So much for the optimistic tone of my last post!

Something happened today and I have not fully processed it yet.  Cold Fury keeps this quote running in the sidebar and I think that a chronological milestone may have just been passed with this IRS scandal:

“America is at that awkward stage. It’s too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards.” – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do ‘Til the Revolution

I’ll let you guess which one.

We seem to have a comprehension problem with the media.  Benghazi is not about people who messed up the note cards on the way to the tv station and this IRS scandal is not about a couple of “rogue” newbies asking a couple of Tea Party yahoos where they bought their tri-cornered hats.

The IRS is in the opening stages of being exposed for the most massive effort of state-sponsored Voter Suppression since the Jim Crow South instituted poll taxes.  As they were suing states for attempting to maintain the integrity of their elections by simply asking voters to show ID, there was wholesale harassment, intimidation and suppression by a cast of hundreds to thousands of government employees at several agencies within the federal government authorized and, of course, condoned at the highest levels to discriminatorily deny the rights of peaceable citizens to express their political speech by demanding personal information that was incredibly invasive and Stalin-esque in execution.  The practictioners of which have since been rewarded with bonuses and promotions.  If there is ever an opening for Concentration Camp Czar it’s going to be a real contest to find out which is the most amoral sociopath at the IRS chomping at the bit to try out their Commandant Amon Goeth fantasy against conservatives.

What is the content of your prayers?  I will approve your application if you sign this form saying you will never protest against Planned Parenthood.  We need access to login to your website and review all chats, logs and IP addresses.

If you do not see a problem with that – you are not a liberal.  You are, in fact, a fucking Nazi sympathizer if not a full-fledged party member.

Confidential tax information was then being solicited or received – gratefully unsolicited – and used by Obama in his campaign and affiliated minions.  If you come into my home and you find a bunch of Picassos and Rembrandts on the wall and you know I don’t make that kind of bread – just how do you think I came to acquire them?  The same way the Obama campaign came to get tax information against Romney and any candidate – illegally.  Receiving stolen merchandise is illegal and just as this tax information that was unscrupulously gained is the fruit of that forbidden tree.

While I am always good for a rant, I don’t think I am being hyperbolic in saying that the news of today has just invalidated definitely calls into question the results of the 2012 election.  Several government agencies, under the aegis of the Executive Branch, with malice aforethought targeted US citizens seeking to engage in political speech on a national level  and at seemingly inconceivable numbers.  If people knew what was going on, and there were plenty of people in the Obama administration who verifiably did and lied under oath to Congress about it, then November 2012 would not have turned out the way it did.  Just like if they knew that when that 3 am phone call from Benghazi came with the Ambassador screaming for help that Obama hung up the phone and sent everything after to voicemail.

The integrity of  the 2012 election was raped and because we are finding out about it after the fact – they will claim that we cannot abort the rape baby of Obama’s second term.  It’s a choice not a child, ya’ll.

A cult of corruption passed the Kool-Aid around the IRS, the Treasury Department and the Department of Justice, along with White House counsel and the American public has just now set their eyes upon the Jonestown where these loyal bureaucratic partisans have committed the largest act of state-assisted suicide.  Both of their careers, their credibility and the faith that any citizen can have that their government is not an active enemy to their very existence.  If you’ve ever listened to the final audio tapes from Jonestown you can almost hear the wails and religious fervor now – “We have to do this…if the Tea Party wins like they did in 2010, they are going to overturn Obamacare! We can’t let that happen.  We’ve come too far!”

And you trust them with your healthcare?  You voted against gay marriage Mr. Smith, I guess you’re not going to be getting that heart transplant since it’s clear by your voting record that you don’t have one to begin with.

People are being audited after the government encouraged their neighbors to turn their names in to Fight The Smears website.  All of their computers should be seized and an audit should be performed of every name submitted to that organization who was subsequently harassed by the IRS.

I do not know where this goes from here.  When people know that laws are used to shield the perpetrators and that justice will forever be denied then what redress do they have?  You have seen the Obama reaction this week.  They pretended to make one person fall on their sword when they were going to retire in a few weeks anyway.  It’s not even a scandal at all really.  It’s an opportunity!  And we need to get the IRS more money so they can fix it.

This is an outright civil rights assault on half of the country that is continuing to this day.  This is not some past event.  It is going on right now with everyone being held hostage by the IRS.

They thought they would have your guns by now.

Without a swift acknowledgment of the depth of this scandal, with enough firings at all of those agencies to make the unemployment number go up, I am concerned that something very bad is going to happen.  The indifferent arrogance of the Executive Branch, painfully feigning outrage at this premeditated attack on the First Amendment and the cover-up that followed is going to provoke a reaction that does not bear a resemblance to a march and sign-holding.

