This post is brought to you by seat belts.  Those wonderful pieces of fabric that keep you from flying through the windshield as your vehicle uses you to soften it’s landing between rolling over several times and finally skidding on it’s roof across the interstate.

Thanks seat belts! I take back everything I ever said about you wrinkling my freshly pressed shirts.

Update: Of course, as Ginger did, feel free to submit your own petitions.

Uh…yea. I’ll have an order of the runny eggs hanging on a rusty nail.

Umm..with a side of flapjacks.

(Wonderbra snap to that sissy Drudge)

In an interesting turn-of-events last week, news came out that the Duke Lacrosse rape accuser had quite a busy few days leading up to the night of the alleged incident. Among other things, she “had sex with at least four men and a sexual device” during that time. More…

In addition to getting to post about sexual devices and general sluttery, this also provides a good topic for tonight’s Sunday Night Poll. This one’s not for the faint of heart…

photo stolen from Freeper “Starve the Beast”

As the illegals have gone back to their homebuilding, leafblowers, taco stands and street gangs, tomorrow we return just another day with a Mexican. At least I’ll be able to get a burrito if the urge strikes (for now…).

So this begs the question, which part of the whole “we’re-illegal-so-meet-our-demands-or-we’ll-continue-to-do-the-jobs-you-won’t-do” protests has pissed you off the most?

AS ALWAYS…

Feel free to add your own petitions in the comments.

Media darling and (still) grieving mother Cindy Sheehan has been so busy publicly grieving for her deceased son that she hasn’t had the time or money to buy him a headstone.

Despite rolling in the cash from media appearances and speaking fees and selling herself on Ebay, she just hasn’t been able to get it together. Citizen Smash can attest to that.

So what’s she been so busy doing with her valuable time and hard-earned money?

Given President Junior’s lack of concern for our borders, it should come as no surprise that he’s selling out the security of six major U.S. ports to the freakin’ United Arab Emirates. Just consider that concept for a moment. If I wasn’t already painfully aware of President Junior’s political tin ear, I would think this was some type of joke. But, of course, it isn’t.

So, since Junior seems to need a little help with his wacky security schemes, let’s help him make his next strategic move by voting in tonight’s Sunday Monday Night Poll.

UPDATE:

It gets worse. Dhimmi Carter has announced that he endorses the “turn the ports over to the UAE” plan of action. Call off the deal, President Junior. Call it off.

There is news today of a continued hemorrhaging of circulation for many of America’s finest daily newspapers. They’re losing readership at rate only surpassed by the speed at which Paris Hilton collects STDs.

Ordinarily, this kind of news (much like news earlier in the year of layoffs at the New York Times) makes me laugh with such severity that milk comes out my nose. Even if I’m not drinking milk.

I was just listening to Boortz on the way to pick up a disappointing grilled chicken caesar salad from Panera Bread and he mentioned something that made me reconsider my celebration regarding the decline of the newsie biz.

One particular point he made was that the skid is probably more of a reflection of how much higher the American illiteracy rate is after decades of failed government schooling. That’s a depressing, though pretty realistic, thought.

Another thought that I had was that the drooling idiots in the general public continue to move towards Ophrah’s O Magazine, People and Us Weekly to get the news that really matters to them – you know, why Jen and Brad split up and what Sandra Bollocks is wearing these days. There is such a massive population of uninformed celebrity-culture cretins milling about the country that I fear their affliction may be contagious.

I’d like to think that this massive move away from the daily rag is due to the informed public abandoning a medium that has long been dominated and slanted by liberals, and moving towards more targeted sources of information, such as online news outlets and blogs.

So my question is this (assuming that the average newspaper subscriber is fairly well-informed irrespective of political perspective):

UPDATE:

Aaron’s CC has a few thoughts on declining Old Media newspaper readership as well.

President Junior and Harriet at a 1996 ADL love-in (via Debbie Schlussel)

The blogosphere has been abuzz the last two weeks with Harriet Miers-this and Harriet Miers-that. Some people (myself included) have been lamenting President Junior’s atrocious pick for the open SCOTUS seat, while others are saying shut up and support President Junior, no matter what! Still, others are supporting the pick by touting Harriet’s stellar track record (Texas Lottery Commission, Texas Bar Association, Texas Roadhouse Restaurant, Meals on Wheels, etc.) and are tickled pink that she’s going to be the next O’Connor.

