtr.

Last 2 minutes of the game, Santonio Holmes catches a TD after Chris Hope breaks his coverage and the Steelers go up 7-0.
Polamalu is injured and leaves the field with 1:21 left in the 2nd.

Collins goes to Britt three times in a row knowing that he can break it without Polamalu and he gets down inside the 20 with 50-something left. Collins TD to Gage on the next play with :48 left.

Game of the Season. (more…)

Football Friday

September 4th, 2009 at 1:37 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s a glorious new day on Rocky Top. The Great Pumpkin’s regime has finally been shown the door. It should have happened at the end of the 2005 season, but we’ll take what we can get.

We now have a coaching staff that is actually coaching players and demanding accountability. No longer will a high school player come in and leave the program a crappier player. That was the Fulmer system – bring in a bunch of thugs, coach ‘em down and send ‘em on to the county lock-up or head to Shoney’s to cover up their off-the-field activities. I wouldn’t even be taking shots at Fulmer if he would have gone gracefully into the history books, but he continues to rear his head in the local media and the douchebags at the Knoxville News-Sentinel and on the Sports Animal keep carrying his water and running down the new staff. Keep it up, losers. The new regime’s train is leaving the station tomorrow and you Fulmer apologists are about to get run over.

Speaking of thugs, did anyone see Oregon player LeGarrette Blount sucker punch a Boise State player last night? Video is here. That turd should be kicked out of school, period – especially after he tried to go into the stands and assaulted some cops in the process. That’s the Oregon Ducks for you, though. Nothin’ but class.

Back to the Vols, a visit from Western Kentucky is the perfect way to ease into the season. This will be a glorified scrimmage, as WKU is just plain awful. Vols win, 44-10.

Elsewhere…

  • Bama 28 Va Tech 21Unless VA Tech can score 21 points on special teams, Bama should handle the Hokies fairly easily.
  • Oklahoma State 38 Georgia 28Georgia is not going to enjoy this road trip. They lost an over-rated QB and an over-rated RB from last year’s team, so they may actually be better this year. Should be a fun game to watch.
  • Ole Miss 33 Memphis 10Is Ole Miss as good as their hype? We’ll find out soon enough. This contest has traditionally been a close one, but not this year.
  • LSU 34 Washington 17I love those late night west-coast games when I’m almost passed out from spending Saturday drinking an entire bottle of hooch. John Chavis’ LSU defense is going to put the hammer down on UW.

Shocking: Steve “Air” McNair Shot Dead In Nashville

July 4th, 2009 at 6:40 pm by Brian

I haven’t had a minute to process this yet but short of a nuclear attack on Hawaii this is about the worst news someone from Tennessee could expect to hear today.

The pair died of apparent gunshots wounds and were found in an apartment near the old General Hospital on Rolling Mill Hill. The woman, sources say, was approximately 20 years of age.

While details are sketchy at this time, NashvillePost.com sources say that the scene could be double homicide, a murder/suicide, or made to look like a murder/suicide. Metro Police said they have identified the woman, but are not releasing her name until the family has been notified.

What’s certain is that the unnamed woman at the scene is not his wife which opens a range of possibilities to the motive but it’s no excuse.  If your spouse or girlfriend is cheating on you then get a divorce.  If they ruin your life for what they did to you why let them ruin the rest of your life by going to jail over it?

That’s not speculating on what’s happened.  No one knows what that is yet.  But if the motive was not money then that narrows it down.

Naturally, many of our liberal friends are rushing to comment on this story as an example of how legal gun owners being allowed to carry their weapons into a restaurant is the same thing as someone either breaking in or being invited into McNair’s residence and shooting him dead.

Not quite the point, fellas.  The point is that this city has gotten so dangerous under Chief Ronal Serpas’ Reign of Error that we have to maintain the right to defend ourselves.  We have a meter maid at police chief who would rather harass people going 6 miles over the speed limit than putting the serious criminals away and no one can dispute that.