Genuine concern.  This is a bureaucratic version of Waco.  I don’t want to live in whatever this place is that we are living in right now though I had my suspicions that this is what it would look like.  Almost as much as I don’t want to live in this place if someone more offended than me starts doing incredibly rash things that naturally gives these brownshirts the cover for grabbing even more power.  Or, if one succeeded in registering their umbrage in a way that results in every elementary, middle and high school being named after Barack Hussein Obama from here until the end of the country.  However short that is about to be.

For someone who runs their mouth a lot, I am at a loss for words at the moment about what happens next.  Obviously, a skilled special prosecutor should be called in immediately and a class-action lawsuit should be filed by every one of these groups and individuals that have been audited.   There also needs to be an immediate seizure of control over the IRS as it is a crime scene and oversight should be administered by someone who can be trusted.  I have no idea who that would be and Obama is incapable of naming that person because it is clear that he does not know anyone who isn’t a crook, a communist or a crony.  Or a combination of all three.

Palate cleanser.

UPDATED:  Because I can’t even hit post without there being a new scandal.  Obama was also tapping the phones in the House of Representatives.  I guess they deserved it too.  Like Mitch McConnell after the liberal advocacy group visited the White House before doing it to him.  So many  coincidences!

There is so much garbage piling up over the last week vis a vis our banana republic that I haven’t wanted to say anything lest I jinx it.

Having said that, I do not believe anything will come of anything until I start hearing the people I know who voted for this scumlapping piece of shit start to talk about what all has been going on.

Radio silence on that end.  The average, ignorant Obama voter (I repeat myself) lives in a bubble that can only be pierced by Tom Joyner, Tyler Perry and The View.  And they not only still support Obama but think he didn’t go far enough in doing all the things he claims he hasn’t done.  Ask Julian Bond.

If there were only some way we could deliver the news with the urgency and timing of  a skinny, black comedian dressed up as the fat grandmother who raised him….

Until that time, all of this is much ado about nothing.

The evidence will be overwhelming.  There will be fingerprints that smell like Reggie Love’s ass all over the corrupt culture at the IRS, the DOJ, DHS and the various other alphabet soup agencies vomited upon the shoes of patriotic Americans who have been targeted for audits, blackmail and murder.

The press was fine with driving the getaway car until he put the gun to their head for fear one or two might make a run for it.  This lover’s spat won’t last for long though.  They won’t let themselves be included in the take down of America’s first black President even if he tapped their phones, monitored their e-mails, cussed them out for printing the truth or locked them in a closet for hours on end.

The next beltway stenographer to finally open up about the abuse they’ve been getting should be handed the number to a battered womens’ shelter and a DVD of Sleeping With The Enemy.

Regardless, the IRS scandal, Benghazi, the Sebelius HHS shakedown, Fast and Furious, you name it.  It doesn’t mean anything until my little black ladies start talking about it.  And I haven’t heard a word about Saint Barack in months.  It doesn’t mean they support him but it does mean that they will not allow their skin color to abandon him for “what they all do” in Washington, DC.

No, he’d have to get caught with a blonde, white woman for that to happen.

If past behavior indicates future behavior, you’d better continue buying bullets and guns.  Watching Barack Obama for six years, the one thing that you can always count on is that when he does the wrong thing (i.e., everything) and is called on it then he doubles down and dares you to call his bluff.  Obviously, installing Susan Rice at the NSA fits my narrative.

The ball-less eunuchs of the Republican Party wouldn’t know what to do with Obama if he showed up to a Congress with a videotaped confession that he ordered the IRS information that his campaign used and his hands extended in anticipation of the cuffs.  John McCain would tell him to put his hands down, slap him on the back and offer his wife and daughter to him to film Mandingo 2.  Unfortunately for McCain, John Boehner’s daughter already beat them to the role.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you can kick Obama out of office but you can’t kick out the dipshits who voted for him twice.  A century of communist infestation of our schools and colleges would require transformational changes that Republicans do not have the sack to execute much less acknowledge.  When was the last time you heard one say we should abolish the Department of Education?  Generations of miseducated mushheads have rooted themselves into every corner of government steeped in a hatred of their own country and ever willing to burn the Bill of Rights for the promise that they can control other people’s lives through their representatives.  The ends always justify the means and Humpty Dumpty rules apply to every statement:

 “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.”
“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”

And if you don’t believe that then I have a fresh, new DOJ speech code edict to implement on your campus.

Our experiment in representative government is near its end and the only question that remains is how much of the lab will be salvageable after the fire.

