Six Meat Buffet » Sunday Night Polls

I’ll Flip You. Flip You For Real.

Brian — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:31:20 +0000

This post is brought to you by seat belts. Those wonderful pieces of fabric that keep you from flying through the windshield as your vehicle uses you to soften it’s landing between rolling over several times and finally skidding on it’s roof across the interstate.

Thanks seat belts! I take back everything I ever said about you wrinkling my freshly pressed shirts.

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 15:29:35 +0000

Update: Of course, as Ginger did, feel free to submit your own petitions.

International House O’ Flapjacks

Smantix — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 04:30:51 +0000

Uh…yea. I’ll have an order of the runny eggs hanging on a rusty nail.

Umm..with a side of flapjacks.

(Wonderbra snap to that sissy Drudge)

I still look young for my age though my bacon strip is a little worse for the wear.

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 01:27:51 +0000

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 02:50:42 +0000

In an interesting turn-of-events last week, news came out that the Duke Lacrosse rape accuser had quite a busy few days leading up to the night of the alleged incident. Among other things, she “had sex with at least four men and a sexual device” during that time. More…

DURHAM — The exotic dancer who has accused three Duke lacrosse players of gang-raping her was drinking while taking medication that night, and had sex with at least four men and a sexual device in the days immediately leading up to the off-campus party, according to court papers filed Thursday.

And despite what Durham police have contended, a medical examination showed no signs of the sort of sexual or physical attack of which the dancer complained, according to the motion filed by defense attorneys for Reade Seligmann.

Among other previously undisclosed details, the motion says the woman at one point accused her female dance partner of helping the lacrosse players rape her and of stealing her money.

And she told one medical staffer she drank at least 44 ounces of beer, and told another she took a powerful muscle relaxant and drank beer before going to the party at 610 N. Buchanan Blvd. on March 13.

Lawyers Kirk Osborn and Ernest Conner contend in the motion that police Investigator Benjamin Himan and the Police Department illegally and deliberately withheld those and other details that were damaging to their investigation.

In addition to getting to post about sexual devices and general sluttery, this also provides a good topic for tonight’s Sunday Night Poll. This one’s not for the faint of heart…

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 22 May 2006 00:51:31 +0000

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Sun, 07 May 2006 20:08:52 +0000

photo stolen from Freeper “Starve the Beast”

As the illegals have gone back to their homebuilding, leafblowers, taco stands and street gangs, tomorrow we return just another day with a Mexican. At least I’ll be able to get a burrito if the urge strikes (for now…).

So this begs the question, which part of the whole “we’re-illegal-so-meet-our-demands-or-we’ll-continue-to-do-the-jobs-you-won’t-do” protests has pissed you off the most?

What’s the most annoying part of the illegal immigration hub-bub?
	The entire media (including Faux News) refusing to use the word “illegal” to describe illegal immigrants.
	The oft-repeated phrase, illegals are “doing jobs Americans can’t/won’t do.”
	The mangled Spanish national anthem.
	The faux-patriotism of waving the American flag when you’re a damn Mexican.
	The not-so-sexy love affair between President Junior and Vicente Fox.
	The emotional trauma of being called “wetback” by a wetback.
	The fact that so many Marxists, fellow travelers and other assorted criminals were the organizers and participants in the rallies. (Yet were paraded around by the Old Media as hard-working, family-loving American heroes)
	John McCain offering you a job picking lettuce for $50/hr and then taking it back.
	The potential tragic loss of the burrito.

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AS ALWAYS…

Feel free to add your own petitions in the comments.

Sunday Night Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 02:01:57 +0000

Media darling and (still) grieving mother Cindy Sheehan has been so busy publicly grieving for her deceased son that she hasn’t had the time or money to buy him a headstone.

Despite rolling in the cash from media appearances and speaking fees and selling herself on Ebay, she just hasn’t been able to get it together. Citizen Smash can attest to that.

So what’s she been so busy doing with her valuable time and hard-earned money?

What has kept Cindy Sheehan from getting her deceased son a headstone all this time?
	Spent all her money on Hardees’ Thickburgers. How do you think she’s kept up her girlish figure?
	Spent all her money on a luxury sex-filled vacation romp to Venezuela – oh, wait, someone else picked up the tab for that one.
	Busy cutting little hammer-and-sickles out of red construction paper with safety scissors.
	Spends all her non-media time meeting up with Jimmy Carter for tongue-twisting make-out sessions behind Rosalyn’s back.
	Busy recording her first solo album – a folk-tinged collaboration with Joan Baez, Sheryl Crow and Cat “Muhammad al-Cocknose” Stevens.
	Praying five times a day really eats into your to-do list.
	Weeping uncontrollably.

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Sunday Night Poll: Homeland Insecurity

Preston Taylor Holmes — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 03:34:42 +0000

Given President Junior’s lack of concern for our borders, it should come as no surprise that he’s selling out the security of six major U.S. ports to the freakin’ United Arab Emirates. Just consider that concept for a moment. If I wasn’t already painfully aware of President Junior’s political tin ear, I would think this was some type of joke. But, of course, it isn’t.

So, since Junior seems to need a little help with his wacky security schemes, let’s help him make his next strategic move by voting in tonight’s ~~Sunday~~ Monday Night Poll.