It’s a note I’ve been playing for quite some time.

Either way, it’s a sad day for the McNair Family, the city, the state, the sport and I hope they bring the person or people who did this to justice.

UPDATE:  Murder suicide. Crazy bitch took a DUI rap two days ago and celebrated having her license being revoked for six months by killing McNair and then herself.  How much does six months worth of taxis cost?

The young woman, Sahel Kazemi, was arrested just before 2 a.m. Thursday after an officer spotted her speeding down Broadway. Kazemi was driving a black, 2007 Cadillac Escalade that, according to public records, she owned along with McNair. McNair was in the vehicle at the time Kazemi was pulled over; however, he was not charged with anything and was allowed to leave. He left in a taxi.

The vehicle is registered at the address of McNair’s restaurant on Jefferson Street.

Going to Dave and Busters makes me want to shoot myself too but not enough to take somebody with me.

This incident is enough to give strange a bad name.  Remember that when you go home and kiss your wives at night.

Regardless of this marital infidelity, McNair comported himself with grace on and off the field and deserved a better ending than the one served up ice cold by this Opry Mills bimbo.

It’s all over now except for the funeral and the family that has to go on without a father.

Curiouser and curiouser: McNair had a death threat made against him by a woman claiming he slipped her a roofie some time last year and that her boyfriend was going to kill him at the Blue Moon restaurant in Rock Harbor early yesterday morning.

IRONY WATCH: For those people concerned about guns in restaurants, don’t you find it the least bit ironic that McNair was shot by someone who worked at a restaurant? Based on the broad brush you use to paint patrons, maybe people need to protect themselves from the staff.

COINCIDENCE AND ONE LAST QUESTION: The arresting officer from the Kazemi/McNair DUI stop from this last Thursday is the same one who arrested McNair previously for DUI. Talk about a small town. The thing that’s getting me here is that Kazemi admitted she was high at the stop and it is still a crime for someone to be riding with someone that they know to be intoxicated yet no charge was filed against McNair at the time and he was allowed to leave by taxi.

According to the arrest affidavit, Kazemi’s “eyes were bloodshot and watery. She had an obvious odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her breath but denied any consumption.” According to the police report, “She said she was not drunk but high.”

Would that have happened had the officer in question not been browbeaten by McNair’s attorney and a sympathetic judge who also threw out the gun charge as “fruit of the forbidden tree” in that same stop. Indeed, he was suspended following the first arrest. I’d forgotten that McNair had been charged with that exact offense two years ago.

But not this time. Why?

Rosetta Stoned

February 3rd, 2009 at 10:00 pm by Brian

phelps1

High, I’m Michael Phelps.  You may remember me as that guy who did that sports thing a while back.  I also did some commercials and some pot.

You don’t remember?   It’s ok.  I know what you mean.  I don’t remember it all either.  It was kind of a big deal for like a week.   And a lot of hard work.

But life’s not all butterflies and breaststrokes unless you happen to be one of those net guys who chases the butterflies or maybe a mammogram machine.  Sometimes, you just need to unwind.

That’s when I get – Rosetta Stoned.

phelps2

Thanks to Rosetta Stoned I can negotiate in Spanish, measure using the metric system, smell in Indonesian, and see in Chinese.  In the water, I use my zero percent body fat and eight-pack abs to swim like a dolphin.  But Rosetta Stoned is all I ever needed to bake like a clam.

phelps3

It’s  been around for a long time too.  Don’t just take my word for it.

President O'Bonger

President O'Bonger

I have Muslim members of my family. I have lived in Muslim countries.  The largest one, Indonesia. To be honest, I don’t even really like Americans.

Can we edit that last line out? Okay.

And so what I want to communicate is the fact that in all my travels throughout the Muslim world, what I’ve come to understand is that regardless of your faith — and America is a country of Muslims, Jews, Christians, non-believers (in that order) — regardless of your faith, we can all get Rosetta Stoned.