The fifth column fourth estate has been pulling their hair out this week to invent some way to explain away the tag team terrorist Tsarnaev family’s violent lashing out for reasons heretofore unknown.

Was it brain injuries from boxing?  Umm, no.  Given how many people box at the amateur and professional level it seems like more would have built pressure cooker bombs before that connection could be made.

Did McDonald’s get their order wrong?  Do they hate Boston Baked Beans?  Perhaps they were Jets fans and just wanted to strike out on Patriot’s Day.  Terrorists do tend to love jets.

This piece of revisionist filth regurgitated by the New York Times onto the graves of the people murdered takes the cake though.  I am warning authorities in advance not to allow any New York Times fanfictioneers to have access to the surviving jihadi because that cake will most certainly have a file in it:

 BOSTON — It was a blow the immigrant boxer could not withstand: after capturing his second consecutive title as the Golden Gloves heavyweight champion of New England in 2010, Tamerlan Anzorovich Tsarnaev, 23, was barred from the national Tournament of Champions because he was not a United States citizen.

That’s the opening line.  The Narrative is congealing at room temperature much like the Times Reporters IQs.  This meek, innocent little lamb in our strange and confusing country (that didn’t ask him to come by the way) was terribly wronged by our immigration policy.

You know what’s a blow some people can’t stand?  I mean besides not being able to participate in a sport.  Losing your leg.  Or  a child.  Or his sister.  Or a parent because some deranged lunatics decided to detonate bombs at a public event of patriotic significance to hurt as many random people as possible.

Your mileage may vary but typically someone dying rates higher than some alleged sporting event snub.  Not in the morally equivalent universe of the New York Times though.  Having said that, I never made the school basketball team.  Would it be acceptable if I murdered the first 100 commenters in any given New York Times thread?

The cocksure fighter, a flamboyant dresser partial to white fur and snakeskin, had been looking forward to redeeming the loss he suffered the previous year in the first round, when the judges awarded his opponent the decision, drawing boos from spectators who considered Mr. Tsarnaev dominant.

…His aspirations frustrated, he dropped out of boxing competition entirely, and his life veered in a completely different direction.

So much for overcoming adversity.  The only thing “cock” that I am sure about is that the New York Times wants to suck his.

His girlfriend at the time had called 911, “hysterically crying,” to say he had beaten her up, according to the Cambridge police report. Mr. Tsarnaev told the officers that he had slapped her face because she had been yelling at him about “another girl.”

Eventually, charges against him would be dismissed, the records show, so the episode would not have endangered his eventual citizenship application.

*Pfew*  Lucky us.  The article blithely notes how this fabled *heavyweight* Golden Glove boxer used his petite wife as a punching bag.  The wife who gave him a child and who, outside of gubmint welfare, was financially supporting his lazy ass while he was cheating on her.  Unimportant details.  I know.  There is apparently a Tomb of the Unknown Victim in the War on Women as written by the NYT.

Mr. Tsarnaev portrayed his quitting as a reflection of the sport’s incompatibility with his growing devotion to Islam. But as dozens of interviews with friends, acquaintances and relatives from Cambridge to Dagestan showed, that devotion, and the suspected radicalization that accompanied it, was a path he followed most avidly only after his more secular dreams were dashed in 2010 and he was left adrift.

So Islamic Terrorism can be solved by Midnight Basketball.  Is that the gist of this?

His wife primarily supported the family through her job as a home health aide, scraping together about $1,200 a month to pay the rent. While she worked, Mr. Tsarnaev looked after their daughter, Zahira, who was learning to ride the tricycle still parked beside the house, neighbors said.

One blows them up and the other visits their home twice a week to change their bedpans.  They’ve got all the bases covered.

As Salaam A-Sweetback.  So where did the BMWs and Mercedes come from?  How does one “survive” on $1200 a month for a family of three and he’s driving a luxury sedan?  Or not work.  You’re fit to box but not to lift one?

The NYT’s piece drones on for three more full length pages of hagiogaphy of this premeditated murderer of innocent men, women and children in an effort to redeem his terrorist attack into a cudgel to use against Republicans for not wanting to bless 30 million illegal aliens with citizenship, welfare checks and Obamaphones.

The connection couldn’t be any clearer as to the cause of the Boston Tea Party Massacre.  It was a cry for help on Immigration Reform!  As for his radicalization, we’ll have to blame the pedantry of the government that is preparing to run our healthcare for that one I guess:

After his return (from Russia and Dagestan), Mr. Tsarnaev applied for American citizenship, a year after he was eligible to do so. But the F.B.I. investigation, though closed, had caused his application to be stalled. Underscoring how detached he had become, he no longer had any valid passport, or international travel document, and Cambridge, to which he had a hard time readapting, was now his de facto home more than ever.