The most entertaining part of the whole cyberbrawl thus far has been the variety of defenses used to bolster President Junior’s gargantuan mistake. This brings us to the topic of this week’s Sunday Night Poll.

Incidentally, according to Time, the White House plans to re-launch Miers’ SCOTUS nomination this week. Special secret note to Karl Rove: Give me a call if you plan to re-launch it with a better candidate, otherwise, you might as well pack it in.

Stacey Campfield, the only Tennessee lawmaker with an actual blog, has been ruffling feathers across the state with his publicity stunt attempt to join Tennessee’s Congressional Black Caucus. I must admit, I used to visit his blog fairly frequently when I first found out about it, but eventually visited less and less as I couldn’t get past the typos, misspellings and grammatical train wrecks.

Disclaimer aside, I have to give the guy some credit. It’s about time someone called the neo-segregationists out on the carpet. The irony of groups of lawmakers – state or national – forming alliances based solely on skin color seems pretty retro.

The same people who once had to use the colored water fountains and sit in the back of the bus have jumped right back into a separate-but-equal type of political segregation as soon as they got the opportunity. And let’s be intellectually honest about it, if any group of legislators tried to create a Congressional White Caucus, they would be the target of such a vicious attack from the left and their bedwetting partners in the Old Media that they would probably be forced to resign in disgrace. So kudos to Campfield for putting the spotlight on the HYPOCRISY of such race-based legislative sub-groups.

However, now that Campfield has successfully taken on and defeated the overlords in the state’s race-pimping business, it’s time for him to take the fight to other groups who are equally in need of exposure. Which brings us to our poll….

We all know that President Bush doesn’t like black people. I’ve known that since he gave all those black people in Florida such confusing ballots back in 2000 and they wound up voting for Pat Buchanan.

The dirty secret, however, is that there are certain people of color that President Junior cares TOO much about. It’s up to me to bring this type of secret to you people – and let you vote on it! You really seem to love clicking on things.

So tonight’s poll question:

Historically, the Sunday Night Poll has been a multiple-choice-type of exercise. Sometimes funny, sometimes crap. Anyway, tonight’s is definitely crap. Crap because both Fox News’ incessant Natalie coverage and MSNBC’s incessant Sheehan coverage have both been crap. But which is crappier, I ask you, dear reader?

Both networks should be raked over the coals equally for their respective coverage of non-stories. Fox for pandering for cheap ratings and MSNBC for pandering to their anti-American, Hardball-sheep viewer base.

So the question, which coverage do you find more annoying?

UPDATE:

For the record, I don’t watch either one, so I’m not voting.

If my freakin’ cable service had actually been up and running last night, I would have been on time with this one. Trust me, a lawsuit against them is already in the works as a result.

This week’s poll takes a look at last week’s NCAA ruling which bans Native American mascots from post-season tournaments – further cementing the fact that we are a indeed a nation of pussies. The slippery slope of political correctness continues to take its toll and, predictably, the left celebrates this brand of censorship, which they usually condemn. It’s especially interesting that the elitist pantshitters at the NCAA took this step since the outcry against the nicknames has been minimal at best.

Anyway, screw them and their politically correct horseshit.

This led me to ponder… what these schools are going to do for new nicknames and mascots? Well, dear reader, that’s where you come in. Help the NCAA with this problem by voting in tonight’s Sunday Night Monday afternoon poll.

Unintentional assistance provided by the Racial Slur Database.

Let’s face it, Drudge has jumped the shark.

Every time I go there, once I get past the dozen-or-so pop-up ads that assail my eyes and offend my sensibilities, all I get is which movie did the most business over the weekend, which cable news network had the best ratings or what Tom Cruise said the day before. Drudge’s obsession with Hollywood and the entertainment industry in general borders on stalkeresque. You have to wonder if Drudge was a failed actor/musician/writer and has used his internet fame to inject himself into the entertainment industry through his rabid coverage.

It doesn’t help when he scoffs at blogs when his site is nothing more than a glorified link dump. At least many bloggers show some creativity and writing skills (well, other than this one, of course) – all Drudge does is link dump and report the occasional BREAKING story based on one of the millions of tips he gets from his network of insiders.

This leads us to this week’s Sunday Night Poll – what’s the worst thing about Drudge these days?