So whether you’re breaking bread with the guy with the parrot on his shoulder who’s bogarting all the gas or breaking buds with your brother in Kenya, don’t forget that Rosetta Stoned is breaking down barriers one bowl at a time.

Thanks for your endorsement Mr. President.

obama-rosetta-stoned

Another satisfied Rosetta Stoned customer.

Free Plaxico

December 2nd, 2008 at 7:33 am by Brian

Sort of. Kind of.

Please let me know where I’m going astray here but it seems that Plaxico Burress is getting harsher treatment than PacMan Jones ever did:

As Giants receiver Plaxico Burress was arraigned Monday on two separate counts of a weapons charge, harsh reactions and new questions arose about the events early Saturday morning, when Burress accidentally shot himself in the thigh at a Manhattan nightclub with an illegal handgun.

For crying out loud people, let’s have some perspective here.

Burress had an unregistered handgun which a lot of people do and it is not illegal to do so in the majority of the country.  He was not brandishing it in the course of a crime or with the intent of threatening other people.

By virtue of his dumbassery, he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a club.  Is it as bad as pistolwhipping strippers and paralyzing a bouncer from the waist down because the NFL has pretty high standards for rude and felonious behavior.

In what prosecutors called “a strong case,” Burress faces a mandatory sentence of 3 ½ years in state prison, with a maximum of 15 years, on each count of second-degree criminal possession of a weapon.

Three and a half years in jail for shooting yourself in the leg while PacMan Jones gets reinstated for the umpteenth time.

Burress’ sentence should take into account his lack of intent and New York’s absurd anti-gun laws should be scrutinized as heavily as he is.  It highlights the delusional RINO NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his crucial disconnect on a Constitutionally protected right as well as the draconian nature of mandatory minimum laws in general.

Does Burress deserve punishment for violating gun laws?  A jury will decide that.  But does he deserve to have his life ruined over this?

Not in America.

In a related homophonic firearms medical breakthrough, Burress Gunshot Wound Helps Giant Toomer. Don’t try this at home.

Breaking: Fulmer Out At UT

November 3rd, 2008 at 12:22 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Confirmed.

Phillip Fulmer, who a decade ago brought Tennessee its first national championship in 47 years, will not return as the Volunteers’ coach next year, multiple sources told ESPN.com.

An announcement is being planned for later Monday at Neyland Stadium. The Vols (3-6, 1-5 SEC) have lost four straight games and are in danger of suffering their second losing season in the last four years.

Fulmer, who has won 150 games at his alma mater and is the dean of SEC coaches, met with Tennessee officials Monday morning, and they reached a mutual agreement that it would be best for all parties if Fulmer was not back next season.

The sides also agreed that Fulmer would coach the remainder of the 2008 season.

We’ve given the Great Pumpkin a lot of crap, but he has given his all for the Orange, so the least we can do is say thanks for the memories and best of luck. Now we must go on the hunt for the Bruce Pearl of Pigskin.

Adios, Great Pumpkin

October 28th, 2008 at 5:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

And on Halloween too.

I’ve gotten word from two different reliable sources that the straw has apparently broken the camel’s back and this will be The Great Pumpkin’s last year as head coach of the Vols.

Obviously none of this is confirmed by the “legit” media, but I’d put at least five bucks on it. For a five dolla foot long.

My friend Patrick GhostofNeyland (sorry, Ghost) sums it up well…

I don’t know how I feel right now. This is exciting news. It’s also sad news. Phillip Fulmer is a bonafide Tennessee legend. If it’s true — and I believe it is — the change, the complete change and rebuilding phase is upon us. Keeping the recruits we’ve got committed this year, or as many as we can, will go a long way in determining the immediate future of the program. Building blocks such as Jerod Askew, David Oku, Jarvis Giles, Je’Ron Stokes, Edwin Herbert, etc. , etc. and big-name players still on the board such as Morgan Moses, Taj Boyd and Peter White (all three we possibly lead for) would go a long way in the next coach having near-immediate success upon taking over.