You didn’t complete your form in time Mr. Jihadi.  I hope observing our passport rules does not cause you to become “detached” or have trouble “re-adapting” to our incredibly flawed country that has let you down in so many other ways yet still allowed you back for some reason.

He grew a five-inch beard, which he shaved off before the bombings, and interrupted prayers at his mosque on two occasions with outbursts denouncing the idea that Muslims should observe American secular holidays. He engaged neighbors in affable conversations about skiing one week and heated ones about American imperialism the next.

In other words, your average New York Times reader.

At a neighborhood pizzeria, wearing a head covering that matched his jacket, he explained to Albrecht Ammon, 18, that “the Koran is great and flawless, and the Bible is ripped off from the Koran, and the U.S. used the Bible as an excuse to invade different countries.”

If only there had been some clue.  If only there is some way we could determine what made him go off?  What did *we* do wrong to him?  This is clearly our fault.  Our battered women’s shelter of a country.  We can change him.  We know we can!

“I asked him about radical Muslims that blow themselves up and say, ‘It’s for Allah,’ ” Mr. Ammon said. “And he said he wasn’t one of those Muslims.”

Clearly someone asked the right questions and clearly someone lied.

Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop, the world may never know the countless ways America failed the Tsarnaev family.  Luckily, the New York Times is there to explain  it to us.  It was not radical Islam that blew up those Boston Marathoners, it was Washington gridlock on immigration and the country that callously gave him political asylum, a life, a child and enough free handouts to allow him to afford white furs, snakeskins, designer clothes and luxury cars but not allow him to professionally punch people other than his wife.

From this point forward, we should cut all that shit out and manage the immigrating scum of the Earth’s expectations accordingly so that they are not let down if their dreams are dashed upon the rocks of reality.

The streets are paved with blood and bone.  Abandon hope all who enter.  We are a nation of immigrants but it was the last batch that made it that way.

Post Script:  But Rick Perry is solely responsible for that plant explosion in Waco.  Terrorists aren’t responsible.  Politicians are!

Except for the Boston terrorists.  They’re still not responsible and certainly not Obama/Schumer/McCain/Rubio come-one-come-all even if you’re on a terrorist watchlist approach.

Some of your hosts here at the Buffet are active Twitter users. At some point very soon, we’ll be moving this feed below to the sidebar or somewhere else cool. Let us know your thoughts. Thank you!

Tweets from @SixMeatGordon/six-meat-buffet

On Wednesday, a minority of senators gave into fear and blocked common-sense legislation that would have made it harder for criminals and people with dangerous mental illnesses to get hold of deadly firearms — a bill that could prevent future tragedies like those in Newtown, Conn., Aurora, Colo., Blacksburg, Va., and too many communities to count.

Gave into fear?  Those people looked straight into what used to be your face and voted the conscience of their constituents.  That you can’t understand that may be written up to damaged ear drums or loss of cognitive abilities or what have you.  But make no mistake.  Let me be clear.  It took courage to stand up against the rotten, emotional blackmail perpetrated by your fellow Grabbies.

I always suspected she had something against minorities but her lies about this pathetic attempt to manipulate the public by Obama wearing a stole made out of the dead pelts of tender children makes me think she’s also a self-hating handicap.  Can’t depressed people defend themselves, too?

I know what it feels like to take a tough vote. This was neither. These senators made their decision based on political fear and on cold calculations about the money of special interests like the National Rifle Association, which in the last election cycle spent around $25 million on contributions, lobbying and outside spending.

So 40+ Senators were bought off with less money than Michael Bloomberg has spent in the last two months?  We should get the NRA to run the Treasury with that kind of ROI.   This is more than just making an argument that no one is acting in good faith and has legitimate concerns about a bill that was not going to be allowed to be debated.   It is about dehumanizing your enemies.  Kind of like Jared Loughner did before he tried to wipe a few out.

Speaking is physically difficult for me. But my feelings are clear: I’m furious. I will not rest until we have righted the wrong these senators have done, and until we have changed our laws so we can look parents in the face and say: We are trying to keep your children safe.

I’m sure a few thousand women who visited a Philadelphia abortion clinic and whose uterii look like the inside of Grabby’s cranium and whose children’s remains are being snaked out of the toilet they were flushed down or thawed out in the stale milk cartons that constitute their final resting place might disagree about the scope of the shit that Gabby Giffords gives about the kids vis a vis – Their Safety(tm).  Exponentially more kids died at Kermit Gosnell’s cloven hooves on the altar of choice than those sacrosanct more advanced fetuses greater angels of Sandy Hook.