With the U.S. Supreme Court’s current session thankfully spiraling to a devastating end tomorrow, there is still time for more rulings that take away our personal liberties and drag us down further into a miasma of Socialism and greater wealth re-distribution.

We were enjoying a delicious Father’s Day pizza this evening at the Mellow Mushroom when I noticed that one of their TVs was showing some type of hideous bass fishing program on ESPN. No offense to you bass fishermen, but the only thing worse than watching fishing on television is watching fishing in person. No offense of course.

Anyway, that got me to thinking. First I thought… should I have another black-and-tan? Then I thought – what the hell are they doing trying to pass this crap off as sports? Then I realized that this is the same network that actually shows hours upon hours of people playing cards and calls it “entertainment”. This all leads up to tonight’s Sunday Night Poll…

Stumpling upon Goldstein’s superhero post earlier today gave me a (rare) idea. If you were a superhero — be it blogger superhero or otherwise — what secret weapon and/or fashion accessory would you be most likely to use?

One week from tonight, Family Guy returns to prime-time television. It’s one of the funniest fucking shows of all time and you damn well know it. For those of you out of the loop, Family Guy was cancelled after only three unsuccessful seasons on Fox, only to be revived by a cult following who gobbled up the DVD collections and boosted the Cartoon Network’s late-night “Adult Swim” ratings by watching it in reruns. Brand new episodes start next week.

This got me thinking – what other cancelled/defunct animated prime-time shows should be dug up and brought back to life? You decide:

Poll is now closed. The Critic wins.

Also, last week’s poll is closed.

Apparently, you’re all buying guns, and as I see it – that’s GOOD FOR AMERICA. Thanks for participating in the poll and for buying firearms.

After reminding people to pony up their protection money to Uncle Sam on Income Tax day, I was shocked to learn in the comments that most bloggers appear to be freeloaders who are leeching off the state, instead of hard-working taxpayers, such as myself. (See Eric, Hector Vex and WSK for prime examples from my very small test sample).

As Bill Clinton once said, these are the types of people who don’t deserve a tax break because we can’t be sure “they’ll spend the money the right way.” This leads to this week’s Sunday Night Poll:

POLL CLOSED. RESULTS:

UPDATE:

Previous poll results have now been updated:

Robert Blake Poll

Basketball Poll

Where has Preston Been Poll

Thanks for voting! It makes me feel like slightly less of an idiot when people actually vote in these things.

The blogosphere has been bursting with the question, “Where is Preston?” My inbox is overflowing with emails, most of which ask questions such as… “are you ok?”, “why aren’t you posting?”,”why didn’t you link to [insert news item here]?”,”I don’t know what to think without your help, why won’t you come back?”,”Where is that $80 you owe me, you bastard?”

This Sunday Night Poll may help you determine where I’ve been over the last four days. I know it’s been hard on you, but I’ll try not to leave you alone like that again, at least not without getting you a blog gigolo for the weekend.

UPDATE:

Okay, so this one was a bit of a dud. However, this poll does prove that my readers know me quite well. Results:

This is the first sports-related Sunday Night Poll. We’ll now see how good my visitors are at prognostication.

UPDATE:

Apparently not very good. All you sheep picked Illinois because that’s who ESPN told you to pick. Chumps.

This poll is now closed. Thanks to the 51 fruitcakes who decided that Robert Blake’s new job should be that of GAY MALE PROSTITUTE. Results below:

It’s that time again… time for me to get out my poll. No, don’t look away. Really…

Tonight we look at headlines we might secretly wish to see this week.

By the way, at this moment, last Sunday’s poll, How did Giuliana Sgrena spend her month in the brutal captivity of her comrades captors? is TIED. I’m going to give the Sgrena poll until tomorrow morning and call it. Nobody likes a tie. Except those fruity Euro-Socialist Soccer pussies. They seem to get off on a 1-1 final score. So somebody go over there and break the tie for me. I can’t do it, that would be unethical and I might get a call from Jordan.

UPDATE:

The tie has been broken and the final results are up for last week’s Sunday Night Poll. Go check out the stunning results!

UPDATE:

Poll is now closed. This one was no contest. Pretty much everyone wanted to see Iran’s nuke program taken out, but sadly it hasn’t happened yet. Hope springs eternal, however.