We loved you, Phil. But all good things must come to an end.

Fulmer gave his all for the Vols, but it’s time for some fresh blood. The old guard has been stale since 2005.

Debate Open Thread (Update: Yes, Indeedy)

October 15th, 2008 at 4:57 pm by Brian

Due to the dangerous health risks and rise in emergency room visits from the “My Friends” Drinking Game, Metro Health and Human Services has asked that Six Meat Buffet not have another live presidential debate thread.

Concerned citizens or bullying bureaucrats?

More importantly, does anyone think McCain’s going to do anything but bring a Nerf rocket launcher to a South Side of Chicago gunfight?

I’m voting early this weekend based solely on the performance tonight and then I’m done with this mess.  If McCain stinks up the hall like a nursing home again then I am walking right into that voting booth and leaving the choice for President blank.  Republicans need to admit that they have a problem and it’s not that they are too conservative.

My friends on the Right side of the aisle, in the future you might want to nominate someone whose main accomplishment includes something other than knowing how to take a beating.  We’ll file that under “foreshadowing”.

I know.  I don’t see “The Big Picture”.  As if this cinematic nightmare has not been rolling across my screen for the past two years.  It took eight long years of watching the people I voted for, showing no desire to lead whatsoever, to get me to this point.   But I’m here now and I doubt I’m alone.

So….Debate Thread?

The Madcap Live Laughs after the jump.  Might as well jump. (more…)

Football Friday

September 12th, 2008 at 12:46 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Crompton overthrows yet another receiver

Back by unpopular demand for 2008, it’s Football Friday! Vegas bookies now officially have pee running down their legs – not unlike Chrissy Matthews from PMSNBC.

As all of us in Big Orange Country try and figure out the logic behind the Fulmer raise/extension, the team has been workin’ like heck getting ready for UAB. But we can’t steam forward without acknowledging the catastrophe that took place out at UCLA a few weeks ago.

The Vols’ game plan was to come out throwing and trying to get Crompton into a rhythm, which never happened. The offense looked like absolute crap. The defense, however, looked good for a half.

True to the traditions of the Great Pumpkin, the only adjustments we made at halftime were to change the things that were working and continue trying the things that weren’t. So we backed our defense – particularly our excellent secondary – off the ball and allowed Kevin Craft to pick us apart underneath. Additionally, when we decided we were finally going to focus on the run, we put together the only good drive of the night, which ended in a Foster fumble deep in Bruins territory.

Since Fulmer was once outcoached by a bag of peanuts thrown onto the sidelines by a Vanderbilt fan, it’s no surprise that he was light work for Norm Chow and Rick Neuheisel.

Lucky for Fulmer, his talent will carry him this week against UAB… Tennessee 37, UAB 17..

Elsewhere…

  • Southern Cal 33, Ohio State 14I would have taken USC in this one even before OSU RB Tookie Williams got hurt.
  • Auburn 29, Mississippi State 10Auburn is working out the kinks, but will have little trouble against Sylvester the Cat’s woeful Bulldogs.
  • Georgia 38, South Carolina 20If SC can drop their drawers for Vandy, Georgia will slap them silly. Silly! Sorry Steve, looks like another rough year for your visors.
  • Michigan 24, Notre Dame 21I used to dig this game, back when both teams didn’t suck out loud. Michigan will suck slightly less than the Irish and squeak out a win.

Poor Vince Young.

He’s spent his whole life as a pampered, ultra-coddled star athlete and now that he’s run into a little adversity, he’s run off and tried to hide from Coach Fisher down at Printers’ Alley.

A little booing and the media starts hitting his mom up with questions like “what’s wrong with your baby boy?”

If VY doesn’t grow up real soon and grow some thicker skin, he’ll need to head up to play for the Toronto Argonauts where nobody gives a crap. Just think if he’d been drafted by a team in real sports town like NYC or Philly?