But, ugh.  I do agree with Gabby.  Listening to her speak is physically difficult for me as well.  I’m furious whenever I see Barack Obama doing a Jeff Dunham impersonation and sticking his hand up her ass to make her mouth move.  Despite how old the act has gotten, there is always a fresh coat of Murphy’s Oil on her when she’s taken out of the box. *tap, tap, tap*  Is this thing on?  Apparently, not.

I am asking every reasonable American to help me tell the truth about the cowardice these senators demonstrated. I am asking for mothers to stop these lawmakers at the grocery store and tell them: You’ve lost my vote. I am asking activists to unsubscribe from these senators’ e-mail lists and to stop giving them money. I’m asking citizens to go to their offices and say: You’ve disappointed me, and there will be consequences.

If she wasn’t already half an invalid, I would have said that last line is a dog-whistle to incite murder against the Senators who voted against this atrocity of a gun-grab bill.  Maybe Gabby can encourage “mothers” to write letters to their Senators laced with Minute Ricin in the likely event that they don’t run into their Senator at the grocery store.

Mark my words: if we cannot make our communities safer with the Congress we have now, we will use every means available to make sure we have a different Congress, one that puts communities’ interests ahead of the gun lobby’s. To do nothing while others are in danger is not the American way.

“To do nothing while others are in danger is not the American way.”  She says this with a straight face.  Or as straight as her face will get.

A couple of Navy SEALs, intelligence officers and a raped Libyan Ambassador were unavailable for comment.

For those who only watch US based news, it is a true testament to the absolute immoral authority of the American media that the crimes of Philadelphia “doctor” Kermit Gosnell have gone without mention in any major newspapers or television networks.  And for all of the shame heaped on Dr. Ben Carson for his comments on gay marriage, somehow he is in the news and this so-called doctor doesn’t even warrant a mention in passing:

Gosnell, 72, is charged with murdering seven babies at Philadelphia Women’s Medical Society and with the death of the woman, who suffered cardiac arrest after she was given too much anesthesia.

Chances of Obama inviting the victims of Dr. Gosnell on Air Force One to promote greater regulation of the abortion industry?  Less than zero.  If he’d eat a dog then a tasty baby would be right up the alley he cheerfully sends these kids to be slaughtered in.

None dare call it The War On Women.  If they did the pro-abortion crowd could at least label the death of Karnamaya Mongar as friendly fire.  Can’t make an abortion omelet without accidentally euthanizing the occasional egg factory with too much anesthesia.  You see a woman’s body is like a termite infested house and once in a while you have to drop a tent over it to gas out the pests.

On the bright side, those nasty conservatives kept their laws of her body.  On the dark side, those sainted liberals allow Gosnell’s hands all over it.

A pediatric neurosurgeon who has become the darling of conservatives since speaking against nationalized healthcare is now under fire for comments he made about same-sex marriage.

Dr. Benjamin Carson told MSNBC’s “Andrea Mitchell Reports” on Friday that he would be willing to step down as commencement speaker at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine after faculty and students signed petitions asking that he not speak.

“I would say this is their day, and the last thing I would want to do is rain on their parade,” Carson told Mitchell.

Carson said in the interview that he has not notified the university he won’t be speaking. “I am waiting for appropriate channels,” he said. “I don’t think television is the appropriate channel.”

I don’t get it.  You just told everybody you’re not doing it but you’re waiting for the right moment to tell them that you don’t want to face a potentially hostile audience for a commencement address?

One of the petitions, quoted by The Hill newspaper, reads: “We retain the highest respect for Dr. Carson’s achievements and value his right to publicly voice political views. Nevertheless, we feel that these expressed values are incongruous with the values of Johns Hopkins and deeply offensive to a large proportion of our student body.”

So a speaker should only reflect the views of the majority?  That’s a good lesson.

How is this any different than any conservative college graduate who has to sit through the insufferable pap of the Oprah Winfreys, Nancy Pelosis or other leftarded savants who litter the April/May blogfeeds when they hijack every college commencement speech and slam it into the twin towers of Respect For The Opinions of Others and Respect For The Work of the Graduates.

Was Carson’s commencement address supposed to be about gay marriage?  I thought it should be something more along the lines of how “despite all your hardwork you have to learn how to deal with disappointment and not getting your way all the time”.  Or maybe, “in the course of the rest of your life you will come into contact with many people who don’t agree with you on every issue”.

Now would be the perfect time for that lesson since it’s painfully obvious they haven’t learned it in 5-10 years of college.

Regardless, Carson’s decision to quit should give anyone pause.  If he’s not willing to fight (if by fight you mean give a speech) for his right to his own beliefs how would he parlay that into steadfastness in fighting for yours.