UPDATE:

It gets worse. Dhimmi Carter has announced that he endorses the “turn the ports over to the UAE” plan of action. Call off the deal, President Junior. Call it off.

Monday Afternoon Poll

Preston Taylor Holmes — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:57:03 +0000

There is news today of a continued hemorrhaging of circulation for many of America’s finest daily newspapers. They’re losing readership at rate only surpassed by the speed at which Paris Hilton collects STDs.

Ordinarily, this kind of news (much like news earlier in the year of layoffs at the New York Times) makes me laugh with such severity that milk comes out my nose. Even if I’m not drinking milk.

NEW YORK â€” Average weekday circulation at U.S. newspapers fell 2.6 per cent during the six month-period ending in September in the latest sign of trouble in the newspaper business, an industry group reported Monday.

The declines show an acceleration of a years-long trend of falling circulation at daily newspapers as more people, especially young adults, turn to the Internet for news and as newspapers cut back on less profitable circulation.

Of the rest of the top 20 newspapers reporting, all but one, the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J., posted declines generally ranging between 1 per cent and 8 per cent.

The San Francisco Chronicle, published by Hearst Corp., posted a 16.4 per cent tumble in circulation as the newspaper slashed back on less profitable, heavily discounted and giveaway circulation subsidized by advertisers.

I was just listening to Boortz on the way to pick up a disappointing grilled chicken caesar salad from Panera Bread and he mentioned something that made me reconsider my celebration regarding the decline of the newsie biz.

One particular point he made was that the skid is probably more of a reflection of how much higher the American illiteracy rate is after decades of failed government schooling. That’s a depressing, though pretty realistic, thought.

Another thought that I had was that the drooling idiots in the general public continue to move towards Ophrah’s O Magazine, People and Us Weekly to get the news that really matters to them – you know, why Jen and Brad split up and what Sandra Bollocks is wearing these days. There is such a massive population of uninformed celebrity-culture cretins milling about the country that I fear their affliction may be contagious.

I’d like to think that this massive move away from the daily rag is due to the informed public abandoning a medium that has long been dominated and slanted by liberals, and moving towards more targeted sources of information, such as online news outlets and blogs.

So my question is this (assuming that the average newspaper subscriber is fairly well-informed irrespective of political perspective):

UPDATE:

Aaron’s CC has a few thoughts on declining Old Media newspaper readership as well.

They canâ€™t run their businessesâ€¦ how can they advise a nation?

Now that Smantix is dead and gone, what was your favorite Smantix contribution to the Buffet?
	Racist Pizza
	The Dreaded Cone of Silence
	Tookie’s Tribute
	Bill Frist’s Operation
	Baby Angel Whale
	Murderol
	Amnesty
	Nanoo Nanoo Nutball
	Amnesty Lights
	Vice Governor Salsa
	Dear Hustler…
	Pimp of the Year
	Phascist Phil Phriend to Phelons
	Ron Artest’s Def Poetry Jam
	Canine Who Be Smart
	Chinese Hello Kitty
	The Death of Nashville is Talking

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You pretend to love me, but what do you really love?
	My limousine and the way its wheels roll.
	My 7-inch leather heels and goin’ to all of the shows.
	My credit cards and private planes.
	Hotels, fancy clothes and the sound of electric guitars.
	Rock ‘n’ Roll… the fame and the masquerade.
	The concerts and studios.
	All the money, honey, that I make.

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Which other objects did the Duke Lacrosse Rape Accuser use as a sexual device during the days leading up to the alleged incident?
	An Atari Joystick
	A Jar of JIF Creamy Peanut Butter
	A Rubics Cube
	The John Holmes Vibrating Blow Up Doll NSFW!
	An Apple Newton™
	The Ever-Reliable Sybian Also NSFW!
	An 8-Pack of Little Kings
	A Lacrosse Stick
	All Four KISS Action Figures, In No Particular Order

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What was your recreational drug of choice this weekend?
	Smack.
	“Mary Jane,” as the kids call it these days.
	Ol’ Grandad mixed with Vinegar.
	Uppers.
	Downers.
	A mix of uppers and downers, resulting in no buzz whatsoever.
	Crystal Meth, when you could get the kids out of the lab long enough.
	Oxycontin, so you can be more like Rush.
	Huffing a blend of Pam Cooking Spray and Right Guard Aerosol.
	Half a tablet of Ecstasy – but only half.

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What other steps should President Junior take to improve Homeland Security?
	Turn over U.S. nuclear plant security to a council of filthy Iranian mullahs.
	Put Chechen muslims in charge of U.S. Elementary Schools.
	Instead of slackjawed Federal cretins, put Pakistani muslim clerics in charge of Airport Security.
	Put members of the new Hamas government in charge of providing security for U.S. Synagogues.
	Make Chocolate City Mayor Ray Nagin the new Chancellor of National Weather Planning and Response.
	Turn over U.S. national defense to United Nations peacekeepers.
	Put Michael Moore in charge of the deep fryer at Steak-n-Shake.

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Would you rather have high newspaper readership, even if that results in a misled, but still well-informed, public; or would you rather celebrate the continued demise of an industry that has long been poisoned by pro-socialist bedwetting pansies?
	I want high readership and a well-informed public.
	To hell with the print media. They did it to themselves.
	No real opinion. Just wanted to mash a button with my mouse.

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