With Kerry Collins at the helm this week, the Titans will squeak by Ocho Dumbass and his Cincy Bungles – Titans 24 Bengals 21.

Elsewhere in the big leagues…

  • New York Jets 23, New England 14I can’t stand Favre and his over-inflated ego and grandstanding, but he’s damn good. And now that Tom Brady will be off the field brewing up some more outside children, it’s going to be a rough season for the Pats. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.
  • Cowboys 27, Iggles 24This should be a good one. I’ll be tuned in just to see if Donovan McChicken and T.O. get into a scrap. That would be sweet.
  • Minnesota 27, Indianapolis 20The Colts got a wake-up call last week and I don’t believe Minnesota is going to let them up off the mat quite yet. Could it be that Peyton’s diminished surrounding cast of characters is finally coming home to roost? I guess you’ll have to axe Rev. Wright about that one.
  • Browns 22, Steelers 19I may only be picking the Browns because I want to see the upset, but I always love these old AFC Central rivalries. The Browns have enough in their tank to pull off the upset, but the Steelers could just as easily stomp them. It’s picks like this that demonstrate why I don’t have a 1-900 betting hotline.

Have a good weekend, freaks. I’ll be down at Neyland Stadium tomorrow. I’ll be wearing orange so look for me.

Spun Gold

August 14th, 2008 at 7:27 am by Brian

China really seems to be riding high after the gymnastics competition but something about their performance seems a little bit uneven:

Olympics-China praises gold haul as sign of its rise

By Chris Buckley

BEIJING (Reuters) – A haul of Olympic gold by China and other Asian nations shows their growing strength in and out of the sports arena, and Western powers should prepare for more such challenges, Chinese official media said on Thursday.

[...]

“The growing redirection of Olympic gold medals is because the old disparities between competitive sports levels due to historical and economic causes is being constantly overturned,” said a commentary in the overseas edition of the ruling Communist Party’s paper.

Gloat now, ChiComs.  The bigger smaller they are, the harder they fall.

The difference between your competitiveness in the marketplace and in the Olympics though is that in the Olympics you’re allegedly not allowed to exploit underage child labor to do itGateway’s got the screenshots of the official ChiCom sites where they have whitewashed the ages of their female gymnasts and provided false documentation to the Olympic Committee so that they would be allowed to cheat.

As a result, The OIC should immediately investigate and revoke those ill-gotten medals.  Time to send in the government jackboots to pluck the next generation of cheaters from their mothers’ breasts.

It’s Wimby Time

June 21st, 2008 at 4:42 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

I realize that most of you don’t care, but Monday marks the beginning of Wimbledon 2008. When I think of Wimbledon, I think of all those times as a kid sitting in front of the TV watching John McEnroe vs. Bjorn Borg rooting against the hippie Swede.

If I’d known what a complete prick the guy was in real life I might have done otherwise. I didn’t get to see Mac when he was in town a few years ago for an exhibition, but I heard from a reliable source that, even at a small-time exhibition he was cussing up a storm in front of kids arguing line calls. It was cute at 18, not so much at 47. Check out the fine example he’s setting for the young ball-boy in the first clip below.

Stay classy, John, stay classy.




Chris Lofton, The Anti-Thug

May 2nd, 2008 at 1:08 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

For all the Vols who have wound up in police reports, it’s good to remember that there are also the Chris Loftons of the world.

The three-time All-American, in an exclusive interview with ESPN.com, revealed for the first time publicly that he played his senior season at Tennessee after undergoing surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from one of his testicles in March 2007.

He was diagnosed with cancer only a few days after Tennessee ended its 2006-07 season with a Sweet 16 loss to Ohio State in San Antonio. Miraculously, the cancer was discovered after Lofton was picked randomly following the first-round win over Long Beach State to submit to an NCAA-mandated drug test. The results turned up positive, and Tennessee officials weren’t notified until the day of the Ohio State game.