There are very few neurosurgeons in the world.   He just might know something other than gay marriage to talk to these overextended, undereducated, intolerant future unemployables about.  But we’ll never know because he’s a quitter who is trying to pass off cowardice for respect of the opinions of people who have no respect for his.

Respect is a two-way street and Carson is content to let the thugs hog the road.  Don’t want to interrupt your good time with something you need to hear.  These are critical oppotunities that leaders never let pass.

Would you trust one of these thugs to operate on you if they knew your beliefs differed from there’s?  We only operate on those whose  political views reflect that of the majority of our distinct geographic proximity.

They need to be told the truth to their stupid faces at least once to say they got their money’s worth.  He may be able to heal damaged corpus callosum of a kid but when it comes to winning the minds of of the adult children Carson has conceded that he is not the man for the job.

Warnings are also growing that the spending cuts will open the floodgates for more illicit drugs reaching U.S. soil. At a hearing last week before the House Armed Services Committee, Southern Command chief Marine Gen. John Kelly said sequestration means he could end up without critical air and water surveillance to monitor for cocaine trafficking.

“If I lose those assets, if they go to zero — and there are some that are predicting they will go to zero — then all of that cocaine, all of it, will get ashore, and more, I would predict, would get ashore and be on the streets of New York and Boston and Portland, Maine,” Kelly said.

Funny.  I never wanted to move to New York, Boston or Portland, Maine before.

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe cocaine is what this nation needs to get it off the fucking couch and back to work?  To paraphrase Ned Flanders’ father, I understand that “we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas” to make the turd of this economy swirl backwards up the bowl but I say it’s time to take a more unconventional approach.

Liquidate our nation’s evidence rooms and provide a free eightball once a week for a job well done.  Or at least done enthusiastically half-assed.

Why, some cocaine users even go on to become Presid…..eh.  Scratch that.

CORRECTION:  We’re just going to call it “Undocumented” Cocaine.  Then it’s not illegal anymore when it sneaks across the border and does the job that no American unemployment check will do.

What I remember most was the feeling the morning before everyone knew.  The not having to care as much.  The enemy is over there.  Sure, we all have to worry about the criminals among us but the truly damaging threats are somewhere on the other side of a sea.

It’s why North Korea bothers me so much now:

The photos appeared in the state-run Rodong newspaper and were apparently taken at an “emergency meeting” early on Friday morning. They show Kim signing the order for North Korea’s strategic rocket forces to be on standby to fire at US targets, the paper said, with large-scale maps and diagrams in the background.

Move along.  Nothing to see here, right?  Just more Bellicose Rhetoric ™ from a young dictator wannabe trying to show his military experience is what they keep telling us.   Obama’s in Charge!  What could possibly go wrong with such a experienced statesman like that at the helm?

Let’s just poo-poo these comments and see the continuation of Clintonian State Departmentalizing.  We’ll say his comments are “unhelpful”.  Maybe when the rockets are fueled and you see the blood-raging in his eyes you can upgrade them to “deeply concerning”.

“He finally signed the plan on technical preparations of strategic rockets, ordering them to be on standby to fire so that they may strike any time the US mainland, its military bases in the operational theatres in the Pacific, including Hawaii and Guam, and those in South Korea,” the state-run KCNA news agency reported.

Huh?  Wuh?  I’m sorry.  I wasn’t paying attention.  The family’s coming over Easter and I’ve been busy with trying to do my taxes.  I got this new tablet and you won’t believe all the crazy shit it does.

Kim “convened an urgent operation meeting” of senior generals just after midnight, signed a rocket preparation plan and ordered his forces on standby to strike the U.S. mainland, South Korea, Guam and Hawaii, state media reported.

How long are you suppoesd to thaw a turkey?  I’m probably just going to get a ham from Honeybaked or something.  I’m sure we don’t have enough chairs.  It would be easier if we just went out.  And cheaper too.  Nashville is growing so much.  We’re absolutely certain that we’re the next big thing.  So many new places to choose from in Midtown and The Gulch and all the right people are moving here.

Kim said “the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation,” according to a report by the North’s official Korean Central News Agency.

Later Friday at the main square in Pyongyang, tens of thousands of North Koreans turned out for a 90-minute mass rally in support of Kim’s call to arms. Men and women, many of them in olive drab uniforms, stood in arrow-straight lines, fists raised as they chanted, “Death to the U.S. imperialists.” Placards in the plaza bore harsh words for South Korea as well, including, “Let’s rip the puppet traitors to death!”