Amazingly, Lofton went through the entire ordeal — the surgery, radiation treatments, recovery and excruciating emotional distress — with very few people knowing.

It’s the way he wanted it. An intensely private person, he internalized everything and was hell-bent on nobody being able to make excuses for him.

“That’s just the way he is: a no-excuses kind of fella,” said Lofton’s father, Franklin. “The worst part for us was not being down there with him and everything he was going through, but that’s the way Chris wanted it. He knew if we were down there in Knoxville all the time, people would be asking questions.”

Read the whole thing.

Even before I knew this story, I had a great deal of respect for Lofton due to the way he’s carried himself on and off the court and his continued humility in the face of national media attention. Throw this amazing story into the mix and you may have to come up with some brand new word to cover the guts and character that Lofton has shown during his time at UT.

No Honor Among Thugs

April 30th, 2008 at 11:22 pm by Brian

Looks like the Titans are going to be giving up that 4th Round draft pick next year. News Channel 5 in Nashville is reporting that the man hilariously accused of extorting a mere $15k from Jones is singing like Beverly Sills that Pacman ordered the shooting, has lied to police, that he knows the shooter’s name and address and been obstructing justice (if true) this entire time.

If this accusation holds water then Adam Jones’ short-lived career is about to receive an already long overdue eulogy:

A 29-year-old man arrested for a Las Vegas strip club shooting said suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones ordered the 2007 shooting, which injured three people.

[...]

Jones told police Edwards extorted $15,000 from him, telling him he needed to pay for “services rendered.”

“I definitely didn’t receive no $15,000,” Edwards said. “I definitely didn’t extort nobody out of no money.”

[...]

Edwards said Jones knows the shooter well. Edwards said the shooter is part of a crowd Jones hangs out with in Atlanta.

“He knows they name,” Edwards said. “He knows they street name. He needs to tell on them instead of trying to put this on me when he knows I didn’t do this and he know I never met him before and he know he don’t know me and I don’t know him.”

Though Edwards is denying all charges, he has since racked up an additional count for 2nd Degree Murder of the English Language.

Wakka-Wakka, Pacman. Looks like Jim Brown’s magic touch has struck again.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

The NFL Draft Is Well Underway

April 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm by Brian

And the Titans are addressing our desperate need at running back by picking Chris Johnson from East Carolina. Obama knows we need it and keeping with TT’s tradition of picking lesser known players in an attempt to save a buck or three. 4.2 speed. Think about that for a second. Get his weight right and you’ve got a little bowling ball rolling down the field if his vision’s tight.

The addition of Alge Crumpler at tight end in the offseason cannot be overstated. He’s the best TE in the game and I don’t care who says otherwise. Todd Heap lovingly massages monkey balls at the zoo compared to Crumpler. In a Coach Fish offense, Crumpler’s role is integral to a successful scrambling, PA quarterback.

Now all we need is an OT, 2 DTs, the deep threat WR, and a LB to compliment Keith Bulluck and we’re going to be in bidness.

w00t! Nowhere to go but up. Chime in with your draft comments if you think we fubbed up.

I’ve got to head down the street. It’s a A Vast Chicken Wing Conspiracy thing.

Round #2 – One for the Road! (more…)

Pac Your (Dime) Bags, Bizzle

March 21st, 2008 at 1:37 pm by Brian

Citing their legendary off-the-field player personal development program, the moral titans of Dallas are thinking about putting five on a twenty-sack of Pac-Man Jones. Hit this:

The Cowboys are $3.9 million under the salary cap, and Jones is scheduled to earn a base salary of $1.292 million whenever he returns to the field.

Jones, 24, is scheduled to become a free agent following the 2009 season. A source said Jones is willing to renegotiate his contract at a lower salary to accommodate a team willing to sign him.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said he will review Jones’ suspension before training camps open in July.