Now, to the untrained eye, this type of thing is just what they do over there.  Little children that they are.  Banging their highchairs for attention.  Pat them on the head.  Tell everyone to calm down and quit being so sensitive.  We went from being the World’s Policeman to the World’s Wet Nurse in five short years.  In another three we’re going to be it’s bitch.

Experts believe the country is years away from developing nuclear-tipped missiles that could strike the United States. Many say they’ve also seen no evidence that Pyongyang has long-range missiles that can hit the U.S. mainland.

Lucky for us – experts are never wrong.  It’s not like Little Un has painted himself into a corner here that if he doesn’t do something that he’s going to look incredibly weak.

So where are we? What changes if:

A nuclear missile flies and gets shot down by an iron dome rocket.  Do we call that a mulligan and schedule tea with the Ambassador?

A nuclear missile flies and misses its target.  Another mulligan?

A nuclear missile flies and it hits an ally, a US territory or our mainland.  Then what?

What changes?  The world, chico.  The world.

You can almost see the Army manuals being written now.  When your transgendered platoon leader conducts door-to-door introductions with environmentally and ethnically sensitive gift baskets you should introduce yourself with your head bowed so as not to offend.

As on that same morning before the crisis, we remain unprepared and unwilling to acknowledge the threat in our faces.  It’s over there somewhere.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel *shudder* said on Thursday that North Korea‘s provocative actions and belligerent tone had “ratcheted up the danger” on the Korean peninsula, but he denied that the United States had aggravated the situation by flying stealth bombers to the region.

“We have to take seriously every provocative, bellicose word and action that this new young leader has taken so far” since coming to power, Hagel told a Pentagon news conference, referring to Kim Jong-un.

Ah, yes.  The “young” leader.  Good thing he’s not a woman.  She’d probably just be on her period or something.  The U.S. has to take North Korea seriously.  At least we have to say we do.  Else we lose the optics.  Perhaps we can push through some gun control legislation because of this.  Or maybe some gay marriage bills.    Or perhaps some more laserlike focus on Priorty Numero Uno – Yobs!  You know the problem that’s solved already.

I don’t know about ya’ll but I am taking my money out of the bank.  Remember, we financed two wars we didn’t need on a credit card so they say.  How do you think they’re going to pay for the one they are going to let happen to us?  Get Alec Baldwin to transfer our balances to a new, low-interest rate Capital One Card?

Come to think of it – what am I worried about money for?  An arsonist is fleeing the scene of the shithouse moments before it goes up in flames.  Sure he’s in a 600 ton bulletproof limousine that doesn’t run on diesel and if Trayvon had a father it would probably look like him but that is somebody else’s problem.  Hopefully Austin, Texas.

And the money?  I never missed what I never had.  I can leave it in my 401k and the Dow will jump 200 points once the first missile lands.  Now, about that turkey.

From the Wayback Machine:

On Wii, Ennui: Will Obama be able to finish 18 holes in time to hold the 38th parallel?

Use pitch, draw and don’t forget SPIN to turn what is traditionally a lazy, rich man’s pastime into your foreign policy legacy.

Realistic gameplay lets you be the POTUS. When North Korea launches a sneak attack on an ally’s civilians, you are forced to reckon with 18 Holes to avert Nuclear Holocaust starting off with a brutal par 5 where you must negotiate a harrowing sand trap after the first dog leg.  If we can’t get back to the clubhouse by nightfall, a tersely worded letter to the U.N. won’t get drafted in time!

So Real Even Your Ratings Will Plummet: Use the crowd control feature to whip-up or settle down a fawning press corps.  Camo’d cameo announcers Chris Mathews, Andrea Mitchell, Katie Couric and Brian Williams report from the rough (terrain of their New York /D.C.studios) to give you the play-by-play commentary and your Wii controller’s leg adapter unleashes our patented vibrating Tingle ™ Technology.  Don’t get distracted by how awesome you are. You’ve still got to compose that meeting request with your Cabinet so you can draft that letter!

Unlock hidden missions! It’s a game inside of the game.  After being rebuffed from Chinese diplomats, you are forced to enter into a deadly game of pick-up basketball.  Will Robert Gibbs get picked last?    Use Obama’s natural tendency to bow as you reach in to steal the ball and hog it until the shot clock runs down.  You only have minutes left before you can draft that text message to your assistant so she can schedule that meeting request with your Cabinet and hold a quorum on that letter you were thinking about writing when everybody was still mad about that thing that happened - before The Final Buzzer.

The news that Senator Rob Portman of Ohio has become a supporter of equal marriage rights for gays and lesbians because he himself has a gay son was a surprise. That’s because Portman is not only a staunch conservative but also an important member of the Republican Party establishment; he was a key adviser to Mitt Romney during his Presidential campaign, his debate-prep partner, and he was seriously vetted for Vice-President on the G.O.P. ticket. Many people, including myself, predicted that Portman would be the V.P. pick, and some believe that, had Portman been chosen, Romney could have won.

The New Yorker says this with a straight face.  Romney/Portman could have won what exactly?  Fourth place in Iowa for the Democratic primary?

The more I’ve been thinking about this, the more it is bothering me.  So long as I have this right:  Rob Portman’s son comes out of the closet to his parents.  What right does Rob Portman have to out his son to the world for what he mistakes as an attempt at political gain?  Mental note to Will Portman:  Don’t volunteer any other personal information to your dad you don’t want broadcasted on CNN.  Be really courageous and say you’re bisexual.  Why do I only get to marry one sex?  Enough on that.

What was once a rabblerousing, base motivating exercise in competing ideologies within the Republican Party is now nothing more than the establishment’s half-assed effort to homogenize opinion in advance and somehow get a good review from the Washington Post.  Which ain’t gonna happen:

Maybe it’s a sign of the times, but CPAC wasted little time before tacking the immigration issue.

The first speech kicked off at 9 a.m., and by 10:45, immigration was front-and-center with a panel discussion titled, “Respecting Families and the Rule of Law: A Lasting Immigration Policy.”

Predictably, much of the conversation dealt with how conservatives who support securing the border must also adopt a more compassionate tone when discussing immigration.

Respecting (Illegal) Families and the Rules of Law?  Pick one.  Besides, what is there to discuss?  Obama, ICE and Napolitano have already passed de facto amnesty and several states are giving illegal aliens discounted college aid far below what legal citizens in an adjacent state would have to pay.  We are already in a lawless time.  Worse than lawless actually.  No laws for some and rigidly enforced laws for others.

I live in Nashville, Tennessee and we are a de facto sanctuary city.  Construction is booming and at any time of the day illegals in hard hats are jaywalking from wherever a parking spot is found on the way to the construction site.  Our mayor welcomes them.  Local attorneys provide them pro bono services to keep them in the country illegally.  Local businesses hire them so they can avoid paying taxes.  It is illegality on top of identity theft on top of tax evasion on top of screwing over the poor, benighted souls produced from our public education system who have to compete against them.  And so very compassionate.

The fact that this gRINgO breed of Republicans thinks that they can out pander and out-bribe illegal Latinos is beyond misguided.  A “compassionate tone” does not replace the fact the problem is not the messenger but the message.  You are rewarding theft of services, rewarding lawbreakers versus those who are following the rules and exposing the rest of us to potentially dangerous criminals and re-introduction of once controlled disease that we now have no immunity to or antibiotics to defend against.   Political correctness is going to kill us.

With the exception of Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and very few others, CPAC has staked out an illegitimate claim to the mantel of conservatism with its Stalinist/Boehner-esque purge of dissenting Tea Party voices.  Delenda est C-PAP.

Now go brush off Dan Quayle and his son so you can foist him, Jeb Bush (the omnipresent answer to a question no one asked) and all the other “It’s My Turn” self-entitled RINOs / establishment born scions of privilege to lay claim to their family’s feudal throne of Big Government Republicanism.  Then piss on our legs and tell us you’re severely conservative.

NOTE:  To any future candidates of this dead party, do not ever hire a career Republican consultant.  Pat Caddell said it as caustically as needed and it’s a pattern I’ve noticed for years -

“In my party we play to win. We play for life and death,” Caddell said at a panel in a room that was only one-third full when it started and was standing room only once word spread throughout CPAC that Caddell was blistering the Republican elite. “You people play for a different kind of agenda…Your party has no problem playing the Washington Generals to the Harlem Globetrotters.”

Caddell said this mentality infected Romney, whose campaign consultants thold him to “back off” toward the end of the 2012 election and failed to realize that “you must also get your base” while courting independents.

He then blasted the “CLEC–the consultant, lobbyist, and establishment complex,” which he said was a “self serving interconnected network of individuals and organizations interested in preserving their own power far more than they’re interested in winning elections.”

Your inexperience gets sabotaged within from your consultants who are always working for the other guy.  You’re a flash in the pan.  The Bushes are eternal.

“Just follow the money,” Caddell told a rapt audience. “It’s all there in the newspaper. The way it works is this–ever since we centralized politics in Washington, the House campaign committee and the Senate campaign committee,  they decide who they think should run. You hire these people on the accredited list [they say to candidates] otherwise we won’t give you money. You hire my friend or else.”

Financial corruption is a key component of the current process, according to Caddell. “There’s money passing under the table on both parties. Don’t kid yourself…If you can’t see racketeering in front of you, God save you.”

A must read and watch.