But Arora would like to speed up the process because he doesn’t want a team with needs at cornerback to draft one without taking a serious look at Jones.

Don’t get me wrong. We have had a lot of fun with Pac-Man over the years. From his initial holdout and pouting sessions, immediately followed by what would appear (to the untrained eye) to be a habit of just, doggoneit, being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Good luck to the Cowgirls in their negotiations for this, heretofore, untapped well of talent. They said they wanted a “Wow” factor going into this next season and I can think of nothing that that wows your opponent more than facing off against a dope pushing corner wearing a GPS ankle bracelet with the batteries torn out, an orange jumpsuit sticking out from under his jersey, and having close ties to the coke trade, attempted murderer who can turn any gentlemen’s club into The Wild Bunch, and who has a penchant for biting police officers, threatening reporters, or punching strippers in the face for picking the money that he threw at them.

What? You thought that money was for you?

Wow, indeed.  I can’t wait to see Big D’s collar around the neck of this rabid dog. Make sure Tony Romo’s got his shots.

Again I say, don’t tease me bro.

Woof, woof.

Tibetan Skunks At The Beijing Butcher’s Garden Party

March 15th, 2008 at 10:52 pm by Brian

A word to any Tibetans with a deathwish. Wait until all of the world’s cameras are there. Wait until all of the athletes have arrived. Then have a massive protest.

Without witnesses, you’ll just be getting yourselves killed over nothing as evidenced by today’s comments from the International Olympic Committee’s President Jacques Rogge:

International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge poured cold water Saturday on calls for a boycott of the Summer Games in Beijing over China’s crackdown in Tibet, saying it would only hurt athletes.“We believe that the boycott doesn’t solve anything,” Rogge told reporters on this Caribbean island. “On the contrary, it is penalizing innocent athletes and it is stopping the organization from something that definitely is worthwhile organizing.”

After all, we’ve got to keep this in perspective. What’s more important – people living in freedom or athletes competing for shiny medals and endorsement contracts? Mr. Rogge seems to be imbued with that classically European sense of nuance that escapes us cowboy yanks.

This is, of course, fresh off the application of boot heels from ChiCom pinkertons to the necks of protesters who have yet to understand the value of good timing:

The Dalai Lama‘s exiled Tibetan government in India said Chinese authorities killed at least 30 Tibetans and possibly as many as 100. The figures could not be independently verified.

[...]

Foreign tourists in Lhasa were told to leave, a hotel manager and travel guide said, with the guide adding that some were turned back at the airport.

“There are military blockades blocking off whole portions of the city, and the entire city is basically closed down,” said a 23-year-old Canadian student who arrived in Lhasa on Saturday and who was making plans to leave. “All the restaurants are closed, all the hotels are closed.”

30 to 100 people killed is simply extra work the IOC’s public relations people would rather avoid thank you very little.

Without the cameras being present, Tibetans are getting themselves killed for naught. Wait until the ceremonies so the world can see the brutality of the Chinese regime without the help of Google and Yahoo scrubbing your blood off the street for their Chicom paymasters.

Then the very important athletes in selfish pursuit of a gold, silver, and bronze will be forced to decide if eternal disgrace hangs around their necks as lightly in front of a watching world.

Do You Smell Anything? Nah. Update: The Lama wants an investigation into the murders and, as usual, the rest of the athletic, so-called “civilized” world could care less –

International criticism of the crackdown in Tibet so far has been mild, with no threats of an Olympic boycott or other sanctions. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called Sunday on China “to exercise restraint in dealing with the protests.”

Rice said she was “concerned by reports of a sharply increased police and military presence in and around Lhasa.” Her statement urged China to release those jailed for protesting.

As continually disappointed as I find myself with Secretary Rice, and based on previous history, her “concern” and $1,054.50 will get you a pair of Ferragamo’s and an orange mocha frappuccino.

If 80 people were gunned down by police in the streets of the U.S. before some international sporting event we would be excoriated by allies and despots alike.

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